The Psychology of Black People: Why We Hate on Each Other : UnCommon Sense: A Blog From Aaron Taylor

The Psychology of Black People: Why We Hate on Each Other

By ataylor on Jun 20, 2008 in Common Sense, Music, Rap

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an article called “The Psychology of Women: Why They Hate on Each Other,” which talked about the various reasons women often snub their noses at other women who are doing better than them. 

One of my regular readers wrote me, and posed the following question:

“Why is this phenomena of ‘senseless hating’ also somewhat present (across gender lines) in the black community?”

The answer to this question is actually quite easy: the reason black people often hate against other blacks who are more successful than they are is because of what I like to call the “Crabs In a Barrel” theory.

Those of you not familiar with the working of crabs may not be aware, but if you put a whole bunch of crabs inside a barrel, they all have one goal: to try to make it to the top of the barrel and escape!

Yet lo and behold, not a single one of them ever makes it out of the barrel. Why? Because as soon as one of them gets close to the top of the barrel, the other crabs pull it back down. This goes on for each crab that tries to escape its trapping: as soon as it gets close to achieving its goal, the other crabs below pull it back down.

Black people are often the same way. We currently make up 12% of the U.S. population, and are being overtaken in the “minority” sector by various other races. The job market is already a hard enough place for blacks to get hired in, let alone promoted.

What this means is, there is a perceived – re-read, “perceived” – limited amount of highly desired slots for black people in upper-to-middle class society, and the number black people fighting for those spots on a daily basis is quite high.

Unfortunately, the actual number of blacks who make it into that region are, percentage-wise, quite low. As a result, you have a larger number of blacks who look at the ones in the upper realms of class status, and are angry that another black person figured out how to get there when they couldn’t even get their foot in the door.

Thus: the hate and jealousy blacks have for each other.

My brother and I grew up in neighborhoods that were quite nice, yet for some reason our parents would always take us to Black churches that were in what would be considered the “hood” areas of town (i.e. Jackson-Ward – people in Richmond will know what I’m talking about!). As soon as we would try to make friends with the kids at these churches, they’d immediately “white”-list us (i.e. call us “white” for having proper grammer when we spoke) and make fun of us all the time.

Was this teasing warranted? Of course not! But you have to think about the fact that we were coming into church dressed in fairly nice suits, while some of these kids could barely get a T-shirt and shorts together for Sunday service. And both of our parents had successful jobs and/or life situations that allowed us to live well, whereas most of them lived in the worst part of the ‘hood.

Thus: the hate and jealousy blacks have for each other.

It sucks that we feel like we have to tear someone else down in order to “be on top.” 50 Cent became famous because he came out and dissed everyone else that was ahead of him in the rap game. Meanwhile, most rappers’ songs are about killing any other “brother” who tries to step to, or say they are better, than them. Black basketball players resort to fighting other teams physically if they accidentally knock them over during a game. The Supremes break up just because Diana Ross is getting a lil’ more spotlight than the other members.

The list of examples go on and on.

What’s interesting to note is, if the crabs in the barrel were to work together to knock the barrel over, they’d ALL be able to get set free. Yet, because each crab selfishly wants to help only themselves, they’d rather pull another crab down instead of lifting it up to get out the barrel.

And the same is true of African-Americans. Until we can stop hating on each other and help each other be successful, the majority of us are going to forever be stuck in a symbolic barrel, always hating the person above us and focusing so much energy on pulling them back down that we never end up bettering our community’s situation as a whole.

-A.P.T.

22 Comment(s)

  1. A.P.T.,
    You did a very nice reiteration of a well-cited phenomenon. I pray that one day African Americans will bring together all of their positive attributes, strengths, and talents…and ultimately realized what a beautiful and amazing race of people they are in this wonderfully and divinely created universe. Thank you for the thoughts.
    JMcTyre

    James McTyre | Jun 20, 2008 | Reply

  2. Thank U A.P.T!!!
    Really amazed by Ur critical observation. Not only is such a “curse” the problem of African-Aamericans, but also we native Africans…Me and four of my friends are Africans of the same nationality studing in one of European countries coz we got scholarships…We all the time “check”, “hate” …eachother! We would rather some other nationality have a given opportunity than any of us! How painful it is! Same thing in our home country…just the same when we are aliens in a foriegn country: jealousy, hatred…! If U are born a very outsmarting little child in Africa, I tell U that U will not grow up that way…coz, definitly, U will have many “enemies”: begening from some of Ur family members and teachers…they do all to keep U down…and most of the cases…they will succeed! I don’t know how many years (decades or centuries) we need to change our behavior “biting” eachother and get out of “poverty”: our real enemy!
    B.E.W

    B.E.W | Dec 21, 2008 | Reply

  3. I have given up on the black race. I getted treated badly not by white women or any other women, but by black women. They ask me out loud at work is that your hair, why do you have good hair, or you mixed,or she talks proper so shes trying to be white. Many of us are angry ,selfish, and jealous of each other and dont like to see other get ahead or happy. Even if I see a black man with a white girl, I dont get mad,Im thinking,” I dont blame you because most of us black women are angry with a chip on our shoulder and have too much drama.” I cant even ask another black women a question, shes taking her heels off ready to fight. We have got to do better.

    Monae | May 26, 2009 | Reply

  4. So…is this why Oprah is crabby to the Michael Jackson fame?
    Did you notice she was not there ? HA!!!!
    She’s some crab!

    Jo | Jul 8, 2009 | Reply

  5. And don’t forget it was West Africans who captured and sold most of our Black Ancestors to white slave traders in exchange for guns and rum.
    The same guns with which today we are killing each other over “drugs.”

    Eddo | May 22, 2010 | Reply

  6. I’ve graduated from a drug program, took the energy and gift received and promoted an Alumni, unfortunately because of the success from our alumni, the director of the Drug program banned some of us (the founders)from returning to help other sisters succeed. I was very shocked at the attitude of that person, yet because of where I’ve been we we’re able to turn the negativity over and today what she thought she destroyed nhas only made us stronger. We the women of Project Star Alumni Group, found a way out of the bucket and today we diligently work to help others get out too. We pray for the director of this drug program and hope that one day she will see that you are only as great as your aspiration of giving back what has been freely given.

    Amelia | Jun 6, 2010 | Reply

  7. This is the truth! Sad isn’t it? I had to let go of a childhood friend for the very same reasons. I love her and miss her, but I have learned to live without her drama. Keep speaking the truth.

    Terry | Nov 14, 2010 | Reply

  8. It’s something psychological wrong with us to cause this problem to continue. It’s gotta be something in our minds and hearts for this self-hatred to keep manifesting itself. What a plague!

    Michael | Mar 11, 2011 | Reply

  9. Totally true and sad.
    We have that in our mind and heart or we just grow it while growing up. lack of love and jealousy.
    Maybe we should teach our children from the young age that love is the way of a better life, compassion, care, happiness when we see our neighbor succed. To help each other reach our goals,peace and love.
    Maybe and hopefully the theory of love and non violence from the young age will change that and We will progress and be united.
    We should start thinking about some solutions.
    Love
    Neema K.G

    Neema | Aug 26, 2011 | Reply

  10. Very interesting Blog! Pretty much all my life I have had to deal with angry black females. I even had to let go of some of my female relatives. How sad is that?! After reading this blog it finally started to make sense to me why there is so much hatred. The crabs in a barrel is the perfect analogy of the situation. So much time is wasted on seeing to it that someone else fails. I guess the only reason I have been able to do well in life is because I do not waste my time hating other blacks nor other races. I just concentrate on what I want to achieve in life.

    In college I took an African American class and that was the hardest class I had ever had to deal with. I cried every time I had to read about what our Ancestors when through. And then I take a look at the blacks today and how we behave. If only we could all educate ourselves on the true struggles that African Americans went through maybe then we will start trying to help each other out of that barrel.

    I could be totally wrong about this but I wonder if all this hatred started because of the slave days. Maybe there were blacks who became jealous of other blacks because they had to work in the fields in the hot sun while some blacks got to work inside the house and had better treatment. This is a another topic but I always think of the beatings that slaves received. I remember getting beaten by my mom a lot. You can see how our history became a learned behavior that has been passed on from one generation to another. I also grew up with a mom who for some reason had everything bad to say about another black female so that was the environment I knew. It was when I became an adult that I realized how senseless that was so I stopped the cycle. I love all blacks no matter what and I think that all blacks are beautiful. I refuse to give in to hating someone I do not even know.

    Pam | Aug 28, 2011 | Reply

  11. I am n agreement with what u say. 2day, while driving, every black that I passed was angry, & speeding. It is a shame that we hate each other so, it can b that your skin is clear or you r educated & can pay your way or the person is just mad. I had a black so called man to tell me that he hated me because I have a nursing degree, & try 2 keep where I live clean…HE NEVER EVER suffered 4 or any of his inappropriateness. Most blacks that I know say that all blacks love each other & that there is no black on black hate..come on. Don’t we see that other races see how we act? I can’t wait 2 die. I suffer every day because of my dirty black skin color. I would not wish my life on anybody.

    calmtlk | Sep 1, 2011 | Reply

  12. This will only end when the BLACK women stops teaching her children to hate their own black people!
    A child must learn to hate themselves,who is teaching them this. First, it’s the mother then the media and finally their the society that surrounds them. Remember oppressed people oppress themselves!

    joe negro | Sep 12, 2011 | Reply

  13. What a load of crap this is! There’s elements of division in each society. Mind you, you never hear of an Oriental complain about race:their success is teamwork. Ghetto niggers or white trailer trash, always reliant on positive discrimination & elsewhere too busy blaming just about everyone else for having move dvds/computer games on the shelves than books.

    beth | Sep 15, 2011 | Reply

  14. i meant to say blaming just about everyone else for having more dvds/computer games on the shleves when THEY SHOULD HAVE BOOKS. not that they’re literate anyways. what pisses me off with black people is the hypocrisy: if Michael Jackson’s doctor was white, black america would be on it’s usual soap box under jessie jackson who has made millions telling y’all just how bad life is. Before you accuse me of being racist, please answer that question honestly. I 8nt racist, just pissed off with the usual excessive wind

    beth | Sep 15, 2011 | Reply

  15. Please do not kill yourself. you sound so sad. I am too. I am light-skinned, but 90% of blacks hate me. More blacks hate me than whites. I work hard for my 3 children and they call me an aunt Thomasina. It hurts so much.

    cc | Oct 7, 2011 | Reply

  16. @calmtlk were you dating this so called black man that told you he hated you? never mind him. he was expressing his own self hatred by trying to put you down. most of my best friends have been dark skinned and i’m sorry that you feel so badly, suffer & don’t see the beauty and intelligence which you possess. keep ur head up mama!

    kneec | Oct 23, 2011 | Reply

  17. It would be nice if we could also explain the phenomenon of successful black folks not wanting to help others attain a similar level of success. Case and point, I had been trying for months to get in touch with a senior manager at a company I was interested in applying to work for. That senior manager just happened to be black, which I did not know at the time. I left voice mail messages, I sent e-mail, all over the course of about a year’s time. I finally scored an interview through other means. During my interview a black woman approached me and said, “Oh, I don’t know you,” and introduced herself. I was surprised when her name matched that of the senior manager I tried for the better part of a year to speak with. When I responded with my own name, she looked completely embarrassed, her entire demeanor changed, and she kept on her way. Long story short, I ended up getting the job, but whenever I see that senior manager now she never says hello or anything. My guess is that because I was wearing a suit for my interview she must have thought I was more important than I was, so she decided to be nice. But when she found out I was a lowly job applicant, she wanted nothing to do with me. It is reasons like this that I just do not have faith in my black people. I love my black people but for the most part they don’t love me back; or at least that’s my perception. Hence, the self-loathing cycle among black folks persists… Crabs in a barrel indeed.

    BC-TW | Dec 20, 2011 | Reply

  18. I’m white and you people are always killing each other. Remember u r 12% of the population but 80% of the prison population. I have never had any problems with black people. My tennis coach is black…nice guy. I did have a black freind that “lost” his atm card on a trip and thought I would pick up his tab. I ditched him when the plane landed and didn’t see him again for 2 weeks until I was back on the plane. I own a business buying and building homes. I have bought well over 100 homes from blacks and renovated them and sold them for more to whites. I have millions in wealth from blacks lack of knowledge in business. Also blacks rarley hire other black professionals. Would you hire a black surgeon, lawyer, builder? I had a black archetect do some work for me and he was a complet poor loser. He drove around in a crappy old land rover, his breath smelled like dog food and he talked way too much.

    Walker | Dec 26, 2011 | Reply

  19. I LOVE THE DIALOG AND HONEST CONVERSATION.

    WILLIE SEAY | Jan 2, 2012 | Reply

  20. I think that the example of the “crab in the bucket” is over simplification,and deserves more examination. Not to say I don’t appreciate some prespective because the subject is sorley ignored. You see, there was a time in recent American history that caused this sickness to rear it’s ulgy head. It took time to develop and time to take it’s toll on it’s intended victims. There were several phases that were staged in order to facilitate the plan. And please never forget there was a plan. It was carried out almost without flaw. There are a couple of things I want the author of this blog to consider, one, there was this thing called the Civil rights movement and two a concerted effort that that would never happen again. please consider this if you are asking the question, why we have adopted this culture of violence and hate towards each other. Stay tuned.

    WILLIE SEAY | Jan 2, 2012 | Reply

  21. I understand the concept of the crabs in the barrel phenomenon however, there is a key component that always seems to be left out. Crabs only try to pull each other down when HOT water is poured into the barrel that is to say this- any group of people dealing with the reality that blacks have to do with like the hot-water of sterotypes, the hot-water of father-less homes/lack of role models in the community, the hot-water of never feeling like you measure up or because your black you have to prove your not “like other black people” the guilty until proven innocent dilema that especially black men oftentimes face. All these things are serve as a catalyst to competition and envy. In my opinion.

    Dante | Jan 16, 2012 | Reply

  22. I’m glad the native-African responded. I have one question to ask any black that visit this site. Now I did my research and I found that there are lots of nationalities that perform witchcraft.

    Question: why is it that blacks only use spiritual warfare against each
    other?

    Drifting | Jan 16, 2012 | Reply

Post a Comment