ATTENTION Black Women: Stop Telling Black Men You Only Date White Guys

I can be quite abrasive when it comes to stating my opinions when I write. The reason? In real life, I tend to be more passive-aggressive.

While it may appear that nothing seems to bother me, I tend not to verbally express those things unless I’m directly asked. Why? Because:

• I don’t like causing friction in my personal relationships;
• I figure that, even if something is bothering me, it will eventually pass, so making a big deal out of it seems pointless; and
• Writing allows me to get out my complete thought without being interrupted, thus allowing me to be better understood.

With that said: lately, I have had quite a few girls – most of whom are black – come to me and tell me what qualities they are looking for in a man. I don’t mind these conversations since I like talking about relationships; nor do I mind it when I don’t happen to match some of the qualities they list (i.e. “I want a man who’s tall, muscular, has a car,” etc.)

However, if there is ONE thing I absolutely can NOT stand, it’s hearing a black woman say the following:

“I’m going to start dating white men.”

This statement would not be so bad, if it weren’t for the statement that usually follows this one:

“Black men just don’t seem to have their stuff together. And they’re cheap. I think a white guy will know how to handle me better…”

Attention Black women: if this is how you feel about your dating life, that is fine. You have every right to feel that way, and if you think a White guy is going to do by you better than a Black man will, so be it.

But… for the LOVE OF GOD, STOP SAYING IT IN FRONT OF BLACK MEN.

For us Black men who like to think we’re pretty decent fellows, HOW THE F–K ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FEEL WHEN WE ARE TOLD SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

Are we supposed to agree with you? Are we supposed to jump up and down for joy about your decision? Are we supposed to say something like:

“OMG! Way to go, girl! Yes, you need to date a White guy – to hell with Black guys like me! We’re just pieces of sh!t!”

Reality check: just because all the Black guys YOU may have dated have been deadbeats does NOT mean all of them are like that.

I went to an upper-middle class university – Hampton – where the majority of Black men were goal-seeking gentlemen who had no problem treating their women with respect. (Side bar: many of the women at the school didn’t appreciate these types of men when they were around – wonder who’s fault THAT is, ladies…)

So when I hear a 20-to-40 something Black woman tell me she’s “trading races” because Black men aren’t cutting it, it really, really, REALLY pisses me off.

This does not mean I’m against races intermingling. If a Black woman or man ends up dating a member of the opposite sex with a different race, that’s fine.

Where my problem lies is in the thinking that dating a person of another race is going to result in happier, more elevated experience than dating a person of one’s own race. In effect, when a Black woman says this, it’s as if she’s disowning her own heritage, and saying:

“I’m ashamed of my race. I need to be with someone whose race I secretly want to be.”

And again, if you feel that way, it’s your right – but DON’T TELL OTHER BLACK MEN THAT SH!T.

I’m proud of my race. I’m proud of who I am, and I look to be even prouder of the man I will grow into being. The last thing I, or any Black man, needs to hear is mindless dribblings of Black women done wrong by a few Black men (who, for the record, they themselves CHOSE to date) who’ve decided to let the world know they are now into every race BUT their own.

Think about it, ladies: how would YOU feel if we came up to you and told you we wouldn’t date someone with characteristics you just happen to have? If I were to walk up to a big girl and say to her face:

“Y’know, I don’t like dating big girls. They’re just too ‘ugh’ for me and are too sloppy.”

I’d probably get chastised by other women for not being sensitive, or for not being willing to give her a chance and see how she treats me despite her size!

Besides, as sensitive as most women are about being told about ANY flaws they have – heck, you can’t even ask most of them their age or weight without getting that “Oh-no-you-didn’t-just-ask-that” look – you would think they’d understand WHY a Black man wouldn’t want to hear about her only wanting to date men of a different race!

It really boggles my mind that women can seem to grasp this concept with their own gender, but when it comes to men, they just assume we’re okay hearing every opinion they think of in their head, no matter how insulting it may be.

Well, I’m here to say: if you’re a woman – ANY woman – I do NOT want to hear about your race-dating preference.

• If you’re a Black woman who only wants a White man, I DON’T want to hear about it.
• If you’re a White woman who only wants a Black man, I DON’T want to hear about it (no matter how flattering it may appear to be).
• If you’re an Asian woman who only wants a Latino man, I DON’T want to hear about it.

Basically, if you’re not trying to date me, or are going to list qualities in the man you’re looking for that, in any way, shape or form, deals with a race other than mine…

I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT.

You may now return to your normal dating life, already in progress…

-Aaron P. Taylor