Dating Advice 4 Men: The 5 Dates All “Nice Guys” Should Go On

Gentlemen, how many times has the following scenario happened to you:

You go on a 3rd date with a woman, and, as far as you’re concerned, everything is going great. You’ve done everything a “perfect gentleman” would do on a date – opened doors for her, asked if she was comfortable, asked her what she wanted to do, made sure you didn’t talk about sex or anything that would “make things feel weird”…

…and – most importantly – you didn’t “treat her like an object” like some other guy would have. You didn’t try to touch her, and you definetely did NOT try to kiss her, lest she not be ready for such an event.

At the end of the date, you give her a friendly hug, and tell her that you’ll call her tomorrow. You go home thinking to yourself, “Yes! Another successful date! I can’t wait to talk to her tomorrow so I can set up another date!”

And so, tomorrow comes, and you call… and she doesn’t pick up. You call a few more times, no answer. You leave her several messages, but she never returns your calls. Finally, a few days later, you run into her at the mall, and confront her about why she has suddenly disappeared.

“Well,” she replies, “it’s just… look, you’re a great guy and all, but you’re just… too…”

I don’t even have to finish the sentence, do I, fellas?

“NICE!”

There – I finished it!

And so, once again, you walk away, puzzled by a statement you’ve probably heard time and time again – you’re just… too… NICE.

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Despite what you may witnessed from girls and their “bad” dating choices throughout your life, girls really DO want a nice guy.

HOWEVER, what they do NOT want is the version of the nice guy you have probably been giving them.

You see, guys, girls DO want a man that treats them with respect, and can show them a good time. (Note: there are a few girls out there who constantly look for bad relationships – but those are the girls you should REALLY be trying to avoid, lest your life be miserable).

What they do NOT want, though, is a man who is constantly sucking up to them, always asking them questions to try and make them feel “comfortable” (which, ironically, makes them UN-comfortable), and is always too nervous to make the first move.

When a woman says you’re too “nice,” what she’s really saying is:

Look, moron – you’re playing it too safe. You’re so worried about screwing things up that you’re not making me feel any kind of exitement when I’m around you. I need a guy that doesn’t always care what I think and just goes by whatever emotion he’s feeling at the time – and YOU, my friend, are not that guy. See ya!

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If you’re a “nice guy,” I know what you’re thinking: it will be very hard to untrain yourself from your nice-guy behavior. You’re so used to trying to be a person that pleases everyone, yet you don’t realize you ultimately please no one when you do that.

Nice guys have been told time and time again that the best way to win a girl’s heart is to “be yourself.” Yet, what kind of “self” have they been taught to be? I’ll tell you:

1.The kind of guy who never makes physical moves on a girl, and hides his sexual feelings so that she won’t feel weird around him

2. The kind of guy willing to pay for ALL his dates, and spend money on a girl so he can buy her affection

3. The kind of guy that always has to get a woman’s input on something before making a move

4. The kind of guy who gives compliments to all of his dates, hoping it will build up her self-esteem

5. The kind of guy who wants to talk to a girl on a daily basis so she’ll know just how much he wants her around

In short: they’ve been taught to be WUSSIES!!

No wonder all of your dates end up giving you no action and/or wanting to revert you to friend-status – all your dating moves are WUSSY!!

The main reason nice guys fail is because they extend themselves too much when starting the dating process with women they are interacting with for the first time. Yes, I know you want to impress this new girl, but remember: she is not the only prize to be won in this interaction. YOU, too, are a prize! You should make it a point to see that she impresses you, too, before you decide to be extra-nice to this person.

But fear not, my friend! There is hope on the horizon!

If you want to break down your bad dating habits, here is what I suggest: find at least 5 girls that you can take out on dates. They can be girls you know, or girls from online (always a great way to test out some of what I’m about to tell you – and if it doesn’t work, you never have to see them again!). The point is to make at least 5 date appointments – and the girls have to show up for them to count!

Once you’ve arranged these outings, these are the 5 types of dates and/or activities you need to do to help boost your confidence, and get you out of “nice-guy” territory:

1. GO ON A DATE WHERE YOU DON’T PAY FOR ANYTHING SHE DOES.

That’s right – be it a movie date, dinner date, or arcade date (do people still go to arcades?), make it clear that you are going dutch.

Why You Should Do This:

“Nice Guys” often assume that the more money they spend on the date, the more she is going to like him. Guys, you NEED to get it into your head that just because you pay for your date’s fun time…

…doesn’t mean she is going to like you more! I’ve been on dates where I’ve paid for myself, AND I’ve been on dates where the woman paid for ME. Why? Because she liked me! I’ve also been on dates where I’ve spent over $50, and the girl just ended up wanting to be “friends”.

My point? You need this type of date so that you can understand that, if a girl REALLY likes you, she won’t feel weird about having to pay for herself - she’ll just be happy she can spend time with you!

2. GO ON A DATE WHERE YOU GIVE HER NO COMPLIMENTS.

Yes, I know, she comes up to your car door in that outfit that’s showing off her boobs and she smells like sex – you KNOW she looks good… but, for this ONE time out, don’t compliment her on ANYTHING.

Why You Should Do This:

Believe it or not, women can smell B.S. from a mile away. She’s had guys complimenting her boobs and good smell since 5th grade. And all those guys that complimented her have ONE thing in common:

She’s not currently dating any of them!

So, be original for once – don’t compliment her. Make her earn the right to get complimented by you. If anything, you should be looking to see if she compliments YOU!

You may think you won’t be able to turn her on if you don’t throw a few “suck up to her” lines here or there… but actions speak louder than words, and you may find that, just by treating her the right way, she’ll get that you find her sexy.  (Women tend to pick up on that a lot better than men). Otherwise, you would have thrown her out the car when you went to pick her up!

3. GO ON A DATE WHERE YOU DON’T ASK HER ANY QUESTIONS.

Don’t ask her what she would like to do; don’t ask her where she’d like to go; and, if you can, try to phrase all your questions in the form of a phrase (i.e. instead of asking, “So, how long have you lived here?”, say, “You must have lived in this town for quite a while.”)

Why You Should Do This:

A typical complaint I hear from my female friends is:

“Ugh, I wish the date I had last night could make a decision! Everywhere we went, he kept asking me if I was okay, if I was enjoying the date, where I wanted to go next… ugh!”

Women like men who take charge - CHAAAARGE, I say! You trying to be all nice by asking this girl all these questions shows her:

• You have NO confidence in yourself that you’d be able to please her, be it on a date or – in her mind – the bedroom; and
• You aren’t the type of guy to take charge.

So, do yourself a favor: for ONE date, try not to ask ANY questions. If you can’t decide between bowling or a movie because you don’t know which one will make her have more fun… just pick one and go! You may be surprised to find out that she actually LIKES the fact that you planned out a fun evening without her input!

4. GO ON ONE DATE WHERE YOU KISS THE GIRL… ON THE 1ST DATE.

I don’t care if you’re sitting in the car with her or at her front door… when the end of the night of that 1st date comes, pucker up!

Why You Should Do This:

Because, if you really ARE a nice guy, you’re reading this right now and thinking to yourself:

“AAAAAAAAAAAAH!! I can’t do that! She barely knows me! She’s not expecting me to do that so soon! What if she rejects me?!? I’ll be mortified – and she’ll probably think I’m a pervert and put a rape charge out on me!!”

Fella – CALM THE HECK DOWN!!

I used to be where you are, remember?? I used to be the guy that was so worried about a girl not wanting to see me if I kissed her too soon… that I NEVER made the kiss-move, hoping she would make it first.

Needless to say, I didn’t get kissed for a LOOONG time.

But here’s the thing: most women already know if they’d be willing to sleep with a guy within the first 5 minutes of meeting him.

THEREFORE…

If she meets you, talks to you for 15 minutes, gives you the phone number, and you call her, and she AGREES to go on the date… don’t you think she’s already thought WAY beyond the 1st kiss? Heck, if she’s REALLY feeling you after that initial meeting, she’s probably fantasizing about what dress she’d wear down the aisle!

Again, THEREFORE…

If the woman likes you, she won’t mind if you try to kiss her on the first date. As my own research indicates, most girls who haven’t been kissed by a guy by the second date are already putting him into the “nice guy” part of their mind – and you do NOT want to be in the “nice guy” part of a girl’s mind, ’cause then she’ll NEVER kiss you.

Oh – and whatever you do, don’t believe any crap your women friends tell you about any of this being a lie. I know women who will read this and go, “but Aaron, I ALWAYS wait until at least the 4th or 5th date to kiss a guy, because I want to get to know him first.”

Please do NOT listen to that rhetoric – they are LYING to you.  Almost every girl has been to a party or event where she spotted a cute guy, one thing led to another, and the next thing she knew, she was tounging him down and taking him home for a night-cap.

“Oh, but that was only one time, and I was just so…”

So what – ATTRACTED to him that you had to have him right then and there, and all your “rules” about kissing on the first date went right out the window?

I’m telling all you nice guys out there, women are a LOT freakier that you think, and – if they like you enough – will let you get away with ANYTHING on a first date… especially something as tame as a kiss!!

5. GO ON A DATE WITH A GIRL WHERE YOU SHOW HER A GOOD TIME… AND DON’T CALL/TEXT HER FOR AT LEAST 4 DAYS AFTERWARD.

That’s right – take her out, show her the time of her life… then, make her wait a few days before you call her.

Why You Should Do This:

Actually, there are several reasons:

One - so you can get out of the mode of being desperate for women! You calling her up the next day , and the next day, and the next day, gives her the impression that you have NO OTHER DATING PROSPECTS! Imagine how much pressure that puts on her to be your girl, and she’s only been out with you for 2 hours! Put the phone down, maaaaaaaan!!

Two - you need to see what the affects of waiting to call will do. If you wait 4 days to call – which, in the grand scheme of things is really NOT a long time – different girls will react differently. Some will be argumentative – “I can’t believe you waited so long to call me, I’m hanging up!” – while others will be extremely happy – “Oh, I’m SO glad you called – what have you been up to?!?”

However, one thing is certain: the ones that aren’t mad you waited to call are probably the ones you should be seeing, as they DEFINTETELY have a high level of interest.

One more benefit of waiting to call: sometimes – just sometimes – if the girl really, REALLY likes you… you might discover that she will actually call/text YOU first! And – oh my gosh - can you believe that the phone actually work both ways?!? Who knew women actually owned phones that could dial out to people – I thought they only had phones that accepted calls!

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So there you go, guys! Try out each of these things on some of your next date outings. They may be scary, and your former “nice guy” self may try to combat the feelings you have when doing these things.  Remember, though: if you want to help get rid of the “nice guy” disease that’s ravaging your dating life, you NEED to step up and at least try some of these things.

Besides – if what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working, what have you got to lose??

-Aaron P. Taylor