Above: A cartoon where 50 Cent mocks Rick Ross. Can’t this wait 8 years?

Barack Obama was sworn in as America’s 44th President on Tuesday, January 20th, 2009.  By doing so, he became the first Black Commander-in-Chief this country ever had.  Subsequently he, along with his family, became positive role models for Black people everywhere, and a demonstration to other races that our families can function just like theirs.

Now that he’s President, I have a plea for the rest of Black America: can we please, please, PLEASE keep the coonage to a minimum?!?

Forgive me if it sounds like I’m being racist towards my own race.  It’s just that Barack has only been in office for 12 days, and I’m already starting to see Black people acting a damn fool!

In less than two weeks into his term, I’ve seen:

• Another senseless rap beef escalate, this time between Rick Ross and 50 Cent
• A husband and father of 5 kill himself and his family after being fired from his job (as a result of underhanded dealings)
• A song about hustling drugs in the trap (OJ da Juiceman’s “Make the Trap Go Aye”) become one of the biggest songs in Atlanta
• Lil’ Wayne go on TV and, in an interview with Katie Couric, proclaim he’s a “gangster”
• Car chases (a regular news story here in California) involving Black people running from the cops…

And the list goes on and on.

Sigh…

Again, I ask: can we PLEASE keep the coonage to a minimum?!?

Our ancestors spent decade upon decade trying to prove to White people, as well as other races, that we had enough poise, dignity, and respect for ourselves and others to hold high offices. They had to fight to be able to teach in mostly White Schools, get seats on judicial boards, become Senators, Govenors, politicians, and CEOs of companies. 

All during this time, coonage was still going on.  Brothers leaving sisters with babies and not being there for their children.  Women selling their bodies for crack money.  Musicians making songs that promoted all the wrong things into the Black (and White) communities, presenting them as “cool” things to do. 

And nobody did anything to stop it. 

The general belief was that it didn’t matter if we continued to show this type of “walking contradiction” amongst our race.  Who cares if some of us wanted to better our community while others wanted to strip it down? It’s not like the government really gave a rat’s behind about anything Black people did, nor did they care to help us try and better ourselves.

Well, guess what?  Now we have a BLACK President.  The rules have changed.

Now, I’m not one of those people who believes that Obama is going to personally go into every rundown hood in America and start handing out money.  Nor do I believe that his focus will simply be on “Black” issues.  As President, he has to make sure his decisions help not just his own race, but the American people as a whole.

With that said, though: if there IS an issue that needs attention, and the issue just happens to be one mostly involving Black people, how is he supposed to convince the House and the Senate to pass something for us when we’re out there acting a damn fool?!?

Suppose there’s a school in Queens that’s about to be shut down.  They decide to write to the President and ask him for funds to keep the school open.  How is he supposed to convince Congress to lend the money when the kids at the school are all wearing saggy pants; the teachers are constantly using fowl language towards their students; and every other girl there is pregnant by a brotha who’s got 3 other baby mamas at the same school???

I beg you, Black America: PLEASE KEEP THE COONAGE TO A MINIMUM!!

The moment it was announced that Barack Obama was President, I felt I had a responsibility to step my game up.  Because, no matter what excuse I may have had before for not being able to do something, it disappeared the moment a Black man did something no one up to this point thought would be possible.  The rest of Black America needs to step up, too!

At the very least, having a Black man as President should make you proud to be Black.  As such, you should also want to represent the very BEST that your race can be.  The rest of the world has already been fed propoganda about how dumb, stupid, ig’nant, violent and irresponsible us “Coloreds” are.  It doesn’t help our image if we’re actually HELPING them believe this crap.

With Barack in office, Black people as a whole are starting to get a good image makeover.  We all need to do our part to make sure this continues to happen.  If anything, do me this favor: as long as President Obama is in office, do your part to…

KEEP THE COONAGE TO A MINIMUM.  THANKS!

-Aaron P. Taylor

You have Barack, who is the figure head, the leader of the household; you have the kids, who are… well, doing whatever it is kids are supposed to do (go to school, play video games, etc.)…

…and, of course, you have the lovely Michelle, who, in addition to being a help-mate for Barack, is also a caring mother towards the children, and – as the new First Lady – a role model to women everywhere on how to be a good wife.

YAAAAAAAAWN.

Oh, I’m sorry – I almost passed out saying that last part.

I think Michelle is a great wife for Barack to have. Of course, now that she’s the “head lady” of the country, guys from all over are going to come out the wood-work and say:

— “Man, I need a girl like THAT! She fine, she dresses well, she can handle her own yet she’s giving, and… did I mentions she’s FINE?!?”—

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all of that is great. But, for me, I wouldn’t put her on my list of “women who act like girls I’d marry” just yet.

Why? She hasn’t been tested, at least in public yet, on how down for her man she REALLY is. For my money, I’d rather go with someone more experienced in that area….

Namely, LAURA BUSH.

Now, don’t get it twisted, people. Me saying I’d go for a woman like Laura Bush does NOT mean, “He’s just saying he wants a white woman!” (Not that there’s anything wrong with that – Obama’s half White, remember?)

However, I’d gladly wife up a woman who had some of Mrs. Bush’s more admirable traits. You may think I’m crazy for examining a woman who was married to a total idiot, but that makes the reasons for wanting a woman like her all the more reasonable. Peep the following…

WHY I’D WANT TO MARRY A GIRL LIKE LAURA BUSH

#1: SHE STUCK BY HER MAN THROUGH THICK AND THIN

I’m not even going to try and front like George Bush wasn’t an idiot. He was. He said stupid stuff in public, took this country down a road of financial bankruptcy, told horrible jokes, got bad intelligence and famously took us to war with the wrong countries over the wrong stuff.

Consequently, he – rightfully – became a joke in the public’s eyes, received low approval ratings, and got booed as he was leaving the White House.

And through all that, there was at least ONE person by his side – Laura Bush. (And Dick Cheney. But this blog isn’t about him.)

Some of you may say she was dumb for doing so. I, however, say she was following her wedding vows: sticking by her man’s side no matter what, through good times and bad times.

There are many women out there (and guys as well; but I’m a guy, so I’m facing my comments towards the women) who are more than happy to stay by their man’s side… when things are going good. Yet when his popularity suddenly takes a nosedive or he does a few things wrong here and there, they want to up and move onto the next man.

A woman who has Laura Bush qualities won’t do that. And let’s face it: none of us is perfect. We are all going to make mistakes or say the wrong thing. The last thing I want, though, is a woman who, after two or three of my mistakes, is ready to pack up and leave!

#2: SHE NEVER PUT HER MAN DOWN

Even when the rest of the country was making fun of our Ex-President, you never once saw Laura go on TV and embarrass her man.

That may not seem like such a big thing… but even small jabs here and there can lead to hurt feelings and big fights later. Regardless of the jokes that were out there, she never went on a news program and did anything to deface W. No little snide comments, no comments like, “Yeah, he can be a nutcase sometimes, but you gotta love him!” Nothing like that.

I’ve seen so many women do this to their men, thinking it’s funny. They’ll say stuff like:

— “He can’t even clean a dish without me around to show him how to do it.” —

And they’re thinking it’s funny, and I’m thinking:

— “How does her husband put up with this crap?!?” —

I’ll say it again: Put-Downs are NOT funny. At least a woman with Laura Bush’s sensibilities would know not to do something like that!

#3: SHE NEVER DISAGREED WITH HIM IN PUBLIC

There were many times when Bush would execute an order, or sign a bill, or defend a policy, and it just didn’t sit well with the rest of the public. You’d see all the commmentators on the news channels disecting what he did, and arguing their opinions back and forth.

Some of these news people would ask questions about Mr. Bush’s various dealings/statements when interviewing Laura. And, to her credit, she never once told anybody that she disagreed with her husband.

Does this mean they never disagreed? Of course not! But she knew it was important to show a united front when in the eyes of the public. If he’s thinking one way, and she’s arguing with him about his thinking while in front of the American people, it ends up making him look like an incompetent leader (and he certainly didn’t need any more help doing THAT!)

But even if I didn’t become President, having a wife that would adhere to NOT arguing or feuding with me in public is ideal. My Mom and Dad were married for 13 years (prior to his death in 1991), and the whole time they were together, they never fought in front of other people. And, as their kid, I never once saw them fight, argue, or disagree in front of me and my brother.

As my Mom explained to me years later, she never felt the need to do that because, again, it was more important for her that Dad be seen as head of the household – not her. If he had a decision to make on something and she disagreed, they would discuss it and, even though he had the final say, she would still give her input. If he decided to go with her idea, she never felt like she had to go out and tell everybody, “Well, he decided this, but it was MY idea!”

At the same time, if he went with a choice that she wasn’t too keen on – and this is very important – SHE WOULD STILL NOT DISAGREE WITH HIM ABOUT THE DECISION WHEN IN FRONT OF OTHERS. Again, it was about a united front, and showing that she was down for her man.

That’s where many women falter today. They don’t want to trust a man to make a decision, and if he makes one she doesn’t agree with, she feels the need to go to her family and air out whatever it was they were discussing in private, or try to embarrass him into changing his mind and doing things her way.

#4: SHE KNEW HER ROLE, AND DID IT WELL

That isn’t mean to be a sexist statement, but it’s true. Laura, much like I assume Michelle will be, knew her job in the White House was to be a help mate. Yes, she did other things while she was there, but her main goal was keeping house: looking after the kids, making sure the parties they held there were organized, and, one assumes, seeing that her husband got some “loving affection” after a hard day’s work.

Some women will read that and think: “My GOD, how DARE you say you want a woman like that, Aaron You just want a woman that will do whatever you say, and bow down to your knees if you ask. What a pig!”

And if you ARE a woman who is thinking that, guess what? You will either (a) be single for the rest of your life, or (b) be getting divorced from every man you marry!

Reality is, there can’t be two heads of a household. God made Eve from Adam’s rib because she’s supposed to (a) be at his side and (b) support him. Just because you aren’t the head doesn’t mean you aren’t important. Laura understood something that most women these days don’t like to consider: being a help-mate is an IMPORTANT role for a woman to play for a man if the couple are to BOTH be successful in the relationship.

If Adam didn’t have a rib, he’d be a cripple, and wouldn’t get anything done. If a woman doesn’t have a head to support, her life feels like it’s missing something. Again, that may sound sexist, but I’ve heard TOO many women say crap like: “I just have all this love to give, and nobody to give it to.” That’s just Womanese for, “I wish I had a loving man that I could support!”
—

Incidentally, all of these reasons are why, despite the number of girls I saw who were drop-dead gorgeous at Hampton, I rarely dated them. After observing many of them, I realized that, underneath all their prettiness, many of them were girls who were ready to argue, drop their man as soon as something went wrong, put him down, or wanted a man she could butt heads with all the time – and I’m just not the guy to deal with those types of personality flaws.

In short, I’m sure Michelle Obama is one HECK of a wife, and will do a great job supporting our new President. But, until I’ve seen how she is when her husband’s approval/popularity is not so high, or he makes a decision that the country REALLY doesn’t like…

…my money is still on lockin’ down a girl like good ol’ Laura Bush!

-A.P. Taylor