“Chivalry IS dead… and women killed it!” – Chris Rock

Okay, so maybe Mr. Rock was exaggerating, but he did hit something on the head: chivalry, while not dead, has certainly been on life support for quite some time now. And, while blame can be placed on the men in our society who choose to treat women like sex objects or show them blatant disrespect, it’s not completely our fault.

Yes, women, I’m saying it right here: YOU are part of the reason why chivalry is on its deathbed!

“But Aaron, how can this be?” You might say.  ”I didn’t do anything at all to these guys to make them not want to treat me in a chivalrous way!”

And that, my women friends, is part of the problem: you did NOTHING.

You went out with a guy, and he treated you like a gentleman by paying for your dates, taking you to places he thought you’d like to go, and maybe even put his jacket over a puddle for you.  And what did you do for him in return?

NOTHING. Absolutely nothing.

Reality dictates that a person who likes to “give” also likes to “get” every once in a while.  It’s the law of reciprocity – if I order a pizza, and the delivery man drives it to my house, I am “getting” a pizza that I didn’t have to go out and pick up myself.  He “gives” me the pizza, and expects me to “give” him a tip in return so that he’ll “get” paid.

Dating works the same way.  It’s an interaction between two people who are supposed to be “giving” each other love and affection, while at the same time “getting” it back in return.

The problem, however, is that many dating relationships these days are unbalanced: the guy does all the giving, and the woman does all the receiving.  (Quick note: I realize this sentiment works both ways, but this note is geared toward women.  To the ladies reading this who are doing all the giving and not enough receiving, don’t take offense!)

So what happens?  The man takes you out a few times, pays for everything, opens your door for you, treats you like a gentleman… and then, suddenly, he stops calling you and no longer wants to date you.  You sit there thinking to yourself:

I don’t get it – he was treating me so wonderfully, and then he just stopped! What did I do??

The REAL question you should ask yourself is what DIDN’T you do?

Were you doing nice things for him from time to time?  Were you showing appreciation for his chivalrous efforts by showing chivalry of your own?  Or were you just “getting” the whole time without “giving?”

Chances are, he probably got tired of doing all the grunt work and waiting for you to show a little chivalry on your part to him.  Just like women are always going on and on about finding a man who’s a “gentleman,” most men want to find a woman who is lady-like and able to be as kind and considerate to him as he is to her.

So, how exactly does a lady act chivalrous?  What does she have to do to show her appreciation for her man?  I believe I can help you out, ladies – introducing….

AARON P. TAYLOR’S GUIDE TO CHIVALRY

LESSON 1: THE DATING PHASE

Chivalry starts early on in the relationship, all the way back to dating.  Women expect men to do or say certain things on dates to show he’s a gentleman, but how often do they think about what THEY should be doing to keep his interest?

Here are a few things she should be mindful of when dating.  A woman should:

• Be on time.  The date starts at 7 PM, not 7:23 PM.
• Wear an outfit that is classy.  If you’re well-endowed, it’s okay to wear something that shows cleavage or hugs your figure, but don’t give away the whole show.
• Turn off your phone.  If the guy is paying for your good time, the least you could do is pay attention to HIM, not your Blackberry.
• Open his car door. Sounds backwards, BUT… if he is nice enough to open the car door for you, the least you could do is reach over to the driver’s side and unlock/open the door for him before he gets there.
• Focus some of the conversation on HIM.  Yes, we’ve been taught to learn all about you, but we like to talk about ourselves too!
• Don’t bring up stupid subjects.  Specifically: any conversations about ex-boyfriends or medical examinations you’ve had should be avoided.
• If you go to dinner, don’t order the most expensive meal on the menu.  The guy is taking you out primarily to get to know you, not to pay for your lifestyle.  What you order is also one of the many signs a guy looks for to determine (a) what kind of woman you are (gold-digger vs. there for him) and (b) if he wants to see you again.
• If he offers to pay, DON’T COUNTER-OFFER TO PAY FOR YOURSELF.  He knows you don’t want to, and let’s face it – if he says “okay” to it, you’ll be mad you offered in the first place.
• Always thank him for a nice evening.  If you sincerely had a good time, guys like to hear it.
• Don’t send mixed signals.  If you don’t want to kiss/sleep with him, don’t give indications during the date that you do.

LESSON 2: THE COUPLING PHASE

Once you’ve been seeing each other for a while, you will move to the next stage: being a “couple.”  But don’t think for a second that chivalry should stop there!  Now there are some new things to add to the list.

When seeing each other as a “couple,” a woman should:

• Cook for your man.  Not because it’s “woman’s work” (I like to cook, too), but because it shows you care for him.  If you can’t cook, shopping for pre-cooked food or ordering take-out is fine, as long as the end result is a meal on the table.
• Call him to see how he’s doing.  You don’t have to call everyday, but a few calls a week just to see what he’s up to lets a guy know he’s loved.
• Be open to sexual experimentation.  You don’t have to like everything on the sexual menu, but it doesn’t hurt to at least try it once.  Remember: what you’re not willing to do, another woman is more than ready to!
• Find activities to do that he’ll like – even if you DON’T.  If he’s seen more than his share of girlie movies and dance recitals with you, the least you could do is suck it up and go to a monster truck rally or WWE fight.
• Don’t invade his privacy.  Unless you think he’s dating other women or has a dead body in his trunk, there’s no reason to try and figure out his e-Mail code or open his private safe.  If he’s already sharing 95% of his life with you, don’t be so annoyed about not knowing the other 5%.
• Show him “I Love You.” Yes, it’s nice to hear, but men read more into actions than words.  The caring things you do for him will mean more than saying the 3 words ever could.
• Give him a back rub every once in a while.  Why? ‘Cause they feel good!
• Don’t argue with him in public.  You may be ready to throw down, but save it for behind closed doors.
• If you DO argue, do it respectfully.  Remember: what you’re mad about is an issue with that person, not the person itself. Name-calling and spiteful talk aren’t necessary to get your point across.

LESSON 3: MARRIAGE

If you’ve been dating long enough and have been following the chivalry tips in Lessons 1 and 2, he will, eventually, want to marry you.  And once you’re married, your job is done, right?

WRONG!

This is where most people actually fail: they get married, and all the stuff they did to get their mate gets thrown out the window.  And surprise surprise, the divorce rate in this country is very high – wonder how THAT happened?

The answer: both parties stop being chivalrous to each other!

So, ladies, in addition to having to continue doing the things you were doing in Lessons 1 and 2, you have some other things you need to be doing as well.

Once married, a woman should:

• Be supportive.  You don’t have to agree with every single thing your man does, but you DO have to, at the very least, support his right to do what he wants, especially if it’s not going to bring major harm to you or him.
• Show a united front in public.  Again, you may disagree at times, but when in the face of others it’s an embarrassment to him AND you if you’re constantly trying to take sides against him.
• Nurse him when he’s sick. Men like women who will take care of them when ill.
• Don’t nag.  If he wanted a girl who was going to complain about everything wrong he did, he would have married his mother.
• Don’t nitpick.  This is similar to nagging.  There will be times when he’ll forget to put the toilet seat down, or not clean up his mess in the kitchen. Let it go.  Remember: you’re not perfect, either.
• Be open to trying new things.  He wants you to experience new stuff with him – but if you’re stuck on only doing things you’re used to, you WILL grow apart.
• Get him gifts on holidays.  Yes, women expect presents on all holidays (birthday, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Easter, Christmas), but they sometimes forget that men like receiving things on those days, too.  (Minus Mother’s Day, of course).
• Get him gifts that he’ll LIKE.  Getting him a tie and some cologne each time doesn’t cut it.  You’re married – you should KNOW what he likes.  If you don’t, ask him. He’d rather get a gift he liked than be surprised with a gift he hates.
• Show appreciation for his contribution to the relationship. If he works hard to earn money for the family, thank him for it.
• Don’t be stingy on the sex.  You don’t have to have it everyday, but if it becomes a thing where 3 or 4 months go by without any bedroom activity, you either (a) need to reassess your priorities, or (b) figure out if you still like the guy.  Again, if you’re not willing to do it with him…
• Let him spend time away from you.  Sometimes, the greatest thing you can do for a guy is to let him spend time with the guys, or quiet time by himself away from you.  TRUST me – you not being there only makes him think about you more

And there you go!  Please keep in mind that this is in no way a complete list.  However, it should get you ladies going on the right path towards treating your man with your own brand of chivalry!  Remember: love is a two-way street.  If you’re not keeping your side of the road balanced, how is he supposed to do the same for you?

-Aaron P. Taylor

Above: A cartoon where 50 Cent mocks Rick Ross. Can’t this wait 8 years?

Barack Obama was sworn in as America’s 44th President on Tuesday, January 20th, 2009.  By doing so, he became the first Black Commander-in-Chief this country ever had.  Subsequently he, along with his family, became positive role models for Black people everywhere, and a demonstration to other races that our families can function just like theirs.

Now that he’s President, I have a plea for the rest of Black America: can we please, please, PLEASE keep the coonage to a minimum?!?

Forgive me if it sounds like I’m being racist towards my own race.  It’s just that Barack has only been in office for 12 days, and I’m already starting to see Black people acting a damn fool!

In less than two weeks into his term, I’ve seen:

• Another senseless rap beef escalate, this time between Rick Ross and 50 Cent
• A husband and father of 5 kill himself and his family after being fired from his job (as a result of underhanded dealings)
• A song about hustling drugs in the trap (OJ da Juiceman’s “Make the Trap Go Aye”) become one of the biggest songs in Atlanta
• Lil’ Wayne go on TV and, in an interview with Katie Couric, proclaim he’s a “gangster”
• Car chases (a regular news story here in California) involving Black people running from the cops…

And the list goes on and on.

Sigh…

Again, I ask: can we PLEASE keep the coonage to a minimum?!?

Our ancestors spent decade upon decade trying to prove to White people, as well as other races, that we had enough poise, dignity, and respect for ourselves and others to hold high offices. They had to fight to be able to teach in mostly White Schools, get seats on judicial boards, become Senators, Govenors, politicians, and CEOs of companies. 

All during this time, coonage was still going on.  Brothers leaving sisters with babies and not being there for their children.  Women selling their bodies for crack money.  Musicians making songs that promoted all the wrong things into the Black (and White) communities, presenting them as “cool” things to do. 

And nobody did anything to stop it. 

The general belief was that it didn’t matter if we continued to show this type of “walking contradiction” amongst our race.  Who cares if some of us wanted to better our community while others wanted to strip it down? It’s not like the government really gave a rat’s behind about anything Black people did, nor did they care to help us try and better ourselves.

Well, guess what?  Now we have a BLACK President.  The rules have changed.

Now, I’m not one of those people who believes that Obama is going to personally go into every rundown hood in America and start handing out money.  Nor do I believe that his focus will simply be on “Black” issues.  As President, he has to make sure his decisions help not just his own race, but the American people as a whole.

With that said, though: if there IS an issue that needs attention, and the issue just happens to be one mostly involving Black people, how is he supposed to convince the House and the Senate to pass something for us when we’re out there acting a damn fool?!?

Suppose there’s a school in Queens that’s about to be shut down.  They decide to write to the President and ask him for funds to keep the school open.  How is he supposed to convince Congress to lend the money when the kids at the school are all wearing saggy pants; the teachers are constantly using fowl language towards their students; and every other girl there is pregnant by a brotha who’s got 3 other baby mamas at the same school???

I beg you, Black America: PLEASE KEEP THE COONAGE TO A MINIMUM!!

The moment it was announced that Barack Obama was President, I felt I had a responsibility to step my game up.  Because, no matter what excuse I may have had before for not being able to do something, it disappeared the moment a Black man did something no one up to this point thought would be possible.  The rest of Black America needs to step up, too!

At the very least, having a Black man as President should make you proud to be Black.  As such, you should also want to represent the very BEST that your race can be.  The rest of the world has already been fed propoganda about how dumb, stupid, ig’nant, violent and irresponsible us “Coloreds” are.  It doesn’t help our image if we’re actually HELPING them believe this crap.

With Barack in office, Black people as a whole are starting to get a good image makeover.  We all need to do our part to make sure this continues to happen.  If anything, do me this favor: as long as President Obama is in office, do your part to…

KEEP THE COONAGE TO A MINIMUM.  THANKS!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Now that Barack Obama is officially our President, people from all over the world are looking at him and his family as role models of how a family, regardless of race, should be.

You have Barack, who is the figure head, the leader of the household; you have the kids, who are… well, doing whatever it is kids are supposed to do (go to school, play video games, etc.)…

…and, of course, you have the lovely Michelle, who, in addition to being a help-mate for Barack, is also a caring mother towards the children, and – as the new First Lady – a role model to women everywhere on how to be a good wife.

YAAAAAAAAWN.

Oh, I’m sorry – I almost passed out saying that last part.

I think Michelle is a great wife for Barack to have. Of course, now that she’s the “head lady” of the country, guys from all over are going to come out the wood-work and say:

— “Man, I need a girl like THAT! She fine, she dresses well, she can handle her own yet she’s giving, and… did I mentions she’s FINE?!?”—

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all of that is great. But, for me, I wouldn’t put her on my list of “women who act like girls I’d marry” just yet.

Why? She hasn’t been tested, at least in public yet, on how down for her man she REALLY is. For my money, I’d rather go with someone more experienced in that area….

Namely, LAURA BUSH.

Now, don’t get it twisted, people. Me saying I’d go for a woman like Laura Bush does NOT mean, “He’s just saying he wants a white woman!” (Not that there’s anything wrong with that – Obama’s half White, remember?)

However, I’d gladly wife up a woman who had some of Mrs. Bush’s more admirable traits. You may think I’m crazy for examining a woman who was married to a total idiot, but that makes the reasons for wanting a woman like her all the more reasonable. Peep the following…

WHY I’D WANT TO MARRY A GIRL LIKE LAURA BUSH

#1: SHE STUCK BY HER MAN THROUGH THICK AND THIN

I’m not even going to try and front like George Bush wasn’t an idiot. He was. He said stupid stuff in public, took this country down a road of financial bankruptcy, told horrible jokes, got bad intelligence and famously took us to war with the wrong countries over the wrong stuff.

Consequently, he – rightfully – became a joke in the public’s eyes, received low approval ratings, and got booed as he was leaving the White House.

And through all that, there was at least ONE person by his side – Laura Bush. (And Dick Cheney. But this blog isn’t about him.)

Some of you may say she was dumb for doing so. I, however, say she was following her wedding vows: sticking by her man’s side no matter what, through good times and bad times.

There are many women out there (and guys as well; but I’m a guy, so I’m facing my comments towards the women) who are more than happy to stay by their man’s side… when things are going good. Yet when his popularity suddenly takes a nosedive or he does a few things wrong here and there, they want to up and move onto the next man.

A woman who has Laura Bush qualities won’t do that. And let’s face it: none of us is perfect. We are all going to make mistakes or say the wrong thing. The last thing I want, though, is a woman who, after two or three of my mistakes, is ready to pack up and leave!

#2: SHE NEVER PUT HER MAN DOWN

Even when the rest of the country was making fun of our Ex-President, you never once saw Laura go on TV and embarrass her man.

That may not seem like such a big thing… but even small jabs here and there can lead to hurt feelings and big fights later. Regardless of the jokes that were out there, she never went on a news program and did anything to deface W. No little snide comments, no comments like, “Yeah, he can be a nutcase sometimes, but you gotta love him!” Nothing like that.

I’ve seen so many women do this to their men, thinking it’s funny. They’ll say stuff like:

— “He can’t even clean a dish without me around to show him how to do it.” —

And they’re thinking it’s funny, and I’m thinking:

— “How does her husband put up with this crap?!?” —

I’ll say it again: Put-Downs are NOT funny. At least a woman with Laura Bush’s sensibilities would know not to do something like that!

#3: SHE NEVER DISAGREED WITH HIM IN PUBLIC

There were many times when Bush would execute an order, or sign a bill, or defend a policy, and it just didn’t sit well with the rest of the public. You’d see all the commmentators on the news channels disecting what he did, and arguing their opinions back and forth.

Some of these news people would ask questions about Mr. Bush’s various dealings/statements when interviewing Laura. And, to her credit, she never once told anybody that she disagreed with her husband.

Does this mean they never disagreed? Of course not! But she knew it was important to show a united front when in the eyes of the public. If he’s thinking one way, and she’s arguing with him about his thinking while in front of the American people, it ends up making him look like an incompetent leader (and he certainly didn’t need any more help doing THAT!)

But even if I didn’t become President, having a wife that would adhere to NOT arguing or feuding with me in public is ideal. My Mom and Dad were married for 13 years (prior to his death in 1991), and the whole time they were together, they never fought in front of other people. And, as their kid, I never once saw them fight, argue, or disagree in front of me and my brother.

As my Mom explained to me years later, she never felt the need to do that because, again, it was more important for her that Dad be seen as head of the household – not her. If he had a decision to make on something and she disagreed, they would discuss it and, even though he had the final say, she would still give her input. If he decided to go with her idea, she never felt like she had to go out and tell everybody, “Well, he decided this, but it was MY idea!”

At the same time, if he went with a choice that she wasn’t too keen on – and this is very important – SHE WOULD STILL NOT DISAGREE WITH HIM ABOUT THE DECISION WHEN IN FRONT OF OTHERS. Again, it was about a united front, and showing that she was down for her man.

That’s where many women falter today. They don’t want to trust a man to make a decision, and if he makes one she doesn’t agree with, she feels the need to go to her family and air out whatever it was they were discussing in private, or try to embarrass him into changing his mind and doing things her way.

#4: SHE KNEW HER ROLE, AND DID IT WELL

That isn’t mean to be a sexist statement, but it’s true. Laura, much like I assume Michelle will be, knew her job in the White House was to be a help mate. Yes, she did other things while she was there, but her main goal was keeping house: looking after the kids, making sure the parties they held there were organized, and, one assumes, seeing that her husband got some “loving affection” after a hard day’s work.

Some women will read that and think: “My GOD, how DARE you say you want a woman like that, Aaron You just want a woman that will do whatever you say, and bow down to your knees if you ask. What a pig!”

And if you ARE a woman who is thinking that, guess what? You will either (a) be single for the rest of your life, or (b) be getting divorced from every man you marry!

Reality is, there can’t be two heads of a household. God made Eve from Adam’s rib because she’s supposed to (a) be at his side and (b) support him. Just because you aren’t the head doesn’t mean you aren’t important. Laura understood something that most women these days don’t like to consider: being a help-mate is an IMPORTANT role for a woman to play for a man if the couple are to BOTH be successful in the relationship.

If Adam didn’t have a rib, he’d be a cripple, and wouldn’t get anything done. If a woman doesn’t have a head to support, her life feels like it’s missing something. Again, that may sound sexist, but I’ve heard TOO many women say crap like: “I just have all this love to give, and nobody to give it to.” That’s just Womanese for, “I wish I had a loving man that I could support!”
—

Incidentally, all of these reasons are why, despite the number of girls I saw who were drop-dead gorgeous at Hampton, I rarely dated them. After observing many of them, I realized that, underneath all their prettiness, many of them were girls who were ready to argue, drop their man as soon as something went wrong, put him down, or wanted a man she could butt heads with all the time – and I’m just not the guy to deal with those types of personality flaws.

In short, I’m sure Michelle Obama is one HECK of a wife, and will do a great job supporting our new President. But, until I’ve seen how she is when her husband’s approval/popularity is not so high, or he makes a decision that the country REALLY doesn’t like…

…my money is still on lockin’ down a girl like good ol’ Laura Bush!

-A.P. Taylor

At the beginning of each year, I like to create different goals for myself to accomplish. 

I had a few goals I set for myself at the beginning of this year, some of which actually got accomplished.  Get at least ONE song on radio?  Did it! (Perhaps you’ve heard the “Obama Milli” remix at your local radio station?) Save up money to move to California? Did it! (I move on January 9th!)

As I was thinking about what goals I want to accomplish for 2009, it dawned on me that I was able to complete the goals I had set for myself this year because I had a “this thing I want MUST get done” thought behind them.  I didn’t think, “Gee, I might want to do this,” or “Well, maybe it might be a good idea to do such-and-such.”  I just worked hard and made it happen.

In short, I followed the mantra of Yoda: “Do or do not. There is no ‘try.’”

I’ve thought about that phrase alot lately, and realised that Yoda was absolutely right.  People get things done as a result of making a conscious effort to actually DO something, and seeing it through until it has either been accomplished or progressed upon aggressively.  None of these people set out to “try,” they set out to “do.”

You might be thinking: “But Aaron, don’t I have to TRY something in order to make progress towards DOING it?”

Technically, yes – but there’s a difference between going into something saying you’re going to “try” it, as opposed to going into something and saying you’ll “do” it.

For example: let’s say you want to be a swimmer.  You decide you want to “try” your hand at it and see what happenes.  You take a few lessons at your local YMCA and, after not being able to get the strokes down right away, decide that swimming just isn’t for you.  “Oh well,” you think to yourself, “at least I tried!”

But suppose you went into the whole swimming thing with a different attitude.  You decide you’re going to become a GREAT swimmer, no matter how much effort it takes.  You take a few lessons at your local YMCA and, again, aren’t able to get the strokes down right away.  You think about quitting, but you stop and remember the promise you made to yourself: to be a GREAT swimmer, NO MATTER WHAT.  It’s what you told yourself you’d DO – not “try,” but DO.

And the result?  You learn how to swim.  You pass your swimming classes with flying colors.  And – who knows – you might even end up winning 8 gold Olympic medals like Michael Phelps!  But you never would have even become good at doing a freestyle stroke had you just simply decided to “try.”

“Do or do not.  There is no ‘try.’”

Imagine if Michael Jordon had just “tried” to play basketball – he wouldn’t have been nearly as good as he was because he wouldn’t have practiced 3 times harder than his rivals or team mates.  Imagine if Michael Jackson had just “tried” to be a dancer – he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to practice for HOURS at a time, and become one of the most well-known dancers of our generation.

“Do or do not. There is no ‘try.’”

Another bad thing about the word “try?”  It’s an easy way out.  It’s a word people use when they want to be successful at something, but are afraid of looking stupid in front of others if they fall on their face.    They figure, “if I just say I’m trying to do something instead of telling others I’m going to actually do it, they won’t laugh at me or put me down if I’m not able to accomplish what I want.”

Removing the word “try” from your vocabularly makes you instantly responsible for living up to your own expectations, regardless of what other people might think.  Even if people think your goal/dream is impossible, they will ultimately have more respect for you if you go as hard as you can towards reaching it, instead of doing it half-heartedly, not really caring whether or not you actually acheive it so long as you “tried.”

“Do or do not. There is no ‘try.’”

Think back on all the things you’ve done up to this point in your life that you consider to be “accomplishments.”  Were you the head of your basketball team? Perhaps you were the Valedictorian of one of your educational institutions?  Maybe you were employee of the month at your job? In any case, these big accomplishments were probably the result of you making a focused effort to do whatever it took to reach that goal.  It was definitely NOT the result of you saying, “eh, I guess I’ll try it…”

So, for 2009, my tip for anyone who wants to be a big, Big, BIG success at whatever it is they have their heart set on doing is…

“Do or do not.  There is no ‘try.’”

Have a happy new year – now, go out there and BE successful!

-Aaron P. Taylor

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYBODY!

Uh oh.  I hear whispers and chatter coming from some of the people at their computers…

“Happy Holidays?!? What kinda greeting is THAT for this time of the year??”

“You bastard!  It’s pro-nounced ‘Merry CHRIST-mas,’ you twit!”

“Oh great – another person trying to take Jesus out of his own holiday by being politically correct!”

All of the above may sound silly, but believe it or not, conversations just like this are going on in homes throughout this nation of ours.  Some people have speculated that a “War on Christmas” – i.e. the downsizing of all things Christ-related in reference to the holiday – has been going on for years now, to the point where even saying “Merry Christmas” to someone is bound to have a person chastized for not being sympathetic towards other religiions.

Indeed, the fact that the word “Christ” is the first syllable in the word “Christmas” deems it a holiday of Christian origin (or, if you’re anal-retentive, Jewish, since Jesus WAS a jew).  Therefore, it WOULD make sense for a person to spend their December days yelling out “Merry Christmas” to everyone they pass on the street.

That is, it WOULD make sense, if it weren’t for one smaaaaall, tiny thing…

CHRISTMAS ISN’T THE ONLY CELEBRATION GOING ON THIS TIME OF YEAR!!

People of the Christian faith can be so selfish and dumb sometimes.  Just because they like to put so much emphasis on their holiday, they forget that (a) not all people are Christians, and therefore, (b) not all people celebrate Christmas.

I get annoyed when I hear these people complain about seeing a “Happy Holidays” sign in a store window.  “That sign SHOULD say ‘Merry Christmas,’” they might say.  WRONG! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

And you know why? Because a store doesn’t just cater to Christians – they cater to a wide variety of clientele, some of which may be offended by seeing a word/holiday associated with Christ in their store.

Besides, the word “holiday” means “holy day.”  I know how much Christians like to believe their “holy days” are the only ones that account for anything, but do you know how many holidays actually occur during the month of December?

I didn’t think so – allow me to list a few of them, along with when they occur, as well as some of their traditions/practices (courtesy of http://www.mcmaster.ca/hres/religiousholidays/Dec08.pdf):

1. Masa’il: Religion – Baha’i; When - December 12, 2008; Importance – The 15th month.
2. Sharaf: Religion - Baha’i; When - December 31, 2008; Importance - The 16th month.
3. Day of Hajj (Day at ‘Arafat): Religion - Islam; When - December 7, 2008; Importance - Commemorates the last revelation to the Prophet at Mount ‘Arafat shortly before his death; Traditions/ Practices –  Muslims on Hajj attend a service on the plains in front of Mount ‘Arafat.
4. Eid al-Adha: Religion - Islam;  When - December 8, 2008; Importance – The Festival of Sacrifice is the concluding act of pilgrimage and is observed even when not on pilgrimage; Traditions/ Practices - As Abraham offered his son, Ishmael, to God, Muslims offer sheep, goats and camels. They distribute the meat to the poor.
5. First of Muharram: Religion - Islam; When - December 29, 2008; Importance – The first of Muharram (first month of the Islamic year 1428) celebrates the Hijra (migration) of Muhammad and his followers in 622 CE, from Mecca to Medina, where they established the first Islamic community.
6. Maunajiyaras: Religion – Jainism; When – December 9, 2008; Importance - This day is regarded as the anniversary of the birth of many of the Tirthankaras or Pathfinders; Traditions/ Practices - Maunajiyaras is a day of fasting, silence and meditation on the five holy beings: monks, teachers, religious leaders, Arihants (Jinas, enlightened masters) and Siddhas (liberated souls).
7. Chanukah: Religion - Judaism; When - December 22 to Dec 29, 2008; Importance - Chanukah, meaning “dedication” in Hebrew refers to the joyous eight-day celebration during which Jews commemorate the victory of the Macabees over the armies of Syria in 165 B.C.E. and the subsequent liberation and “rededication” of the Temple in Jerusalem; Traditions/ Practices - The modern home celebration of Chanukah centers around the lighting of the chanukiah, a special menorah for Chanukah; unique foods, latkes and jelly doughnuts; and special songs and games.
8. Tohji-taisai: Religion – Shinto; When – December 21, 2008; Importance - Grand Ceremony of the Winter Solstice. Celebrates the joy of the ending of the yin period of the sun, when it declines in strength, and the beginning of its growing power or yang period. The sun is of central importance in Japan, expressing the presence of Amaterasu Omikami, the Kami of the Sun.
9. Yule: Religion - Wicca; When - December 21, 2008; Importance - Yule, which marks the New Year in the Anglo-Saxon and northern traditions of Wicca, is the celebration of the birth of the Gof as the
   winter-born King, symbolized by the rebirth of the life-generating and life-sustaining sun. It is a time for ritually shedding the impurities of the past year, and for contemplating avenues of spiritual development in the year ahead.

With all of these different religions and their various celebratory days, it is any wonder that businesses have decided to be more sensitive by greeting everyone with a blanket statement this time of year?  Should Christians REALLY find themselves offended by a store that’s not willing to sacrafice its money-making potential just so they can hear the word “Christ” followed by “mas?”

I’m not saying it’s a BAD thing to say “Merry Christmas.”  What I’m saying, though, is that it’s ignorant to think that “Christmas” should be the only greeting said this time of year, or that everyone wants to hear it.  I’m a Christian, and I’d be a bit weirded out if a Jewish person came up to me and said “Happy Chanukah!”  I’d also be offended if I saw “Happy Eid” on every dang store I went to - Cinnabon doesn’t know if I’m Muslim or not!

So, for those people offended by a “Season’s Greetings” or “Happy Holidays,” get over yourself.  Besides, just think about how offended an athiest is everytime THEY see anything with the word “Holiday” in it – “How DARE they assume I’m holy!!!”

-Aaron P. Taylor

Note: The thoughts and opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of EMQTV, its network, or its affiliates.  They are the sole thoughts of its author, Aaron P. Taylor, who is more than happy to take credit for them.  Happy holidays!

Over the years, I’ve had many conversations with women about their dating lives.  When asked about the type of guys they’d like to date, I usually get a list of items their ideal guy must have before she decides to proceed.

Some of these items are pretty standard – must have a good job, able to pay his bills on time, has his own place – while other items seem absurd (i.e. must have a car – what if he likes taking the bus/train?  Must know how to cook – what if he earns enough money to order delivery food everyday?)

The one thing I notice about all these things women say, however, is this: when a guy comes along that they’re REALLY feeling, almost ALL of those items she said she wanted go right out the window!

This presents an interesting problem for a single guy.  On the one hand, if he runs into a woman he likes and tries to woo her, he fears not being able to have her as a result of breaking some rule she had that he may not have even known about.  On the other hand, single guys have close girl friends who they see dating guys that don’t have or do ANY of the things she may have told him she needed in a dating partner.

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!  Wake up, men! 

If you’re trying to impress a woman by following her list of standards, I got news for you: you will either (a) never get that woman, or (b) you will get that women and eventually LOSE her!

Why, you ask?  Because these rules that women set forth for their dating lives are arbitrary.  As easily as she creates them, she can just as easily get rid of the ones that aren’t allowing her to get with a guy she finds attractive.  Yes, that means if she actually LIKES you, that rule she has about dating guys who aren’t messy will be removed so she can date your sloppy behind!

“But Aaron,” you ask, “all the girls I try to get with swear up and down that their dating rules HAVE to be followed!”

Oh really? Do they, now?  And you actually BELIEVED them? 

Here’s the question you should ask yourself the next time a woman tells you some ridiculous dating rule she has:

IF I WERE (insert the name of her favorite crush-worthy male celebrity – all women have at least one), WOULD HER DATING RULE MATTER?

In other words, if it weren’t YOU that were hitting on her, but a high-earning celebrity instead, how important would her dating rules be?

Let’s look at a few well-known dating rules women have, and see why they would not matter were she dating her ultimate catch:

1. DATING RULE: A MAN SHOULD ALWAYS CALL A WOMAN THE NEXT DAY, OR THE DAY AFTER, GETTING HER PHONE NUMBER

Ah, yes, we’ve all heard this one before.  I used to fall for it, too – you think, “man, if I don’t call her right away, she’ll lose all interest in me, or even forget my name!”

But think about this, men: how many girls have you called the next day, or the day after, and they either (a) don’t remember your name, or (b) weren’t really interested in seeing you? 

It’s because you MOVED TOO FAST, EINSTEIN!  By calling her right away, you showed her you were desperate, and women hate dating men who show desperation. 

I usually tell men to wait at least 5 days before they call.  Of course, panic usually sets in – “What if she forgets me, or is mad I didn’t call right away?!?” 

But again, think back to the question.  What if T.I. got her number, then waited even 2 weeks to call her? What would she do when he finally called?  Would she be all upset like,

Thanks for finally calling, T.I., but you didn’t call me within 2 days of getting my number, so I don’t want to talk to you anymore – and don’t call here again!

Or, would she be more like this:

OMG, OMG, OMG!! You called!  I’m SOOOO glad you called me!  How are you?!?  Where are you?!? Can we go fly somewhere in your jet?!?

Notice how she wouldn’t even bring up the fact that it’s been 2 weeks?  Hmm, maybe it’s because, when a girl REALLY likes a guy, it doesn’t matter how long it takes him to call, so long as he eventually calls!

(And as for the whole “forgetting who you are” bit, that’s bullcrap – I have girls’ numbers I got YEARS ago whose names I still remember. If she’s forgetting you after less than a week, she didn’t really like you in the first place!)

2. DATING RULE: A MAN SHOULD HAVE HIS OWN PLACE.

I’m all for a guy having his own place prior to him dating someone.  It shows responsibility, and an ability to support one’s self.

But don’t get it twisted, gentlemen: it is NOT a prerequisite for dating a woman, especially one who REALLY likes you. 

After I graduated college, I was depressed for a minute because I figured my dating life would be down the tubes.  Yet, lo and behold, I actually went on quite a few dates, despite the fact that I didn’t have my own place.  Furthermore, while I was at college, there were plenty of girl friends of mine who were dating guys that were still living in their mom’s basement.

But again, if a woman gives you the ol’ “guy I’m dating must have his own place” excuse, ask yourself: If Denzel Washington had to move back home for a while to help out his dear old mom (because she prefers her house as opposed to his big mansion), would this same girl pass him up, or decide that she could deal with it?  I’ll let you decide that one…

3. DATING RULE: HE MUST BE (INSERT HEIGHT REQUIREMENT) OR (INSERT WEIGHT REQUIREMENT).

Everytime I hear a woman sprout off about how she can only date guys a certain weight or size, I burst out laughing.  Why?  Because I KNOW they are BSing me AND themselves!

Oh sure, she might have an ideal size ratio that she’d PREFER her man to have – but again, it’s stupid for a guy to think he doesn’t have a shot at her just because her mouth is telling him a “rule” she made up!

Again, think back to the question.  Remember when Ja Rule had a string of hits on the radio?  This dude is barely 5 feet tall – yet, lo and behold, not only is he married, but he was getting action from women of ALL different sizes, both shorter AND taller than him! 

In fact, most rappers/singers/actors are usually average height or SHORTER.  Yet, despite this, they manage to have a line of females following them up and down the block!  Do you think a woman who’s six feet tall is going to turn down a tryst with Nelly just because he’s 6 inches shorter than she is? HA!

My point, gentleman, is that when you ask a woman out, and she says you’re not meeting some moronic right of passage she’s set up, don’t believe it.  It’s just her nice way of saying, “YOU are not the one I want to date.”  Instead, go out and find someone else who actually wants to be with you.  Remember: those rules wouldn’t apply if you were her dream celebrity man, or someone she truly found attractive!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Note: The views and opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of EMQTV, its network, or its affiliates.  They are the sole thoughts of its author, Aaron P. Taylor, who is more than happy to take credit for them…

During this past election, a proposition in California that would allow Gay & Lesbian couples to marry was voted against by a wide margin of people.

One can assume that the main reason for this is that people continue to be uncomfortable allowing the words “marriage” and “homosexual” to appear side by side. (Ha ha, get it? Side by side - as in, two women or men next to each other in bed? I crack myself up.)

The majority of the laws passed in this country continue to be heavily voted upon and/or enforced by the religious right in this country, most of whom are of the Christian faith.  Since they are the majority (for now), they are the ones who will actively protest against things they find immoral or contradictory to their faith – things like abortion and, in this case, Gay & Lesbian rights.

As a Christian myself, I understand why they think this way.  If you are a true follower of the Christian faith, it is only normal to believe that homosexuality is a sin.  Heck, it’s right there in the Bible – God destroyed a whole city simply because everyone there was having sex with a member of the same gender.

Since almost all Christians have been taught about the evilness of sodomy and other forms of Gay & Lesbian sex/love, it’s no surprise why they would be in such an uproar about taking a term God supposedly deemed to express an enternal bond between a MAN and a WOMAN, and altering it to include a MAN and a MAN or a WOMAN and a WOMAN. 

It’s also the same reason they try their darndest to change the minds of these sinners living their sinful lifestyle – God forbid they end up burning in the eternal fire known as “HELL” should they die with a member of the same sex in their lap!

And this would be all well and good… if it weren’t for the fact that these so-called “faithful” Christians are hypocrites!

It would be one thing if all the religious people who were against homosexual partnerships were actually living the lives they tell other people to live.  But the reality is, many of these same people are chastising others for their sinful lives, all the while doing things in their own life that – if they are following the Bible to a T – will also send them straight to Hell!

What kind of things am I talking about? Let’s take a look, shall we:

1. SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.

God states, in no uncertain terms, that a man and a woman should wait until they’re married to have sex.  Yet, many straight couples have years and years of unmarried sex.  Why no protest at these people’s houses?  Shouldn’t we be knocking on the doors of all heterosexual couples and asking:

“Excuse me, but do you two have a marriage license? You DON’T??!?  Then get thee to a church, or you’re going to burn in HELL!!”

If the religious right in this country was REALLY concerned about saving people from a sinful lifestyle, forget going after Gays & Lesbians – they should start combing their own congregation for straight couples who are just “living together!”

2. WATCHING PORN.

God doesn’t specifically say in the Bible, “Thou shalt not watch porn.” (To be fair, porn as we know it today didn’t exist back then – no cameras, people!)  However, he DOES say its wrong to lust after another person’s spouse as though it was their own. 

Surprisingly, many people who “act” in pornography flicks ARE married!  Therefore, if a person is trying to live by all the technicalities set forth in the Bible, watching porn is DEFINITELY out!  For all we know, that person could be getting themselves off watching another man’s wife (or another woman’s husband – both genders DO watch this stuff) have sex! 

Then again, if we were to follow the path of most religious hypocrites, it would be okay to watch so long as the sex being viewed was between heterosexuals, right?

3. WORKING 7 DAYS A WEEK.

How is this a sin, you ask? Maybe you forgot the commandment God placed in his top 10:

Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. For six days you shall labour and do all your work. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns. (Exodus 20: 8-10)

But wait – you mean to tell me that you somehow manage to work 6 days of the week, and STILL feel the need to work on the 7th one?  BOOOOOO, I say, BOOOOOOO!  You heathen!! How DARE you work when the Bible tells you to rest!  You might as well put on your gasoline-soaked underwear right now, pal, ’cause you’re GOING TO HELL!!

“Okay, okay, Aaron, enough with the examples! What is your point?!?”

My point is, people who are religious have every right to not agree with someone’s lifestyle choice.  However, that doesn’t mean they have the right to deny that person a right to live their life the way they want to. 

Furthermore, even if they view it as a “sin,” we ALL fall short of following the rules set forth in “The Bible.”  That doesn’t mean we should use that as an excuse to live a life of sin; however, it should make us aware of how hypocritical it is to rant and rave about one group of people’s lifestyle choice, given that most straight people have their own habitual choices not deemed proper by God.

-Aaron P. Taylor

Note: The views and opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of EMQTV, its network, or its affiliates.  They are the sole opinions of Aaron P. Taylor, who is more than happy to take credit for them…

Gentlemen, how many times has the following scenario happened to you:

You go on a 3rd date with a woman, and, as far as you’re concerned, everything is going great. You’ve done everything a “perfect gentleman” would do on a date – opened doors for her, asked if she was comfortable, asked her what she wanted to do, made sure you didn’t talk about sex or anything that would “make things feel weird”…

…and – most importantly – you didn’t “treat her like an object” like some other guy would have. You didn’t try to touch her, and you definetely did NOT try to kiss her, lest she not be ready for such an event.

At the end of the date, you give her a friendly hug, and tell her that you’ll call her tomorrow. You go home thinking to yourself, “Yes! Another successful date! I can’t wait to talk to her tomorrow so I can set up another date!”

And so, tomorrow comes, and you call… and she doesn’t pick up. You call a few more times, no answer. You leave her several messages, but she never returns your calls. Finally, a few days later, you run into her at the mall, and confront her about why she has suddenly disappeared.

“Well,” she replies, “it’s just… look, you’re a great guy and all, but you’re just… too…”

I don’t even have to finish the sentence, do I, fellas?

“NICE!”

There – I finished it!

And so, once again, you walk away, puzzled by a statement you’ve probably heard time and time again – you’re just… too… NICE.

- – - – -

Despite what you may witnessed from girls and their “bad” dating choices throughout your life, girls really DO want a nice guy.

HOWEVER, what they do NOT want is the version of the nice guy you have probably been giving them.

You see, guys, girls DO want a man that treats them with respect, and can show them a good time. (Note: there are a few girls out there who constantly look for bad relationships – but those are the girls you should REALLY be trying to avoid, lest your life be miserable).

What they do NOT want, though, is a man who is constantly sucking up to them, always asking them questions to try and make them feel “comfortable” (which, ironically, makes them UN-comfortable), and is always too nervous to make the first move.

When a woman says you’re too “nice,” what she’s really saying is:

Look, moron – you’re playing it too safe. You’re so worried about screwing things up that you’re not making me feel any kind of exitement when I’m around you. I need a guy that doesn’t always care what I think and just goes by whatever emotion he’s feeling at the time – and YOU, my friend, are not that guy. See ya!

- – - – -

If you’re a “nice guy,” I know what you’re thinking: it will be very hard to untrain yourself from your nice-guy behavior. You’re so used to trying to be a person that pleases everyone, yet you don’t realize you ultimately please no one when you do that.

Nice guys have been told time and time again that the best way to win a girl’s heart is to “be yourself.” Yet, what kind of “self” have they been taught to be? I’ll tell you:

1.The kind of guy who never makes physical moves on a girl, and hides his sexual feelings so that she won’t feel weird around him

2. The kind of guy willing to pay for ALL his dates, and spend money on a girl so he can buy her affection

3. The kind of guy that always has to get a woman’s input on something before making a move

4. The kind of guy who gives compliments to all of his dates, hoping it will build up her self-esteem

5. The kind of guy who wants to talk to a girl on a daily basis so she’ll know just how much he wants her around

In short: they’ve been taught to be WUSSIES!!

No wonder all of your dates end up giving you no action and/or wanting to revert you to friend-status – all your dating moves are WUSSY!!

The main reason nice guys fail is because they extend themselves too much when starting the dating process with women they are interacting with for the first time. Yes, I know you want to impress this new girl, but remember: she is not the only prize to be won in this interaction. YOU, too, are a prize! You should make it a point to see that she impresses you, too, before you decide to be extra-nice to this person.

But fear not, my friend! There is hope on the horizon!

If you want to break down your bad dating habits, here is what I suggest: find at least 5 girls that you can take out on dates. They can be girls you know, or girls from online (always a great way to test out some of what I’m about to tell you – and if it doesn’t work, you never have to see them again!). The point is to make at least 5 date appointments – and the girls have to show up for them to count!

Once you’ve arranged these outings, these are the 5 types of dates and/or activities you need to do to help boost your confidence, and get you out of “nice-guy” territory:

1. GO ON A DATE WHERE YOU DON’T PAY FOR ANYTHING SHE DOES.

That’s right – be it a movie date, dinner date, or arcade date (do people still go to arcades?), make it clear that you are going dutch.

Why You Should Do This:

“Nice Guys” often assume that the more money they spend on the date, the more she is going to like him. Guys, you NEED to get it into your head that just because you pay for your date’s fun time…

…doesn’t mean she is going to like you more! I’ve been on dates where I’ve paid for myself, AND I’ve been on dates where the woman paid for ME. Why? Because she liked me! I’ve also been on dates where I’ve spent over $50, and the girl just ended up wanting to be “friends”.

My point? You need this type of date so that you can understand that, if a girl REALLY likes you, she won’t feel weird about having to pay for herself - she’ll just be happy she can spend time with you!

2. GO ON A DATE WHERE YOU GIVE HER NO COMPLIMENTS.

Yes, I know, she comes up to your car door in that outfit that’s showing off her boobs and she smells like sex – you KNOW she looks good… but, for this ONE time out, don’t compliment her on ANYTHING.

Why You Should Do This:

Believe it or not, women can smell B.S. from a mile away. She’s had guys complimenting her boobs and good smell since 5th grade. And all those guys that complimented her have ONE thing in common:

She’s not currently dating any of them!

So, be original for once – don’t compliment her. Make her earn the right to get complimented by you. If anything, you should be looking to see if she compliments YOU!

You may think you won’t be able to turn her on if you don’t throw a few “suck up to her” lines here or there… but actions speak louder than words, and you may find that, just by treating her the right way, she’ll get that you find her sexy.  (Women tend to pick up on that a lot better than men). Otherwise, you would have thrown her out the car when you went to pick her up!

3. GO ON A DATE WHERE YOU DON’T ASK HER ANY QUESTIONS.

Don’t ask her what she would like to do; don’t ask her where she’d like to go; and, if you can, try to phrase all your questions in the form of a phrase (i.e. instead of asking, “So, how long have you lived here?”, say, “You must have lived in this town for quite a while.”)

Why You Should Do This:

A typical complaint I hear from my female friends is:

“Ugh, I wish the date I had last night could make a decision! Everywhere we went, he kept asking me if I was okay, if I was enjoying the date, where I wanted to go next… ugh!”

Women like men who take charge - CHAAAARGE, I say! You trying to be all nice by asking this girl all these questions shows her:

• You have NO confidence in yourself that you’d be able to please her, be it on a date or – in her mind – the bedroom; and
• You aren’t the type of guy to take charge.

So, do yourself a favor: for ONE date, try not to ask ANY questions. If you can’t decide between bowling or a movie because you don’t know which one will make her have more fun… just pick one and go! You may be surprised to find out that she actually LIKES the fact that you planned out a fun evening without her input!

4. GO ON ONE DATE WHERE YOU KISS THE GIRL… ON THE 1ST DATE.

I don’t care if you’re sitting in the car with her or at her front door… when the end of the night of that 1st date comes, pucker up!

Why You Should Do This:

Because, if you really ARE a nice guy, you’re reading this right now and thinking to yourself:

“AAAAAAAAAAAAH!! I can’t do that! She barely knows me! She’s not expecting me to do that so soon! What if she rejects me?!? I’ll be mortified – and she’ll probably think I’m a pervert and put a rape charge out on me!!”

Fella – CALM THE HECK DOWN!!

I used to be where you are, remember?? I used to be the guy that was so worried about a girl not wanting to see me if I kissed her too soon… that I NEVER made the kiss-move, hoping she would make it first.

Needless to say, I didn’t get kissed for a LOOONG time.

But here’s the thing: most women already know if they’d be willing to sleep with a guy within the first 5 minutes of meeting him.

THEREFORE…

If she meets you, talks to you for 15 minutes, gives you the phone number, and you call her, and she AGREES to go on the date… don’t you think she’s already thought WAY beyond the 1st kiss? Heck, if she’s REALLY feeling you after that initial meeting, she’s probably fantasizing about what dress she’d wear down the aisle!

Again, THEREFORE…

If the woman likes you, she won’t mind if you try to kiss her on the first date. As my own research indicates, most girls who haven’t been kissed by a guy by the second date are already putting him into the “nice guy” part of their mind – and you do NOT want to be in the “nice guy” part of a girl’s mind, ’cause then she’ll NEVER kiss you.

Oh – and whatever you do, don’t believe any crap your women friends tell you about any of this being a lie. I know women who will read this and go, “but Aaron, I ALWAYS wait until at least the 4th or 5th date to kiss a guy, because I want to get to know him first.”

Please do NOT listen to that rhetoric – they are LYING to you.  Almost every girl has been to a party or event where she spotted a cute guy, one thing led to another, and the next thing she knew, she was tounging him down and taking him home for a night-cap.

“Oh, but that was only one time, and I was just so…”

So what – ATTRACTED to him that you had to have him right then and there, and all your “rules” about kissing on the first date went right out the window?

I’m telling all you nice guys out there, women are a LOT freakier that you think, and – if they like you enough – will let you get away with ANYTHING on a first date… especially something as tame as a kiss!!

5. GO ON A DATE WITH A GIRL WHERE YOU SHOW HER A GOOD TIME… AND DON’T CALL/TEXT HER FOR AT LEAST 4 DAYS AFTERWARD.

That’s right – take her out, show her the time of her life… then, make her wait a few days before you call her.

Why You Should Do This:

Actually, there are several reasons:

One - so you can get out of the mode of being desperate for women! You calling her up the next day , and the next day, and the next day, gives her the impression that you have NO OTHER DATING PROSPECTS! Imagine how much pressure that puts on her to be your girl, and she’s only been out with you for 2 hours! Put the phone down, maaaaaaaan!!

Two - you need to see what the affects of waiting to call will do. If you wait 4 days to call – which, in the grand scheme of things is really NOT a long time – different girls will react differently. Some will be argumentative – “I can’t believe you waited so long to call me, I’m hanging up!” – while others will be extremely happy – “Oh, I’m SO glad you called – what have you been up to?!?”

However, one thing is certain: the ones that aren’t mad you waited to call are probably the ones you should be seeing, as they DEFINTETELY have a high level of interest.

One more benefit of waiting to call: sometimes – just sometimes – if the girl really, REALLY likes you… you might discover that she will actually call/text YOU first! And – oh my gosh - can you believe that the phone actually work both ways?!? Who knew women actually owned phones that could dial out to people – I thought they only had phones that accepted calls!

- – - – -

So there you go, guys! Try out each of these things on some of your next date outings. They may be scary, and your former “nice guy” self may try to combat the feelings you have when doing these things.  Remember, though: if you want to help get rid of the “nice guy” disease that’s ravaging your dating life, you NEED to step up and at least try some of these things.

Besides – if what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working, what have you got to lose??

-Aaron P. Taylor

It’s the same conversation I’ve had hundreds of times now.  I always anticipate when it will pop up, and I always know what the outcome will be: odd stares, a look of confusion on the other person’s face, and an insistence that my mind will change.

It happened again this past weekend: I was out with friends, and one of them, a teacher, mentioned how much they liked working with kids.  He mentioned how great kids were to have around, and that he looked forward to having his own someday.

And my response?  That I, too, enjoyed working with kids – as long as they weren’t my own – and that even though I liked spending limited time with them, I definitely knew I did NOT want to have my own, and never planned on having any.

You could have heard a pin drop onto the carpet floor of the car.

At this point, the words I hear are always similar:

• “How could you not want kids? They’re so great!”
• “Don’t you want to have someone around to carry on your legacy?”
• “You’ll change your mind – people that say they don’t want kids always change their mind…”
• “Well, I guess if you want to be selfish, that’s your decision.”

Ah yes, the old “I don’t want kids, therefore I’m being selfish” ploy – as if having a kid just so you can say “look at what I can create and mold into a mini-me” isn’t just as selfish.  But more on that later…

People always seemed genuinely shocked whenever I mention that I don’t want kids.  It’s as if they feel like every single person on the entire planet should have an overwhelming desire to reproduce offspring.  Yet, the way I look at it, that can’t be possible – heck, our planet already has 6 BILLION people on it – if every one of those people decided to mate, our economy would be in even WORSE shape than it is now!!

At the same time, though, I have the opposite thought most of these people have.  Whereas they ponder how I could NOT want to have kids, I’m always racking my brain trying to figure out why people would want them in the first place.  Owning a baby, kid, or teenager isn’t always a positive exerience.  They cry, whine, fight, argue, make dumb decisions, are selfish at times… the list goes on and on.

Yet and still, people continue to ask me for reasons why I don’t want kids.  So, to help myself out – as well as anyone else who made the decision not to have kids, yet still have friends and associates questioning them – I created a website!

I present to you: www.WhyImNeverHavingKids.com!

Yes, that is a REAL website I created.  As of this typing, it has over 70 reasons why I, Aaron P. Taylor, do NOT want to have kids.

The purpose of the site is simple: to highlight detailed reasons why people who don’t want kids have made that decision.  Now, when people say, “Hey, wait a minute – why don’t you want to have kids,” I don’t have to give out a litany of reasons right there – I can just say, “check out my website!”

I’m sure you’re curious as to what type of things I would put on my site.  As an intro, here are 5 of my top reasons I don’t want kids, as posted on the site, and in no particular order…

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REASON #1: THEY CREATE TOO MUCH DAMN DRAMA

I live a relatively drama-free life.  I don’t smoke, I don’t drink excessively, I don’t do drugs, and I don’t partake in activities that would have my mind altered to the point where I’d make too many stupid decisions.

I also don’t allow people into my close-knit circle that do these types of things, or have an excessive amount of drama going on.  Oh sure, it’s THEIR drama, but those types of things always end up spilling over to a person’s friends even when they’re not trying to invite it into their own lives personally.

They say a little rain must fall into everyone’s life, and mine has been no different – but I’d like to think that I’ve done a pretty good job of trying to keep the amount of rain to a minimum.

Is should, therefore, be no surprise why a person such as myself who does not want to purposefully add drama to their lives would be against having any children.  Why? ‘Cause when it comes to stirring up troublesome situations, kids are the KINGPINS of drama!

Who else but children can make what would be an otherwise peaceful restaurant outing and turn it into a brawl-fest with the help of their siblings?  Who else but kids can throw a tantrum and ruin a perfectly good day simply because you ask them not to touch something that belongs to YOU?

Who else but a kid can do something stupid enough to nearly get themselves killed, yet try to come up with a logical explanation for doing it – and then get mad at YOU for being mad at them?!?

Ah, kids… they are such drama-creators!  When I think about kids, I immediately think about:

• The number of fights I’ll have to break up between them (”them” being if they have siblings)
• The amount of crying I’ll have to hear
• The number of parent/teacher conferences I’ll have to attend for them messing up in school
• The amount of safe boxes I’ll have to buy if I want to prevent my kids from breaking things
• The number of stupid arguments I’ll have to get into
• The number of events that will be ruined or brought to a heightened amount of drama simply because my kid wants to throw a tantrum of some kind
• Having to deal with other parents as a result of my kids’ friends, and the drama THEY bring

And so on and so on!

In short, kids bring with them love, joy, and plenty of affection… and they also bring fights, arguments, stupidity, and drama, Drama, DRAMA!! 

I was a theatre major in college – if I want drama, I’ll head back to the stage.  I will NOT, however, have kids for it!

REASON #2: BEING A KID REFEREE DOES NOT APPEAL TO ME

There was a 6-month period of my life where I lived with my Uncle and his two kids, aged 11 and 15.  Being that I was 23 at the time, I got to be like the “co-parent” of the house, watching after my younger cousins when my Uncle had to go out the house.  And, since he had a sales job, he was out of the house a LOT.

This gave me lots of time to see my cousins interact with each other, and… well, let’s just say, many of those interactions were NOT pretty.  Their age difference resulted in a lot of situations where the younger brother wanted to either hang out with or annoy the older sister, while the older sister wanted to be left alone and/or show her authority over the younger brother.

Consequently, they fought.  A LOT.  And me, being the older, more “mature” person in the house, was expected to break up these little incidents should they be on the verge of killing each other. 6 months of having to do this day in and day out was tiring, stressful, and NOT fun.

So, I can sit here today and type with complete absolution: being a kid referee does NOT appeal to me!

Having more than one kid means having to spend at least 18 years of your life breaking up kid fights, most of it over dumb stuff.  What kind of dumb stuff am I talking about?  Once again, here’s just a partial list, which includes:

• Car seating (i.e. who sits in the front vs. the back)
• Table seating
• Living room seating
• TV channels
• Remote control handling
• Who gets to sit in Mom’s/Dad’s lap
• One sibling staring at the other one for too long
• One sibling ignoring the other one for too long
• Toys
• Video games
• What board game to play

Oh my gosh, I have to stop typing this list now.  There are so many stupid things I could type that kids start fights over, I’ll end up with carpel tunnel!  I’ve seen kids start fights over NOTHING, people – they don’t even NEED a reason to fight, other than “I just feel like it!”

When kids fight, the ideal end result for them is never resolution – no, the end result they hope for is, “I get my way, and this person accepts it or dies!”  And since both sides want to have their way, their fights could, in theory, go on and on indefinitely, were it not for somebody breaking up their fight.

Enter: the parent.

Adults love watching a good fight, yet they know that, as responsible parents, they have to do what is right in the interest of their kids health – in this case, making sure neither of them kills the other one (though I say, if they do kill each other, is there anything REALLY wrong with that??).  They have to somehow wiggle themselves in between their children, who, by now, may have each other in headlocks, and force them apart.

You would think it would be easy for an adult over 5 feet to stop some 3-foot lil’ rugrats from fighting.  FAR FROM IT.  Kids don’t fight fair – they scratch, they bite, they squirm around, the swing their limbs wildly, all in the hopes of being able to break loose from their parents and continue their fight against their sibling.

And I, for one, am not the type of guy that even likes getting into fights, much less being bruised up while trying to stop one.  If kids were able to better rationalize and negotiate for what they want rather than fighting for it, I could see how having one might not be so bothersome. 

But, as with everything else, kids have to be taught how to talk out their problems, and the time (i.e. YEARS) I spend teaching them to do that, I could just as easily be spending time with my girlfriend/wife doing something more enjoyable, without having to worry about whether or not the two lil’ morons I created will break out into a fight over who gets to turn the AC on in my car!!

REASON #3: THEY DON’T “BRING ME JOY”

I want to shoot down this whole idea that kids bring feelings of “joy” and love to all people.  As much as a person who WANTS kids may feel these emotions, people who don’t want kids could give a flying rat’s behind about having them around, lest they bring about emotions of MISERY, PAIN, and RESENTMENT.

There was a show on FOX last year called “Standoff,” about two crisis negotiators who tried to talk hostages into letting their captives go.  There was one particular episode where this elder teenager held up a bank and wouldn’t come out.  In talking to the young man, the negotiators discovered he never had the close connection with his Mom that he wanted as a child.  He couldn’t understand why, despite everything he did – getting straight A’s, joining and excelling at various clubs and activities, his Mom never seemed to care.

The negotiators track the parents down, and the mother writes something on a piece of paper for her to read to her son.  “I think it’s time he hears this,” she told them.  And what was it she wrote on that piece of paper?

“I’m sorry, son – I never wanted children.” 

Upon hearing this, the kid breaks down, and comes out the bank.  The end.

Now, why did I bring up this particular episode?  Because: JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS A KID, DOESN’T MEAN IT’S GOING TO BRING THEM JOY IF THEY DIDN’T WANT KIDS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

I could have a kid, and he or she be the absolute most perfect child, and there’s STILL a chance I’d be friggin’ upset for having it in the first place! 

Besides, parents-to-be get too hyped up on that “I’ll have something around that’s going to love ME and bring joy into my life!!”  But uh, golly gee… shouldn’t you strive to have that BEFORE having a kid??  People shouldn’t rely on any body else – be it a wife, husband or baby – to suddenly bring their life meaning and happiness.  Those types of people are in for a rude awakening.

What if you have a kid and they decide to rebel against you for 17 of their 18 years growing up?  All the fights, clashes of ideals, trouble-making – is any of THAT going to be bringing this “joy” the commenting person speaks of??

What if your kid decides to do drugs or follow the wrong crowd?  Will those days, weeks, and months of struggling to convince them to do otherwise going to make you think, “gee, this kid sure is bringing a lot of joy into MY life right now?!?”

You see, unlike this narrow-minded person here, I understand that kids can bring both joy AND pain.  I understand that, to some people, having a baby just makes their entire life light up, and that nothing would make them happier than to have 5 or 6 mini-thems running around their house.

But what he, along with other people, need to understand, is that not all people are like them.  I don’t get all excited about the prospect of late-night feedings, taking kids to camp, vacationing with kids around, having them misbehave in public – NONE OF THAT APPEALS TO ME.  And just because I don’t like them around, doesn’t mean my DNA is more screwed up – if that’s the case, there are LOTS of people walking around with bad DNA…

…but chances are, we’re a lot happier not having to share that DNA with an annoying rugrat!

REASON #4: THEY BREAK STUFF

Kids’ brains are at a much lower intelligence level than an adult brain, which affects just about everything they do, including (a) what they think is smart vs. dumb, and (b) how coordinated they are.

And who gets to suffer the consequences of these lil’ underdeveloped brains?  ADULTS, that’s who! 

How do we suffer?  When a kid decides he wants to fool around with something that’s not theirs – i.e. is probably YOURS – and breaks it!

Young kids are especially notorious for grabbing any object they see and somehow dismantling it to bits.  You know that universal control you wanted to buy that can operate every single electronic function you have in your house?  Imagine how great you’ll feel when you come home from work one day, only to have your wife tell you that the baby decided to use it as fishing bait… for your toilet!

Oh, wait, that’s right – YOU WON’T FEEL GREAT AT ALL!  If anything, you’ll probably feel like strangling the kid!!

Yes, having a kid means you’ll now have to be on guard for just about EVERY SINGLE THING YOU OWN that either has significant meaning to you or would cost too much money to replace.  DVD players, TVs, vacuum cleaners, fine China – all of these things seem to give signals to young kids that say, “Your parents LOVE this thing – please come over here and break me right away!”

The sad part is, because most kids don’t have a money guage to tell the what’s expensive or what’s not, they can never seem to figure out why the thing they just broke is causing you to become so angry! A kid doesn’t understand why Daddy got so upset just because he decided to key the words “I love you” into the new $1000 paint job on his car!  An infant can’t figure out why throwing Mommy’s new iPhone on the ground and smashing it to pieces has placed her on punishment! “Geez,” they think to themselves, “can’t they just get it fixed?!?”

Kids also have the worst coordination in the world.  Their bodies are constantly changing in height and weight, meaning they have to constantly re-figure out how to balance themselves.  Unfortunately, it also means they fall and trip a LOT, and – if you’re lucky – you just might find them accidentally crashing themselves into your favorite (insert item here) and completely destroying it!

And this is just if they get near YOUR stuff – they’re just as capable of breaking their stuff, too!  I can’t even begin to remember how many times my parents had to re-buy my brother and I Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys as a result of them getting broken, lost, worn out, or having body parts missing.  They probably spent dang near $200 just replacing those toys!

All the money I’d be spending to replace broken items, or having to fix something as a result of my dumb-ass kid being ignorant of what NOT to touch, is money that I could be spending on myself, or taking my girlfriend/wife out someplace, or going on vacation… and the list goes on and on.  If I wanted to have something around that was constantly out to destroy everything I owned, I’d save time and buy a bulldozer instead!

REASON #5: TOO MANY PARENTS LOOK STRESSED OUT

People who already have kids do a very BAD job of advertising the benefits of having them.

Oh sure, they’ll come to me and say stuff like, “They’re a joy to have in your life, and once you have them you’ll never understand how you lived without them.” Or: “They’re more precious than life itself!”

But I don’t go by what I HEAR, I go by what I see.  And, frankly, too many adults out there have let the hard work of parenting show on their person.  And it definitely isn’t something that looks too much fun.

In the course of a single day, I can walk around this city and see parents and children out together.  And what sights do I see?

• The mother struggling to get her baby to quiet down
• The father on the train with his two kids who are jumping around
• Parents waiting in line somewhere while they’re kids run around like idiots
• A teenager yelling at their Mom for no apparent reason
• A parent breaking up a fight between two siblings
• A kid crying because Daddy won’t buy them that toy/candy/moronic thing they want

The list goes on and on and on.  And in all these situations, the parents… well, they’re definitely NOT wearing joyful smiles on their faces.

No, the looks they have instead are:

• Stress
• Fatigue
• Frowns
• Droopy eyes
• The “I just finished running a marathon and I’m about to collapse” Look
• Wrinkles
• Grey Hairs
• Various bruises

Parents also seem to always have this “on the edge” demeanor about them.  Kids can go from being perfectly behaved to “bat-$#!+ crazy” in less than 0.5 seconds, and a parent always has to be ready to react to a child’s sudden meltdown.  Consequently, they never look like they’re completely at peace.  If you thought soldiers coming back from war had a hard time feeling at ease, try being the parent of 2 siblings who spent 5 days trying to kill each other, and see how “at ease” you feel about how they’ll treat each other on the sixth day!

With all these down-trodden looks I’m constantly seeing being worn by adults with children, is it any wonder that they can’t convince me with their words about how GREAT it is to have them?  Life is already stressful enough, and frankly, I’d rather not add to it!

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For 65 other reasons (and counting), visit my website, www.WhyImNeverHavingKids.com!

-Aaron P. Taylor

Dear Current President George W. Bush:

Aaron P. Taylor here – how are you?  Hope all is going well with you up in the White House. 

I just wanted to send you a brief message to say, “Thank you.”  No, I did not vote for you, nor have I, up to this point, ever voted for a Republican. And no, I do not think you have been that great of a President.  I’d point out to you the reasons why, but I’m sure your ability to stay in a constant state of denial would prevent you from seeing the things I’d point out as “screw ups.”

(Cough) War (cough) economy (cough) Hurricane Katrina (cough) invadingthewrongcountry (cough)

However, I WILL say that, despite what other people may think, and no matter how history will view you, your Presidency was a necessary one.

You see, Mr. Douche – oops, I mean, Mr. “Bush” – it is because of you that a guy like Barack Obama was able to make history by becoming the country’s first muli-racial President.  And for that, I must be greatful.

Oh sure, there were white voters out there that had their doubts about whether or not a man of color could really do a good job running the country…

…but because YOU did such a crappy job – because you put together an administration that not only became corrupt, but had people in it that misused federal funds, shot people in the face (and got away with it), and lied over and over again to the American people…

…and because you seem to face every tragedy as though it didn’t REALLY need your attention… and because you weren’t willing to listen to anyone’s advice (outside of your own circle) when it came to dealing with issues that REALLY mattered to the country…

…because of all THAT, those voters that may have been hesitant about voting for Obama were able to look at the ballot and say…

“Eh, what the heck, I’ll vote for him – he can’t do worse than Bush did!”

So thank you, President Bush, for being an absolutely crappy, immature, selfish, conceited prick of a public servant.  Were it not for you, a guy like John McCain – ya know, the guy who voted with you 90% of the time – would have been lauded as a hero, and probably elected.  Instead, we have a history-making President heading into office instead.

Then again, that was probably your plan all along, wasn’t it??…. nah – knowing you, it was probably an accident.  Oh well!

-Aaron P. Taylor