But this wasn’t a simple problem like “he won’t wash the dishes” or “he doesn’t pay attention to me.”

Instead, the problems she had with him was things like “he slaps me,” “he verbally abuses me,” and the oh-so-hilarious “he kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant and lost the baby.”

Steve, having gotten all this information, looked at this woman in the same way I would if I saw a man with no legs trying to walk on his knee stubs – with the “WTF” face.

He finally asked the girl: “If he’s done all this stuff to you, why in the f–k are you trying to work things out with him?”

And the response she gave is one I’ve heard women say over and over again when asked why they are continuing to go out with a guy that treats them like crap:

“Because I love him.”
—

The most frustrating thing to me in the entire world is seeing someone make stupid relationship choices when they know full well how stupid their choice is.

I spent a good amount of college years hearing girl “friends” of mine tell me all about their woes with guys they were dating that they knew they shouldn’t be with – ya know, on account of the fact that he treated her badly – but whom they stayed with because she still had strong feeling for him.

Finally, I had to stop doing it. Why?

BECAUSE IN MY LOGICAL MIND, TALKING TO SOMEONE ABOUT GETTING RID OF SOMEONE WHEN THEY ALREADY HAVE THEIR HEART SET ON THAT PERSON – EVEN IF THAT PERSON DOESN’T REALLY SEEM TO WANT THEM – IS AKIN TO TALKING TO A BRICK WALL: IT’S POINTLESS.

Even though I do my best to avoid those conversation, the idea that a woman would stay with a guy that doesn’t treat her right irks me to this day. And when I see shows like this where a woman is trying to defend her bad dating decision to the host (while sounding like an idiot – “I mean, sure, he beats me, but it’s not like he does it EVERY DAY – just every-other day!) I get really, REALLY pissed off.

And yes, I’m fully aware that part of this bad decision-making progress is due to the more emotional brains women have that result in them having more sympathy for others, thus allowing them to be more willing to stick it out with a guy who may “just be going through stuff.”

But really – if a guy’s been abusing you or showing disinterest in you for YEARS, I got news for you: he’s NOT going to change, and, even if he does, he’s STILL not really feeling you, nor will he ever.

I just can’t figure out why girls don’t seem to get that point yet…
—

But it’s not just women that are making bad dating decisions. Men can be just as bad when it comes to trying to date or marry women who really have NO interest in them.

Unlike women, who tend to stay in bad relationships for emotional reasons, men tend to do it for ego reasons – specifically, their egos can’t handle the idea that a woman would actually turn THEM down, so they continuously deny it.

For example: a guy may be dating a woman. At the beginning, things may be going great. After a while, though, he may notice that she’s not doing things the way she used to. She’s cooking less meals, requiring less sex, and starts going out more and more without him.

At this point, my observation would be (a) she’s losing interest, and (b) if he doesn’t change what he’s doing, she’s going to leave.

MOST guys, though, don’t have these thoughts because it would bruise their ego. Instead, they would think: “she can’t be losing interest – it’s ME! I’m too perfect for her! But why is she being distant? Well, one thing’s for sure – it can’t be anything I’M doing. She must be PMSing again…”

The reality is, if a woman is in a relationship with a guy, yet isn’t really feeling him, there are SO many tell-tale signs. Heck, I could give you a list of highlights:

*She stops cooking for you
*She’d rather go out with her girlfriends than you
*She doesn’t say “thank you” when you do nice things for you
*She stops complimenting you
*She stops doing nice things for you
*She only goes out with you or sees you when you initiate it. (Yes, the guy IS supposed to do the initial asking out in the beginning phase. But in reality, once you’ve started dating, a woman will try to suggest outings, or make visits to see you. It’s in their nature to find a way to be with you if they like you.)

It baffles me, then, when a guy falls head-over-heels for a woman who’s giving him all these “I’m not interested in you” signs… YET STILL CONTINUES TO CHASE HER!!

There are SO MANY OTHER OPTIONS guys have to choose from. There are more women on this planet than men; as I always like to say, if there’s a girl you want to date and she’s not feeling you, you literally have BILLIONS of other options.

Lo and behold, though, the ego usually trips them up, with thoughts like “but she HAS to want me, so I KNOW I can score her” running around in their heads.

And this isn’t even getting deeper into the subject, like talking about men who marry women who they KNOW don’t like them but just want to be married, or guys who marry women who just want them for their money, and so on. The bottom line is, a man’s ego can often be his downfall when it comes to relationships – and, quite frankly, it pisses me off!
—

So, when it comes to relationships, are women and men just completely stupid? Is there something I’m not quite getting that makes women stay with men who beat them up, or that makes guys continually chase after girls they know don’t really want to be with them?

Truthfully, I don’t have an answer to this question. I’ve read plenty of psychology books about how the brains of men and women work; I’ve read plenty of relationships books about why men and women choose one mate over another; and I’ve watched and researched just about everything you can on women who stay in abusive relationships and men who have low self-esteem and are just happy to be with whatever they can get.

But, at the end of the day, it still baffles me that, for all the ways we’ve been able to advance as a species, we still manage to be complete screw-ups when it comes to how we choose the people we fall in love with.

If you’ve got any thoughts about the issue, leave a comment below!

-Aaron P. Taylor

“A lot of women have asked “what did you do to get that ring?” Honestly, I just followed the 3 F’s …Feed ‘em, F*?!’em & let him watch football!”

After I picked myself up from the floor from laughing so hard, I realized there was a lot of truth in her jesting statement.

To this day, it amazes me how complex women think men are.  They continue to think we have a secret agenda; that when we say things we really mean something else (9 times out of 10 we don’t); or that we require women to jump through a plethora of hoops to make us want to ask them for their hand in marriage.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

As my friend’s statement says, men are more than willing to marry the right girl if she’s doing just a few simple things – things that, while seemingly easy, will have a HUGE impact on a man’s decision to keep you around for the long haul.

1. FEED HIM.

A woman who can cook (and cook well) is very sexy to a guy – and for more reasons than you can imagine.

One, it’s a money saver.  A smart guy likes to manage his money and not spend it on frivolous things, one of them being continuous restaurant bills.  Therefore, having a woman who can take $5 worth of Wal-mart groceries and turn it into a home-cooked meal with 4 days of leftovers is, quite simply, awesome.

Two, it shows she cares.  The fact that she’s taking a good portion of time out of her day just to make something he likes shows how much she desires making him happy.

And three, it shows her dedication to be a help mate in the relationship.  She understands that her man is out there busting his butt all day to make sure the two of them are straight; therefore, the least she could do is make sure he doesn’t go hungry so he has the strength to keep it pushing.

Now, some women may read this and think: “But what if I can’t cook? I burn everything, including water!”

My first answer would be: LEARN HOW TO COOK SOMETHING.  If you’re not trying to figure out how to cook at least ONE thing to make your man happy, you probably don’t really like him.

(Reality check: MEN. ARE. SIMPLE.  You don’t have to be Chef Ramsey – our taste pallet is usually not that discriminatory.  However, if you can read, find a recipe that looks relatively easy, and FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS. Heck, I’d be happy if a girl just knew how to cook a bowl of oatmeal for me – at least it shows she’s TRYING.  Sometimes the effort is more important than the results.)

The second answer would be: if you really, really, REALLY can’t cook, that’s no excuse to not have food on the table.  Some of my greatest memories from college were going home to a “home cooked meal” – and by “home cooked meal” I mean my Mom would order up some pizza or Chinese food, and I’d be the happiest person on earth.  At the very least, you can always go to the grocery store and pick up a ready-made chicken or microwavable peas.

The point is, you should have SOMETHING prepared for him to eat.  If you don’t, you shouldn’t be surprised if you hear about him eating somewhere (and someone) else.

2. F–K HIM.

This one should be obvious to EVERYBODY.

MEN. LOVE. SEX.  So do women (though, in the beginning, they may act like it’s no big deal to them), but for men it’s not just about the physical “OMG, I get to c*m today” feeling.

As we all know, men aren’t exactly the best at talking about their feelings.  They may love a woman to death but never feel comfortable verbalizing it.

HOWEVER…

The one place where men DO tend to let their guard down a bit is in the bedroom during the act of sex. Aside from the obvious physical release, they also get to use love making as a way to express their desires towards their mate – how they feel about them, how much they want to please them, hold them, protect them, etc.

THEREFORE…

A smart woman will understand WHY it’s important to have a sexual relationship with their man.  It’s fun; it’s healthy; and it gives him an excuse to express himself in a way he would not normally do.

A DUMB woman (and, admittedly, one who is probably not all that into her man), won’t understand why her man is always asking her for sex.  She’s not thinking about the fact that he may best express his true love and care for her via physical intimacy.  Instead, she’s just thinking: “Geez, why does he always have to get his rocks off?!? Is that ALL he wants me for??”

If a woman can’t satisfy her man physically, or isn’t willing to have sex with him on a regular basis, one of two things will happen: she will either (a) lose him, or (b) he will start having an affair with another chick who IS willing to give him what he physically needs.

So, stop being stingy, ladies – if you’re not giving your man enough sex, you either need to start doing it some more or figure out WHY you don’t want to give him some, then find another man who you DO want to sleep with on a regular basis!

3. FOOTBALL

It baffles my mind when I hear men complain that their wives/girlfriends don’t like them watching football.

Some women get jealous when a man’s attention is turned away from her and towards anything else.  Especially sports (for reasons I have yet to figure out to this day).

However, the watching of sports isn’t just about the game, or the numbers, or the players, etc.  It’s about something that, at first, may seem quite insulting…

It’s about getting away from YOU.

Yes ladies, it’s true.  As much as we can love you, want to be married to you, etc…. we do NOT want to be around you 24/7.

Now me, I don’t watch sports.  However, there are certain TV shows I like to watch (The Simpsons, 24, South Park, etc.) that are what I call “me time” shows.  When those programs are on, I don’t want to talk to ANYBODY.  I don’t care if it’s my Mom, my brother, my cousin, my girlfriend, or my roommate – when those shows are on, NOBODY ELSE EXISTS.

The problem, then, arises when women don’t understand this concept.  They think if a man loves them, they should be willing to turn their attention away from whatever they’re watching and focus it on them.

In reality, the best way to keep the peace in the relationship is to let a man have time to himself, where you aren’t involved in what he’s doing.  Think about it: if you never have time apart, what will you two have to talk about?

If you’re both around each other all the time, both of you will always know what the other one did.  You’ll be like “hey, guess what I did today?” and he’ll be like “don’t tell me, I already know – I was there, remember?”

If you’re both around each other all the time, things that you wouldn’t normally notice about the other person will start pissing you off.  You’ll be like, “hey, do you ALWAYS have to breathe like that?” and he’ll be like, “I usually only breathe like this when you’re not around, but now you’re ALWAYS around!”

And for a guy, not giving him time where he can do what he wants without you WILL cause him to resent you in the long run.  Again, it’s not about NOT loving/caring for you; it’s about the fact that, sometimes, a man just needs a break from being around his girl for a while.  We actually NEED time to get away from you so we can do our own thing.

Luckily for YOU, there IS a benefit to giving a guy his space: by not having you around, he will start to think about you, and realize how much fun he has when you ARE around.  The result? When he finally DOES see you again, he’s usually re-charged and even happier to see you.

So, let a guy watch his dang football.  Heck, it only comes on Sundays and Mondays – if he’s spending 5 days out of the week paying attention to you, two days of sports shouldn’t be THAT big of a deal. (Of course, if he’s spending every day after that watching highlights and not taking care of home and work to do so, you may have to intervene…)

See, ladies? It really IS simple to get and keep a man – just follow the three Fs and you won’t get F’d over!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Every other hour of the news these days is chock full of more and more “insights” into Tiger Woods’ private life: whom he had sex with, whom he left text/voice messages to, how he likes it kinky in bed… at this point, the news stories about him are playing out like some kind of soft-core porn movie on Cinemax!

I understand the business of the media.  It is there job to keep showing the public this story because (a) it’s a hot topic, (b) it gets people watching their shows (since all of it boils down to ratings and ad money), and (c) it was SO unpredicted that this clean-cut golf guy would be the one cheating on his wife, let alone with so many other women.

With all that said, I DO wish there was ONE aspect of the story that would stop covering: Tiger apologizing to the public.

Granted, he’s only personally apologized via statements through his publicist; however, the media keeps putting out a new update each day about how he’s been apologizing to his wife; ponying up money to get her to stay; and even going so far as to put himself on a hiatus from golf in an attempt to get his family back together.

I just have one thing to say about Tiger’s efforts…

STOP APOLOGIZING FOR YOUR ACTIONS.

Yes, what you did was wrong, and you shouldn’t have done it… but for the love of golf, man, PLEASE STOP SAYING YOU’RE SORRY.

Why am I saying this? Because I know that, deep down in Tiger’s heart, he’s NOT sorry for his actions.  The only thing he’s sorry for is that he got CAUGHT.

Think about it: had it not been discovered that Mr. Woods was making “hole in one” shots in other “greens” outside his own backyard, do you REALLY think he would have stopped?

Had his wife not discovered the truth about his philandering, do you think he’d be at home right now consoling his wife, or out getting it on with another floozy?

In short, had this story not leaked to the press, he’d STILL BE DOING THE SAME ACTIONS HE WAS DOING BEFORE HE GOT CAUGHT.

Those actions are conscious choices he was already making.  He already KNEW he was going against his family.  He already KNEW his wife (who probably already knew about a few of the affairs) was going to be hurt by his actions. And, despite this knowledge, he KNEW he wanted to do what he wanted to do.

Coming out and apologizing after the fact, then, seems like a moronic thing to do.  Tiger can beg and plead and cry all he wants to, but the only thing he’s really sorry about is how his reputation has been tarnished as a result of his actions.

If he was really, REALLY sorry, he would have cheated once, realized it was a mistake, and THEN told his wife “sorry”… and stopped cheating.  She may not have decided to stay with him after that one indiscretion (I wouldn’t have either), but at least the apology would have appeared more genuine.  Sorry, Tiger, but it seems less genuine when you have to apologize for bedding 15+ women over the span of your entire marriage.

Ultimately, Tiger got what he wanted out of all these affairs.  He got to sex lots of different (white) women; he got to do kinky things with them that he probably wasn’t able to do with his wife; and – at least until his actions went public – he got a huge ego boost out of being able to bed so many girls, based solely on his name alone.

What should he have to apologize for?

-Aaron P. Taylor

While it may appear that nothing seems to bother me, I tend not to verbally express those things unless I’m directly asked. Why? Because:

• I don’t like causing friction in my personal relationships;
• I figure that, even if something is bothering me, it will eventually pass, so making a big deal out of it seems pointless; and
• Writing allows me to get out my complete thought without being interrupted, thus allowing me to be better understood.

With that said: lately, I have had quite a few girls – most of whom are black – come to me and tell me what qualities they are looking for in a man. I don’t mind these conversations since I like talking about relationships; nor do I mind it when I don’t happen to match some of the qualities they list (i.e. “I want a man who’s tall, muscular, has a car,” etc.)

However, if there is ONE thing I absolutely can NOT stand, it’s hearing a black woman say the following:

“I’m going to start dating white men.”

This statement would not be so bad, if it weren’t for the statement that usually follows this one:

“Black men just don’t seem to have their stuff together. And they’re cheap. I think a white guy will know how to handle me better…”

Attention Black women: if this is how you feel about your dating life, that is fine. You have every right to feel that way, and if you think a White guy is going to do by you better than a Black man will, so be it.

But… for the LOVE OF GOD, STOP SAYING IT IN FRONT OF BLACK MEN.

For us Black men who like to think we’re pretty decent fellows, HOW THE F–K ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FEEL WHEN WE ARE TOLD SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

Are we supposed to agree with you? Are we supposed to jump up and down for joy about your decision? Are we supposed to say something like:

“OMG! Way to go, girl! Yes, you need to date a White guy – to hell with Black guys like me! We’re just pieces of sh!t!”

Reality check: just because all the Black guys YOU may have dated have been deadbeats does NOT mean all of them are like that.

I went to an upper-middle class university – Hampton – where the majority of Black men were goal-seeking gentlemen who had no problem treating their women with respect. (Side bar: many of the women at the school didn’t appreciate these types of men when they were around – wonder who’s fault THAT is, ladies…)

So when I hear a 20-to-40 something Black woman tell me she’s “trading races” because Black men aren’t cutting it, it really, really, REALLY pisses me off.

This does not mean I’m against races intermingling. If a Black woman or man ends up dating a member of the opposite sex with a different race, that’s fine.

Where my problem lies is in the thinking that dating a person of another race is going to result in happier, more elevated experience than dating a person of one’s own race. In effect, when a Black woman says this, it’s as if she’s disowning her own heritage, and saying:

“I’m ashamed of my race. I need to be with someone whose race I secretly want to be.”

And again, if you feel that way, it’s your right – but DON’T TELL OTHER BLACK MEN THAT SH!T.

I’m proud of my race. I’m proud of who I am, and I look to be even prouder of the man I will grow into being. The last thing I, or any Black man, needs to hear is mindless dribblings of Black women done wrong by a few Black men (who, for the record, they themselves CHOSE to date) who’ve decided to let the world know they are now into every race BUT their own.

Think about it, ladies: how would YOU feel if we came up to you and told you we wouldn’t date someone with characteristics you just happen to have? If I were to walk up to a big girl and say to her face:

“Y’know, I don’t like dating big girls. They’re just too ‘ugh’ for me and are too sloppy.”

I’d probably get chastised by other women for not being sensitive, or for not being willing to give her a chance and see how she treats me despite her size!

Besides, as sensitive as most women are about being told about ANY flaws they have – heck, you can’t even ask most of them their age or weight without getting that “Oh-no-you-didn’t-just-ask-that” look – you would think they’d understand WHY a Black man wouldn’t want to hear about her only wanting to date men of a different race!

It really boggles my mind that women can seem to grasp this concept with their own gender, but when it comes to men, they just assume we’re okay hearing every opinion they think of in their head, no matter how insulting it may be.

Well, I’m here to say: if you’re a woman – ANY woman – I do NOT want to hear about your race-dating preference.

• If you’re a Black woman who only wants a White man, I DON’T want to hear about it.
• If you’re a White woman who only wants a Black man, I DON’T want to hear about it (no matter how flattering it may appear to be).
• If you’re an Asian woman who only wants a Latino man, I DON’T want to hear about it.

Basically, if you’re not trying to date me, or are going to list qualities in the man you’re looking for that, in any way, shape or form, deals with a race other than mine…

I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT.

You may now return to your normal dating life, already in progress…

-Aaron P. Taylor

Above: A video asking YOU, the viewer/reader, what your opinion is on the “White Miss Hampton U” issue.  Please leave comments below!

As a proud alumni of the prestigious Hampton University, nothing irks me more than when someone else talks badly about my school.

Recently, though, my “Home By The Sea” has come under attack for the oh-so heinous crime of crowing a WHITE girl – gasp – as the winner of its annual Miss Hampton U pageant.

Since Sunday, when Nikole Churchill was awarded the crown (and, one assumes from all the commotion, the “Great White Hope” belt), Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, and the news world have been ablaze with people expressing their opinions, both for and against the judges’ decision.

One of my fellow EMQtv bloggers, Alejandro Ford, posted up a blog he found by a girl who goes by the name “Sista Toldja,” an alum of Hampton’s rival school, Howard University.  In her blog article, “Lil’ Obama, Big FAIL,” Sista not only trashes the girl who got picked (whom she knows NOTHING about), but my school as well.

Far be it from me to trash Howard University in my defense of my school’s choice (us Hamptonites are much classier than that)… but when someone picks on a place where I spent 5 of the best years of my life without having experienced any time there, I HAVE to respond.

The main problem I have with Ms. Toldja’s article is the numerous fact errors, erroneous statements, and biased opinions scattered throughout her argument. Below are some of the things she said, along with my rebuttals:

—

1. “Historically Black colleges and universities were originally designed to serve a population that was not allowed to enter traditionally White institutions. As segregation was made (technically) illegal, the role of the HBCU has shifted. Black schools still provide opportunities to students who may not be accepted to other schools due to conscious and subconscious discrimination.”

This statement is degrading to HBCUs in general.  Yes, historically Black colleges were set up to allow our people to get an education… but like she says herself, the HBCU role has shifted.

As a result of desegregation, HBCUs are (technically) supposed to be equal to its White school counterparts in the types of education it provides.  Her statement makes it sound as though going to an HBCU is still a last option, as if a person going to an HBCU is ONLY going there because the white schools would not accept them.

I was offered the chance to go to a plethora of schools – both historically Black OR mostly White – and CHOSE to go to Hampton.  Nikole may or may not have had any other options, but there ARE White students at that school who, like some of the Black people who go there, actually CHOSE to go.

2. “…the HBCU has become a sacred and celebrated space in which Black students can learn in an environment that is safe from racism and free from the burden of being a minority…”

This statement is a lie.  As much as we hate to admit it, Black people can be some of the most racist people, especially towards our own.  We have arguments about who has good hair vs. bad hair; hate on those whose skin is darker or lighter than us; and, because there are so few of “us” that are able to get good job positions, we often end up stabbing our own in the back.

This is not to say all Black people are like this; however, to push the idea that an all-Black environment is safe from racism is ludicrous.  It may be slightly lessened, but it does not deter it from happening.  I will admit Sista was right about the lifted burden of being a minority, which was quite nice…

…however, seeing as she knows what it is like to be in that type of environment, one would assume she’d have more empathy for the White people who go to these schools.  Now THEY are the ones who are the minority; does this mean we should suddenly treat them the same way White people treated us when we were in their shoes?  What if these White people in question never (or, for those of you who never say never, “rarely”) did anything racist towards a person of color? Should THEY now have to pay for the sins of what their ancestors did?

3. “Studies show that students learn better in these situations and the 4-5 years spent at a Black college are often a welcome relief after years of Euro-centric education from most public and private school systems.”

I agree with this statement. After years of constant European history, I was glad to get a chance to learn some more about Black culture.

But again: DID IT EVER OCCUR TO PEOPLE LIKE SISTA TOLDJA THAT WHITE PEOPLE MAY FEEL THE SAME WAY??

I grew up around mostly White people, and needed to be around Black people for a change.  If I felt this way, I’m sure there are plenty of White teens out there who are tired of feeling like a racist when they ask their Black friends stuff about the Black experience (i.e. why our hair is sometimes kinky, why we like certain foods, what Kwanzaa is, etc.) and feel the best way to learn about “us” is to be surrounded by “us” on a regular basis in a safe environment.

An HBCU is there to provide that experience to ALL who want to experience it, including White people.

4. “At Howard, I saw a Black university president, Black deans, Black scholars, Black athletes, Black artists and Black pageant queens…”

I saw the same thing at Hampton: Black university president, Black deans, Black scholars, Black athletes, Black artists, and Black pageant queens…

…BUT, I also saw a few White deans; some Asian teachers; some German scholars; Latino artists, European athletes – and now, a White pageant queen.

While I’m all for an HBCU being “majority” black, I still feel as though we as a people still need to interact with other nationalities in order to gain a GLOBAL perspective, not just one that’s based on a singular color’s point of view.  If Sista Toldja didn’t interact with other races while at Howard, I feel sorry for her.

5. “I’d be lying if I said I can’t help but feel that the spaces given to non-Black students could have been some Black kid’s ticket to the amazing experience that I had at Howard…”

Wow – did she REALLY use the same line that White people use on US when WE get accepted into a predominately White school??  Would she be saying the same thing if she wasn’t accepted into a Harvard or Yale, or would she be writing letters to congress talking about how she feels her “space” was given to a less-deserving white kid?

Regardless, the reality of the situation is: SCHOOL IS A BUSINESS.  And, like most businesses, if there isn’t diversity, they usually get scrutinized.  So, even if her statement was true, who cares?

Just like they’ve probably let some Black students into Harvard who didn’t have as stellar grades as a White person for diversity purposes, it’s very likely that there HAVE been White people let into HBCUs for the same reason.  High school grades don’t always determine how well a person’s grades will be when they hit college, which is why they will sometimes be lenient on that particular policy.  It’s a different ball game, and some people who excelled in earlier grades CRASH when they hit college, while the opposite is true as well.

6. “…there have been some dope White young people who have come to our schools in order to confront their own White privilege and to learn about another culture… This type of White student wouldn’t place herself in the running for Miss Hampton because she would appreciate the reasons for keeping a Black girl in that crown. She’d likely understand what it means when Black teenage girls come to visit Hampton and get to see a queen who looks like them… She’d understand that she is not meant to be at the center of the school’s culture, but rather, a respectful outsider…”

Quick, somebody get out the nose plugs – I smell BUUUUUULL CRAAAAAAAP!

Reality check: going to a school like Hampton, over the course of 4 years, stacks up to about $100,000.  You know what that means?

IT MEANS THAT, REGARDLESS OF RACE, A STUDENT CAN GET INVOLVED IN ANY DAMN ACTIVITY THEY WANT.

Another reality check: most White girls don’t know what it’s like to be a “Black teenage girl.” Nor should she care how it will look to other Black teenage girls if she wins.  Hampton has crowned 50 Miss HUs – if ONE of them happens to be White, so what? Those Black teenage girls still have 49 OTHER MISS HAMPTON U’s TO LOOK UP TO – but they probably won’t even give a rat’s behind about it OR know who she is in the first place! It’s not like Miss HU wears the dang crown to class!

(And – to be even MORE real – most teenage girls in high school, in their senior year, are too busy trying to graduate to worry about whether the school they’re trying to go to has a Black pageant winner of a beauty contest.  They should be more concerned about passing class than whether or not their self-esteem is going to be threatened when they see a White Miss HBCU.)

What’s most offensive, though, is Ms. Toldja’s statement that the non-Black students should not be at the center of the school’s culture.  I don’t know how it is at other schools, but at Hampton there are sports that just aren’t populated with Black athletes (tennis, archery, swimming, etc.).

Those sports are populated with Whites, Asians, and other races.  Is Sista saying that, because these people aren’t black, they should not participate in anything that may cause them to get attention, thus focusing the eyes off the THOUSANDS of Black students there, some of whom are doing nothing more than going to class, then back to their dorm rooms?

7. “But Nikole Churchill is obviously not that girl. I don’t know her personally, nor do I know why she chose Hampton University…”

Exactly – YOU DO NOT KNOW HER.  So stop picking on her.

8. …okay, so this isn’t a quote, but she re-posted up the letter that Nikole sent to President Obama, where she asked him to speak at the school about progress and diversity. It wasn’t the world’s best-worded letter – at one point she compares her situation of being voted as Miss HU to him being elected President – which I’m sure most people probably took the wrong way.

With that said: if the letter actually WORKED, and it somehow got Obama to speak at her school, I’m sure Sista Toldja – along with any other Black people currently hating for no reason – would change their tune and try to book a ticket on down to my “Home By The Sea.”  Talk about a foot in the mouth moment!

9. “Nikole, welcome to some sh!t Black folks go through all of the time: feeling like they worked hard to earn something, only to have folks of another race question and challenge and piss allover their achievement. Except for that in this instance, it’s being done with just reason.“

Again, based on having the experience of being a minority, one would assume Sista Toldja would have more empathy to what Nikole may be experiencing.  Instead, she has decided to crap on this girl like so many others have.

Furthermore, she states the “reasons” she’s facing this backlash – “Nikole was 1) a marginal candidate with just barely enough community service to qualify and one who lives on a satellite campus of some sort, thus being disconnected from the school she is supposed to represent and 2) ALLEGEDLY selected as the winner unofficially before the pageant because Hampton leadership believed a diversity candidate was the way to go” - but none of this is FACT.  Her stated reason for hating on this girl is based solely on RUMORS that have yet to be proven.

You know how rumors get started?  You hear something at least 3 or more times, and your brain starts to believe it to be true.  For example, if I were to say:

Sista Toldja and I made out at a party once.
Sista Toldja and I made out at a party once.
No, really – Sista Toldja and I made out at a party once.

By the third time, you’d start to think: “Wow, maybe Aaron DID make out with Sista Toldja once!” (Note: We really DID make out at a party once… or did we? OoOoOo…)

10. “Nikole Churchill is a traditionally attractive White woman. While she is not a good writer so far as we can judge her by this letter, I’ll assume she’s a smart girl because she’s made it through over three years of college…”

Oh, I get it now – this is just another case of a woman hating on another woman! It’s like when a dark-skinned person hates on another Black because they “lack something,” and that other Black person just happens to be as light-skinned as all the other Black people that person hates on.

Women are NOTORIOUS for hating on other women without having even met them or conversed with them first.  Just look at her sarcastic statements: “traditionally attractive;” “not a good writer;” “I’ll ASSUME she’s a smart girl…”  Sista Toldja’s not mad at Nikole – she’s JEALOUS of her because SHE never got to be the Miss HU at Howard, while this White girl got the crown instead!  For shame – I thought a Howard woman would have more class than that!

11. “From where I am sitting, this honor is wasted on her. What this could have meant to a Black girl who may leave Hampton to go work for some corporation where she is the only Black face would be so much more than a member of the majority “fighting” for acceptance at a minority school.”

Better get out those nose plugs again!

Sista makes it sound like a Black woman needs to have the Miss HBCU title under her belt to get a leg up in the corporate world.  Reality check: The Miss HBCU title is mostly about doing charity work.

Any Black woman who has a desire to do so can join any number of Black organizations (NAACP, Tavis Smiley Foundation) and do work for them.  Any Black woman with a good enough work ethic can participate in internships, study abroad programs, charities, and programs on campus that will fill up her resume enough to impress future employers.

They only elect ONE Miss Hampton U each year – guess what the rest of the THOUSANDS of women on campus have to do go build up their portfolios? OTHER STUFF.

12. “As the continued need for HBCUs is questioned by detractors, Hampton made a disgusting PR move this Homecoming season.”

Again: 50 Miss Hamptons so far, ONE winner who was White.

But if Sista Toldja wants to play it that way: rarely is there such a thing as BAD PR.  My school is getting more coverage off this White girl winning the pageant than it did when one of our previous Miss HUs got busted for shop-lifting.

If anything, it sends a POSITIVE message out there that, even at an HBCU, all students will be made to feel welcome and accepted, including students who aren’t of the Black persuasian.

As Black people, both Sista Toldja and I know the pains of being discriminated against, looked at awkwardly, asked dumb questions and harassed just for trying to be ourselves.  I didn’t like it when I went through it, and do my best not to do it to others.

However, what Sista Toldja is advocating is that our people should rally against Nikole simply because she’s white.  In the process, she’s forgotten that JUST BECAUSE IT WAS DONE TO US DOESN’T MEAN WE SHOULD BE DOING IT BACK.

Just like Black people have the right to make their presence known in a White-majority school, White people at HBCUs need to be able to feel like they, too, can make a contribution to their chosen school environment without having to become invisible on account of the color of their skin.

Then again, I guess those types of lessons are only taught over at Hampton, a.k.a. the “Real” HU. (Sorry – you know I had to get at least ONE in. )

-Aaron P. Taylor

Recently, Leno was replaced as the host of “The Tonight Show” by Conan O’Brien, formerly of NBC’s “Late Night” show (now hosted by Jimmy Fallon).  With no job to keep him at NBC, Jay started getting offers for his own show at other networks.  NBC, realizing how damaging it would be to have him hosting a show on another network at the same time as Conan, offered to give Jay Leno his own show (which he happily accepted), only it would air at 10 PM.

During the summer months, NBC promoted the show heavily, claiming over and over again that it would be “new,” “innovative,” and “totally different from how ‘The Tonight Show’” felt.  Last night, “The Jay Leno Show” finally premiered…

…and it felt exactly like his old “Tonight Show,” only an hour earlier.

The set-up was the same (monologue, video comedy bit, guest comedian videoed comedy bit, Jay interview with celeb, another video comedy bit, interview with musician, musical act, and yes, Monday headlines).  The band was the same (Kevin Eubanks and gang are back in tow).  Heck, even the studio is in the same location (although it has definitely seen a decoration overhaul).

The show was nothing more than a 90-minute early take on Jay’s “Tonight Show” gig with a few cosmetic touch-ups and a re-arranging of the order of the show’s set ups.  It was as if Jay just got back from a 3-month vacation, then said: “Okay, so, back to what we were doing before we left here.”

And I, for one, couldn’t be HAPPIER.

Frankly, I’ve always liked Leno for the comedian he is.  And, seeing as he dominated the ratings for “The Tonight Show” during most of his tenure, other people seem to like him as well.

Therefore, I think it would have been a HUGE mistake on NBC’s part to try and drastically change the way Leno does things, especially since he has an audience built up over 17 years’ time that likes how he operates.

If you, like me, have read any reviews of “The Jay Leno Show” debut, you would think the show is doomed to fail.  The general viewpoint is that the show isn’t innovative enough; it’s too much like “The Tonight Show;” and that the show isn’t keeping its word to be as different from other late night shows that it promised to be.

SO WHAT?

I wouldn’t have cared if they had taken 3 months off, then come back with the same set, theme music and comedy bits (which they did with “Headlines”), nor would have the rest of America.  If the formula he had before was working so well, why tamper with it?

Besides, there is one very important rule that will make this “new” Leno show work: people LIKE being sold something they already have.

Think about it: if you buy an artist’s CD, chances are you will buy more of their stuff in the future.  If you buy a pair of shoes, the next pair you pick out will have to be similar in feeling to how your current shoes feel.  Heck, even in relationships, people tend to date the same types of people over and over again (even if they aren’t conscious of it)!

Why, then, would it make sense for NBC to try and spend millions of dollars on making a “Jay Leno 2.0″ when the overall structure of the first version is still popular with the public? That would be like taking chocolate ice cream and trying to mix it with pizza flavor.  Sure, it might be innovative and “more dynamic,” but at the end of the day, more people are used to chocolate just as it is.

I don’t think Jay has too much to worry about, though.  He was never really a favorite of the critics, but he relates to enough of America to be popular. And if not, I know at least ONE person who will be watching his show every night!

-Aaron P. Taylor

With that said, I find it amazing that, in 2009, there are women out there that still play the “victim” role when it comes to their dealings with men who, from the start, showed themselves to be less than worthy for partnership.

I bring this up because Whitney Houston, the soul-stirring singer with the gifted voice who dominated the late 1980s/early 1990s music scene with her songs about love, recently did an interview with Oprah (as part of her promotional push for her newest #1 album, “I Look To You”) where she opened up about her life and – more importantly – her troublesome marriage with former “New Edition” heartthrob, Bobby Brown.

I read the interview online, knowing in advance what I’d probably hear from Ms. Houston in the article: how Bobby abused her; how he was jealous of her; the fights he would start with her, etc.  Meanwhile, she positioned herself as a woman who simply tried to love her man as strong as she could – even going so far as to use drugs with him (not because she was addicted to the drugs, but, says Whitney, “I was addicted to HIM.”) – and ended up in a downward spiral as a result.

Well, all I have to say to Ms. “I’m-Every-Woman” is this…

BRAVO!!! (Jumps out of seat and gives her a standing ovation)

Way to go, Whitney.  That has to be the BEST performance of playing a victim by a woman that I’ve seen or read in a LONG time.

You think that just because you put on your sad face and start spewing crap about how Bobby treated you SO badly, that I’m supposed to feel SORRY for you??

GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE!

I remember seeing a little show a few years ago called “Being Bobby Brown” – you know, the show that starred your former husband? The show that YOU appeared on quite often? Well, let me tell you something, Ms. Houston: I saw your appearances on that show, and if there is one thing I know, it’s that you were NOT the only victim on that show!

Granted, you both probably stopped wanting to be around each other a LONG time ago… but regardless, there were plenty of moments on that show where YOU – yes, YOU – were seen on camera:

• Insulting your husband
• Showing up to his “Male Bonding” activities when you had NO business being there
• Being a nag
• Being the starter of arguments and fights

The truth of the matter is, you all were BOTH on drugs; therefore, you were BOTH doing things to the other person that were harmful to their psyche and well-being. Furthermore, it’s not like Bobby Brown was hiding his “bad boy” ways from you or anybody before YOU made the conscious choice to marry him.

But of course, you’re a woman, so all the sympathy from your now-dissolved marriage will go YOUR way.  And frankly, it makes me SICK.

You know what the underlying theme is in our society today?  WOMEN ARE STILL THE WEAKER SEX.

I should note: this is not a view I personally hold.  I had a strong mother who was able to raise me and my brother with little male influence after my Dad died.  And she taught us that both men AND women have to own up to things when they’ve done stuff that’s wrong.

However, the general consensus in our society is that, between the two sexes, men are still the stronger sex.  Consequently, whenever a relationship between the two genders goes sour, it is always the “weak woman” who must be the victim in the situation, not the male counterpart.

Look at the recent divorce between Jon and Kate Gosselin from TLC’s “Jon and Kate Plus 8.”  Anyone who watched even ONE episode of that show can see how much of a biznich Kate was to Jon – she constantly put him down, emasculated him in front of his kids, treated him like a child, and always complained about how her way of raising the kids was better.

Yet when divorce time finally rolled around, who did the media turn into the “bad person?” That’s right, the male of the couple!  Good ol’ Jon Gosselin went from being the badgered Mr. Mom to the country-hopping party guy who’d rather spend time out with floozies than his own kids.  Meanwhile, Kate suddenly turned from being seen as a biznitch into a saintly mom who’s “holding strong” and “focusing her life on the well-being of her kids!”

AND IT’S NOT EVEN TRUE!

Above: A video for the song called “Kate Gosselin is a….” Well, ya know…

The only time Jon’s out “partying” – which he is legally free to do as a grown-ass man – is on days when it’s Kate’s days to have the kids and he’s not allowed around them.  What about the days when Jon IS taking care of the kids – no one asks two questions about where Kate has gone!

But again, because she’s of the “weaker” sex (again, in quotes because I don’t believe it to be true), Kate’s the victim, and Jon’s the sleazeball.  PLU-LEEEZE!

The bottom line is, women need to wake up and realize that continuing to play the victim role will only keep the view of them as the “weaker sex” a continuing issue in our society.  Yes, there are women who are victims to men who do horrible things to them… but to place every woman in the “victim” category is to do both themselves and REAL women victims a disservice.

And NO, Ms. Houston, I do NOT feel sorry for you.  I’m sure Oprah and the rest of her man-bashing, victim-loving crowd will be all but ready to point your entire spiraling downfall on your interaction with Mr. Brown, but this is ONE person who knows the REAL deal – and I ain’t fallin’ for it!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Twitter.com/APTsongs

Above: My official video review of Jay-Z’s newest album, “Blueprint 3.”

Jay-Z’s newest album, “Blueprint 3,” leaked onto the Internet on August 31, 12 days before it was set to land in stores.

As a person who is a fan of Jay-Z’s, I knew I had to find the album and listen to it.  I’m not one of those people to say that I’ve been a fan of his since his first album, “Reasonable Doubt” (I actually hate that record because my freshman roommate in college played it dang near every night as he went to bed), but I have been riding with him consistently since my brother bought “Vol. 2, Hard Knock Life.”

Luckily, Jay-Z partnered up with Rhapsody and MTV.com to stream the album for FREE starting September 1.  Now that I’ve gotten a chance to listen to the album a couple of times, I can safely say what I had hoped to say about the album:

HE’S STILL GOT IT.

He’s still got the wit, punchlines, flow, wordplay, and story-telling ability that we’ve all grown to love about Hov as an artist.  And, even as he approaches the dreaded 4-0 mark in his life, he’s still better than 99.98% of rappers out there, both new AND old.

—

Okay, so you may be asking yourself: “If you like the album so much, why did you title this blog ‘Why Jay-Z’s Blueprint 3 Album Sucks… Even Though It Doesn’t?’”

Prior to me listening to the album, I went to a few hip hop online forums to see what people were saying about the album.  The overall consensus:

“IT SUCKS!”

Diving further into this consensus were reasons given as to why it sucks:

• “He’s old!”
• “It’s straight garbage!”
• “He doesn’t sound like the Jay-Z from 1996-2003!”
• “The production fell short!”
• “He doesn’t have as much substance in his lyrics as he did before!”

All of these complaints could be considered valid, if not for one thing:

THE PEOPLE WHO SAID THESE THINGS ARE STUCK LIVING IN THE PAST.

Artistry is all about re-inventing oneself.  Being innovative.  Trying something new.  Exploring new terrain.  Expressing your various experiences through your chosen medium.

The problem with the hip hop medium as an art is that, once it has a perceived idea of how an artist is, that artist will always be criticized when they start to sound different.

Take, for example, Michael Jackson.  His crowing achievement was 1982’s mega-classic “Thriller” album, which went on to sell somewhere between 70 to 110 MILLION copies worldwide (29 million and counting in the U.S. alone).  While that may sound like a blessing, it also came with a curse: every album MJ made after “Thriller” was always compared to it.  And no matter how many 10s of millions his subsequent albums sold (“Bad,” “Dangerous” and “HIStory” all sold over 20 million worldwide), they all paled in comparison to “Thriller” as far as the media was concerned.

The same thing has happened with Jay-Z.  He has managed to create so many “classic albums” – “Reasonable Doubt,” “Vol. 2,” “Blueprint I,” “The Black Album” and “American Gangster” – that people hold every release up to an extra-high standard.  When an album comes out that, in his fans eyes, doesn’t reach that high mark, it is automatically deemed a sucky album, even if it is 10 times better than other albums coming out in the same genre.

This is quite unfortunate, because the majority of Jay-Z’s albums are actually very, very good. Even on an off-album like “Blueprint 2: The Gift and the Curse,” there are too many good songs thrown into the mix to have it deemed a bad album. And yes, though I may not like “Reasonable Doubt,” I can’t deny the album’s influence on hip hop culture.

At the same time, there is another thing that makes people hate on Jay-Z’s newer works…

NOSTALGIA.

People forget to take into consideration that nostalgia – our remembering of past events – plays a large part into how we view an artist’s current work as opposed to their older ones.  A lot of nostalgia is connected to our childhood, a time when things were much easier for most of us.  Think about it: you didn’t have a job; you got to play around more with your friends; most of your needs were taken care of; and everything was pretty much care-free.

Therefore, if a person was bumping Jay-Z’s older stuff during that time when it was new, their memory of that album is associated with the good vibes they got during their care-free days as a youngster.

That same person today, some 13 years after “Reasonable Doubt” dropped, isn’t in the same world anymore.  Now, they have a job, they have bills to pay, possibly kids, and other stresses that they weren’t going through when they were 13 years younger.

Therefore, if that same person hears a new Jay-Z album, it doesn’t have the same connotation for them that his older stuff did. Therfore:

“IT SUCKS!”

And of course, most of Jay-Z’s older stuff was him talking about his various struggles. Hustling crack, living without a father, making it out of the ghetto, and other hardship tales were strung together with wordplay wizardry and narrated in a way that made the listener feel connected to him, especially if they, too were going through struggles of their own.

However, the Jay-Z of today is not that guy.  He doesn’t have as many hardships. He’s a multi-millionaire with a hot wife (Beyonce) who has been all around the world, hung with various presidents (from the U.S. and abroad), owns nightclubs and runs a company.

Despite all these things, he’s still able to put words together in ways most rappers can’t.  And he still raps about his experiences.  Unfortunately, most of those experiences aren’t ones people who are still struggling can relate to.  He raps about popping open a bottle of Ace of Spades, while his listener can barely afford to buy a six-pack of beer at the store.  Jay-Z’s spittin’ rhymes about hanging with Obama, while his listener can’t even get into a town hall meeting to ask him a question about health care.

Because his listener can’t always relate now to what Jay-Z is saying, their assessment of his new stuff is automatic:

“IT SUCKS!”

The irony of all this is, were Jay to come out and try to rap about the same subjects he used to touch on, his hip-hop audience would deem him a fraud.  They’d be like, “Yeah, he lived that way once, but he ain’t livin’ it now – he’s just fakin’ that talk so he can try and fool us. IT SUCKS!”

I’ve never been one of those people to get too nostalgic, or believe that an artist’s best work is always his early stuff.  To do that would be to discredit a wide number of artist who have come out with later works that were just as good, if not better, than previous efforts.  Yes, Nelly’s debut album was classic, but “Nellyville” was better.  Yes, Nas’ “Illmatic” was okay (though I didn’t really like it), but his “Ether” song – which came out 7 years after his debut – had more of an impact on hip-hop.  Yes, Dr. Dre’s “The Chronic” revolutionized the game, but his 1999 follow-up, “2001,” not only had even MORE classic songs on it, but also set the stage for Eminem to fully display his talents, leading him to make even MORE history in the game.

In short: Just because Jay-Z is older, and has experienced more things in his lifetime (so far) than most people will ever relate to, doesn’t mean his newer stuff can’t be considered good.  People have various definitions of what makes a “classic” album, but just because an artist’s record doesn’t reach that status doesn’t mean it “sucks.”  Jay-Z has 10 (hopefully 11) number 1 albums in his catalog.  At this point, he’s not even doing it for the money; he’s just doing it because he enjoys doing it.  On this record, you can actually HEAR how much he enjoys making music  in the songs – what’s not to like about that?

-Aaron P. Taylor

Follow me on Twitter: Twitter.com/APTsongs

“I can’t believe he LIED to me! Our whole relationship was a lie!”

“He just wasn’t the person I thought he was. He played me like a fool!

“I knew he (had a wife, was a drug dealer, had 10 baby mamas, etc.), but I didn’t think I’d go through all this drama with him!”

“We were doing so well, and then, out of no where, he just stopped calling. I know he’s just going through some things right now, but I’m sure he’ll call me again once he’s less busy…”

And of course, the oh-so famous phrase ladies use to group all guys together:

“Ugh! Why are men so complicated?!?”

This last one really gets under my skin. At 27 years old, I’ve come to understand one very important thing…

NEITHER SEX IS REALLY THAT COMPLICATED.

What complicates matters is when a member of one sex isn’t getting their needs met by a member of the opposing sex that they desire. A woman gets mad at a guy for not being able to read her feelings, while a guy gets mad at a woman for not just coming out and saying what her feelings are.

If there is one thing men are NOT, it’s complicated. Men are designed to be creatures that are about getting things done in an efficient way so that we can take care of ourselves and our loved ones.

As a result, we are all about letting women know how we are, what our current situation is, and whether or not they fit into our reality.

Now, some women may read this and think: “That’s not true, Aaron! I’ve been hurt by such-and-such a guy, and he was a liar, and a cheat, and he hurt me so much and I didn’t even see it coming!”

To which I say: Please. Stop LYING to yourself.

As much as women hate to admit it, part of the reason they get hurt in relationships is because they choose to ignore all the things that a man displays to them about himself in the beginning.

As an example: I’ve seen women complain about an ex-boyfriend that was a “broke-@$$ nobody who couldn’t keep a job.” But wait: wasn’t that guy jobless when you decided to hook up with him in the first place? It’s not like he was hiding his jobless state from you; therefore, you can’t be mad at him later on for not having a job!

Another example: A woman is mad at a guy because he won’t leave his current (girlfriend, wife, sugar mama) for her. But wait: didn’t you know he was already hooked up with someone else when you met him? In that case, what right do you have to be mad when you knew the situation going in?

In thinking about this issue, I realized there are at least 3 things women tend to ignore that end up causing them pain and heartache. Were they to stop ignoring these three simple things, they could easily cut back on the amount of time they end up spending with a guy who is only going to break their heart in the long run.

So, for the benefit of you ladies out there, here are three things you should stop ignoring, and start paying more attention to:

1. Stop ignoring signs indicating the way a guy really is.

Men are the way they are. Furthermore, by the time they hit 25, they are pretty much going to stay that way.

Therefore: If you meet a guy and he’s saying or doing stuff that you don’t agree with, don’t think you’re going to be able to change him.

For example: if you’re on a date with him and he’s telling you that he enjoys working long hours and is always busy, don’t think that you being in his life is going to change his work habits. He JUST TOLD YOU how he is – if you decide to ignore it and date him anyway, you can’t be upset at him later on for always choosing work over you!

2. Stop ignoring factors about his life that could bring harm to a relationship.

I knew girls in college that would date guys who either had some kind of criminal record, or had a reputation for not treating women right in some way. Some of these men were known to fight/hit women, while others were known for being promiscuous and/or cheating on their girlfriends.

Yet, ironically, these same guys dated a LOT of women.

Clearly these charming flaws weren’t taken by women as things they should be concerned about. Consequently, it was never a surprise to me later when I’d hear these same women talking about how they almost got into a physical fight with a guy, or were telling some sob story about how the guy cheated on them.

Did I show any empathy for these girls? Well, I may have shown it to them, but in my mind I’d always think: “You dumb-ass – I saw this coming BEFORE you decided to date him. How can I feel BAD for you??”

Yes, it’s sad whenever a man brings harm to a woman, but it’s even SADDER when a woman allows this type of harm to be brought into her life. Women, you can’t blame all the bad stuff that happens in a relationship on a guy. Again, most of this stuff is shown to you BEFORE you decide to pursue a relationship with a guy – if you decide to ignore it, it’s really your own damn fault if you get hurt!

3. Stop ignoring signs indicating he’s lost interest.

Nobody likes to think that the person they have an interest in – who once had an interest in them as well – no longer wants to see them.

Therefore, the brain will make up all kinds of excuses for any behaviors a man may give that, were they themselves not in the situation, they’d be able to see as indicators of lost interest.

Women (and, to be fair, men as well) like to say things like, “Well, if he really doesn’t want to see me, why not just come out and say it?”

But really, men aren’t in the business of wanting to hurt a girl’s feelings – at least not to her face (though, again, women tend to be the same way). Therefore, he may not come right out and say, “I don’t want to be with you any more,” but he WILL give signals or indicators that he doesn’t want you around anymore.

For example:

*If you used to talk to him on the phone all the time, and now he barely answers your text messages, he probably doesn’t want to see you anymore.

*If you see him hanging out more with another girl “friend” than you, he probably doesn’t want to see you anymore.

*If he used to have a bad habit that he quit for you, and has started taking it up again, he probably doesn’t want to see you anymore.

*If he starts talking openly about other girls he would like to bone (celebrities, one of your girlfriends, etc.), he probably doesn’t want to see you anymore.

*If you ask him to go places, and he is turning down your invites more and more, he probably doesn’t want to see you anymore.

I’m sure there are hundreds of other examples I could list. The point is, when these things start happening, don’t assume the excuses are valid. A guy who likes you isn’t trying to get away from you, and he’s certainly not trying to talk about other women near you. If he is, guess what?

HE PROBABLY DOESN’T WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE!!

However, even though having a guy drop you – albeit subtly – may hurt, the process is only prolonged by your ability to ignore that the indicators are there. Were you able to see these things as they are happening instead of ignoring them, the “getting over him” process would be made a lot quicker.

So there you have it ladies! Stop ignoring the three things above, and you should be able to experience less relationship hurt tomorrow by paying close attention today!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Follow me at Twitter.com/APTsongs

9 times out of 10, if the people you hang around with are broke, it stands to reason that you, too, are also broke.

Now, you may read that last sentence and think to yourself: “But Aaron, how is it that my friends being broke makes ME broke too?”

The answer: them being broke isn’t so much about money, but how they are living the rest of their lives as well. Their financial status reflects the types of decisions they make, where they hang out, with whom they associate, and – most importantly – how much drive they have to be successful at whatever it is they claim they want to do.

For example: when I was living in ATL as a server, I was surrounded by waiters all the time. I was a server for 2 years, and, as much as I loved hanging out with my fellow employees on the job (and they were, and still are, very nice people), I didn’t really hang out with them too much outside of the job.

Why, you ask?

Simply put – and again, this is not an insult on any of them – they didn’t have the same desire I had to do anything beyond just serving. And if they did, they weren’t actively going after it.

So, while I was spending my time off work to make music, produce videos, write, and do other stuff that was pertinent to my ultimate goal of being wealthy, most of them were out partying, going to bars, drinking, smoking pot, and other activities that, while “fun” (not to me, though), were not beneficial in helping them achieve any sort of goals they may have had.

And the result? A year later, I’m out in Cali, while most of them are still working at jobs they hate. (And if any of you are reading this, please don’t take this as an insult – I just know you have talents and could be doing so much more with them.)

And who do I associate with while I’m out here? People who, like me, are goal-oriented. We may not all be rich right now, but each of us spend our time doing the things we need to do in order to get to that point. We all help and encourage each other to work towards our goals, and are genuinely happy for each other when one of us reaches another step in our quest for success.

The bottom line is, if you’re hanging around with people that don’t have any clear goals in life, then you, by wanting to continue your association with them, will place your goals to the side too, lest you end up alienated by them. And, while you may end up keeping your so-called “friends,” you will also be helping to keep yourself in the poor house.

As a general rule, I like to keep positive people around me so that I, too, will feel positive about myself. Not that I need someone to tell me to be positive since I tend to be that way anyway… but I DO find hanging around people with negative attitudes to be quite draining on my energy.

So, if you’re going to try and be a positive person who wants to succeed – and, therefore, be rich – these are the types of people you should avoid “flocking” around with:

1. PEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN.

If you have friends who constantly like to complain about any and everything in their lives, no matter how big or small, you need to DROP THEM.

Complaining, while “fun,” doesn’t help solve a problem, it only prolongs it. People who are successful get there because, rather than complaining about something, they find a way to fix it, fix it, then move on.

2. PEOPLE WHO BLAME OTHER PEOPLE FOR THEIR SITUATION.

I’ve been in several situations where I thought someone else was at fault – but even then, I always remember that, since I was part of that situation, I, too, have to take some blame. Realizing one’s own mistakes in any situation helps a person better examine their self and grow.

People who blame others all the time are simply doing so to avoid owning up to their mistakes so that they can play the victim role. They may think being a victim is the only way they can get attention – and it does work – but the downside is that, by doing so, they don’t allow themselves to learn lessons that would help them grow and, more importantly, help them better attain success.

3. PEOPLE WHO ARE LIARS.

If you surround yourself with people who lie to other people on a regular basis, how are you to know if you can trust them?

Sure, you might think that just because your friend lies to other friends or family that they wouldn’t lie to you… but eventually, it’s gonna come full circle. And the worst place you’d want for this to happen is on the eve of a financially-beneficial project, when your “friend”/partner comes to you and says they’re going to the Bahamas for a week…

…and you find out it was with the money YOU put into the project, and your friend decides not to come back. Now you’re broke AND can’t find your friend!

4. PEOPLE WITH A “CAN’T DO IT” MENTALITY.

Don’t get it twisted: when you’re just starting out, you and your friends might be strapped for cash. However, it’s important that the people you hang around with all have an attitude that says “we can do this no matter what.”

Why? Because there are going to be times when things aren’t going as planned, or where life throws you a curve ball, and if you’re surrounded by a bunch of people who don’t think what you’re trying to do can really be done, weathering those rough moments are going to be tough.

People with a “can’t do it” mentality may SAY they want to do a certain thing, but they’re really just saying that so as not to upset you. However, these people are easy to spot: they’re the ones who, when asked why they don’t try something that seems impossible, always seem to have an excuse as to why it can’t be done.

But again, part of that is because they hang around with people who also have that attitude – they just don’t realize it!

In summary: if you really want to avoid being broke, you need to start by surrounding yourself with people who are positive, have a great outlook on life, and believe that anything is possible.

And, if you ARE currently broke and/or don’t know why you can’t seem to achieve any of your goals, take a look around you and see who your closest friends are. You may discover that your broke-@$$ friends have a stronger influence on your @$$ being BROKE than you thought before!

-Aaron P. Taylor