With that said, I find it amazing that, in 2009, there are women out there that still play the “victim” role when it comes to their dealings with men who, from the start, showed themselves to be less than worthy for partnership.

I bring this up because Whitney Houston, the soul-stirring singer with the gifted voice who dominated the late 1980s/early 1990s music scene with her songs about love, recently did an interview with Oprah (as part of her promotional push for her newest #1 album, “I Look To You”) where she opened up about her life and – more importantly – her troublesome marriage with former “New Edition” heartthrob, Bobby Brown.

I read the interview online, knowing in advance what I’d probably hear from Ms. Houston in the article: how Bobby abused her; how he was jealous of her; the fights he would start with her, etc.  Meanwhile, she positioned herself as a woman who simply tried to love her man as strong as she could – even going so far as to use drugs with him (not because she was addicted to the drugs, but, says Whitney, “I was addicted to HIM.”) – and ended up in a downward spiral as a result.

Well, all I have to say to Ms. “I’m-Every-Woman” is this…

BRAVO!!! (Jumps out of seat and gives her a standing ovation)

Way to go, Whitney.  That has to be the BEST performance of playing a victim by a woman that I’ve seen or read in a LONG time.

You think that just because you put on your sad face and start spewing crap about how Bobby treated you SO badly, that I’m supposed to feel SORRY for you??

GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE!

I remember seeing a little show a few years ago called “Being Bobby Brown” – you know, the show that starred your former husband? The show that YOU appeared on quite often? Well, let me tell you something, Ms. Houston: I saw your appearances on that show, and if there is one thing I know, it’s that you were NOT the only victim on that show!

Granted, you both probably stopped wanting to be around each other a LONG time ago… but regardless, there were plenty of moments on that show where YOU – yes, YOU – were seen on camera:

• Insulting your husband
• Showing up to his “Male Bonding” activities when you had NO business being there
• Being a nag
• Being the starter of arguments and fights

The truth of the matter is, you all were BOTH on drugs; therefore, you were BOTH doing things to the other person that were harmful to their psyche and well-being. Furthermore, it’s not like Bobby Brown was hiding his “bad boy” ways from you or anybody before YOU made the conscious choice to marry him.

But of course, you’re a woman, so all the sympathy from your now-dissolved marriage will go YOUR way.  And frankly, it makes me SICK.

You know what the underlying theme is in our society today?  WOMEN ARE STILL THE WEAKER SEX.

I should note: this is not a view I personally hold.  I had a strong mother who was able to raise me and my brother with little male influence after my Dad died.  And she taught us that both men AND women have to own up to things when they’ve done stuff that’s wrong.

However, the general consensus in our society is that, between the two sexes, men are still the stronger sex.  Consequently, whenever a relationship between the two genders goes sour, it is always the “weak woman” who must be the victim in the situation, not the male counterpart.

Look at the recent divorce between Jon and Kate Gosselin from TLC’s “Jon and Kate Plus 8.”  Anyone who watched even ONE episode of that show can see how much of a biznich Kate was to Jon – she constantly put him down, emasculated him in front of his kids, treated him like a child, and always complained about how her way of raising the kids was better.

Yet when divorce time finally rolled around, who did the media turn into the “bad person?” That’s right, the male of the couple!  Good ol’ Jon Gosselin went from being the badgered Mr. Mom to the country-hopping party guy who’d rather spend time out with floozies than his own kids.  Meanwhile, Kate suddenly turned from being seen as a biznitch into a saintly mom who’s “holding strong” and “focusing her life on the well-being of her kids!”

AND IT’S NOT EVEN TRUE!

Above: A video for the song called “Kate Gosselin is a….” Well, ya know…

The only time Jon’s out “partying” – which he is legally free to do as a grown-ass man – is on days when it’s Kate’s days to have the kids and he’s not allowed around them.  What about the days when Jon IS taking care of the kids – no one asks two questions about where Kate has gone!

But again, because she’s of the “weaker” sex (again, in quotes because I don’t believe it to be true), Kate’s the victim, and Jon’s the sleazeball.  PLU-LEEEZE!

The bottom line is, women need to wake up and realize that continuing to play the victim role will only keep the view of them as the “weaker sex” a continuing issue in our society.  Yes, there are women who are victims to men who do horrible things to them… but to place every woman in the “victim” category is to do both themselves and REAL women victims a disservice.

And NO, Ms. Houston, I do NOT feel sorry for you.  I’m sure Oprah and the rest of her man-bashing, victim-loving crowd will be all but ready to point your entire spiraling downfall on your interaction with Mr. Brown, but this is ONE person who knows the REAL deal – and I ain’t fallin’ for it!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Twitter.com/APTsongs

Okay, so maybe Mr. Rock was exaggerating, but he did hit something on the head: chivalry, while not dead, has certainly been on life support for quite some time now. And, while blame can be placed on the men in our society who choose to treat women like sex objects or show them blatant disrespect, it’s not completely our fault.

Yes, women, I’m saying it right here: YOU are part of the reason why chivalry is on its deathbed!

“But Aaron, how can this be?” You might say.  ”I didn’t do anything at all to these guys to make them not want to treat me in a chivalrous way!”

And that, my women friends, is part of the problem: you did NOTHING.

You went out with a guy, and he treated you like a gentleman by paying for your dates, taking you to places he thought you’d like to go, and maybe even put his jacket over a puddle for you.  And what did you do for him in return?

NOTHING. Absolutely nothing.

Reality dictates that a person who likes to “give” also likes to “get” every once in a while.  It’s the law of reciprocity – if I order a pizza, and the delivery man drives it to my house, I am “getting” a pizza that I didn’t have to go out and pick up myself.  He “gives” me the pizza, and expects me to “give” him a tip in return so that he’ll “get” paid.

Dating works the same way.  It’s an interaction between two people who are supposed to be “giving” each other love and affection, while at the same time “getting” it back in return.

The problem, however, is that many dating relationships these days are unbalanced: the guy does all the giving, and the woman does all the receiving.  (Quick note: I realize this sentiment works both ways, but this note is geared toward women.  To the ladies reading this who are doing all the giving and not enough receiving, don’t take offense!)

So what happens?  The man takes you out a few times, pays for everything, opens your door for you, treats you like a gentleman… and then, suddenly, he stops calling you and no longer wants to date you.  You sit there thinking to yourself:

I don’t get it – he was treating me so wonderfully, and then he just stopped! What did I do??

The REAL question you should ask yourself is what DIDN’T you do?

Were you doing nice things for him from time to time?  Were you showing appreciation for his chivalrous efforts by showing chivalry of your own?  Or were you just “getting” the whole time without “giving?”

Chances are, he probably got tired of doing all the grunt work and waiting for you to show a little chivalry on your part to him.  Just like women are always going on and on about finding a man who’s a “gentleman,” most men want to find a woman who is lady-like and able to be as kind and considerate to him as he is to her.

So, how exactly does a lady act chivalrous?  What does she have to do to show her appreciation for her man?  I believe I can help you out, ladies – introducing….

AARON P. TAYLOR’S GUIDE TO CHIVALRY

LESSON 1: THE DATING PHASE

Chivalry starts early on in the relationship, all the way back to dating.  Women expect men to do or say certain things on dates to show he’s a gentleman, but how often do they think about what THEY should be doing to keep his interest?

Here are a few things she should be mindful of when dating.  A woman should:

• Be on time.  The date starts at 7 PM, not 7:23 PM.
• Wear an outfit that is classy.  If you’re well-endowed, it’s okay to wear something that shows cleavage or hugs your figure, but don’t give away the whole show.
• Turn off your phone.  If the guy is paying for your good time, the least you could do is pay attention to HIM, not your Blackberry.
• Open his car door. Sounds backwards, BUT… if he is nice enough to open the car door for you, the least you could do is reach over to the driver’s side and unlock/open the door for him before he gets there.
• Focus some of the conversation on HIM.  Yes, we’ve been taught to learn all about you, but we like to talk about ourselves too!
• Don’t bring up stupid subjects.  Specifically: any conversations about ex-boyfriends or medical examinations you’ve had should be avoided.
• If you go to dinner, don’t order the most expensive meal on the menu.  The guy is taking you out primarily to get to know you, not to pay for your lifestyle.  What you order is also one of the many signs a guy looks for to determine (a) what kind of woman you are (gold-digger vs. there for him) and (b) if he wants to see you again.
• If he offers to pay, DON’T COUNTER-OFFER TO PAY FOR YOURSELF.  He knows you don’t want to, and let’s face it – if he says “okay” to it, you’ll be mad you offered in the first place.
• Always thank him for a nice evening.  If you sincerely had a good time, guys like to hear it.
• Don’t send mixed signals.  If you don’t want to kiss/sleep with him, don’t give indications during the date that you do.

LESSON 2: THE COUPLING PHASE

Once you’ve been seeing each other for a while, you will move to the next stage: being a “couple.”  But don’t think for a second that chivalry should stop there!  Now there are some new things to add to the list.

When seeing each other as a “couple,” a woman should:

• Cook for your man.  Not because it’s “woman’s work” (I like to cook, too), but because it shows you care for him.  If you can’t cook, shopping for pre-cooked food or ordering take-out is fine, as long as the end result is a meal on the table.
• Call him to see how he’s doing.  You don’t have to call everyday, but a few calls a week just to see what he’s up to lets a guy know he’s loved.
• Be open to sexual experimentation.  You don’t have to like everything on the sexual menu, but it doesn’t hurt to at least try it once.  Remember: what you’re not willing to do, another woman is more than ready to!
• Find activities to do that he’ll like – even if you DON’T.  If he’s seen more than his share of girlie movies and dance recitals with you, the least you could do is suck it up and go to a monster truck rally or WWE fight.
• Don’t invade his privacy.  Unless you think he’s dating other women or has a dead body in his trunk, there’s no reason to try and figure out his e-Mail code or open his private safe.  If he’s already sharing 95% of his life with you, don’t be so annoyed about not knowing the other 5%.
• Show him “I Love You.” Yes, it’s nice to hear, but men read more into actions than words.  The caring things you do for him will mean more than saying the 3 words ever could.
• Give him a back rub every once in a while.  Why? ‘Cause they feel good!
• Don’t argue with him in public.  You may be ready to throw down, but save it for behind closed doors.
• If you DO argue, do it respectfully.  Remember: what you’re mad about is an issue with that person, not the person itself. Name-calling and spiteful talk aren’t necessary to get your point across.

LESSON 3: MARRIAGE

If you’ve been dating long enough and have been following the chivalry tips in Lessons 1 and 2, he will, eventually, want to marry you.  And once you’re married, your job is done, right?

WRONG!

This is where most people actually fail: they get married, and all the stuff they did to get their mate gets thrown out the window.  And surprise surprise, the divorce rate in this country is very high – wonder how THAT happened?

The answer: both parties stop being chivalrous to each other!

So, ladies, in addition to having to continue doing the things you were doing in Lessons 1 and 2, you have some other things you need to be doing as well.

Once married, a woman should:

• Be supportive.  You don’t have to agree with every single thing your man does, but you DO have to, at the very least, support his right to do what he wants, especially if it’s not going to bring major harm to you or him.
• Show a united front in public.  Again, you may disagree at times, but when in the face of others it’s an embarrassment to him AND you if you’re constantly trying to take sides against him.
• Nurse him when he’s sick. Men like women who will take care of them when ill.
• Don’t nag.  If he wanted a girl who was going to complain about everything wrong he did, he would have married his mother.
• Don’t nitpick.  This is similar to nagging.  There will be times when he’ll forget to put the toilet seat down, or not clean up his mess in the kitchen. Let it go.  Remember: you’re not perfect, either.
• Be open to trying new things.  He wants you to experience new stuff with him – but if you’re stuck on only doing things you’re used to, you WILL grow apart.
• Get him gifts on holidays.  Yes, women expect presents on all holidays (birthday, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Easter, Christmas), but they sometimes forget that men like receiving things on those days, too.  (Minus Mother’s Day, of course).
• Get him gifts that he’ll LIKE.  Getting him a tie and some cologne each time doesn’t cut it.  You’re married – you should KNOW what he likes.  If you don’t, ask him. He’d rather get a gift he liked than be surprised with a gift he hates.
• Show appreciation for his contribution to the relationship. If he works hard to earn money for the family, thank him for it.
• Don’t be stingy on the sex.  You don’t have to have it everyday, but if it becomes a thing where 3 or 4 months go by without any bedroom activity, you either (a) need to reassess your priorities, or (b) figure out if you still like the guy.  Again, if you’re not willing to do it with him…
• Let him spend time away from you.  Sometimes, the greatest thing you can do for a guy is to let him spend time with the guys, or quiet time by himself away from you.  TRUST me – you not being there only makes him think about you more

And there you go!  Please keep in mind that this is in no way a complete list.  However, it should get you ladies going on the right path towards treating your man with your own brand of chivalry!  Remember: love is a two-way street.  If you’re not keeping your side of the road balanced, how is he supposed to do the same for you?

-Aaron P. Taylor

Throughout the course of the program, they had several promos where artists were reminding people to vote in the Presidential election on November 4th. What I noticed, though, was that all of the promos were only encouraging people to vote for ONE candidate – Barack Obama.

Now, being as this award show was taking place on B.E.T., I figured they’d be more likely to take a stand for Obama, who is the first (half) Black candidate to be taken seriously enough to be a real consideration for the role of Commander-in-Chief.

What was funny to me, though, was that there wasn’t a single person or promo, AT ALL, that said, “on November 4th, vote for the candidate YOU feel will do the better job in the White House.” Based on what I saw, it is assumed that all Black people have already decided which candidate they will be voting for – and it’s not the old white guy named What’s-His-Face that’s running against him.

The real question is, when did all these Black people get together and make the decision that our entire race has to vote for Obama? And, more importanly, should Black people feel guilty about voting for him simply because he has a similar skin color?

In my opinion, a person can vote for whoever they want to vote for. One of my uncles, who is Black, is a Republican. He’s always sided with their party on their issues, and, come November 4th, he will probably be voting for John McCain.

Based on what I just typed, though, many people in the Black community would castrate him for doing such a thing. “How dare you vote for McCain,” they’d say, “don’t you know he’s just going to make this economy worse, and keep us in the war longer?!?”

But I can’t fault him for his vote. He watches more news stories about politics and studies the issues more than most people I know. If, after looking at how the candidates feel about issues that are important to HIM, he decides to go with the Republican choice, I can’t really fault him for it since he feels educated in his choice.

At the same time, though, I have absolutely NO problem if a Black person wants to vote for Obama simply because he’s a Black candidate.

“But wait, Aaron,” someone might say. “You just told us you don’t mind your uncle voting Republican because he studied the issues. How are you going to then turn around and say you don’t mind someone voting for Obama based on skin color alone?? What if that person didn’t study the issues so thoroughly?”

People give our species too much credit sometimes instead of viewing us for how we really are. Ideally, every single person who voted would take the time out to study what their candidates are really about, and, after careful consideration, vote for the candidate they felt would REALLY be a help to the country as a whole.

In reality, though, most people base their voting decision on emotion. They allow things such as fear, misunderstanding, family background, etc. to determine how they vote.

For example: A person might grow up in a family that supports Republicans. Obama, a democrat, comes along and brings up issues and ways to handle them that this person happens to agree with. However, this person may still vote Republican simply because every one else in his family will. Yes, it’s a private vote, but that person might still feel bad if they have to lie to their family later on about who they voted for.

Futhermore, there are plenty of White people who will be voting for McCain simply because he, too, is WHITE.

Granted, most White people these days are smart enough to NOT say this sentiment in public. Why, that would be racist! But, if you listen closely to the language some of them use when explaining why they wouldn’t vote for Obama, it’s clear they’re only saying it because they want to hide their real reason: they don’t want a Black guy running the country.

Don’t believe me? Here are just a few things people have said:

“I don’t want to vote for him because he’s a Muslim.”

Really? THAT’s their reason? What, are they afraid if a Muslim enters the White House, he’s going to create a law forcing everyone to pray towards Mecca 5 times a day?

“I’m afraid of him because he’s a terrorist/associates with terrorist.”

Oh, I get it – he’s a “secret” Muslim, therefore he’s a terrorist! Oh no, wait – he happen to be in a group at one time that just happened to have another member in it who, later, turned out to be a terrorist!  We should take that same logic and never trust another NYC cab driver again!  Besides, better to trust a Christian President, one who won’t get us into an unnecessary war and bomb countries for no reason, right? … Oh, wait…

“I just don’t trust him. Look at his name – it’s got ‘Hussein’ in it!”

Again, just because he has a name that sounds foreign does not mean he’s not worth trusting. The TRUTH of the matter is, you don’t trust him because he’s BLACK! Obama’s never been to prison, has a good record in the Senate… he went to friggin’ HARVARD Law School, people!

To be fair, I’m sure there are people out there who can think of plenty of legitimate reason why Obama should not be in office. But again, most people who are choosing to NOT vote for him are doing so because of irrational reasons.

Therefore, I have no problem with Black people using an irrational reason such as “He’s black” to vote for Obama. He NEEDS black voters who think like this, if only to counter-balance the votes he won’t get from people who will vote against him for the same reason.

Ah, if only people weren’t always run by emotions when making decisions. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a Black candidate to vote for – good think I studied first!

-Aaron P. Taylor

(Note: The views and opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of EMQTV.com, its network, or its affiliates. They are the sole opinions of its author, Aaron P. Taylor, who is more than happy to take credit for them…)

Man, oh man, where do I begin…

On Saturday, I typed up an article for EMQTV.com called “Advice 4 Women: How to NOT Get a ‘Deserved’ Raping.” I wrote the article after an incident involving me and a woman at a club who repeatedly wanted to dance with me – and only me – several times throughout the night.

For those who may not have read the article (though by now I’d be surprised if you haven’t), the girl got more and more touchy-feely each time we danced, to the point where both me, along with the friends I’d gone to the club with that night (both male AND female), thought this girl REALLY wanted to jump my bones.

But it was not to be: after several hot & heavy dances, I went in for a kiss, and she turned her cheek, giving me the line, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Me and my friends (again, girls included) were shocked – not because she rejected me (that happens all the time at the club), but because she had been giving me signals all night (not just based on the dancing, though the fact that I was the only guy she was dancing with certainly didn’t help) that, even if she didn’t want to sleep with me, she’d at least be up for a make-out session.

In my frustration at this… since I’m a writer, I’m always thinking about different subjects for articles I can write about. And, as weird as it may sound, when that incident happened, the first two things I thought about was:

(a) how this wasn’t the first girl that’s teased me – or any guy, for that matter – with the intent of “taking things further,” yet not REALLY being up for it; and
(b) that this sort of thing can be DANGEROUS when done to the wrong guy, and that women would benefit from knowing that.

So, I wrote my blog, posted it on the site, then went home for 2 days to help my Mom move.

Imagine my surprise when, upon finally getting to check my E-mails, I find a note from one of the site creators saying simply: “Have you read the comments on your article?”

And man, oh man, have I read them. Perhaps you’d like to be privy to some of the comments I’ve received about the article? Here’s a small sampling from the ever-growing list of responses:

“Here, Aaron, let me help make things much simpler for you: Instead of assuming that any girl who dances with you or flirts with you is clearly after your penis, try assuming the opposite. Because, while it is technically possible that there is a woman, somewhere, who is interested in sleeping with a whining little brat like you, it’s statistically unlikely that you will ever encounter her. Since you’re either so infantile or so stupid that you can’t grasp the concept of ASKING A WOMAN IF SHE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU, you’re clearly either too young or too stupid to be having sex in the first place. Do the human race a favor and go wank alone in your room.”

And another:

“Wow. You’re a totally worthless shit.”

And another:

“You are a pathetic excuse for a man; you are nothing but a rape apologist and a whiny, selfish baby.”

And another:

“Kill yourself, you disgusting rape apologist.”

And yet another:

To Mr. Aaron P. Taylor:
We are sorry to inform you that your services as a human being are no longer required. Please gather your belongings and exit the species at once. Do not use us for a reference.

Sincerely,
The Human Race

Wow… all of this simply because I had an opinion on a touchy subject that was different from other people?

For me, I’ve always been a person who had no problem sitting down with others and having a civilized discussion about heavy topics. Me and my friends in college used to have all-night sessions where we’d bring up an issue, and then discuss our viewpoints on it. We may not have always agreed with what a person said, but we at least understood that everyone was entitled to their own opinion.

However, I don’t believe we ever interjected the words “kill yourself” when we didn’t agree with what the other person said, or said “that opinion sucks – what a worthless piece of shit you are!”

Then again, maybe I’m just more civilized than I’m being given credit for.

To be fair – to me – there WERE people who understood what I was saying in the article. Here are some of those examples:

“It took courage to write this entry. Any time a man objects to the overt and manipulative teasing of a woman he is condemned for being “beastly” (in the UK) or “a pig” here in the U.S. And to frame it in terms of the #1 hot-button topic of RAPE is especially ballsy. You are sure to get plenty of attention for this post.”

And another:

“What Aaron is talking about here is that doing this sort of thing is (not only an incredibly cruel way to stroke your own ego but) dangerous! And that’s not letting the r@pist off the hook! You never know when the guy you’re teasing in this fashion is unstable. I read that up to 5% of the population have undiagnosed mental disorders. To make another example, I am white and would not walk down an all-black neighborhood with a “I hate n*ggers” tee shirt with $100 hanging out of my wallet.”

And another:

“It’s easy to say “keep it in your pants”. thing is, the natural reaction caused by a woman rubbing herself on our crotch in some way is NOT something men can flick ON and OFF like a light switch. the body reacts on its own and it builds up until there’s some sort of release. we KNOW it’s building up and we ALSO know that we can’t just turn it off. people call this “sexual frustration”. guys and men have a varying ability to control that build-up. most men deal with it well enough (our writer here being a good example). for the minority that has below-average control, well, it takes one tease too many to ruin two people’s lives (yes, amazingly enough, men do feel).”

I could literally go on re-posting comments all day long from both sides. The point is, the subject has touched off a discussion about this issue (which is good), but also painted me, to some, as a person in favor of rape (which is not so good).

I wasn’t going to even do a rebuttal to this post… but then I found out that other blog sites have been re-posting this article and saying negative things about me personally. (To read some of these sites, you can click http://news.mensactivism.org/node/10802, or http://tigerbeatdown.blogspot.com/2008/10/andrew-p-taylor-did-not-rape-you-he.html [this one is pretty sarcastic, but kinda funny].)

After reading the comments on here, I sent the article to a few of my friends. One of my female friends was not very happy about it (to say the least), and wrote me back saying so. I wrote her back, and figured what I sent her would make a pretty good rebuttal to my original article.

In short: you should know that I hold women in high regard. I was raised by a single mom (minus the 9 years my dad was here prior to his death) and raised by a litany of aunts, grandmothers, and friends of my Mom, most of whom were – you guessed it – women as well.

At the same time, you should also know that I’m a believer in taking responsibility for one’s actions when something goes good OR bad. I was taught that there are two sides to every story, and that even if you think something happened to you that is someone else’s fault, it’s always a good idea to look at your own behavior/actions and see what part you may have played in it.

The reason I wrote the article is because I felt women needed to know it’s not always a good idea to do certain things around certain guys because they can get hurt. I’ve had so many women over the years tell me how much they enjoy “going to the club just to tease guys.”

And you may or may not agree with the next statement, but doing that sort of thing can be dangerous. Not everyone is patient or understanding when it comes to reading signals or figuring out when a girl is just “playing around” and dealing with it in a respectable manner.

The reality of the situation is, NO GIRL DESERVES TO BE RAPED. I even state that in the article (though I think some people may have just read the title and commented on the article without actually READING it).

I also think no guy should rape a girl under any circumstance. If a girl is teasing him to the point where he thinks he’s about to get some action and she decides not to, he SHOULD be able to walk away.

Read: SHOULD be able to walk away.

However, we don’t live in an idealized world; we live in reality. And reality has shown time and time again that NOT ALL MEN ARE SMART ENOUGH TO WALK AWAY. Some guys will, in fact, take what they want. And women need to be aware of that, and need to be mindful of doing things that will make the wrong man aroused enough to the point of wanting to rape her.

And, just to be clear (because I hate being misinterpreted), I’m not saying that women need to revert back to a time where they had to stay inside, or dress up showing nothing but their eyes, or stop walking down the street lest some guy from afar get aroused, jump her, rape her, then scream in court, “But it’s her fault – she was walking down the street all seductive-like!”

What I’m saying is, women need to stop always playing the victim role – i.e. the “OMG, I was doing absolutely NOTHING to bring this incident upon me“ role – and start taking responsibility for their actions, actions that can – sometimes – contribute to a guy wanting to sex her without her consent.

In the case of the girl in my story: had she danced with a different guy – one who may have been high, drunk, on pills, or just really, REALLY lonely – and grinded on his crotch on and off and on and off for 2 hours, and felt on his chest and rubbed her face all over his face (which, in my opinion, takes what we were doing beyond the realm of “just dancing“ and into the realm of “I‘m trying to hit on this guy“ – don‘t act like you don‘t know what signals give off which intentions, ladies) … and then pulled the “oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you” crap after giving him all the buying signals…

The reality is, HER NIGHT COULD HAVE ENDED DIFFERENTLY.

That’s not me having a sick mind; that’s me being able to place myself in the mindset of another guy whose ideals are different than mine. And it’s not a justification of rape; it’s simply a statement of how things really are, and how they DO happen.

I’m pretty sure there are a few people out there that are STILL not going to get it. And that’s fine. But perhaps some more analogies are in order. Yes, I know my last one involving women and shopping probably came off as sexist and – according to a few of you – a show of my “complete devaluation of women as a whole.” So, here are a few non-gender specific analogies:

HOPEFULLY BETTER ANALOGY #1:

No one deserves to get lung cancer. Some people get lung cancer as a result of an inherited family gene, and it’s not their fault. And it’s sad and tragic, because they really didn’t do anything to bring it upon themselves.

You know who else has a chance of getting lung cancer? Smokers.

Now, in the same way that not every girl who teases guys for fun is going to get raped, not every person who smokes is going to catch lung cancer. However, there ARE smokers who catch lung cancer, just like there are women who get raped after purposefully teasing guys over and over, and eventually teasing the WRONG guy.

In both cases, the aftermath is tragic: cancer is a terrible thing to deal with, just like the after-effects of rape. But no one would dare argue that the smoker actions weren’t partially responsible for such a tragic thing happening.

Yet, somehow it’s unimaginable to believe that the woman’s actions didn’t play a part in her tragedy as well?

HOPEFULLY BETTER ANALOGY #2:

When I first moved to D.C., I didn’t have a place to live. About 3 days in, I was getting desperate, and didn’t care WHERE I lived, so long as I was able to find a place.

One of the places I looked at was a studio apartment in the south-east area of D.C. The apartment itself was very nice – it had its own kitchen, a bathroom, and a living area that was bigger than the place I stayed at in Atlanta. And the rent – $650 a month – was more than affordable.

The only problem: it was in one of the WORST AREAS IN D.C. in terms of crime and murders. Everyone I told about the place begged me not to live there. And so, I decided not to take the place.

Now, had I moved into the area and got robbed or killed 5 days later, everyone in my friend circle – not to mention the people seeing the news report about the incident – would have agreed that it was a terrible thing that happened to me.

At the same time, though, they would not have been surprised. Why? Because they would have already known that something like that could happen to me in that part of town. I would have been tempting fate by deciding to live there, and – while not everyone who lives in that part of town gets killed there – the fact that there was a high risk for it would have made living there a stupid decision on my part.

In the same way, it’s stupid for any woman to believe that she can go through life teasing guy after guy after guy after guy, and not think that at least ONE of them might take what she thinks is a “joking” lil’ tease routine too seriously, to the point where he thinks she’s still “joking” when she says she really doesn’t want sex. If you’re constantly putting yourself in positions or situations where there’s a possibility of something like that happening, it’s only a matter of time before it might eventually happen.

Tragic? Yes. Shocking? Not so much.

—-

Lastly, to all the rape victims who have commented on the article and verbally bashed me for being insensitive to what they went through: please take heed that I am NOT doing that. I am fully aware that there are women (and men – nobody ever brings up the fact that men get raped, too) out there who get raped and didn’t wear a skimpy outfit, or tease a guy, or give a guy any impression that she wanted to have sex with him.

What the article was simply saying was, there are women out there who ARE doing those things PURPOSEFULLY, and, while they, too, don’t deserved to get raped, they DO need to be aware of how their actions can play a part in it happening.

But maybe everybody who disagreed with me is right. Maybe I’m giving women too much credit.

Maybe I’m wrong for thinking that a woman might actually be SMART and INTELLIGENT enough to take responsibility for her actions, or realize that, while men SHOULD be smart enough back off when she says no, not all men are going to do so after she’s been giving them signals all night that indicate she’ll kiss or have sex with them.

Maybe, instead, I should do what one of the commenter’s suggested, and exit the species. Maybe I should look for a species that has an opposing gender that doesn’t put 100% blame towards a man when something goes wrong. Maybe – just maybe – this new species’ opposing gender will have the BRAINS I thought the girls on this planet had, ones that will allow them to think:

“Gee, my actions might actually play a part in me getting hurt – perhaps I should avoid doing such things.”

On second thought, I think I’ll stay here. Who knows, I might actually find some women who still believe in self-responsibility!  Hopefully that’s not just me being too “ideal” in my thinking

-Aaron P. Taylor

P.S. By the way, shame on those of you who thought I was pro-rape.  What kind of sick, twisted thoughts are going through YOUR head?

There are so many things about the way people work that fascinates me: the way they think, how they act towards one another, how they can read and interpret – and sometimes misinterpret – each other with something as simple as an eye twitch or a smile.

Okay, enough with the opening paragraph mumbo-jumbo – let’s get to the meat of this thing….

One of my female friends told me about a recent comment she heard about herself at an after-hours spot. She was walking to the bar to get a drink, and she heard another female say, “Hmph – she must thinik she’s ALL that.”

Now, my friend-in-question is rather attractive, and I’m pretty sure she could get any guy of the week she wanted (if she wasn’t constantly turning them down). This girl who threw that comment towards my friend had never met her before, and had no idea what my friend was thinking at the time. Yet the comment was said, and – to the untrained ear – it would seem like it was said for no apparent reason.

However, I notice this trend among the female population: the more pretty, successful, or “lucky” one female is, the more other females tend to hate on this person. For example:

**If a woman gets a raise, other women will try to demean how she got it – “She probably just sucked off half the guys in accounting!”

**If a woman hangs out with other friends who are single, and she suddenly gets a boyfried, the remaining women will make her seem like a traitor of sorts – “Oh, first she gets a man, and now she ain’t got no time for us!!”

**If a woman previously known as “ugly’” “not pretty to look at,” or “paper-bag necessary” goes to work one day looking stunning after having a makeover, other women in the offce who, while gorgeous, haven’t been privvy to their own makeovers, will say things like: “She must think she’s all THAT now! Let’s not eat lunch with her today!!”

So, why does there seem to be this unnecessary amount of hate being spewed by women, onto other women?

As a gender, women feel the need to be equal in status to other women. Whereas men’s bonding M.O. is topping one another (i.e. “I just got a new car!” “Well, I just got a new model car that’s not due out for two years!” “Well, I just bought a Spaceship, losers!!”), women do the opposite: they bond closest with women who have similar things in common with them.

This is not a very hard thing to find examples of. Women who have kids bond better with other women who have kids vs. those women who are without children; single women get along great with other single women because they all have something in common – their (alleged) hate for men – whereas married women get along with other married women because they can talk together about their husbands and other adventures in married life.

In each of the above examples, all the women involved are on equal playing fields with their friends. None of them really stand out too muh from the others and, because there is no showing off, they are able to be comfortable with each other since no one woman is a “threat” to how the other women in the group feel about themselves.

The problem, however, arises when one of the women in these groups suddenly gets something the others don’t get. One of them gets pregnant; proposed to; wins the lottery; or a plethora of other things. And what happens? The woman goes to her friends to tell them the good news, and the friends initially seem happy for her.

Read: they SEEM happy. Inside their mind, though, the thoughts are already beginning…

Take, for instance, the proposal example: A woman gets proposed to and runs to her single girlfriends with the news – “I’m getting married!” Immediately, just about every woman is thinking the same thing:

“How come SHE got proposed to, but I haven’t? I don’t even HAVE a man, and here she is rubbing it in myt face that SHE’s getting married!! Now I’LL continue to be alone while she’s cuddled up in the arms of some guy!”

Another great example: An overweight woman – who, more times than not, has overweight friends (since, again, it’s a commonality issue) – decides to buckle down and lose 45 lbs. She gets invited out to dinner with her still-overweight friends, and when they see her and her slimmed-down figure – BOOM! Let the comments begin:

“Oh, so you tryin’ to be skinny now??”

“What was wrong with the way you USED to be??”

“I guess this means we ain’t goin’ half on this KFC bucket now – ain’t that right, Ms. String Bean???”

The funny part is, the women who say these comments would really like to be in the same place as their friend with the so-called “good fortune.” But subconciously, there is a feeling of “if this person is doing better than me, than no one will notice me when I do things.”

Therefore, women often feel a need to try to bring back down the friend-in-question so that they (a) feel validated that they, too, are still important, and (b) can be assured that their friend won’t get too far out of line by bragging about how well they are doing.

The ironic part is, it usually works. Even if a woman’s friends sound like they’re joking when they say comments like “don’t you get all big-headed on us now,” she understands that they are only saying that because they want to hold on to the relationship, and really do NOT want her to suddenly change from the person they’ve had “sameness” with this whole time.

This is why you will usually not hear a group of women talking about extraordinary things going on in their lives. Instead, they usually stick to topics that will allow them to appear similar to each other – family, friends, and problems.

So there you go! For all the guys out there: the next time you see or hear a group of women hating on another woman, now you’ll understand why.

And for all the girls out there: next time you feel yourself about to become jealous or spiteful towards another female… STOP. Thhink back to what you’ve just read, and adjust your attitude.

Just because another woman happened upon good fortune doesn’t suddenly mean she thinks she’s better than you – if anything, she’s probably thinking about how she’s going enjoy her good fortune, while at the same time letting all those other women out there know she is still just like them. Odd, ain’t it?

-A.P.T.

Above: A video of teacher’s protesting for higher wages.  If only I felt sympathy for them…

A few months ago, Hillary Clinton was holding a “town meeting” being televised on ABC’s “Good Morning America.  The topic of discussion was health care, and they had people in the audience asking questions to the presidential hopeful.

One of the ladies from the audience stood up to ask a question, and was introduced as a “middle class mother of two and an underpaid teacher.” She then went on to ask something to the effect of why politians are able to make so much money while people like her continue to be underpaid.

Okay, what I’m about to say may be upsetting to some, but the truth often hurts. So, here goes:

Teachers are NOT underpaid.

They earn the exact amount of money that they should earn, and they need to stop whining and complaining about it.  They knew going in how much they would probably earn, and if they didn’t like it, they shouldn’t have become teachers.

“OMG, Aaron, that is SOOOO cruel! How DARE you say teachers are not underpaid – they are responsible for teaching education to millions of kids, and without them they wouldn’t learn anything! For shame, Mr. Taylor, for shame!”

Thank you for that rebuttle. Now, allow me to totally destroy THAT argument.

If one were to base a salary on how many people one has helped in the course of a lifetime, teachers are definetely earning the right amount of money. It may seem like teachers teach “millions of kids” in their lifetime, but that’s not actually the case. In actuality, most individual teachers teach way less students than that.

Let’s take a typical high school teacher, shall we? This teacher teaches an English literature class, to 4 different groups of 25 kids each semester, every year they teach. That means, in the course of a year, this teacher will have had 200 students go through their classroom.

Now, let’s say this person stays on as a teacher for 25 years. In the course of 25 years, this teacher will have had 5,000 young people go through their classroom to learn the subject of English literature, a subject which – as many of you will probably agree – ends up being pretty useless when you get into the world outside of school. I have yet to go on a job interview where they ask me to recite Ralph Waldo Emerson, or to dictate words to them in the style of Shakespeare.

More importantly: in the grand scheme of things, 5,000 people is not a lot of people, especially considering that (a) this teacher is only teaching 200 students per year, and (b) there are still MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of kids they are NOT teaching each year.

The reason this form of teachng deserves the salary it gives out is because it doesn’t allow the person teaching to reach a wide mass of people. There’s a general rule to becoming wealthy: the more people you help, the richer you become. Teachers stay “poor” and “not paid enough” because they are only reaching a small few.

Let’s compare the above scenario with that of another type of “teacher”: the muppets on the P.B.S. show, “Sesame Street.” Whoever owns the rights to that program makes MILLIONS of dollars a year – possibly billions – teaching the same stuff pre-school teachers teach: basic math, spelling, word association, do’s and don’ts, etc.

And why do they make more money, you ask?

BECAUSE THEY ARE ABLE TO REACH MILLIONS OF KIDS AROUND THE WORLD - not just their small little town, but the WORLD –  AND TEACH THEM ON A DAILY BASIS.

Furthermore, they are able to teach using a wide variety of media. They don’t just have the one method of getting up in front of a chalk board and telling students to read what’s written on it.  No, they have many ways for adults to get these “teacher-like” products to kids: tapes, DVDs, interactive computer games, board games, concerts (I should know, I went to one as a kid), and the list goes on and on.

Again, they teach the same things those poor “underpaid” teachers teach, and make TONS of money doing it because they do it smarter!

Let’s look at another type of “teacher”: Robert Kiyosaki. He’s that guy who created the whole “Rich Dad” series that teaches people how to look for other ways of making money besides having a regular “job.”

This guy has probably taught more people about money management with his “Rich Dad” books – millions of copies sold, and the first book is STILL on the best-seller list almost 10 years later – than any finance teachers have with their textbooks! Because he’s able to reach more people – and therefore, teach more people – he’s able to make a bunch of money doing something most teachers wish they got paid more for: TEACHING.

Everytime I hear a teacher complain about being underpaid, I just want to slap the shiznit out of them and say: “STOP COMPLAINING, THEN, AND FIND A BETTER WAY TO MAKE MORE MONEY AT TEACHING!”

If a teacher enjoys teaching math to kids, great – create something that you can market to millions of kids instead of the 25 you currently have in your class, and you’ll make LOTS of money! If English is their choice of teaching, find a way to make it fun, exciting, and marketable to the masses!

The point is, if teachers are waiting for some politicians to come along and say “okay, we’re going to raise your salary to match ours!”, they are in for a looong wait. Politians, despite their sometimes questionable ethics, help out more people on a daily basis than teachers, and deserve to be paid more.

Teachers, on the otherhand, are quite replacable – if one math teacher is tired of being underpaid, a school can easily find another math teacher who is willing to do the job with less complaining AND a lower salary. If a teacher wants to make some REAL money at teaching, they need to get off their “woe is me” high-horse and figure out a way to make it happen themselves.

Truth of the matter is, almost ALL people feel underpaid at their job, and nobody wants to hear someone else complain about it. So smarten up, teachers, and figure out a way to GET PAID MORE without crying to the government!

-Aaron P. Taylor

One of the things I notice the most on various friends’ pages is their ever-changing relationship status. Some people go from being “single” to “in a relationship” while others do the opposite, expressing to the world that they’ve gone splitsville with their former significant other by re-taking their “single” title.

Yet and still, there is a third popular status option: “it’s complicated.” When a person places this as their relationship status, they’re saying to the world that, while they do have someone in their life that is near and dear to their heart, there are some small difficulties or “situations” that prevent them from being to be able to say they are all the way into a relationship of some sort.

I don’t know why facebook has this as an option, as I find it particularly annoying. I understand the alleged “logic” behind it, but I find it bogus because it’s a cop-out statement for both sexes.

And trust me, it won’t feel “complicated” at all

-Aaron P. Taylor

Above: A brief video of Senator John McCain’s Saturday Night Live appearance.

I do not consider myself a Democrat or a Republican.  Personally, I think it’s stupid to hitch yourself to a candidate based soley on what party they’re running with, especially when the candidate opposing your guy may have better ideas.

As I am writing this, the nominee for the Democratic Party’s Presidential Candidate – either Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton – have yet to be decided since the race is so close.  But, as far as I’m concerned, both of them should pack up their suitcases, get back on their campaign buses and go home.  Why?

Because John McCain will be our next President.

A bold statement to make, and one that I’ll clearly be taking back should one of the two Democratic hopefuls end up in the White House instead.  But as of right now, John McCain is the man heading to the Oval Office.

Now, what would make me say such a thing?  After all, aren’t I a black guy?  Shouldn’t I be rooting for someone on the Democrat team to win?  Heck, shouldn’t I be supporting Obama?  I mean, he IS black – that should be reason enough!

Believe me, nothing would make me happier than for either Obama or Hillary to make history and become President (or, at the very least, Vice-President).  But I just don’t see that happening.

Besides – I LIKE McCain. 

I’ll admit that, when it comes to what platform he’s running on, or what his policies are, I have absolutely no idea.  Then again, nor does the majority of the voting population, though they may not care to admit it to their friends.  Think about it: everybody KNEW what George W. Bush Jr.’s policies were – “Let’s go to war and spend lots of money for no reason!” – yet he still got elected. TWICE. (Once, if you’re still thinking about that 2000 election).

So, it’s not about what issues or policies he may implement upon becoming Commander-In-Chief.  Here is a short list about what makes McCain the candidate to beat:

—-

1. HE’S BEEN CAMPAIGNING LONGER THAN YOUR FAVORITE DEMOCRAT.

McCain first ran for President in 2000, and lost.  That means he had to wait 8 YEARS before he could have another shot at being President.

During that 8-year hiatus, though, McCain wasn’t just working in Washington, D.C. – he was also making the rounds.  I can remember seeing John on a plethora of TV shows during the last few years.  He’s done the Tonight Show, Late Show, The Daily Show, SNL, and more, and on these shows he was able to let the public see what a kind, funny guy he could be. 

He may not have said it at the time, but all these appearances were a GREAT way to get his face out there.  By the time he decided to run for office again, so many people were comfortable with him from having seen him so much that he got the nomination.

Compare that with Hillary or Obama, who have only been doing regular TV appearances within the last year.  Shoulda been doing that 3 or 4 years ago like McCain – then, maybe one of you would already be a nominee!

2. HE TELLS IT LIKE IT IS.

I’m sure someone reading this will go back and look at things McCain has said, and point out to me that McCain has occasionally contracticted himself.  And I don’t really care, because we ALL do that.

With that said, I DO respect his ability to tell people how he sees things, whether good or bad. 

When the candidates were in South Carolina - or it could be North Carolina (I forget, but it was a southern state), the Democrats, as well as some of the other Republican nominees at the time, were telling people down there that certain jobs that were on the verge of being phased out, would be protected.

Enter John McCain, who, point blank, told them that there was a good chance those jobs they had would NOT be coming back. He said that he would do his best to create other jobs they could do, but not to expect the ones they had to return.

Now, that may sound like a cruel thing to say… but it was also the truth.  And the truth may hurt sometimes, but I’d rather have a President tell me something like this, instead of lying to me and making me feel hopeful for something that’s not going to happen!

3. JOHN MCCAIN IS LOYAL TO HIS FRIENDS, EVEN WHEN THEY’RE NOT POPULAR.

In April, Obama’s former preacher, Reverend Wright, came under fire for comments he made that were taken out of context.  Rather than stand up for him and say, “his thoughts are his, my thoughts are mine, but I respect him as a preacher and stand by him,” he quickly tried to distance himself from the reverend, fearing the connection would hurt his candidacy.

In short: he abandoned his friend when it looked like he wouldn’t be looked favorably upon.

Contrast that with John McCain, and his friendship with current President Bush.  Bush’s approval rating is in the toilet, and several other Republicans have distanced themselves from him – except McCain.  You can see photos of them laughing together, hugging, standing next to each other, eating together… and these are RECENT photos, people!

Now, while I may not agree with Bush’s policies, or think he’s a bad President, I still don’t feel like the man doesn’t deserve to have friends.  And I like the fact that John McCain isn’t treating Bush like a quarrantine victim just because others in his party are doing so.  It says VOLUMES about how dedicated he would be to serving the American people, and not abandoning them when times get tough.

4. HE DOESN’T STOP WORKING.

John McCain won the nomination MONTHS ago.  He could be at home, sipping some lemonade and waiting for the Democrats to finally have a nominee.

But what does he do instead? He goes on a “Straight Talk” bus tour, visiting towns and having town-hall meetings where people can go and ask him questions!

And he’s got BALLS, people!  Unlike the Dems, who go to cities and set up rallies that can only be attended by people in the Democratic Party, he allows ANYONE into these meetings to ask him ANYTHING that’s on their minds! He’s had questions asked to him, not just by Independents or Republicans, but by Democrats who weren’t supporting him!

But this shows two things: one, that he really IS interested in serving all Americans, i.e. not just the ones that will agree with him – and two, that he’s gracious enough to hear issues from all sides.  Definitely nice to have a guy like THAT in office!

—-

I still haven’t decided on who I want to vote for in this upcoming election, but right now I’m leaning towards McCain.  Yeah, he’s old, but he’s also sympathetic, knowledgable, likeable, and – most importantly – he has no other Republicans running against him, which gives him time to better figure out just how he’d make this country great again.

So go ahead, Obama and Clinton – keep running your campaigns into the ground if you want to.  Just don’t be surprised when, after all that in-house bickering, John McCain becomes our next President anyway!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Welcome to my blog!  I was invited to join the emqtv family after my bloggings from various other sites became so popular that I got noticed.  Nothing makes a guy feel more welcome than being offered a spot to write on a website!

So, you’re probably thinking to yourself: who exactly IS this guy, and what is he going to write about??

My mind tends to work in cycles, and it’s always thinking about the various aspects of life and how they work.  Be it relationships, politics, entertainment, economics, etc., I, like many of you, create opinions about these things.

HOWEVER…

I have found that my opinions on things tend to differ from others.  For example: where as most people feel they should go to college to get a good education and a job to make money, MY opinion is that you don’t have to go to college to be paid, and working for someone else makes you a slave!

Now, some of you may agree with the above statement while others may not.  But that’s why this blog is called “UnCommon Sense!”

I will be writing opinions on many different subjects, and while others may not always agree with what I have to say, I’ll do my best to make sure that my arguments for my views are at least logical so you can see where I’m coming from.  I’m always open to discussions and debates, and if you have a topic you’d like to see discussed on this blog, you can send me a message!

That’s all for now – I’ll be back to write soon, and I hope you enjoy the blog!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Send me your messages at atsd@hotmail.com.