Dating Advice 4 Women: Stop Ignoring Stuff

Question: how many of you women out there are guilty of saying the following phrases:

“I can’t believe he LIED to me! Our whole relationship was a lie!”

“He just wasn’t the person I thought he was. He played me like a fool!

“I knew he (had a wife, was a drug dealer, had 10 baby mamas, etc.), but I didn’t think I’d go through all this drama with him!”

“We were doing so well, and then, out of no where, he just stopped calling. I know he’s just going through some things right now, but I’m sure he’ll call me again once he’s less busy…”

And of course, the oh-so famous phrase ladies use to group all guys together:

“Ugh! Why are men so complicated?!?”

This last one really gets under my skin. At 27 years old, I’ve come to understand one very important thing…

NEITHER SEX IS REALLY THAT COMPLICATED.

What complicates matters is when a member of one sex isn’t getting their needs met by a member of the opposing sex that they desire. A woman gets mad at a guy for not being able to read her feelings, while a guy gets mad at a woman for not just coming out and saying what her feelings are.

If there is one thing men are NOT, it’s complicated. Men are designed to be creatures that are about getting things done in an efficient way so that we can take care of ourselves and our loved ones.

As a result, we are all about letting women know how we are, what our current situation is, and whether or not they fit into our reality.

Now, some women may read this and think: “That’s not true, Aaron! I’ve been hurt by such-and-such a guy, and he was a liar, and a cheat, and he hurt me so much and I didn’t even see it coming!”

To which I say: Please. Stop LYING to yourself.

As much as women hate to admit it, part of the reason they get hurt in relationships is because they choose to ignore all the things that a man displays to them about himself in the beginning.

As an example: I’ve seen women complain about an ex-boyfriend that was a “broke-@$$ nobody who couldn’t keep a job.” But wait: wasn’t that guy jobless when you decided to hook up with him in the first place? It’s not like he was hiding his jobless state from you; therefore, you can’t be mad at him later on for not having a job!

Another example: A woman is mad at a guy because he won’t leave his current (girlfriend, wife, sugar mama) for her. But wait: didn’t you know he was already hooked up with someone else when you met him? In that case, what right do you have to be mad when you knew the situation going in?

In thinking about this issue, I realized there are at least 3 things women tend to ignore that end up causing them pain and heartache. Were they to stop ignoring these three simple things, they could easily cut back on the amount of time they end up spending with a guy who is only going to break their heart in the long run.

So, for the benefit of you ladies out there, here are three things you should stop ignoring, and start paying more attention to:

1. Stop ignoring signs indicating the way a guy really is.

Men are the way they are. Furthermore, by the time they hit 25, they are pretty much going to stay that way.

Therefore: If you meet a guy and he’s saying or doing stuff that you don’t agree with, don’t think you’re going to be able to change him.

For example: if you’re on a date with him and he’s telling you that he enjoys working long hours and is always busy, don’t think that you being in his life is going to change his work habits. He JUST TOLD YOU how he is – if you decide to ignore it and date him anyway, you can’t be upset at him later on for always choosing work over you!

2. Stop ignoring factors about his life that could bring harm to a relationship.

I knew girls in college that would date guys who either had some kind of criminal record, or had a reputation for not treating women right in some way. Some of these men were known to fight/hit women, while others were known for being promiscuous and/or cheating on their girlfriends.

Yet, ironically, these same guys dated a LOT of women.

Clearly these charming flaws weren’t taken by women as things they should be concerned about. Consequently, it was never a surprise to me later when I’d hear these same women talking about how they almost got into a physical fight with a guy, or were telling some sob story about how the guy cheated on them.

Did I show any empathy for these girls? Well, I may have shown it to them, but in my mind I’d always think: “You dumb-ass – I saw this coming BEFORE you decided to date him. How can I feel BAD for you??”

Yes, it’s sad whenever a man brings harm to a woman, but it’s even SADDER when a woman allows this type of harm to be brought into her life. Women, you can’t blame all the bad stuff that happens in a relationship on a guy. Again, most of this stuff is shown to you BEFORE you decide to pursue a relationship with a guy – if you decide to ignore it, it’s really your own damn fault if you get hurt!

3. Stop ignoring signs indicating he’s lost interest.

Nobody likes to think that the person they have an interest in – who once had an interest in them as well – no longer wants to see them.

Therefore, the brain will make up all kinds of excuses for any behaviors a man may give that, were they themselves not in the situation, they’d be able to see as indicators of lost interest.

Women (and, to be fair, men as well) like to say things like, “Well, if he really doesn’t want to see me, why not just come out and say it?”

But really, men aren’t in the business of wanting to hurt a girl’s feelings – at least not to her face (though, again, women tend to be the same way). Therefore, he may not come right out and say, “I don’t want to be with you any more,” but he WILL give signals or indicators that he doesn’t want you around anymore.

For example:

*If you used to talk to him on the phone all the time, and now he barely answers your text messages, he probably doesn’t want to see you anymore.

*If you see him hanging out more with another girl “friend” than you, he probably doesn’t want to see you anymore.

*If he used to have a bad habit that he quit for you, and has started taking it up again, he probably doesn’t want to see you anymore.

*If he starts talking openly about other girls he would like to bone (celebrities, one of your girlfriends, etc.), he probably doesn’t want to see you anymore.

*If you ask him to go places, and he is turning down your invites more and more, he probably doesn’t want to see you anymore.

I’m sure there are hundreds of other examples I could list. The point is, when these things start happening, don’t assume the excuses are valid. A guy who likes you isn’t trying to get away from you, and he’s certainly not trying to talk about other women near you. If he is, guess what?

HE PROBABLY DOESN’T WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE!!

However, even though having a guy drop you – albeit subtly – may hurt, the process is only prolonged by your ability to ignore that the indicators are there. Were you able to see these things as they are happening instead of ignoring them, the “getting over him” process would be made a lot quicker.

So there you have it ladies! Stop ignoring the three things above, and you should be able to experience less relationship hurt tomorrow by paying close attention today!

-Aaron P. Taylor

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