I found this quote on my friend’s FaceBook wall, and placed it on my own because I found it to be quite true. The people who tend to be most successful and – more importantly – rich, are those that had a goal, stuck to it no matter what, and were eventually able to see their vision come to life.

Most importantly, they were able to succeed because of another very important fact: they believed in what they were trying to do so much that they didn’t try to create any other options for themselves. In other words, they didn’t formulate a “Plan B.”

Ah yes, the infamous “Plan B.” The one our loving (and BROKE) parents, friends and relatives tell us to have in the event that we aren’t able to make happen the things we really want to do.

“I want to be an actor,” you say? “That’s great,” they’ll reply – “…but make sure you get a degree in architecture just in case the acting thing doesn’t work out!”

“I want to be a photographer,” you say? “How wonderful,” they’ll reply – “…but you may want to get a degree in business so you can get a REAL job in case the whole ‘photo’ thing doesn’t work out.”

“I want to be a lawyer,” you might even say? “How ambitious,” they’ll reply – “…but no one in our family’s ever even made it all the way through college. Why not get a degree in teaching just in case the bar proves to be too hard for you?”

The sad part is, most people will listen to this advice, and with good reason: it’s coming from people they love, who also “allegedly” love them, so it must be worth listening to, right?

WRONG. DEAD WRONG.

Before I even got into college, I knew I wanted to do something in entertainment, though at the time I didn’t know exactly what. I decided to pursue a degree in theatre.

The result? I got to go to school for 5 years NOT wanting to tell people what my major was. Why? Because every time I told somebody, I received the same comments over and over:

“That’s great… but shouldn’t you major in something else in case the ‘acting’ thing doesn’t work out?

Then, when I got out of college, rather than go and try to get a “real” job, I took on small theatre jobs and serving jobs. Again, I did NOT like telling people what I did because the comments I’d get back were the same:

“Didn’t you go to college? Shouldn’t you be doing something BETTER than what you’re doing?”
—

Unbeknown-st to those people, though, what I was doing was something they were NOT doing: I was working my Plan A, which was to work in entertainment.

Because I was a theatre major, it allowed me to work on my creative writing skills, act in plays, and get a sense of the behind-the-scenes work it took to put on a decent production. And now what do I do? I direct, I edit, and I write.

And as for my jobs? I always sought out jobs I’d be able to easily get away from. Why? Because if an opportunity came along that would be profitable and/or get me to the next step of my Plan A, I wanted to be able to quit instead of being bound by a contract to work at a company or something like that.

Meanwhile, when I wasn’t at those jobs, I’d be at home making music videos, writing songs, writing books, and improving upon various aspects of my craft. And the result? When I finally DID have something make an impact, I was able to meet people who were interested in helping me develop my other projects. Now I’m in a position where all the stuff I was doing in the quest to be successful off my Plan A is about to pay off.
—

In looking back on my college days, though, I see many people that, unlike me, decided to formulate a “Plan B.” Some of them acted right along side me on stage – heck, some of them were WAY better than me when it came to acting – and they, too, had dreams of making it in the biz.

But… well, if you’ve got friends and relatives, you know how the rest of the story goes: they get home and start talking about their dreams of moving to NYC or Cali, and here come the nay-sayers…

“But California/NYC is too expensive! You need to save up money – in the meantime, you should fall back on your ‘Plan B’ in case you never get out there…”

The problem with having a Plan B – as Steve Harvey said – is that you have to put what I call “wasted energy” into formulating it. In other words, the amount of energy you would use to focus on developing a solid Plan A now has to be split in two so that a Plan B can be formulated.

Unfortunately, because neither plan is able to receive your full attention, both of them end up being half-assed success attempts.

More importantly, having a Plan B practically guarantees that you’ll never make as much money as you could make had you simply focused on a Plan A.

Why? Because, no matter what profits may come from your Plan B, you’ll never be nearly as happy – or as rich – as you would have been had you worked your Plan A.

Some of you may read that and say, “But Aaron, that’s not true. Even if I don’t end up working my Plan A, I can still be successful off my Plan B.”

And I’m not here to say you can’t be. I’m just saying, you won’t be AS happy, and therefore will not be as successful. If you’re truly happy about what you’re doing, you put more effort into it to see that you reach the maximum success.

If you’re only marginally happy about it, or just doing it because everyone else wants you to, you may be happy for a while, but (a) it won’t last, and (b) you won’t feel motivated to make the Plan B success continue to work after a while.

“But Aaron,” you might say, “what if you’re trying to work your Plan A, and something happens to where you can’t complete your vision?”

Yeah yeah yeah, I get it. For example, you want to join the NBA, but you’re too short, or are bound to a wheelchair. How can you achieve your goal with those obstacles in place?

The answer is not – I repeat, NOT – to make a Plan B, but to MODIFY your Plan A. Who’s to say you couldn’t start a basketball league for players under 5-foot-5, or participate in wheelchair basketball, and make both of those leagues as popular as the NBA?

The “core” of the dream – playing basketball – would still be there, and you’d still be doing it. More importantly, someone might see your passion for doing these things despite your “obstacles,” and pay you big money for it. You might think that sounds crazy, but stuff like that happens all the time (u just gotta pay more attention).

Bottom line: if you’re splitting your focus between a Plan A and a Plan B, you will NEVER be rich (or as rich as you could be). Always be working your Plan A. Even if what you’re doing right now isn’t what you really want to be doing, use it as a stepping stone to further your Plan A.

And, if you ARE currently working a Plan A and a Plan B, decide which one you have more of a passion for, and figure out a way to mesh them into one plan. You may not think so now, but you will be a lot happier and more driven once you have a single, well-focused goal – and a lot richer, too

-Aaron P. Taylor

For example: as a kid, if my parents wanted me to take out the trash, my Mom would hint at it (i.e. “gee, Aaron, the trash is looking pretty full”) so as not to sound like she was making demands, whereas my Dad would just flat out say, “Aaron, go take out the trash.”

There’s nothing wrong with either communication style… until we start trying to apply it to the opposite gender.

This is especially true in the dating world, where men, who are used to direct communication with other men, assume that women will communicate with them in the same way. So what happens? A guy asks a girl out on a date, and he gets hit with something like:

“Oh, I’d really like to… but I’m just so busy right now, and I have so much going on…”

A girl listening from the outside would hear this and think: “Aww, how sweet – she’s giving him the hint that she doesn’t want to date him!” However, most guys would just think: “Oh, okay – she’s not rejecting me, she’s just busy, but might be up to dating me later!”

Why? Because she didn’t say to him “I’m not interested” in a direct way, most guys will always assume they have a chance later. (This used to be me back in my college days, before I got hip to the lingo.)

Part of it is also due to the male ego. Us guys can be a bit too overconfident sometimes in our ability to woo every single girl that when one gives us an excuse, we automatically think: “this statement CAN’T be a rejection – who WOULDN’T like to go out with me??”

It’s certainly healthy to have a good amount of confidence about yourself, but I’m here to make something very, very clear:

IF A GIRL IS GIVING YOU ANY KIND OF EXCUSE AS TO WHY SHE CAN’T GO OUT WITH YOU, SHE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

Hopefully I’ve just saved you YEARS of therapy sessions where you’d be whining about how confused you are that all these girls keep SAYING one thing – “I like you, but I’m not ready to date” – while DOING another (like dating someone a week after you asked her out).

But let me help you out even more. The following list are popular blow-off phrases you may have heard before that you didn’t think were blow-off phrases, along with the translation behind them and why:

PHRASE #1: “I just got out of a long relationship, and I’m not ready to date yet…”
TRANSLATION: “I don’t want to date you.”
REALITY CHECK: Most women usually have the next guy they’re ready to date in mind prior to breaking up with a boyfriend. The only time this statement might be even remotely true is if SHE’S the one that got dumped – and even then, she doesn’t want to date you because she’s probably still hoping her ex will change his mind and take her back. Either way, she has NO interest in you.

PHRASE #2: “I’m so busy right now, I don’t even have time to date anyone…”
TRANSLATION: “I don’t want to date you.”
REALITY CHECK: A girl will always – ALWAYS – make time for a guy she WANTS to see, and make NO time for a guy she doesn’t want to see. It’s that simple. As much as girls complain about not being able to “find the right man,” do you REALLY think she’s say, “Wow, this looks like the guy I should date… but oh darn, can’t make time for him” if she was REALLY interested? Don’t think so!

PHRASE #3: “I’m too busy trying to focus on my career…”
TRANSLATION: “I don’t want to date you.”
REALITY CHECK: Girls are actually better at multi-tasking than guys are. They’re programmed that way so that, if they decide to have kids, they can look after a whole brood of them without going crazy. How else do you explain a mother being able to juggle 5 kids’ schedules at one time? Yet she can’t focus on 2 things – a job AND you? And even if she WAS focusing on her career, everyone needs a distraction from their job to have some fun – she just doesn’t want that distraction to be YOU!

PHRASE #4: “My schedule is pretty booked right now…”
TRANSLATION: “I don’t want to date you.”
REALITY CHECK: There are 24 hours in a day, and not all of them are booked up. Even if you factor in sleep time (8 hours) and work time (8 hours) plus transit time (1 hour), that’s still 7 hours of “do what the f–k I want” time. Clearly, if she’s giving you this excuse, her “want” time doesn’t include hanging out with you! Even if she was hella busy, she’d find a way to fit you in for one of her three meals out of the day to say “hey” if she liked you.

PHRASE #5: “Sorry I didn’t call you back, my phone (is on the fritz, answer machine isn’t working, etc.)”
TRANSLATION: “I don’t want to date you OR talk to you.”
REALITY CHECK: If you’re hearing this excuse, chances are you tried calling her, she didn’t return the call, and then you ran into her in person somewhere and asked, “Why didn’t you call me back?” The real reason? She doesn’t like you. If her phone really WAS on the fritz or the answering machine wasn’t working, why didn’t she send you an e-mail/facebook message/ telegram telling you so? If a girl really likes a guy, losing communication with him is the LAST thing she wants to do, and will usually find a way to let him know about her crappy phone. Heck, I know girls who are just friends who will send messages like, “my phone got hijacked in the subway, here’s my new number!” If you’re finding out about this phone thing in person, she was probably hoping to NOT run into you and have to give you her number again!

I could go on and on, but hopefully you get the idea. A woman does not communicate directly like a man does (except when it comes to their feelings – ugh), so, 9 times out of 10, if you ask her out and she doesn’t want to see you, you’re not going to hear a “no.” You’ll probably get an excuse of some kind instead, which is basically her hint to you that she’s not interested.

But don’t take it to heart or beat yourself down about it – just be happy that she’s trying to let you down gently, and wait for the next girl to come along – one that will only make excuses to SEE you, instead of stay away from you!

-Aaron P. Taylor
Now on Twitter! Twitter.com/APTsongs

Whether or not the charges end up being true or not, the whole ugly incident has brought up the issue of domestic violence – specifically, against women. Experts are coming out of the woodwork making their comments about the subject, and they all have one uniform statement: “It’s never okay to hit a woman.”

Really? NEVER?  You’ve got to be kidding me!

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t believe that women deserved to be abused in any way.  However, I’ve always been taught to never say “never,” and, realistically, there ARE instances where, for men, it IS okay to hit a woman. 

You just have to know how to look at it.  Here are a list of examples for when it’s okay to hit a woman:

1. DURING SEX.  

Society has made it clear that it’s not “okay” to smack a woman.  BUT… what if you and your lover are performing S&M?  One would certainly agree that it would be hard NOT to hit a woman, given the whips and chains that would be surrounding the event.  Furthermore, women’s behinds tend to be quite sensitive to touch, and often love the feel of the sting it gets when they get “love tapped.”

2. WHEN SAVING HER LIFE.

Society has made it clear that it’s not “okay” to punch a woman in the stomach.  BUT… what if she’s choking on a piece of food, and the only way to save her is to perform the Heimlech maneuver? One would certainly agree that it would be NECESSARY to give her gut a nice whopping in order to open up her air passage enough to cough the food out.

3. WHEN GIVING HER A PAT ON THE BACK.

As a reward for a job well done, a person may pat another person on the back with a light hand-slapping repetition.  So, were a guy to do this to a girl, this would technically count as “hitting.” Lo and behold, it IS acceptable hitting.  This also goes for things like high-fives and chest bumps – in all instances, some form of hitting is involved.

4. IF YOU’RE BOXING HER.

Women and men don’t usually box each other.  However, if a woman sets up a challenge whereby she wants to try and box a man, it’s perfectly legal – nay, in the RULES – that both parties can hit each other.

5. IF SHE’S THREATENING YOUR LIFE.

If a woman is coming up to a man threatening to do bodily harm, and she’s holding a knife, gun, shovel, brick, brass knuckles, or any other kind of instrument of harm… as far as I’m concerned, she just threw away her “Please Don’t Hit Me” free card.  ’Cause in that situation, if I got a clear shot…. BOOM! She’s goin’ down!

So you see, it CAN be okay to hit a woman.  You just have to know when and how it’s acceptable.  Clearly, Mr. Brown hasn’t learned that yet, but here’s hoping he does!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Specifically: there was a woman who had just had a baby, and, in her excitement to show the world how nurturing of a Mom she is, took pics of herself breastfeeding, then posted them on her Facebook page. Facebook took the pictures down because some of the pictures had her entire breast, nipple and all, being exposed, and it’s against their policy to allow that.

This mom got angry, and decided to protest Facebook. She argued that breastfeeding is not only natural, but a beautiful expression of motherhood. Furthermore, she feels that, because the breasts aren’t being shown off in a sexual manner, that the pics should be okay to post up.

Um… what parallel world is this Mom living in??

First of all, this lady does not have a mandate on how her breast can be viewed. Just because she doesn’t see them as being posed in a sexual light, doesn’t mean someone else looking at the pics won’t. Perhaps she’s not thinking about the young 13 year old guys on the site who, upon being fresh into puberty, will happily get off looking at any breasts they can see without their parents finding out about it. ANY breasts. She might think, “oh, but my baby’s head is in the way,” but she’d be amazed at the images Photoshop can delete (her baby) and/or enhance (her breasts).

Second, WHAT KIND OF PARENTAL STUPIDITY IS THIS?!? Do all women who have kids suddenly lose their minds and think I want to know every single detail about her parenting life, or how she interacts with her kid? As far as I’m concerned, breastfeeding is a private act not meant for public view. I get so annoyed when I see mothers in public with their kids, and they suddenly feel the need to “whip it out” and feed their kid. This is why you prep the breast milk in a bottle BEFORE you go out in public!!

And third, how does breastfeeding being a “natural” act give this person the right to post the pictures up? You know what else is a “natural” act? Crapping and urinating! Yet, I’d be willing to bet this same woman would be in an uproar if a picture of a man relieving himself in public showed up on a profile. God forbid her baby sees that shot while being breastfed!!

This mom is being selfish. There are millions of users on Facebook, ranging from middle schoolers to old people, and, to Facebook’s credit, they understand that some of those people might be deterred when, upon doing a search for one of their friends, they see a picture of a Mom with her boob hanging out. I know if I had kids (which, for the record, I NEVER plan on), I’d hate to have to be even MORE cautious about where they go on the internet. I mean, I understand guarding them from porn sites… but having to monitor explicit photos on a peer networking site?!?

Facebook is MORE than right in its assessment of not allowing these types of pictures up. Hopefully this mom, along with other moms who think like her, will finally get it in their heads that the only person who should be seeing her breastfeed is her and her dang baby!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Man, oh man, where do I begin…

On Saturday, I typed up an article for EMQTV.com called “Advice 4 Women: How to NOT Get a ‘Deserved’ Raping.” I wrote the article after an incident involving me and a woman at a club who repeatedly wanted to dance with me – and only me – several times throughout the night.

For those who may not have read the article (though by now I’d be surprised if you haven’t), the girl got more and more touchy-feely each time we danced, to the point where both me, along with the friends I’d gone to the club with that night (both male AND female), thought this girl REALLY wanted to jump my bones.

But it was not to be: after several hot & heavy dances, I went in for a kiss, and she turned her cheek, giving me the line, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Me and my friends (again, girls included) were shocked – not because she rejected me (that happens all the time at the club), but because she had been giving me signals all night (not just based on the dancing, though the fact that I was the only guy she was dancing with certainly didn’t help) that, even if she didn’t want to sleep with me, she’d at least be up for a make-out session.

In my frustration at this… since I’m a writer, I’m always thinking about different subjects for articles I can write about. And, as weird as it may sound, when that incident happened, the first two things I thought about was:

(a) how this wasn’t the first girl that’s teased me – or any guy, for that matter – with the intent of “taking things further,” yet not REALLY being up for it; and
(b) that this sort of thing can be DANGEROUS when done to the wrong guy, and that women would benefit from knowing that.

So, I wrote my blog, posted it on the site, then went home for 2 days to help my Mom move.

Imagine my surprise when, upon finally getting to check my E-mails, I find a note from one of the site creators saying simply: “Have you read the comments on your article?”

And man, oh man, have I read them. Perhaps you’d like to be privy to some of the comments I’ve received about the article? Here’s a small sampling from the ever-growing list of responses:

“Here, Aaron, let me help make things much simpler for you: Instead of assuming that any girl who dances with you or flirts with you is clearly after your penis, try assuming the opposite. Because, while it is technically possible that there is a woman, somewhere, who is interested in sleeping with a whining little brat like you, it’s statistically unlikely that you will ever encounter her. Since you’re either so infantile or so stupid that you can’t grasp the concept of ASKING A WOMAN IF SHE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU, you’re clearly either too young or too stupid to be having sex in the first place. Do the human race a favor and go wank alone in your room.”

And another:

“Wow. You’re a totally worthless shit.”

And another:

“You are a pathetic excuse for a man; you are nothing but a rape apologist and a whiny, selfish baby.”

And another:

“Kill yourself, you disgusting rape apologist.”

And yet another:

To Mr. Aaron P. Taylor:
We are sorry to inform you that your services as a human being are no longer required. Please gather your belongings and exit the species at once. Do not use us for a reference.

Sincerely,
The Human Race

Wow… all of this simply because I had an opinion on a touchy subject that was different from other people?

For me, I’ve always been a person who had no problem sitting down with others and having a civilized discussion about heavy topics. Me and my friends in college used to have all-night sessions where we’d bring up an issue, and then discuss our viewpoints on it. We may not have always agreed with what a person said, but we at least understood that everyone was entitled to their own opinion.

However, I don’t believe we ever interjected the words “kill yourself” when we didn’t agree with what the other person said, or said “that opinion sucks – what a worthless piece of shit you are!”

Then again, maybe I’m just more civilized than I’m being given credit for.

To be fair – to me – there WERE people who understood what I was saying in the article. Here are some of those examples:

“It took courage to write this entry. Any time a man objects to the overt and manipulative teasing of a woman he is condemned for being “beastly” (in the UK) or “a pig” here in the U.S. And to frame it in terms of the #1 hot-button topic of RAPE is especially ballsy. You are sure to get plenty of attention for this post.”

And another:

“What Aaron is talking about here is that doing this sort of thing is (not only an incredibly cruel way to stroke your own ego but) dangerous! And that’s not letting the r@pist off the hook! You never know when the guy you’re teasing in this fashion is unstable. I read that up to 5% of the population have undiagnosed mental disorders. To make another example, I am white and would not walk down an all-black neighborhood with a “I hate n*ggers” tee shirt with $100 hanging out of my wallet.”

And another:

“It’s easy to say “keep it in your pants”. thing is, the natural reaction caused by a woman rubbing herself on our crotch in some way is NOT something men can flick ON and OFF like a light switch. the body reacts on its own and it builds up until there’s some sort of release. we KNOW it’s building up and we ALSO know that we can’t just turn it off. people call this “sexual frustration”. guys and men have a varying ability to control that build-up. most men deal with it well enough (our writer here being a good example). for the minority that has below-average control, well, it takes one tease too many to ruin two people’s lives (yes, amazingly enough, men do feel).”

I could literally go on re-posting comments all day long from both sides. The point is, the subject has touched off a discussion about this issue (which is good), but also painted me, to some, as a person in favor of rape (which is not so good).

I wasn’t going to even do a rebuttal to this post… but then I found out that other blog sites have been re-posting this article and saying negative things about me personally. (To read some of these sites, you can click http://news.mensactivism.org/node/10802, or http://tigerbeatdown.blogspot.com/2008/10/andrew-p-taylor-did-not-rape-you-he.html [this one is pretty sarcastic, but kinda funny].)

After reading the comments on here, I sent the article to a few of my friends. One of my female friends was not very happy about it (to say the least), and wrote me back saying so. I wrote her back, and figured what I sent her would make a pretty good rebuttal to my original article.

In short: you should know that I hold women in high regard. I was raised by a single mom (minus the 9 years my dad was here prior to his death) and raised by a litany of aunts, grandmothers, and friends of my Mom, most of whom were – you guessed it – women as well.

At the same time, you should also know that I’m a believer in taking responsibility for one’s actions when something goes good OR bad. I was taught that there are two sides to every story, and that even if you think something happened to you that is someone else’s fault, it’s always a good idea to look at your own behavior/actions and see what part you may have played in it.

The reason I wrote the article is because I felt women needed to know it’s not always a good idea to do certain things around certain guys because they can get hurt. I’ve had so many women over the years tell me how much they enjoy “going to the club just to tease guys.”

And you may or may not agree with the next statement, but doing that sort of thing can be dangerous. Not everyone is patient or understanding when it comes to reading signals or figuring out when a girl is just “playing around” and dealing with it in a respectable manner.

The reality of the situation is, NO GIRL DESERVES TO BE RAPED. I even state that in the article (though I think some people may have just read the title and commented on the article without actually READING it).

I also think no guy should rape a girl under any circumstance. If a girl is teasing him to the point where he thinks he’s about to get some action and she decides not to, he SHOULD be able to walk away.

Read: SHOULD be able to walk away.

However, we don’t live in an idealized world; we live in reality. And reality has shown time and time again that NOT ALL MEN ARE SMART ENOUGH TO WALK AWAY. Some guys will, in fact, take what they want. And women need to be aware of that, and need to be mindful of doing things that will make the wrong man aroused enough to the point of wanting to rape her.

And, just to be clear (because I hate being misinterpreted), I’m not saying that women need to revert back to a time where they had to stay inside, or dress up showing nothing but their eyes, or stop walking down the street lest some guy from afar get aroused, jump her, rape her, then scream in court, “But it’s her fault – she was walking down the street all seductive-like!”

What I’m saying is, women need to stop always playing the victim role – i.e. the “OMG, I was doing absolutely NOTHING to bring this incident upon me“ role – and start taking responsibility for their actions, actions that can – sometimes – contribute to a guy wanting to sex her without her consent.

In the case of the girl in my story: had she danced with a different guy – one who may have been high, drunk, on pills, or just really, REALLY lonely – and grinded on his crotch on and off and on and off for 2 hours, and felt on his chest and rubbed her face all over his face (which, in my opinion, takes what we were doing beyond the realm of “just dancing“ and into the realm of “I‘m trying to hit on this guy“ – don‘t act like you don‘t know what signals give off which intentions, ladies) … and then pulled the “oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you” crap after giving him all the buying signals…

The reality is, HER NIGHT COULD HAVE ENDED DIFFERENTLY.

That’s not me having a sick mind; that’s me being able to place myself in the mindset of another guy whose ideals are different than mine. And it’s not a justification of rape; it’s simply a statement of how things really are, and how they DO happen.

I’m pretty sure there are a few people out there that are STILL not going to get it. And that’s fine. But perhaps some more analogies are in order. Yes, I know my last one involving women and shopping probably came off as sexist and – according to a few of you – a show of my “complete devaluation of women as a whole.” So, here are a few non-gender specific analogies:

HOPEFULLY BETTER ANALOGY #1:

No one deserves to get lung cancer. Some people get lung cancer as a result of an inherited family gene, and it’s not their fault. And it’s sad and tragic, because they really didn’t do anything to bring it upon themselves.

You know who else has a chance of getting lung cancer? Smokers.

Now, in the same way that not every girl who teases guys for fun is going to get raped, not every person who smokes is going to catch lung cancer. However, there ARE smokers who catch lung cancer, just like there are women who get raped after purposefully teasing guys over and over, and eventually teasing the WRONG guy.

In both cases, the aftermath is tragic: cancer is a terrible thing to deal with, just like the after-effects of rape. But no one would dare argue that the smoker actions weren’t partially responsible for such a tragic thing happening.

Yet, somehow it’s unimaginable to believe that the woman’s actions didn’t play a part in her tragedy as well?

HOPEFULLY BETTER ANALOGY #2:

When I first moved to D.C., I didn’t have a place to live. About 3 days in, I was getting desperate, and didn’t care WHERE I lived, so long as I was able to find a place.

One of the places I looked at was a studio apartment in the south-east area of D.C. The apartment itself was very nice – it had its own kitchen, a bathroom, and a living area that was bigger than the place I stayed at in Atlanta. And the rent – $650 a month – was more than affordable.

The only problem: it was in one of the WORST AREAS IN D.C. in terms of crime and murders. Everyone I told about the place begged me not to live there. And so, I decided not to take the place.

Now, had I moved into the area and got robbed or killed 5 days later, everyone in my friend circle – not to mention the people seeing the news report about the incident – would have agreed that it was a terrible thing that happened to me.

At the same time, though, they would not have been surprised. Why? Because they would have already known that something like that could happen to me in that part of town. I would have been tempting fate by deciding to live there, and – while not everyone who lives in that part of town gets killed there – the fact that there was a high risk for it would have made living there a stupid decision on my part.

In the same way, it’s stupid for any woman to believe that she can go through life teasing guy after guy after guy after guy, and not think that at least ONE of them might take what she thinks is a “joking” lil’ tease routine too seriously, to the point where he thinks she’s still “joking” when she says she really doesn’t want sex. If you’re constantly putting yourself in positions or situations where there’s a possibility of something like that happening, it’s only a matter of time before it might eventually happen.

Tragic? Yes. Shocking? Not so much.

—-

Lastly, to all the rape victims who have commented on the article and verbally bashed me for being insensitive to what they went through: please take heed that I am NOT doing that. I am fully aware that there are women (and men – nobody ever brings up the fact that men get raped, too) out there who get raped and didn’t wear a skimpy outfit, or tease a guy, or give a guy any impression that she wanted to have sex with him.

What the article was simply saying was, there are women out there who ARE doing those things PURPOSEFULLY, and, while they, too, don’t deserved to get raped, they DO need to be aware of how their actions can play a part in it happening.

But maybe everybody who disagreed with me is right. Maybe I’m giving women too much credit.

Maybe I’m wrong for thinking that a woman might actually be SMART and INTELLIGENT enough to take responsibility for her actions, or realize that, while men SHOULD be smart enough back off when she says no, not all men are going to do so after she’s been giving them signals all night that indicate she’ll kiss or have sex with them.

Maybe, instead, I should do what one of the commenter’s suggested, and exit the species. Maybe I should look for a species that has an opposing gender that doesn’t put 100% blame towards a man when something goes wrong. Maybe – just maybe – this new species’ opposing gender will have the BRAINS I thought the girls on this planet had, ones that will allow them to think:

“Gee, my actions might actually play a part in me getting hurt – perhaps I should avoid doing such things.”

On second thought, I think I’ll stay here. Who knows, I might actually find some women who still believe in self-responsibility!  Hopefully that’s not just me being too “ideal” in my thinking

-Aaron P. Taylor

P.S. By the way, shame on those of you who thought I was pro-rape.  What kind of sick, twisted thoughts are going through YOUR head?

Perhaps the title of this blog seems a bit controversial. But I’m really not trying to be.

You see, no woman “deserves” to get raped. Any woman who has unwanted sex forced upon her by another does not deserve the actions and subsequent psychological and physical pain she will receive as a result of having a man sexually place himself on and in her without her consent.

With that said: some women out there are doing things that, based on their actions, practically SCREAMS: “Please have sex with me – I don’t mind at all, really!”

During my last week in Atlanta (I recently moved to Washington D.C.), me and my friends went out to the club for one last hurrah. While at the club, I was dancing by myself, minding my own business, when a woman approached me and wanted to dance. And I said, “sure, why not?”

We got on the dance floor, and started dancing. At first it was no-touch dancing, with both of us dancing in front of each other doing the best two-steps we could. After the first dance session, she went away for a while, and I proceeded to continue dancing by myself.

A few minutes later, she came over again, and wanted to dance to another song. Once again, I agreed.

This time, though, the dancing she did was more suggestive. She was dancing a LOT closer to me, grinding her behind into my pelvis and feeling on me at the same time. I don’t know if it was the beers she had, but she was either really getting into the song she was dancing to, or, I assumed, getting into me.

This happened about 6 or 7 more times, with the girl getting closer and closer to me each time, to the point where our faces were touching each other as we danced. “This girl wants me,” I thought to myself. “Hmm… maybe there’s a chance I could…

“Naaaaaaaaah!”

Now, for you girls out there that may not be aware, when you dance with a guy over and over again, and get more and more suggestive in your intentions via dancing, a few things happen in the male psyche:

1. His brain sends blood from his head to his “little head” and gives him a boner
2. He starts to think: “I know we’re just dancing… but DANG, she must REALLY want me to give it to her right!”

And so it was: the seventh time we danced, our faces were touching again. Me, being the guy I am, decided to go in for a light kiss.  I puckered up my lips, tilted my head to the side, and…

BOOM! She turned her face and I got the cheek!

At which point, the girl turns to me and whispers: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you…”

Now, I didn’t know if this meant that she had a boyfriend in the vicinity that was watching, or wasn’t really feeling me… but the point was, there was at least 45 minutes of built-up sexual tension between us (the total amount of time we danced, not counting the minutes in-between each segment) that gave me the impression she wanted more from me than just dancing.

Being the guy I am, I backed off and just continued to dance with her, two-stepping out the remainder of the song without ANY touching going on.

—-

So, why do I tell you this story?

Simple: had I been a less-than-understanding guy (i.e., a forceful-type of guy who always “gets what he wants by any means necessary”), I could have just as easily forced a kiss on her, or worse – waited until after the club let out to follow her to her car, then followed her to her house. And, when she got out her car, I could have been right there ready to pounce on her, saying: “I think you owe me something, lady!!”

Sound far-fetched? Seeing as girls get raped everyday around the world, it’s not an implausible story.

Now, had I gone through with the second example, I’d be called a “monster” who “preyed upon this girl for no reason,” and would be looked down upon for doing such a thing. And, like I said before, given the actions that were taken in the second example, that title would have been deserved.

But, what about the girl? What about HER part in the scenario?

What about the fact that this girl, who didn’t have any REAL interest in me, simply teased me to rile me up in the hopes of boosting her own ego? What about the fact that this girl grinded her ass on my penis not once, twice, or three times, but several, SEVERAL times??

What amazes me is, women do this kind of stuff all the time. They do certain actions or say certain things to make a guy think she’s going to give up her goods, then turn around and act shocked – SHOCKED, I tell you! – when she says “No” and he still tries to force himself upon her.

By the way, I know there’s probably some girls reading this, thinking to herself: “Hey, Aaron! That’s not fair! Just because I dress sexy for a date or dance close with a guy, that doesn’t automatically mean he should assume I’m going to have sex with him!”

And I agree – to a point.

It’s okay, for example, if a girl decides to wear a shirt on a date that shows a little cleavage. However, it’s another thing for a girl to go on a date wearing a top that shows just about everything but her nipples, then have a 30-minute conversation with a guy about how voluptuous and sensitive her breasts are, then spend half the night stroking her hand against the outer-lining of said breasts…

…and then get mad at the guy for trying to touch them towards the end of the date!!!

You see what I mean?? It’s called “FALSE ADVERTISING,” and that crap is very frustrating to a guy!

Understand something, ladies: men are creatures that are very easily stimulated via visually-pleasing images and certain touches. We get off on seeing erotic images – it’s the reason girlie magazines and adult movies exist in the first place. We also get off anytime any girl even goes so far as to brush up against our private parts, especially in the frontal region.

So, when a girl comes along who is actively (read: not from a distance, not while sitting somewhere by herself, unaware that guy is looking at her, but ACTIVELY) performing certain actions or saying certain things that signal sexual interest…

WHAT ELSE IS A GUY SUPPOSED TO THINK, other than: “This girl wants to give me sex!”

In short, ladies: if you don’t want a guy to rape you, don’t do stuff intentionally that you know will make him want to jump your bones unless you actually want him to make a sexual advance on you. You may think doing these sorts of things is “cute” and “just being a girl,” but it’s dangerous, and can get you hurt. Teasing a guy with soft whispers, body groping, or any other type of enticing maneuver is wrong if you don’t plan on following through.

Hmm… I see some of you ladies may still not get it. How about this: doing these sorts of things to a guy is akin to finding out about a sale at your favorite shopping store. If the place advertised all week long that they’d be having a midnight sale where everything in the store was going to be 50% off, and all during the week they assured you of getting such a great deal

… wouldn’t you be a bit pissed off if, upon the day of the “advertised” sale, you discovered that instead of lowering the prices by half, they actually INCREASED the costs of their goods by double or triple?

It would almost – ALMOST – make you want to say “screw this” and rob the store to get your promised discount, wouldn’t it? Hmm, sounds like the thoughts of someone wanting to “take” what they were having teased in front of them…

-Aaron P. Taylor

(Note: Due to the overwhelming responses/comments I’ve received about this article, I have written a rebuttal to further clarify my point. You can read it by clicking HERE.)

At 9 PM last night, I turned my television channel to Comedy Central to watch a brand new comedy show.

It stared some old white guy as a man with a long-term job looking to get a promotion.  He meets up with a folksy female, an up-and-comer who, while not too tested on the job, had enough down-home charm to be likable to everyone who came across her. 

Anyway, in this episode, the old guy and the younger woman engaged in a polite but heated debate about their prospective supervisors, and which one was more qualified to run their company.  The old guy, a time-tested vet at the business, told the young woman that his supervisor would be better at creating company policies and seeing to it that everyone was treated fairly. 

Meanwhile, the younger woman talked her folksy talk to the old guy, calling him out of touch while, at the same time, promoting the values and character her much, much older supervisor had that would make him more qualified. 

A third friend would occasionally ask these two co-workers questions about their bosses. For example: “How would your boss handle the money situation our company is facing?”  The old guy would give direct answers to the question – “My boss would see to it that those making more than x-amount a year would have to contribute more to the 401K verses the less-paid employees” – while the woman would give… well, whatever answer she felt like – “”This company has a money problem… but let’s talk about how we’re going to keep the energy flowing through this building instead!”

Back and forth, back and forth they went for about 90 minutes, having questions thrown at them and answering (or not answering) questions… and then, the show ended.

Then I looked at my TV… and I realized: this wasn’t Comedy Central – this was CNN!  This was a REAL debate!!  And these weren’t sitcom characters – these were REAL LIFE political characters in a debate dealing with THIS country!

And that’s when the headache kicked in…

—-

So, who won the debate?  It really depends on who you ask.

I don’t consider myself a Republican or a Democrat because I don’t like the idea that I’d vote for a candidate simply because their name was the one chosen by a majority of my party.  I like to study the issues. 

At the same time, though, I DO like to observe how both parties spin things to make it work in their favor and/or claim victory.  And so it was with the debates last night.

If you went to CNN, they were willing to point out the pros and cons of both Palin’s and Biden’s arguements and debating tactics.  A pretty fair assessment of both parties’ candidates.  However, if you went to Fox News – who, for all accounts is a pro-pro-PRO-Republican network – their assessment was that Biden did “okay,” but that Palin was “flawless.”

Really, Fox News? FLAWLESS??

How about the fact that she rarely gave a direct answer to the moderator’s questions?  How about the fact that many of her facts were eskewed and not completely accurate?  I’m not saying Joe Biden didn’t do the same from time to time… but to call Palin’s debate performance “flawless” is like giving a crayon to someone with arthritis, then claiming the straight line they just tried to draw has no bumps in it!

But of course, the press had to praise Sarah’s performance more than Biden’s. Not because she did better than HIM; it’s because she did better than most people expected.  That’s kind of easy to do, though, when people’s expectation of your debate performance is akin to a limbo pole sitting on the ground.  It doesn’t make it that hard for her to “raise the bar,” now does it?

Just because she didn’t make a complete fool of herself, though, doesn’t mean she did a good job.  We still don’t know any specifics about what John McCain’s plan would be to help the economy.  We still don’t know if McCain would ever even ATTEMPT to get the troops out of Iraq (my guess: not bloody likely).  And we STILL don’t know how helpful she’d be as his vice president. 

All we really know is the constant soundbites she repeated over and over at the debate: she’s a “Maverick,” she’s from Alaska, she’s a Washington outsider, she wants to do something about energy, and she’s a “Hockey Mom.”  That’s five, people – I call BINGO!

As for Biden, he had some mess-ups to, though not as noticible as Palin’s.  He kept making references to how McCain is similar to George Bush.  Personally, I’ve always thought that was a terrible strategy.  In case people forgot, Bush has been in office for 8 years.  And while it will forever be debated whether or not he actually WON the first term, he DID get elected in 2004.  This was AFTER the first four years where he was already doing a not-so-great job.

I say that to say, as much as the Obama camp likes to talk about bringing “change,” the reality is, most people prefer more of the same.  They’d rather go on living a personal hell that’s known to them verses an untested change that, in their minds, could be WORSE than what they’re already used to. 

Think about how many women stay with men who abuse them, or how many guys constanly date the wrong type of women.  They may SAY they want to change, but there’s a certain comfort in at least KNOWING what you’re going to deal with. Therefore, making the arguement that McCain is like Bush could actually hinder Obama in the long run.

With that said, though, Biden was clearly the more experienced debator of the two people onstage last night.  That’s why he doesn’t get as much credit as Palin.  It’s like if Michael Jordan faced off against an NBA newcomer and they tied.  Newcomer gets props for not losing, while MJ loses a bit of cred for not pummeling the new guy – or, girl in this case.

One thing is for certain, though: after watching 90 minutes of the V.P. back-and-forth rumble, I’m glad they’re not having any more.  I really only watch these things to have references for the Saturday Night Live skits that parody these outings, but I hate when the actual debates are so packed with illogical nonsense, they almost make SNL pointless!

-Aaron P. Taylor

“So, we hear that you turned down a bunch of multi-million dollar endorsement deals so that you could go back to school and get your degree.  What made you decide to go back to school?”

And his answer, para-phrased by me:

“Well, my Mom taught me that getting a degree is important, and I figured that if those endorsement deals are good, they’ll still be there for me once I finish college.”

I looked at the screen, and thought to myself: “Wow… what a DUMB-ASS!!”

What a friggin’ dummy!  This young guy had a chance to make a mound of millions… and he decided to go back to school?!?  WTF??

Now, those of you who know me already know that I’m not exactly the pitch man to go to when it comes to telling kids to go to school or finish up college.  Yes, I went to college and graduated, but not necessarily because I wanted to.  I went because, when I was on the verge of graduating high school, I had no idea what I wanted to do, and figured college would give me some stalling time to figure it out.

As for this guy, though, he is ALREADY skilled at something that will make him TONS of money.  And, as much as some people may not like to admit it, the only reason most of us go to school is to earn money.

“But Aaron, I’m going to school to become a lawyer/nurse/teacher so I can help people!” 

That’s great – but let me ask you: if you found out you wouldn’t be getting paid to do any of those jobs, would you still be in school learning about them?  I didn’t think so!

The reason this guy turned down the checks – the MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR checks – is because he, like millions of other kids, have been brainwashed by society into thinking that going to school is the end-all, be-all sign of success.  Consequently, when an opportunity comes along to be successful without the help of a school setting, a person’s brain will automatically get nervous and say “Man, that opportunity sure looks good.. but I just HAVE to get that degree so I can say I’m really successful.”

I. Call. BULLCRAP!!

But I understand how the brain works, so even though his decision is absolutely stupid to me, I can understand why he made it. Think about it, people: since birth, he, like the rest of us, has been told day in and day out for at least 18 years the following phrases:

“In order to be successful, you have to go to college.”

“You won’t really BE anything unless you get that diploma!”

“If you don’t go to college, you’ll break my heart (usually said by the parents, especially moms.”

“Boy, you had BETTER go to college and make me proud!”

“Remember: good grades = a better future!”

Now, if you’re hearing this kind of rhetoric over and over for 18 years straight… and then someone comes along on the day of your high school graduation and says, “Hey so-and-so, we think you have the looks/talent/skills to do such-and-such, and would like to give you MILLIONS of dollars to help us out…”

Which action do you think the person is more likely to take? The action of running with the millions and saying “Forget college, I’m RICH!” or the action of “Gee, it sounds tempting… but if I lose it, I’ll have nothing to fall back on.  Plus, I gotta make my parents proud… so I’ll turn down the offer?”

Again, it’s logic vs. training. Logically, it makes more sense to take the offer and hire an accountant to help you deal with your new income.  But training-wise, it makes more “sense” to stay on the school path, and hope that the opportunity is still good after 4 years.

Well, I got news for you: those opportunities don’t come around everyday, and there’s no guarantee they’ll be there tomorrow. 

Right now, this kid is a track SUPERSTAR.  The Olympics only ended a few weeks ago, and, contrary to what this kid thinks, just because he’s getting these offers now doesn’t mean he’ll have them again after he graduates.  Heck, he might not get them again until 4 years from now when the next summer Olympics start – that’s usually when they start showing commercials on TV again featuring past Olympic athletes.

But even with those future opportunities being there, you never know what will happen during those four years.  He could go back to school, and get hit by a bus on his very first day back to class, fracturing his legs to the point of permanent damage.  Now he won’t be able to run in any of those commercials he was once being sought for, and all his endorsement deals could be taken away from the table.

Look, people: I’m not saying education isn’t important.  What I AM saying, though, is that people need to get it out of their heads that going to college is the ONLY way to be a smashing success in life. 

Millions of people have avoided the whole “college” thing and been uber-successful; millions of people have also finished up college, and are nowhere near as successful or making as much money as they were told they’d make as a result of going. Yet, these same people will advocate the same rhetoric – “Go to school and be somebody” – because it’s all they ever heard growing up, and it’s the only advice they know how to give.

It all boils down to knowing when you have a good opportunity right there in front of you, and taking it THEN, not at some future date when the opportunity may or may not be around.

As for this track star: what a DUMBASS. 

Even if he DID want to go back to school, he could have taken a semester or two off, done six months of endorsement deals, and had a clean ride for the rest of his time in school.  You can always go back to school, but you can’t get your youth back, and you can’t always get back offers being given to you in the now.

Dumb-ass.

-Aaron P. Taylor