Good Black Fathers: They DO Exist (Just Not in the Media)

I’m a bit miffed today. 

I was trying to put together a video using clips from YouTube of Father’s Day postings - news clips, family films, etc. – and, after the first 15 minutes of video-watching and recording, it dawned on me:

I didn’t see any clips on YouTube involving Black Fathers!

Oh sure, I found news clips on “What to Get Your Father for Father’s Day” featuring White men, and other videos of White children doing skits for their White fathers (some of which had the fathers in the skit)…

But, lo and behold: NO. BLACK. FATHERS.

I typed “Father’s Day” into the search engine, and I had to go through FOUR PAGES before I saw a video or skit of some kind involving a Black Father – and, ironically enough, he was married to a White girl.  (I have nothing against this, but isn’t it funny that two BLACK people raising BLACK children is never the first thing to be promoted?)

The only other video I saw before this page was a news report about how police in ATL shut down a gathering of Black fathers celebrating at a park last year in Decatur.  How messed up is THAT?!?

Not that I should be shocked by this YouTube oversight.  This isn’t the first time I’ve seen an under-representation of Black fathers that are actually THERE for there children in this country .  People treat the idea of a Black man raising his kids like they treat Bigfoot: they’ve heard of it, they know it might exist, but they’ve never actually seen it for themselves!

Part of the reason people think this way is because the image of a Black father staying around is less prevelant in our society.  More prevelant: the idea that Black men are nothing more than savages looking for their next conquest to hit, split, and dump as soon as the next fine piece of ass comes along.  With that image, the Black man playing the positive father figure is not present – THAT role gets left to the Black female.

Frankly, as a Black man, I’m sick of Black women getting ALL the credit for raising Black children!  Turn on the news and what do you see? “Struggling Single Black Woman with Kids Trying to Survive!”  Turn on a Tyler Perry Movie, and what do you see? “New Tyler Perry flick about a struggling single black woman with kids trying to survive!” 

(NOTE: I know someone will point out that “Daddy’s Little Girls” involved a Black man taking care of 3 daughters.  But that was just ONE movie, and even then, the mother was involved with a crack-dealing boyfriend who constantly argued with the father.  Can’t we have just ONE movie where the Black family is either happy together, or divorced but still able to get along with each other for the sake of the kids?!?)

If you look at other races in the media, the men in those cultures are usually present.  Even when being stereotyped, the fathers of other races are, at the very least, not abandoning their children the majority of the time.

For example: Asian fathers are seen as being strict towards their kids about doing school work; Indian fathers are portrayed as being very true to their religion, and making sure their kids don’t rebel; White fathers get into all kinds of crazy situations, but only in the hopes of being better providers to their children. Even Latino fathers, who have the second-worst stereotypes of being lazy and/or womanizers, at least get to be there for their children!

But the Black father’s stereotype? They’re in jail.  They do or deal drugs.  They’re abusive.  They always run out on their wives. They can’t be trusted to do what’s right.

Some of these stereotypes ARE true for SOME Black fathers – but they’re true for some fathers in OTHER races too, not just Black culture.  The opposite is also true: lots of Black men do GREAT things for their children – it’s just not as publicized. 

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a family where the Dad always wanted to be there for me and my brother – but I’m not the ONLY one that had this kind of father. Most of my cousins had good Dads with good jobs (military, Supreme Court Justices, doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc.) who took very good care of them.

So it baffles me when I can’t find more examples of this in the media.  Why can’t there be more “Cosby” shows, or shows like “My Wife & My Kids” where the Black Dads do good by their children?  How come I can see a news report about a White Dad saving his son from some kind of danger, yet the only news I see involving Black fathers is the one where the Black guy goes to his ex-girlfriend’s house and shoots her AND his kids?!?

Despite what the media (or YouTube) decides NOT to portray, good Black fathers DO exist.  Not all of them are locked in a prison cell or using their grocery money for an ounce of crack. 

So, for this Father’s Day, I’d like to salute all the great Black fathers in this country, working hard to see that their children are well-cared for.  I know it sucks not to get credit for a job well-done, but know that, even though you don’t always get the acknowledgement you deserve, your service to society – and your children – is greatly appreciated.

-Aaron P. Taylor