I hate going to funerals.

The last person close to me that died was my Granddad on my Mom’s side. I was living with my uncle in Pennsylvania at the time, and we drove aaaaall the way down to Alabama for the funeral (which was a LONG over-night drive). We got there early the next morning and went straight to the church, where the rest of our family was waiting.

Once inside the church, we all got a chance to walk up to my Granddad’s casket. I got to look at him one last time, and… well, I don’t really cry at these things anymore, but I looked at him and automatically thought to myself:

“Wow – they did a LOUSY job embalming him!”

Later on during the funeral, as people went up and started talking about my Granddad, I became more and more angry with how the service was going. Every time somebody would say something, I would analyze it, pick it apart, and find fault with what they were saying.

“Hey, they didn’t mention this thing about him!”

“Wait a minute – why are they only talking about his LAST job as a Wal-mart greeter?? Where is the personal stuff??”

Even the choir that sang at the thing was pissing me off – “Why did they pick THAT song?? Why is it so darn off-key??” The happiest part for me was when the funeral part was finally over, and we were allowed to eat in the church’s cafeteria.

—

In looking back on it now, there wasn’t anything particularly wrong with my Granddad’s funeral per se. Sure, there were things here and there that I wished would have happened, but ultimately, most people probably have similar feelings at funerals. Why?

BECAUSE WHEN YOU’VE KNOWN SOMEONE FOR THE MAJORITY OF YOUR LIFE, IT’S HARD TO SEE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THAT PERSON AND TRY TO CELEBRATE THEIR LIFE WITHOUT HAVING SOME KIND OF OPINION ABOUT IT.

In looking at the B.E.T. awards yesterday, I actually ENJOYED the program. At the same time, though, I know there are many others that thought B.E.T. either (a) didn’t do enough to remember MJ, (b) didn’t remember him in the right way, or (c) felt it was too much of a rush job and not classy enough.

I understand where these feelings come from. The ENTIRE WORLD from the 1960s ’til now grew up on Michael Jackson. He was in the ENTIRE WORLD’S lives for 45 years. That’s BILLIONS of people.

What does that mean? It means that BILLIONS of people are going to have various opinions about how his life should be celebrated.

For the opinions of the (comparatively smaller) MILLIONS of people who watched the award show on Sunday, you have to take into account the fact that, when an event like this happens where many feeling of sadness abound, ANYTHING DONE WRONG AT THE SHOW COULD MAKE THEM AUTOMATICALLY HATE HOW THEY CHOSE TO HONOR HIM.

For example: you might have watched the show and loved every bit of it until near the end, when Lil’ Wayne and Drake got up on stage and dedicated “F–k Every Girl” to the Gloved one. That one act of so-called “disrespect” could automatically make you think they did a snow job on MJ’s memory, even if you liked the rest of the show up to that point.

Or, you have been jamming along to the Jackson songs, havin’ a good time… and became outraged when the censor guy started missing just about every dang curse word spoken in the last 2 hours.

Or, you might have even felt that the tributes were too hastily thrown together, and that it was wrong for B.E.T. to even try and attempt such a thing.

In any case, the point is that, even if B.E.T. had somehow managed to throw a “classier” show (which, in our society, means a dignified, i.e. WHITER tribute show – I have issues about that as well, but that’s a whole ‘nother note), the reality is they were gonna lose either way.

On the one hand, if, as a “Black” network, they didn’t overhaul their show, they would have been chastised the next day for “not doing more to honor Michael.” Heck, they’re already catching flack for not allowing Chris Brown to perform – u can imagine how much more they would have gotten if they hadn’t added the “Rock With You” light to Beyonce’s performance, or made alterations to some of the teleprompter skits!

On the other hand, they also knew that, by altering their show, they’d catch flack for not “waiting it out” or “spending time putting together a REAL concert tribute.” Either way, they were stuck, people – he died THREE DAYS before the show!

I was a theatre major in college, so I know how hard it is to put up a show in 3 months, let alone re-vamping it in 3 days! It’s similar to a woman moving into a 1-bedroom apartment… and having a baby the next day, not having known she was pregnant for 9 months (I’ve seen the TV specials, this DOES happen)! Sometimes you have to make last-minute changes when life throws you a curveball, even if the results aren’t always perfect or going to please everybody.

So I say, “KUDOS” to B.E.T. for putting on a damn good tribute. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, and I’m sure the Grammys will blow them out of the water, but at least they understood he’d be the reason people would be tuning into see the show and gave it to us. Everyone’s opinion about how it went may differ, but it’s still better than the backlash they would have gotten for doing NOTHING.

-Aaron P. Taylor

P.S. But really – Lil’ Wayne giving Mike a shout-out after “F–k Every Girl” was ri-dam-diculous.

“Don’t spend your time focusing on a Plan B. Having a Plan B leaves doubt that your Plan A will work. Forming a Plan B requires effort, time, and energy that can be used to help solidify your Plan A. So if your Plan A does happen to fail, just make yourself another Plan A.” – Steve Harvey

I found this quote on my friend’s FaceBook wall, and placed it on my own because I found it to be quite true. The people who tend to be most successful and – more importantly – rich, are those that had a goal, stuck to it no matter what, and were eventually able to see their vision come to life.

Most importantly, they were able to succeed because of another very important fact: they believed in what they were trying to do so much that they didn’t try to create any other options for themselves. In other words, they didn’t formulate a “Plan B.”

Ah yes, the infamous “Plan B.” The one our loving (and BROKE) parents, friends and relatives tell us to have in the event that we aren’t able to make happen the things we really want to do.

“I want to be an actor,” you say? “That’s great,” they’ll reply – “…but make sure you get a degree in architecture just in case the acting thing doesn’t work out!”

“I want to be a photographer,” you say? “How wonderful,” they’ll reply – “…but you may want to get a degree in business so you can get a REAL job in case the whole ‘photo’ thing doesn’t work out.”

“I want to be a lawyer,” you might even say? “How ambitious,” they’ll reply – “…but no one in our family’s ever even made it all the way through college. Why not get a degree in teaching just in case the bar proves to be too hard for you?”

The sad part is, most people will listen to this advice, and with good reason: it’s coming from people they love, who also “allegedly” love them, so it must be worth listening to, right?

WRONG. DEAD WRONG.

Before I even got into college, I knew I wanted to do something in entertainment, though at the time I didn’t know exactly what. I decided to pursue a degree in theatre.

The result? I got to go to school for 5 years NOT wanting to tell people what my major was. Why? Because every time I told somebody, I received the same comments over and over:

“That’s great… but shouldn’t you major in something else in case the ‘acting’ thing doesn’t work out?

Then, when I got out of college, rather than go and try to get a “real” job, I took on small theatre jobs and serving jobs. Again, I did NOT like telling people what I did because the comments I’d get back were the same:

“Didn’t you go to college? Shouldn’t you be doing something BETTER than what you’re doing?”
—

Unbeknown-st to those people, though, what I was doing was something they were NOT doing: I was working my Plan A, which was to work in entertainment.

Because I was a theatre major, it allowed me to work on my creative writing skills, act in plays, and get a sense of the behind-the-scenes work it took to put on a decent production. And now what do I do? I direct, I edit, and I write.

And as for my jobs? I always sought out jobs I’d be able to easily get away from. Why? Because if an opportunity came along that would be profitable and/or get me to the next step of my Plan A, I wanted to be able to quit instead of being bound by a contract to work at a company or something like that.

Meanwhile, when I wasn’t at those jobs, I’d be at home making music videos, writing songs, writing books, and improving upon various aspects of my craft. And the result? When I finally DID have something make an impact, I was able to meet people who were interested in helping me develop my other projects. Now I’m in a position where all the stuff I was doing in the quest to be successful off my Plan A is about to pay off.
—

In looking back on my college days, though, I see many people that, unlike me, decided to formulate a “Plan B.” Some of them acted right along side me on stage – heck, some of them were WAY better than me when it came to acting – and they, too, had dreams of making it in the biz.

But… well, if you’ve got friends and relatives, you know how the rest of the story goes: they get home and start talking about their dreams of moving to NYC or Cali, and here come the nay-sayers…

“But California/NYC is too expensive! You need to save up money – in the meantime, you should fall back on your ‘Plan B’ in case you never get out there…”

The problem with having a Plan B – as Steve Harvey said – is that you have to put what I call “wasted energy” into formulating it. In other words, the amount of energy you would use to focus on developing a solid Plan A now has to be split in two so that a Plan B can be formulated.

Unfortunately, because neither plan is able to receive your full attention, both of them end up being half-assed success attempts.

More importantly, having a Plan B practically guarantees that you’ll never make as much money as you could make had you simply focused on a Plan A.

Why? Because, no matter what profits may come from your Plan B, you’ll never be nearly as happy – or as rich – as you would have been had you worked your Plan A.

Some of you may read that and say, “But Aaron, that’s not true. Even if I don’t end up working my Plan A, I can still be successful off my Plan B.”

And I’m not here to say you can’t be. I’m just saying, you won’t be AS happy, and therefore will not be as successful. If you’re truly happy about what you’re doing, you put more effort into it to see that you reach the maximum success.

If you’re only marginally happy about it, or just doing it because everyone else wants you to, you may be happy for a while, but (a) it won’t last, and (b) you won’t feel motivated to make the Plan B success continue to work after a while.

“But Aaron,” you might say, “what if you’re trying to work your Plan A, and something happens to where you can’t complete your vision?”

Yeah yeah yeah, I get it. For example, you want to join the NBA, but you’re too short, or are bound to a wheelchair. How can you achieve your goal with those obstacles in place?

The answer is not – I repeat, NOT – to make a Plan B, but to MODIFY your Plan A. Who’s to say you couldn’t start a basketball league for players under 5-foot-5, or participate in wheelchair basketball, and make both of those leagues as popular as the NBA?

The “core” of the dream – playing basketball – would still be there, and you’d still be doing it. More importantly, someone might see your passion for doing these things despite your “obstacles,” and pay you big money for it. You might think that sounds crazy, but stuff like that happens all the time (u just gotta pay more attention).

Bottom line: if you’re splitting your focus between a Plan A and a Plan B, you will NEVER be rich (or as rich as you could be). Always be working your Plan A. Even if what you’re doing right now isn’t what you really want to be doing, use it as a stepping stone to further your Plan A.

And, if you ARE currently working a Plan A and a Plan B, decide which one you have more of a passion for, and figure out a way to mesh them into one plan. You may not think so now, but you will be a lot happier and more driven once you have a single, well-focused goal – and a lot richer, too

-Aaron P. Taylor

I was trolling around on a random website, when I finally came across a good explanation as to why, as men, we can’t use our logical brains to try and convince women to change their bad dating choices!

Oh, don’t look at me like that! We’ve all been in the following conversations before with women:

1. We see a girl being used and abused in her relationship,
2. We try to use our “guy logic” to explain to her all the reasons she shouldn’t be with the guy – “He hits you!” “He’s seeing other women!” “He’s always blaming you for stuff you didn’t do!”
3. They sit there and nod, smile, and agree with us… then continue seeing the person doing all this stuff to them!

But now, men, your brain can rest easy. After you read this, you will never feel compelled to sway a woman’s more emotionally-driven brain ever again. Again, I can’t take credit for what you’re about to read, but I hope it helps!

—

Using logic to a woman’s emotions doesn’t work. It’s useless, futile.

The reason why is because emotions are not rational. They don’t make sense. If a woman feels a certain way, then you try to explain to her why shouldn’t feel that way, it won’t change anything. It’s like this with ALL kinds of feelings.

Let me give you an example: Let’s say you go to a buffet, and eat all your stomach can hold. You eat 10 slices of pizza,3 salads,4 bowls of spaghetti,5 biscuits,2 cinnamon rolls,and drink 4 glasses of soda.

Then you go home, and an hour and a half later you say to your friend,”I feel hungry”.

Now,the first thing your friend is going to do is look at you like you’re crazy. Then, what is he going to do? He’s going to go down the list to you of ALL the things you just ate. He’s going to say, “What? You just ate 10 slices of pizza,4 bowls of spaghetti,3 salads,etc.”

Ok, now… why is he telling you about all the food you just ate? It’s because all of these foods he’s telling you about are reasons you shouldn’t be hungry. He’s naming off reasons why you shouldn’t “feel” hungry. You get it?

He’s giving you reasons why you shouldn’t feel hungry, but guess what? Once he gets finished going down the list of reasons, you’re not going to turn to him and go: “Yeah,you’re right. What was I thinking? I’m glad you straightened me out. Thanks!”

It doesn’t work that way.

If that’s how you feel,then that’s how you feel. If I go outside when it’s 90 degrees, and I say I feel cold, then that’s how I feel. You can tell me all day long about how hot it is, and how the sun is out shining, and how everyone else walking around in shorts, tank tops, and how they’re drenched in sweat…

…but once you get finished going down the list of reasons why I shouldn’t feel cold, I’m not going to say to you: “Yeah, yeah.You’re right. Everybody else is in shorts, the sun is out shining, and people are sweating like crazy. Alright, you’ve convinced me. You win. I won’t feel cold anymore.”

You see what I’m saying? You cannot LOGICALLY talk a woman out of how she feels. If that were the case, then you could logically explain to a woman why she shouldn’t be in a relationship with a man who beats her and abused her. Or with a guy who cheats on her repeatedly, putting her health at risk.

We’ve all seen situations like those before, and usually when you try to help women in matters like these, what happens? They ignore your logical, sound advice, and keep following their feelings, sometimes to their death.

Those emotions ain’t no joke.

—

So, what do you think? Do you get it now, guys? SAVE YOUR ENERGY. Take on conversations that are progressive, and stop trying to talk to these girls about changing up their dating style. It’s NOT worth your time, and all it will do is frustrate you when they don’t do what you’ve recommended to them.

-Aaron P. Taylor

Follow me on Twitter: www.Twitter.com/APTsongs

I was looking through some of the pictures of people who are “friends” of mine on Facebook (in quotations because I haven’t met all of them personally, but I clicked “accept” when they sent the friend’s invitation nonetheless).

Some of them have photos of themselves in suits or dresses, looking real nice, sitting in an office building or hanging out with work associates…

It’s funny because, I look at these people, and I just KNOW some of them aren’t happy.

Not that I’ve asked them, of course, but it’s just that…

When we are little, we’re all pretty much told the same thing: to be successful, you have to go to school, get an education, get a college degree (or a master’s, or a PH.D.), etc. Once you’ve done that, you get a job, you get to wear nice suits and, if you make the “boss” happy enough, you’ll get promoted, and get a big raise, and your life will be perfect.

So what REALLY happens?

For some people, it happens just like the above story: they do all that stuff, and are genuinely happy about their lives…

However, most people are usually shocked when, upon reaching these “successful” benchmarks, they find themselves unhappy. Sad. Miserable. And they can’t understand it – they think to themselves, “why aren’t I happy? I did everything I was supposed to do to BE successful, yet I’m still not fulfilled…”

Part of the problem is that, unbeknown to these people, they don’t realize the REAL reason they aren’t happy. And why, you ask, are they not happy?

It’s because they didn’t follow what their OWN definition of success is; instead they followed what others told them their success SHOULD be based on.

As I am typing this, I am at my “office.” Which is to say, I’m at home, wearing a pair of jean shorts, a blue surfer shirt that’s somewhat faded, and I’m by myself, not surrounded by anyone else.

And I am happy.

Why? Because, to me, MY definition of success has always been to be able to do what I want to do, where I want to do it, when I want to do it, and without the restraints I felt a regular job gives to its employees.

So, by MY definition, I am “successful.”

The way I define success may not the same way someone else defines it. Someone else might consider “success” having a big office, being a boss of others or, at the very least, being involved in something that requires working with other people. To them, my version of success might not seem all that glamorous, much in the same way that, to me, their version of success would drive me crazy.

However, the way in which people present themselves on Facebook in their pictures is oftentimes fraudulent, a facade of the way they want their life to “appear” when it’s really not that way. I see pics all the time of people dressed up, laughing and looking happy at their offices…

…yet their notes/wall writings/updates of “OMG, Another LONG day at work” and “when can I get out of this office?!” tell different tales: ones of people who aren’t really doing what they actually want to do, and are therefore not really “successful.”

And again, this could be contributed to how I define “success,” but I really believe that even if a person fronts to the world their “success” (based on how they think the world will define their success), they are never truly happy until they reach the top of the “success meter” that they themselves have defined on their own.

Just my own opinion, though

-Aaron P. Taylor

Now on Twitter!  www.Twitter.com/APTsongs

The communicative styles men and women use amongst their own genders are quite different from each others. Women tend to use language that is meant to hint or cushion the things they’re asking/talking about, whereas men tend to be more direct.

For example: as a kid, if my parents wanted me to take out the trash, my Mom would hint at it (i.e. “gee, Aaron, the trash is looking pretty full”) so as not to sound like she was making demands, whereas my Dad would just flat out say, “Aaron, go take out the trash.”

There’s nothing wrong with either communication style… until we start trying to apply it to the opposite gender.

This is especially true in the dating world, where men, who are used to direct communication with other men, assume that women will communicate with them in the same way. So what happens? A guy asks a girl out on a date, and he gets hit with something like:

“Oh, I’d really like to… but I’m just so busy right now, and I have so much going on…”

A girl listening from the outside would hear this and think: “Aww, how sweet – she’s giving him the hint that she doesn’t want to date him!” However, most guys would just think: “Oh, okay – she’s not rejecting me, she’s just busy, but might be up to dating me later!”

Why? Because she didn’t say to him “I’m not interested” in a direct way, most guys will always assume they have a chance later. (This used to be me back in my college days, before I got hip to the lingo.) Read the rest »

I clicked on my Facebook account a few days ago, and the first thing that pops up is people’s status updates. (I swear, Facebook is like Twitter now!)

One of my friends, whom is a girl (and who, for the purposes of this note, shall remain nameless) had a status update asking people what they would do about a “cornball” guy who tried to holler at her online when, after rejecting him, found out that he works in the office across from hers.

Of course, people chimed in with the standard responses, basically boiling down to rejecting the guy (“personal protective order!!”). Me, I said she should not be so quick to turn the guy down, and, at the very least, go OUT with the guy on a date before completely denying him.

This got me to thinking about something: for all of the times I hear women complaining about their single status, did they ever stop to think that maybe, just MAYBE, it’s their own fault that that they’re alone?

Part of the problem is that they are so quick to pre-judge a man when they first meet him, and automatically blow him off as a potential match. They’ll see a guy, take a look up-and-down at his wardrobe, and automatically say, “nope! Not for me!”

Or: a guy will come up to them at a bar/bookstore/whateva, and say, “Hi, what’s your name?” The girl will listen to how he delivers the line and – if it’s not in accordance with how she thinks her potential mate should sound – think, “Ugh, why is this guy trying to talk to me?” and walk away before he says anything else!

To be fair, it’s understandable for a girl to reject some guys a.s.a.p.. I mean, if the dude is unkempt every time you see him, or he’s spewing out profanities at everyone around him prior to coming up to you, assumptions like “he probably doesn’t bathe” or “he’ll probably cuss me out” are fair ones to make.

What I’m talking about, though, is women that are rejecting guys who are soft-spoken (assuming he’s weak), not muscular (assuming he can’t protect you from harm), manicured up (assuming he’s gay), not driving a car or driving a beat-up car (assuming he doesn’t have money), telling corny jokes (assuming he’ll embarrass them in public) or hundreds of other things that women pre-judge a guy about being…

BEFORE ACTUALLY GETTING TO KNOW HIM!

And quite honestly, if you’re single and whining about it, I have NO sympathy for your situation. There are good guys out that YOU are rejecting for dates just because you either have a pre-conceived notion about what they’re about, or you have a list of standards that are (a) too high, and (b) you assume these guys can’t match up to – all from hearing them say “hello” or watching them walk over to you.

I’m not saying that dating these guys won’t change your opinion about them. You might think a guy is corny, and have your ideas confirmed about how corny he is when he’s sitting at dinner telling the worst jokes possible…

BUT – at least you’ll KNOW, instead of assuming it’s true.

Then again, you could end up pleasantly surprised. That guy you met wearing a bummy T-shirt and tattered jeans could end up being the richest guy in your state. He could have just been dressing that way to scare off the gold-diggers, and now YOU get the benefit of dating him!

Oh wait, that’s right – you passed that guy over, remember? You also passed over:

-The guy who said he “had no job” (because he was working at home setting up a soon-to-be multi-million dollar company)

-The guy who “lived with his mom” (turns out SHE was living with HIM ’cause she was ill – but you never let him get THAT part out)

-The guy who asked you out on a first date to a bookstore (you assumed he was cheap, when he really just wanted to see if he could carry on a conversation with you for an hour BEFORE taking you out to a fancy dinner)

You didn’t give any of these guys a chance because you wrote them off when you pre-judged them. Yet, there you sit, alone every Friday night, whining about how “you can’t find anybody” and complaining that you’re “still single.”

GET THE F–K OVER YOURSELF.

Why not try this: the next time a guy hits on you, no matter what your assumption about him is (unless, of course, that he’s an axe murder or a potential alcoholic – basically, use good judgment), instead of turning him down right away, how about agreeing to ONE date? It won’t kill you, and – at the very least – you’ll get a free meal out of it, along with a good story to tell your girlfriends!

Then again, who knows – maybe by not pre-judging a guy, you’ll finally find the happiness you were turning away all these years!

-Aaron P. Taylor

One of the biggest reasons why people fail is because they give potential customers too much credit. They assume that if they have a product that is smart, helpful, and has obvious benefits over their competition, other people will see it and “logically” choose their product.

People, however, don’t make their choices based on what is “logical.” They make choices, more often than not, on what makes them “feel” good.

Take, for example, the dating world. You see people out there everyday dating people who, in your eyes, are scumbags. You ask yourself, “why is she dating that guy even though he beats her? Why is he dating that girl even though she never even tries to have sex with him?”

The answer: being around that other person makes them “feel” good. Even if you think that person should logically go for someone else who will treat them better, the “feel good” part of being with that other person will trump logic every time.

And so it is with the business world. If you think you have something that SHOULD make you a lot of money because it’s logically “better” than someone else’s, I got news for you… YOUR ASS WILL STAY BROKE!

I’m a hip-hop fan, and I get irked when I hear underground MCs who are lyrically skilled, yet broke, complaining about someone like Soulja Boy, who is making MILLIONS off songs with the lyrical depth of a kiddie swimming pool. They feel as though THEY should be the ones the public buys into because they “talk about REAL stuff,” they’re “true to the streets,” and “I can freestyle/battle rap with the best of them.”

People who think like this will always be BROKE, though, because they don’t get what Soulja Boy already understands: just because people “say” they want one thing – in this case, just because people say they don’t want “bubblegum rap” and want “music with substance” – doesn’t mean that’s what their minds really “need.”

The only thing the mind knows is what makes itself feel good. A lyrical MC with high-end concepts might SOUND like a good idea, but the brain can’t really get into it. And even if it does, the person saying these raps aren’t going to sell anywhere NEAR as many albums as Lil’ Wayne or 50 Cent, both of whom talk about a whole lot of nothin’, but know how to make that nothin’ sound decent enough to make millions of people “feel” good.

And so it is with you. You could have the greatest idea in the world to get rich, but if you don’t have REAL determination to stick to it when the chips are down, or if you don’t get the idea marketed properly or presented in the right way, all you’ll end up doing is wasting money and ending up BROKE.

Why? Because, again, people aren’t logical. You have to trick people into buying into what you’re selling. It sounds fake and dishonest – and it is – but it’s the reason advertising companies pay MILLIONS of dollars to launch products. They know our dumb-asses aren’t going to buy into something unless there’s a jingle involved, or a contest, or a mascot of some kind. Think about it: what the f–k does a clown have to do with selling hamburgers? What does a Chihuahua have to do with eating tacos? How is it that attaching Homer Simpson to a slurpee makes it taste any better?

The answer: it doesn’t. Logically, none of that stuff makes those products any better than if I were to make all of them in my kitchen at home and sold them with a lower price tag. But again, you can’t rely on people’s “logic” to make you successful.

You have to appeal to their other senses. For example, how will you make them feel GOOD about your idea? What visual tricks will you use to appease to their eyes? How will you be able to make them interact with your idea that will have them wanting to come back to it?

It’s just like going on a first date: you have to make yourself seem like an attractive offer, or else the other person isn’t going to “buy” into wanting to see you. If you go on the date trying to sound all intelligent to appease their “logical” brain… but you’re dressed up in crappy wrinkled clothes with no make-up on and bad breath…. well, the other person may say, “Gee, based on their conversation it seems like they’d be a logical dating choice… but ya know what? I just don’t feel it!”

In short, if you come up with something that you think will make you money, don’t just assume people are smart enough to “get it” and automatically buy it. I’ve done many sales jobs over the years, and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that if you present a smart idea in the wrong way, that “smart idea” is still gonna have you lookin’ dumb when you’re the only one buying into it!

-Aaron P. Taylor

(Note: The following note is based on rumors about the Chris Brown/Rihanna incident.  They are neither confirmed nor stated to be 100% accurate, and are used soley to illustrate the points in my article.)

“I’m not saying he [O.J.] should’ve killed her [Nicole Simpson]… but I understand!” – Chris Rock

This is the yet another blog I’ve written that starts out with some quote from a Chris Rock comedy special. I’m a big fan of his stand-up, partially because, as it’s been said before, a lot of truth is said in jest.

This quote may be even more significant as it pertains to the current situation involving Chris Brown, the young R&B sensation with the squeaky-clean image, and Rihanna,  who has made quite a few #1 hits in the last few years.

At the moment, the story goes like this: Chris and Rihanna were riding in the same vehicle coming home from a pre-Grammy party at Clive Davis’ house. Sometime during the ride over to the Grammys, a fight escalated, and when the vehicle stopped, they both got out the car and were still arguing. Only problem was that one of the people – namely, Rihanna – had bruises on eye and bite marks as well. Cops were called, Chris fled the scene, and turned himself in later to be charged.

This is pretty much all we know at the moment. And of course, since it was the beautiful Rihanna who was involved, everyone is automatically calling for Chris Brown to be condemned for his actions. And I agree – he should be…

BUT…

The other question I have is: in what way might Rihanna’s actions have started this chain of events?

Obviously, I’m going to have some women who read that last sentence, and automatically want to assume I’m an advocate for the beating down of women. Yet I have to ask my question because there have been a LOT of rumors coming out about this incident,  one of which goes like this:

“Chris Brown broke it off with Rihanna 2 weeks ago, but their perspective camps wanted them to act like they were still together until after the Grammys. They were told to go to Clive’s party together and ride over to the Grammy’s together.

Meanwhile, Chris already had interest in another girl. Problem was, Rihanna still wanted them to be a couple. While in the car, she was still trying to act like they were together. Chris told her ‘no,’ and she started to go ballistic, going so far as to punch him in the face…”

Wait, wait – let’s read back that last part…

“Chris told her ‘no’” – as in, “No, we’re no longer a couple” – “and she started to go ballistic, going so far as to punch him in the face…”

“At which point, the fight got worse…”

Now, this rumor, like all the other rumors, may or may not be true. BUT, if the part about her punching HIM first is, in fact, the part of the story that she’s not telling…

Well… I’m not saying he should’ve hit her, but I understand!

“GASP! Aaron, how can you say that?!? No woman deserves to be hit under ANY circumstances, and you should know better!”

And I DO know better. You know why? Because I had a Mom and a Dad who taught me and my brother that hitting girls isn’t the right thing to do. No man should have to try and get a woman to do what he says by smacking her around.

The problem, though, is that many girls are NOT taught that it’s not always wise to hit/smack guys. In fact, many of them are taught that it’s okay to smack a guy if he’s not listening to her or doing what she asks of him.

Don’t believe me? Think of all the shows on TV where a girl finds out a guy is doing something wrong (cheating on her, not telling her the truth about something, etc.) and she smacks him in the face. What happens on all these shows? The girl smacks a guy, the guy thinks about what he’s done, and the next thing you know, he’s begging for her forgiveness.

This is NOT how it works in real life.

Unfortunately, girls see this and grow up THINKING that it might work. Consequently, they end up surprised when, upon giving a smack to a guy with low tolerance for getting hit, they end up getting their asses handed to them.

But really, what makes a girl think she even HAS the right to hit a guy in the first place? They know it hurts, and they know THEY don’t like getting hit, so why do it to someone else? I haven’t been smacked too many times in my life, but I have been jabbed hard in the arm a few times, and it doesn’t feel good at all. If Rihanna felt she was woman enough to try and hit Chris in the face with her fist…

Well… I’m not saying he should’ve hit her, but I understand!

The funny thing is, there is a double-standard at work here. If Rihanna did hit Chris Brown first, and he decided to make a phone call to the police, he would have been laughed off the phone! Something along the lines of:

“Why are you calling us? ‘Cause a GIRL hit you?!? How hard could the hit have been? Man up, Chris!”

THAT’s what he would have heard on the phone! Why? Because nobody cares to believe that woman is capable of causing some serious damage to a man’s body. They always assume that if a domestic call is placed to a home, it’s always the man doing bodily damage to the woman, and that’s not always the case.

Remember the show “Being Bobby Brown?” He mentioned a quite a few times that his then-wife Whitney would often start fights and go so far as to give him a few jabs (which, after seeing how Whitney acted on the show, I can believe 100%). Yet whenever the cops were called, it was always Bobby going to trial over hitting HER. For all we know, those could have been self-defense blows Bobby was throwing back and Ms. Houston – but you’ll never see THOSE parts of the report surface!

Also, if Rihanna did hit Chris first… what the f–k was she thinking?!? Chris Brown has MUSCLE. He works OUT. She, meanwhile, is short, thin, and lean. And she KNEW there was history of abuse in his family – heck, Chris’ Dad, according to Chris, used to beat up his Mom on a regular basis. Whether or not he was aware,  seeing those kinds of images can make you interact with women in the same way your original role model did.

So, if Rihanna knew all of this about him… then, again: WHAT THE F–K WAS SHE THINKING?!?

This, to me, sounds like yet another incident where a woman was heartbroken, tried to get back with her man, and when he said no, decided she was gonna attack him, not realizing in the process that, given his stats and prior family history, it might be a better idea to keep cool or, at the very least, not take a swing at him.

Again… I’m not saying he should’ve hit her, but I understand!!

In summary, I’m sure that when the facts about the whole Chris/Rihanna incident come out, it won’t look pretty for either side. Given how negatively beating women is looked at in society (as opposed to physical abuse towards men, which DOES happen), and how f’d up she looks in the police pictures, the favor will probably end up in Rihanna’s favor, as it should. (I mean, c’mon Chris – bite marks? Bruises?? Really?!?)

I just think it would be nice if, for once, someone would do a more thorough investigation into what actually started the incident, and say to themselves: “Man, she shouldn’t have been beaten like that… but what was she doing hitting HIM in the first place?!?”

-Aaron P. Taylor

P.S. This note is, again, based upon unconfirmed rumors that may or may not be true. Still, even if Rihanna didn’t hit Chris first, women should avoid smacking guys in the face. It hurts, and some guys may react to it stronger than expected. I’m not saying they should… but I understand!

The world of the Grammys was rocked this past Sunday – ROCKED, I tell you – with news that two of its performers, Chris Brown and Rihanna, had to pull out 3 hours prior to taking stage.  At the time it was believed they had gotten into a car accident; however, it was later found to be for a more serious reason: he had turned himself into the cops after an “unidentified woman” (later identified as Rihanna, as we’d all assumed) had called the cops on him and charged him with battery and assault. 

Whether or not the charges end up being true or not, the whole ugly incident has brought up the issue of domestic violence – specifically, against women. Experts are coming out of the woodwork making their comments about the subject, and they all have one uniform statement: “It’s never okay to hit a woman.”

Really? NEVER?  You’ve got to be kidding me!

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t believe that women deserved to be abused in any way.  However, I’ve always been taught to never say “never,” and, realistically, there ARE instances where, for men, it IS okay to hit a woman. 

You just have to know how to look at it.  Here are a list of examples for when it’s okay to hit a woman:

1. DURING SEX.  

Society has made it clear that it’s not “okay” to smack a woman.  BUT… what if you and your lover are performing S&M?  One would certainly agree that it would be hard NOT to hit a woman, given the whips and chains that would be surrounding the event.  Furthermore, women’s behinds tend to be quite sensitive to touch, and often love the feel of the sting it gets when they get “love tapped.”

2. WHEN SAVING HER LIFE.

Society has made it clear that it’s not “okay” to punch a woman in the stomach.  BUT… what if she’s choking on a piece of food, and the only way to save her is to perform the Heimlech maneuver? One would certainly agree that it would be NECESSARY to give her gut a nice whopping in order to open up her air passage enough to cough the food out.

3. WHEN GIVING HER A PAT ON THE BACK.

As a reward for a job well done, a person may pat another person on the back with a light hand-slapping repetition.  So, were a guy to do this to a girl, this would technically count as “hitting.” Lo and behold, it IS acceptable hitting.  This also goes for things like high-fives and chest bumps – in all instances, some form of hitting is involved.

4. IF YOU’RE BOXING HER.

Women and men don’t usually box each other.  However, if a woman sets up a challenge whereby she wants to try and box a man, it’s perfectly legal – nay, in the RULES – that both parties can hit each other.

5. IF SHE’S THREATENING YOUR LIFE.

If a woman is coming up to a man threatening to do bodily harm, and she’s holding a knife, gun, shovel, brick, brass knuckles, or any other kind of instrument of harm… as far as I’m concerned, she just threw away her “Please Don’t Hit Me” free card.  ’Cause in that situation, if I got a clear shot…. BOOM! She’s goin’ down!

So you see, it CAN be okay to hit a woman.  You just have to know when and how it’s acceptable.  Clearly, Mr. Brown hasn’t learned that yet, but here’s hoping he does!

-Aaron P. Taylor

For a couple of months now, there has been a controversy brewing over on Facebook. Whereas most controversies stem from illicit photographs or underage kids in compromising positions, this one stems, oddly enough, from the site taking DOWN pictures of women’s breast.

Specifically: there was a woman who had just had a baby, and, in her excitement to show the world how nurturing of a Mom she is, took pics of herself breastfeeding, then posted them on her Facebook page. Facebook took the pictures down because some of the pictures had her entire breast, nipple and all, being exposed, and it’s against their policy to allow that.

This mom got angry, and decided to protest Facebook. She argued that breastfeeding is not only natural, but a beautiful expression of motherhood. Furthermore, she feels that, because the breasts aren’t being shown off in a sexual manner, that the pics should be okay to post up.

Um… what parallel world is this Mom living in??

First of all, this lady does not have a mandate on how her breast can be viewed. Just because she doesn’t see them as being posed in a sexual light, doesn’t mean someone else looking at the pics won’t. Perhaps she’s not thinking about the young 13 year old guys on the site who, upon being fresh into puberty, will happily get off looking at any breasts they can see without their parents finding out about it. ANY breasts. She might think, “oh, but my baby’s head is in the way,” but she’d be amazed at the images Photoshop can delete (her baby) and/or enhance (her breasts).

Second, WHAT KIND OF PARENTAL STUPIDITY IS THIS?!? Do all women who have kids suddenly lose their minds and think I want to know every single detail about her parenting life, or how she interacts with her kid? As far as I’m concerned, breastfeeding is a private act not meant for public view. I get so annoyed when I see mothers in public with their kids, and they suddenly feel the need to “whip it out” and feed their kid. This is why you prep the breast milk in a bottle BEFORE you go out in public!!

And third, how does breastfeeding being a “natural” act give this person the right to post the pictures up? You know what else is a “natural” act? Crapping and urinating! Yet, I’d be willing to bet this same woman would be in an uproar if a picture of a man relieving himself in public showed up on a profile. God forbid her baby sees that shot while being breastfed!!

This mom is being selfish. There are millions of users on Facebook, ranging from middle schoolers to old people, and, to Facebook’s credit, they understand that some of those people might be deterred when, upon doing a search for one of their friends, they see a picture of a Mom with her boob hanging out. I know if I had kids (which, for the record, I NEVER plan on), I’d hate to have to be even MORE cautious about where they go on the internet. I mean, I understand guarding them from porn sites… but having to monitor explicit photos on a peer networking site?!?

Facebook is MORE than right in its assessment of not allowing these types of pictures up. Hopefully this mom, along with other moms who think like her, will finally get it in their heads that the only person who should be seeing her breastfeed is her and her dang baby!

-Aaron P. Taylor