The last person close to me that died was my Granddad on my Mom’s side. I was living with my uncle in Pennsylvania at the time, and we drove aaaaall the way down to Alabama for the funeral (which was a LONG over-night drive). We got there early the next morning and went straight to the church, where the rest of our family was waiting.

Once inside the church, we all got a chance to walk up to my Granddad’s casket. I got to look at him one last time, and… well, I don’t really cry at these things anymore, but I looked at him and automatically thought to myself:

“Wow – they did a LOUSY job embalming him!”

Later on during the funeral, as people went up and started talking about my Granddad, I became more and more angry with how the service was going. Every time somebody would say something, I would analyze it, pick it apart, and find fault with what they were saying.

“Hey, they didn’t mention this thing about him!”

“Wait a minute – why are they only talking about his LAST job as a Wal-mart greeter?? Where is the personal stuff??”

Even the choir that sang at the thing was pissing me off – “Why did they pick THAT song?? Why is it so darn off-key??” The happiest part for me was when the funeral part was finally over, and we were allowed to eat in the church’s cafeteria.

—

In looking back on it now, there wasn’t anything particularly wrong with my Granddad’s funeral per se. Sure, there were things here and there that I wished would have happened, but ultimately, most people probably have similar feelings at funerals. Why?

BECAUSE WHEN YOU’VE KNOWN SOMEONE FOR THE MAJORITY OF YOUR LIFE, IT’S HARD TO SEE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THAT PERSON AND TRY TO CELEBRATE THEIR LIFE WITHOUT HAVING SOME KIND OF OPINION ABOUT IT.

In looking at the B.E.T. awards yesterday, I actually ENJOYED the program. At the same time, though, I know there are many others that thought B.E.T. either (a) didn’t do enough to remember MJ, (b) didn’t remember him in the right way, or (c) felt it was too much of a rush job and not classy enough.

I understand where these feelings come from. The ENTIRE WORLD from the 1960s ’til now grew up on Michael Jackson. He was in the ENTIRE WORLD’S lives for 45 years. That’s BILLIONS of people.

What does that mean? It means that BILLIONS of people are going to have various opinions about how his life should be celebrated.

For the opinions of the (comparatively smaller) MILLIONS of people who watched the award show on Sunday, you have to take into account the fact that, when an event like this happens where many feeling of sadness abound, ANYTHING DONE WRONG AT THE SHOW COULD MAKE THEM AUTOMATICALLY HATE HOW THEY CHOSE TO HONOR HIM.

For example: you might have watched the show and loved every bit of it until near the end, when Lil’ Wayne and Drake got up on stage and dedicated “F–k Every Girl” to the Gloved one. That one act of so-called “disrespect” could automatically make you think they did a snow job on MJ’s memory, even if you liked the rest of the show up to that point.

Or, you have been jamming along to the Jackson songs, havin’ a good time… and became outraged when the censor guy started missing just about every dang curse word spoken in the last 2 hours.

Or, you might have even felt that the tributes were too hastily thrown together, and that it was wrong for B.E.T. to even try and attempt such a thing.

In any case, the point is that, even if B.E.T. had somehow managed to throw a “classier” show (which, in our society, means a dignified, i.e. WHITER tribute show – I have issues about that as well, but that’s a whole ‘nother note), the reality is they were gonna lose either way.

On the one hand, if, as a “Black” network, they didn’t overhaul their show, they would have been chastised the next day for “not doing more to honor Michael.” Heck, they’re already catching flack for not allowing Chris Brown to perform – u can imagine how much more they would have gotten if they hadn’t added the “Rock With You” light to Beyonce’s performance, or made alterations to some of the teleprompter skits!

On the other hand, they also knew that, by altering their show, they’d catch flack for not “waiting it out” or “spending time putting together a REAL concert tribute.” Either way, they were stuck, people – he died THREE DAYS before the show!

I was a theatre major in college, so I know how hard it is to put up a show in 3 months, let alone re-vamping it in 3 days! It’s similar to a woman moving into a 1-bedroom apartment… and having a baby the next day, not having known she was pregnant for 9 months (I’ve seen the TV specials, this DOES happen)! Sometimes you have to make last-minute changes when life throws you a curveball, even if the results aren’t always perfect or going to please everybody.

So I say, “KUDOS” to B.E.T. for putting on a damn good tribute. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, and I’m sure the Grammys will blow them out of the water, but at least they understood he’d be the reason people would be tuning into see the show and gave it to us. Everyone’s opinion about how it went may differ, but it’s still better than the backlash they would have gotten for doing NOTHING.

-Aaron P. Taylor

P.S. But really – Lil’ Wayne giving Mike a shout-out after “F–k Every Girl” was ri-dam-diculous.

Okay, so maybe Mr. Rock was exaggerating, but he did hit something on the head: chivalry, while not dead, has certainly been on life support for quite some time now. And, while blame can be placed on the men in our society who choose to treat women like sex objects or show them blatant disrespect, it’s not completely our fault.

Yes, women, I’m saying it right here: YOU are part of the reason why chivalry is on its deathbed!

“But Aaron, how can this be?” You might say.  ”I didn’t do anything at all to these guys to make them not want to treat me in a chivalrous way!”

And that, my women friends, is part of the problem: you did NOTHING.

You went out with a guy, and he treated you like a gentleman by paying for your dates, taking you to places he thought you’d like to go, and maybe even put his jacket over a puddle for you.  And what did you do for him in return?

NOTHING. Absolutely nothing.

Reality dictates that a person who likes to “give” also likes to “get” every once in a while.  It’s the law of reciprocity – if I order a pizza, and the delivery man drives it to my house, I am “getting” a pizza that I didn’t have to go out and pick up myself.  He “gives” me the pizza, and expects me to “give” him a tip in return so that he’ll “get” paid.

Dating works the same way.  It’s an interaction between two people who are supposed to be “giving” each other love and affection, while at the same time “getting” it back in return.

The problem, however, is that many dating relationships these days are unbalanced: the guy does all the giving, and the woman does all the receiving.  (Quick note: I realize this sentiment works both ways, but this note is geared toward women.  To the ladies reading this who are doing all the giving and not enough receiving, don’t take offense!)

So what happens?  The man takes you out a few times, pays for everything, opens your door for you, treats you like a gentleman… and then, suddenly, he stops calling you and no longer wants to date you.  You sit there thinking to yourself:

I don’t get it – he was treating me so wonderfully, and then he just stopped! What did I do??

The REAL question you should ask yourself is what DIDN’T you do?

Were you doing nice things for him from time to time?  Were you showing appreciation for his chivalrous efforts by showing chivalry of your own?  Or were you just “getting” the whole time without “giving?”

Chances are, he probably got tired of doing all the grunt work and waiting for you to show a little chivalry on your part to him.  Just like women are always going on and on about finding a man who’s a “gentleman,” most men want to find a woman who is lady-like and able to be as kind and considerate to him as he is to her.

So, how exactly does a lady act chivalrous?  What does she have to do to show her appreciation for her man?  I believe I can help you out, ladies – introducing….

AARON P. TAYLOR’S GUIDE TO CHIVALRY

LESSON 1: THE DATING PHASE

Chivalry starts early on in the relationship, all the way back to dating.  Women expect men to do or say certain things on dates to show he’s a gentleman, but how often do they think about what THEY should be doing to keep his interest?

Here are a few things she should be mindful of when dating.  A woman should:

• Be on time.  The date starts at 7 PM, not 7:23 PM.
• Wear an outfit that is classy.  If you’re well-endowed, it’s okay to wear something that shows cleavage or hugs your figure, but don’t give away the whole show.
• Turn off your phone.  If the guy is paying for your good time, the least you could do is pay attention to HIM, not your Blackberry.
• Open his car door. Sounds backwards, BUT… if he is nice enough to open the car door for you, the least you could do is reach over to the driver’s side and unlock/open the door for him before he gets there.
• Focus some of the conversation on HIM.  Yes, we’ve been taught to learn all about you, but we like to talk about ourselves too!
• Don’t bring up stupid subjects.  Specifically: any conversations about ex-boyfriends or medical examinations you’ve had should be avoided.
• If you go to dinner, don’t order the most expensive meal on the menu.  The guy is taking you out primarily to get to know you, not to pay for your lifestyle.  What you order is also one of the many signs a guy looks for to determine (a) what kind of woman you are (gold-digger vs. there for him) and (b) if he wants to see you again.
• If he offers to pay, DON’T COUNTER-OFFER TO PAY FOR YOURSELF.  He knows you don’t want to, and let’s face it – if he says “okay” to it, you’ll be mad you offered in the first place.
• Always thank him for a nice evening.  If you sincerely had a good time, guys like to hear it.
• Don’t send mixed signals.  If you don’t want to kiss/sleep with him, don’t give indications during the date that you do.

LESSON 2: THE COUPLING PHASE

Once you’ve been seeing each other for a while, you will move to the next stage: being a “couple.”  But don’t think for a second that chivalry should stop there!  Now there are some new things to add to the list.

When seeing each other as a “couple,” a woman should:

• Cook for your man.  Not because it’s “woman’s work” (I like to cook, too), but because it shows you care for him.  If you can’t cook, shopping for pre-cooked food or ordering take-out is fine, as long as the end result is a meal on the table.
• Call him to see how he’s doing.  You don’t have to call everyday, but a few calls a week just to see what he’s up to lets a guy know he’s loved.
• Be open to sexual experimentation.  You don’t have to like everything on the sexual menu, but it doesn’t hurt to at least try it once.  Remember: what you’re not willing to do, another woman is more than ready to!
• Find activities to do that he’ll like – even if you DON’T.  If he’s seen more than his share of girlie movies and dance recitals with you, the least you could do is suck it up and go to a monster truck rally or WWE fight.
• Don’t invade his privacy.  Unless you think he’s dating other women or has a dead body in his trunk, there’s no reason to try and figure out his e-Mail code or open his private safe.  If he’s already sharing 95% of his life with you, don’t be so annoyed about not knowing the other 5%.
• Show him “I Love You.” Yes, it’s nice to hear, but men read more into actions than words.  The caring things you do for him will mean more than saying the 3 words ever could.
• Give him a back rub every once in a while.  Why? ‘Cause they feel good!
• Don’t argue with him in public.  You may be ready to throw down, but save it for behind closed doors.
• If you DO argue, do it respectfully.  Remember: what you’re mad about is an issue with that person, not the person itself. Name-calling and spiteful talk aren’t necessary to get your point across.

LESSON 3: MARRIAGE

If you’ve been dating long enough and have been following the chivalry tips in Lessons 1 and 2, he will, eventually, want to marry you.  And once you’re married, your job is done, right?

WRONG!

This is where most people actually fail: they get married, and all the stuff they did to get their mate gets thrown out the window.  And surprise surprise, the divorce rate in this country is very high – wonder how THAT happened?

The answer: both parties stop being chivalrous to each other!

So, ladies, in addition to having to continue doing the things you were doing in Lessons 1 and 2, you have some other things you need to be doing as well.

Once married, a woman should:

• Be supportive.  You don’t have to agree with every single thing your man does, but you DO have to, at the very least, support his right to do what he wants, especially if it’s not going to bring major harm to you or him.
• Show a united front in public.  Again, you may disagree at times, but when in the face of others it’s an embarrassment to him AND you if you’re constantly trying to take sides against him.
• Nurse him when he’s sick. Men like women who will take care of them when ill.
• Don’t nag.  If he wanted a girl who was going to complain about everything wrong he did, he would have married his mother.
• Don’t nitpick.  This is similar to nagging.  There will be times when he’ll forget to put the toilet seat down, or not clean up his mess in the kitchen. Let it go.  Remember: you’re not perfect, either.
• Be open to trying new things.  He wants you to experience new stuff with him – but if you’re stuck on only doing things you’re used to, you WILL grow apart.
• Get him gifts on holidays.  Yes, women expect presents on all holidays (birthday, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Easter, Christmas), but they sometimes forget that men like receiving things on those days, too.  (Minus Mother’s Day, of course).
• Get him gifts that he’ll LIKE.  Getting him a tie and some cologne each time doesn’t cut it.  You’re married – you should KNOW what he likes.  If you don’t, ask him. He’d rather get a gift he liked than be surprised with a gift he hates.
• Show appreciation for his contribution to the relationship. If he works hard to earn money for the family, thank him for it.
• Don’t be stingy on the sex.  You don’t have to have it everyday, but if it becomes a thing where 3 or 4 months go by without any bedroom activity, you either (a) need to reassess your priorities, or (b) figure out if you still like the guy.  Again, if you’re not willing to do it with him…
• Let him spend time away from you.  Sometimes, the greatest thing you can do for a guy is to let him spend time with the guys, or quiet time by himself away from you.  TRUST me – you not being there only makes him think about you more

And there you go!  Please keep in mind that this is in no way a complete list.  However, it should get you ladies going on the right path towards treating your man with your own brand of chivalry!  Remember: love is a two-way street.  If you’re not keeping your side of the road balanced, how is he supposed to do the same for you?

-Aaron P. Taylor

It’s the world of 9-to-5 jobs that are unsatisfying, marriages that aren’t all that happy, and sad lives slowly wasting away as the dreams people once had become nothing more than unfulfilled fantasies that they no longer try to go after.

And it’s all very, very depressing to me.

I was a theater major while at Hampton University, and all my fellow thespians had the same dream: to become famous and make it big in some aspect of the entertainment field (theater, movies, commercials, music, etc.).  That was back in 2000 when we were all freshman with idealized thoughts about how easy it would be for us to land parts on stage or in film.

Fast-forward 8 years later, and many of those same people are not doing anything involving entertainment.  Instead of becoming that great actress, they’ve settled for being a teacher (and, as I always say, those that don’t know, teach!).  Instead of traveling the world, they’ve become young parents who use raising their children as an excuse to not pursue their own dreams.  Instead of being a touring musician, they’ve put all their musical instruments into the attic, and replaced them with a tie, a briefcase, and 8 hours-a-day of pure torture.

If only these people hadn’t given up so fast!  Many of my peers had such potential when I saw them in plays, or doing dance routines or music sessions, that it just sucks to see that they’ve fallen into the trap that so many people fall into: the “That dream I had can’t possibly come true” trap that is detrimental to their own beings.

People don’t realize how much God will help them out if they only keep going at it.  They don’t like to wait for results; they figure, if they can’t achieve their dream within the first few tries, they might as well throw in the towel and forget what they really wanted to do in exchange for a “secure” job.  Have you SEEN the job market today?  Companies are downsizing employees left and right – you’d have a better shot at so-called “security” by taking your talent and marketing it the right way than to sit at your job praying you don’t get fired!

But hey, if you don’t believe you can do it, just look at me.  A few months ago I was a guy who wanted to get his music out there.  A few years ago, I was running around Philly and Richmond, taking my demo to radio stations and asking them to play just ONE of my songs on the air, even if only for a quick second or during one of their 2 AM “nobody’s up listening to us” shows. 

Now, I’ve got a song on radio (my Lil’ Wayne “A Milli” remake, “Obama, Obama”) that’s playing throughout the U.S. and on international radio.  INTERNATIONAL, people!!.  The song has been playing on BBC radio in the U.K., and nightclubs in Germany.  My classmates back at Hampton University would have never thought that was even possible.  I never knew if it would happen either, but I always had the dream of getting at least ONE of my songs on at least ONE radio station – which goes to prove my other point: if you follow your dream, you never know how big that dream will get realized. 

But you’ll never even get a small taste of success if you listen to everybody who says you can’t do it, or decide to doubt yourself and follow what everyone else is doing simply because it seems “normal.”  Normal isn’t always a good thing; in fact, oftentimes it’s BORING, non-challenging, and will keep you in a rut. 

So, if you have a talent, and you think you could make a living doing that talent, STOP WASTING TIME NOT BELIEVING IN YOURSELF AND GO DO IT.

This message has been brought to you, in part, by “The A.P.T. LP” – Coming Sunday, August 24 to my music website, www.aptsongs.wordpress.com.  Yes, I’m advertising here, because I have an ALBUM coming out that people want to actually BUY.  See what dreaming big can do for you?

-Aaron P. Taylor

I, too, was one of the many people that got Lil’ Wayne’s CD.  I’d never been a big fan of his or bought any of his other CDs, but I’ll be the first to admit I bought it purely on hype alone.  Lucky for me, I actually like the CD, and didn’t feel bad about using my money to support him

That is, until I went on YouTube a couple of days ago, and was reminded of what it is I was supporting…

In the video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiiroDHN5EQ), the girl speaks about her distaste for Lil’ Wayne, not so much for his music, but for the stuff he’s done OUTSIDE of his music.  She does make a few valid claims for her disliking, especially when it comes to his recent arrests and court cases, most of which were the result of him being busted for various narcotics violations.  Specifically, he possessed:

• 41 grams of extacy
• 4 ounces of marijuana
• 1 or more ounces of cocaine

I looked up these facts myself, and these charges, which stem from 3 months ago, were true.  Not only that, but I also found out he’s been arrested for similar charges over the years as well as weapons possession charges.

All of which begs me to ask the question: are we partially responsible for funding his drug habit, along with those of other celebrities?

It’s a catch-22 because its not like anyone is handing celebrities money and saying, “Here you go – now, go spend this cash on drugs or we’ll take it back!”  On the other hand, doesn’t the fact that we know a celebrity is using a portion of their money to buy drugs make us a part of the problem?

I think back to stars like Elvis, Chris Farley, John Belushi, and others from the past that died from drug overdoses.  All of these stars may or may not have been doing drugs prior to becoming financially successful, but it’s very clear that they were able to buy even more drugs once the public got wind of their talent and started paying them tons of money for it to be displayed. 

And since these people were now public figures, it was headline news that these people were into numerous narcotic recreation.  They were publically repremanded for their drug use, and yet, at the same time, their talent was still in such high demand, the public continued to support them financially.

So, in effect, we are partially responsible for prolonging these artists’ drug habits. 

Some people may read this and think, “that’s a bunch of crap, Aaron!  Just because I spend a few measily bucks on a CD or concert of an artist I enjoy, that doesn’t make me a supporter of their habit – it just makes me a supporter of their talent!”

You have to understand, though, that the two things are connected.  For example, let’s suppose Lil’ Wayne’s royalty off each CD he sells is $.50 (this, by the way, is a lowball estimate – since he’s been on the same label for 10 years, he could be making as much as $1.25 per CD sold).  You, me, and 999,998 other people go and buy his CD the first week out. 

Financial windfall to Lil’ Wayne: $500,000. 

And that’s just the first week.  His album sold 309,000 in the second week – also known as another $154,000 in his pocket.

In two weeks’ time, that’s over $800,000.  Even if he has to use some of that money for album and lawyer fees, he’s still walking with at least $300,000.  Add in the money he gets for guest appearances, concerts, and endorsements, and he has a LOT of people putting money in his pocket – money that he is able to go out and use on narcotics, weapons, and cough syrup!

To be fair, most people are usually so wrapped up in their own interest, they don’t always think about how what they are doing will affect someone else’s lifestyle, be it positively or negatively.  I bought Lil’ Wayne’s CD because I had heard some of the songs off it and decided I wanted to listen to more.  In the process of doing that, though, it didn’t even enter into my mind that I’d be helping to support his negative habits, activities that I myself have never partaken in and wouldn’t directly encourage others to do.

That’s just some food for thought, people.  We have to remember that the entertainers we give our money to do not always do the right things with those funds, and as such we should be more cautious about what we’re REALLY supporting when we give our cash to them, be it directly or indirectly.

-Aaron P. Taylor

Above: My YouTube music video for “Obama, Obama,” a remake of Lil’ Wayne’s “A Milli” that’s currently getting radio station play throughout the country.

Aside from being a blog fanatic, I am also a studier of musical trends.  I make my own music, and I also pay close attention to what artists are popular in the mainstream and why they are able to succeed while others cannot.

One of the gripes many up-and-coming artists have is, they can’t understand how what they considered to be “watered-down” music – hip-hop, R&B, pop-rock, etc. – is able to get on the radio.  They feel like the stuff they’re creating is more “real” (then again, don’t ALL artists feel that way??), and are baffled when they take their songs to radio stations, only to hear the words “yeah, your song is great… but we can’t put it into our rotation.”

If only these artists were able to get a grasp of the WHOLE picture.

The radio aspect of the music industry has never been about playing what’s “real” to you, or what could be considered “conscious, thought-provoking” music.  It’s about one thing: selling advertisements on the air.

The songs that play around these ads are the “bait” used by radio stations to get people to listen to on-air sponsors.  The money these sponsors spend at these radio stations help them generate enough revenue to keep their doors open.  However, in order to get these sponsors to want to spend their money in the first place, they have to make sure the music they are playing gives them a big enough audience to warrant doing business with.

So, let’s look at it from a radio station’s perspective, shall we?

New songs by Usher, Lil’ Wayne or Mariah Carey come out on the same day.  These artists are well-known enough that a radio station doesn’t give a second thought to playing their songs on the air.  They are constantly in the media, and generate high enough interest that people will listen to their song when it comes on the radio.

The result?  The potential consumer will keep their dial on whatever radio station is playing one of those songs, giving said ad company a better shot at having their ad heard.

But then, an unknown artist walks into the radio station and says, “Hey, everybody, check it out – I have a song that’s WAY better than any of those OTHER artist, and it has a message, too!”  The radio programmer agrees to listen to your song, fully expecting to hate it.  Turns out, he actually likes the song, but he still decides not to play it.

The artist thinks to himself: “But… I THOUGHT he liked it!! Why won’t they play it??”

The answer: they haven’t generated enough interest outside of them self or the programmer to warrant them playing the song on radio.  This new artist is untested, and there’s a chance that if their song is put into rotation, potential customers who listen to the station will hear the first line of the song, and say: “Hey… who is this person?? I wanted to hear that new Usher!!”

Next thing you know, they flip over to another radio station, while the one they just turned from loses potential earnings from an ad the person will now miss.

—

Now, is this fair?  Not really – but who said the world is a fair place?

The reality is, radio stations exist to make money.  If you or your favorite underground artists aren’t being played on the radio, it’s because there isn’t enough interest built in what you’re doing for stations to consider you a ”safe bet,” i.e. a money-generating artist.

Part of the fault lies on artists themselves.  Many of them like to act like being a commercial artists means creating crappy dumb-downed music so it can appeal to the masses.  That’s not the case.  Being a commercial artists simply means that an extremely large group of people like your stuff. Eminem and DMX are great examples of two artists who came out not really trying to conform to what was considered “safe” and “normal” music standards, yet sold millions of records.

In both their cases, even though their music topics may have not been safe, the way in which they presented their material was VERY radio ready.  Eminem had sing-songy choruses, while DMX had songs you could easily turn into a chant.  If you think back to that potential consumer listening to the radio, these types of songs are very easy for them to sing along to.  A person is more likely to listen to a song they can connect with via sing along verses a more meaningful song that they can’t understand.

Think about it: it took artists like Common and Talib Kweli YEARS to even sell gold, yet Kanye West and Soulja Boy went platinum with their first album.  The difference?  The first two artists were so focused on sounding “deep” with their fast-delivery rhymes and out-of-the-box concepts, they forgot that people outside of rap might need a song they can say the words to.  Consequently, they didn’t get much radio play.

On the other hand, the latter two artists’ first song releases were sing-songy, could be easily duplicated, and had snappy lines and/or dance moves associated with them that made people feel good. Consequently, they both had #1 singles that helped their albums sell over a million or more.

If you’re a new artist, it’s already going to be tough breaking your song out on radio.  The last thing you need to do is hurt your chances even more by going against the mainstream, or not knowing how to structure your songs OR market yourself.  It’s okay to be different, but there’s a difference between being different and just plain WEIRD.

As 50 Cent once said, music is made to be shared with others.  If you’re not making your music for others to listen to, keep it in your basement.  Otherwise, how else do you expect it to play on radio?  Try and create songs that others will find enjoyable.  Then, go to clubs and perform it, get DJs to play it, post a video for the songs on video-sharing sites, and, once you’ve generated some interest, try and go back to the radio station and get it played.

But don’t “dare to be different” and then get all mad when your local station doesn’t want to play you.  If you aren’t helping them get money, they really have no reason to play your song.  Even though you consider yourself an “artist,” you must always keep one thing in mind:

In the world of radio, it’s business, not personal.

-Aaron P. Taylor

One of my regular readers wrote me, and posed the following question:

“Why is this phenomena of ’senseless hating’ also somewhat present (across gender lines) in the black community?”

The answer to this question is actually quite easy: the reason black people often hate against other blacks who are more successful than they are is because of what I like to call the “Crabs In a Barrel” theory.

Those of you not familiar with the working of crabs may not be aware, but if you put a whole bunch of crabs inside a barrel, they all have one goal: to try to make it to the top of the barrel and escape!

Yet lo and behold, not a single one of them ever makes it out of the barrel. Why? Because as soon as one of them gets close to the top of the barrel, the other crabs pull it back down. This goes on for each crab that tries to escape its trapping: as soon as it gets close to achieving its goal, the other crabs below pull it back down.

Black people are often the same way. We currently make up 12% of the U.S. population, and are being overtaken in the “minority” sector by various other races. The job market is already a hard enough place for blacks to get hired in, let alone promoted.

What this means is, there is a perceived – re-read, “perceived” – limited amount of highly desired slots for black people in upper-to-middle class society, and the number black people fighting for those spots on a daily basis is quite high.

Unfortunately, the actual number of blacks who make it into that region are, percentage-wise, quite low. As a result, you have a larger number of blacks who look at the ones in the upper realms of class status, and are angry that another black person figured out how to get there when they couldn’t even get their foot in the door.

Thus: the hate and jealousy blacks have for each other.

My brother and I grew up in neighborhoods that were quite nice, yet for some reason our parents would always take us to Black churches that were in what would be considered the “hood” areas of town (i.e. Jackson-Ward – people in Richmond will know what I’m talking about!). As soon as we would try to make friends with the kids at these churches, they’d immediately “white”-list us (i.e. call us “white” for having proper grammer when we spoke) and make fun of us all the time.

Was this teasing warranted? Of course not! But you have to think about the fact that we were coming into church dressed in fairly nice suits, while some of these kids could barely get a T-shirt and shorts together for Sunday service. And both of our parents had successful jobs and/or life situations that allowed us to live well, whereas most of them lived in the worst part of the ‘hood.

Thus: the hate and jealousy blacks have for each other.

It sucks that we feel like we have to tear someone else down in order to “be on top.” 50 Cent became famous because he came out and dissed everyone else that was ahead of him in the rap game. Meanwhile, most rappers’ songs are about killing any other “brother” who tries to step to, or say they are better, than them. Black basketball players resort to fighting other teams physically if they accidentally knock them over during a game. The Supremes break up just because Diana Ross is getting a lil’ more spotlight than the other members.

The list of examples go on and on.

What’s interesting to note is, if the crabs in the barrel were to work together to knock the barrel over, they’d ALL be able to get set free. Yet, because each crab selfishly wants to help only themselves, they’d rather pull another crab down instead of lifting it up to get out the barrel.

And the same is true of African-Americans. Until we can stop hating on each other and help each other be successful, the majority of us are going to forever be stuck in a symbolic barrel, always hating the person above us and focusing so much energy on pulling them back down that we never end up bettering our community’s situation as a whole.

-A.P.T.

His explanation for giving his work such a controversial title seemed genuine enough: the album was going to focus on how the word is currently seen in our society, and he hoped that using the N-word on the cover would help give less meaning to the word since it would be so out-there in people’s faces.

For years now, rappers have used this excuse every time they are asked about the usage of nigger – oops, I mean, “nigga” – in their songs.  The same response to this question is given over and over again: they are “taking the word away from their oppressors and using it in a positive way.”

Oh, if only I could agree with their idiotic rhetoric.

I was having a discussion with one of my fellow Black co-workers the other day about Nas’ newest mixtape.  While NAS was eventually smart enough to rid his new commercial work of the “Nigger” title – deciding, instead, to have it be untitled (apparently, selling a “Nigger” at Wal-Mart was going to be harder than they thought) - he recently released an underground mixtape called “The Nigger Mixtape.” 

Despite the title of said mixtape, the songs on it were actually well thought-out ideas and conversation starters about how the N-word is looked at and used in our society. And my co-worker, a big fan of Nasir Jones’ work,  was excited to learn about this new mixtape. 

Unfortunately, that excitement spilled over a few minutes later when me, him, and one of my white co-workers were standing around talking.

The Black co-worker (BCW) looked over to me and said:

BCW: “Hey Aaron – tell so-and-so (i.e. the White co-worker, or WCW) about that new NAS mixtape.”

Me: “Um… huh? What?” (Trying to avoid the converstaion altogether.)

BCW: “Yeah, that new NAS mixtape.  He’s a big fan of NAS, too.  What was it called again?”

Me (to the WCW): “Oh, yeah – ‘The Nigger Mixtape…’”

That’s when I felt it – that sting.  That uncomfortable feeling I get whenever a white person is around and the N-word is used in any capacity.

It’s already an unsaid but known rule that White people are no longer allowed to say the N-word (at least around other Black people), lest they get their behinds handed to them.  But, just because the word has been used more by Black people in the last few years, does that mean that “Nigger” has lost its power to hurt, insult, or demean us as a people?

I say, “No.”  No matter how many times we as a race use that word, or change the spelling of it, we all know that as soon as the wrong person uses it, it’s going to make us feel uncomfortable in that moment.

I don’t care how the person saying it is using it, it’s still going to make me feel antsy and awkward.  If a White professor is talking about the history of the N-word, it’s all good – until he actually says the word.  If a group of white kids go to see a Black rapper in concert, and the rapper says “Nigger” in one of his songs, it’s all good – until the white kids actually say the word. 

Even if Black people who live in the ghetto have a White friend who they consider “Blacker” than other black people they know – heck, they might even say, “That White dude right there? That’s my nigga!” – things between them will be all good…

…until the White “Black” guy actually says the word.

And why is that?  Because, no matter how much us Black people try to act like we’ve gotten over it, or that we’re above letting the word bother us, “nigger” will always be a sore spot with us.  It’s a word that reminds us that we were, at one time (and sometimes still are), considered to be less than nothing.  So much so, in fact, that we couldn’t even be referred to by name – instead, we had to be given cute little nicknames like “tar baby,” “Sambo,” and yes, “nigger.”

The N-word will forever be to Black people what the Swastika is to the Western world: a symbol that, despite the attempts to make it a positive, has too much of a negative history to ever be completely accepted.  Nor should it be.  I think it’s a dumb idea for anybody to try and change the meaning for a word that many of our ancestors died trying to get rid of in the first place.

But if you think I’m being too hard on the word, or that my feelings about it are old-fashioned, ask yourself this: if NAS hadn’t changed the title of his CD, would you have REALLY felt comfortable telling your friends of different nationalities that you went to the store to pick up a “Nigger” album??

-Aaron P. Taylor