Chris Brown vs. Rihanna: I’m Not Saying He Should’ve Hit Her, BUT…

(Note: The following note is based on rumors about the Chris Brown/Rihanna incident.  They are neither confirmed nor stated to be 100% accurate, and are used soley to illustrate the points in my article.)

“I’m not saying he [O.J.] should’ve killed her [Nicole Simpson]… but I understand!” – Chris Rock

This is the yet another blog I’ve written that starts out with some quote from a Chris Rock comedy special. I’m a big fan of his stand-up, partially because, as it’s been said before, a lot of truth is said in jest.

This quote may be even more significant as it pertains to the current situation involving Chris Brown, the young R&B sensation with the squeaky-clean image, and Rihanna,  who has made quite a few #1 hits in the last few years.

At the moment, the story goes like this: Chris and Rihanna were riding in the same vehicle coming home from a pre-Grammy party at Clive Davis’ house. Sometime during the ride over to the Grammys, a fight escalated, and when the vehicle stopped, they both got out the car and were still arguing. Only problem was that one of the people – namely, Rihanna – had bruises on eye and bite marks as well. Cops were called, Chris fled the scene, and turned himself in later to be charged.

This is pretty much all we know at the moment. And of course, since it was the beautiful Rihanna who was involved, everyone is automatically calling for Chris Brown to be condemned for his actions. And I agree – he should be…

BUT…

The other question I have is: in what way might Rihanna’s actions have started this chain of events?

Obviously, I’m going to have some women who read that last sentence, and automatically want to assume I’m an advocate for the beating down of women. Yet I have to ask my question because there have been a LOT of rumors coming out about this incident,  one of which goes like this:

“Chris Brown broke it off with Rihanna 2 weeks ago, but their perspective camps wanted them to act like they were still together until after the Grammys. They were told to go to Clive’s party together and ride over to the Grammy’s together.

Meanwhile, Chris already had interest in another girl. Problem was, Rihanna still wanted them to be a couple. While in the car, she was still trying to act like they were together. Chris told her ‘no,’ and she started to go ballistic, going so far as to punch him in the face…”

Wait, wait – let’s read back that last part…

“Chris told her ‘no’” – as in, “No, we’re no longer a couple” – “and she started to go ballistic, going so far as to punch him in the face…”

“At which point, the fight got worse…”

Now, this rumor, like all the other rumors, may or may not be true. BUT, if the part about her punching HIM first is, in fact, the part of the story that she’s not telling…

Well… I’m not saying he should’ve hit her, but I understand!

“GASP! Aaron, how can you say that?!? No woman deserves to be hit under ANY circumstances, and you should know better!”

And I DO know better. You know why? Because I had a Mom and a Dad who taught me and my brother that hitting girls isn’t the right thing to do. No man should have to try and get a woman to do what he says by smacking her around.

The problem, though, is that many girls are NOT taught that it’s not always wise to hit/smack guys. In fact, many of them are taught that it’s okay to smack a guy if he’s not listening to her or doing what she asks of him.

Don’t believe me? Think of all the shows on TV where a girl finds out a guy is doing something wrong (cheating on her, not telling her the truth about something, etc.) and she smacks him in the face. What happens on all these shows? The girl smacks a guy, the guy thinks about what he’s done, and the next thing you know, he’s begging for her forgiveness.

This is NOT how it works in real life.

Unfortunately, girls see this and grow up THINKING that it might work. Consequently, they end up surprised when, upon giving a smack to a guy with low tolerance for getting hit, they end up getting their asses handed to them.

But really, what makes a girl think she even HAS the right to hit a guy in the first place? They know it hurts, and they know THEY don’t like getting hit, so why do it to someone else? I haven’t been smacked too many times in my life, but I have been jabbed hard in the arm a few times, and it doesn’t feel good at all. If Rihanna felt she was woman enough to try and hit Chris in the face with her fist…

Well… I’m not saying he should’ve hit her, but I understand!

The funny thing is, there is a double-standard at work here. If Rihanna did hit Chris Brown first, and he decided to make a phone call to the police, he would have been laughed off the phone! Something along the lines of:

“Why are you calling us? ‘Cause a GIRL hit you?!? How hard could the hit have been? Man up, Chris!”

THAT’s what he would have heard on the phone! Why? Because nobody cares to believe that woman is capable of causing some serious damage to a man’s body. They always assume that if a domestic call is placed to a home, it’s always the man doing bodily damage to the woman, and that’s not always the case.

Remember the show “Being Bobby Brown?” He mentioned a quite a few times that his then-wife Whitney would often start fights and go so far as to give him a few jabs (which, after seeing how Whitney acted on the show, I can believe 100%). Yet whenever the cops were called, it was always Bobby going to trial over hitting HER. For all we know, those could have been self-defense blows Bobby was throwing back and Ms. Houston – but you’ll never see THOSE parts of the report surface!

Also, if Rihanna did hit Chris first… what the f–k was she thinking?!? Chris Brown has MUSCLE. He works OUT. She, meanwhile, is short, thin, and lean. And she KNEW there was history of abuse in his family – heck, Chris’ Dad, according to Chris, used to beat up his Mom on a regular basis. Whether or not he was aware,  seeing those kinds of images can make you interact with women in the same way your original role model did.

So, if Rihanna knew all of this about him… then, again: WHAT THE F–K WAS SHE THINKING?!?

This, to me, sounds like yet another incident where a woman was heartbroken, tried to get back with her man, and when he said no, decided she was gonna attack him, not realizing in the process that, given his stats and prior family history, it might be a better idea to keep cool or, at the very least, not take a swing at him.

Again… I’m not saying he should’ve hit her, but I understand!!

In summary, I’m sure that when the facts about the whole Chris/Rihanna incident come out, it won’t look pretty for either side. Given how negatively beating women is looked at in society (as opposed to physical abuse towards men, which DOES happen), and how f’d up she looks in the police pictures, the favor will probably end up in Rihanna’s favor, as it should. (I mean, c’mon Chris – bite marks? Bruises?? Really?!?)

I just think it would be nice if, for once, someone would do a more thorough investigation into what actually started the incident, and say to themselves: “Man, she shouldn’t have been beaten like that… but what was she doing hitting HIM in the first place?!?”

-Aaron P. Taylor

P.S. This note is, again, based upon unconfirmed rumors that may or may not be true. Still, even if Rihanna didn’t hit Chris first, women should avoid smacking guys in the face. It hurts, and some guys may react to it stronger than expected. I’m not saying they should… but I understand!