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Browsing: Featured
July 21st, 2010 | By Alejandro Ford
As much as I’d like to crown Willie L. Roberts’ (“Rick Ross”) epically-produced, feature-flooded mega-opus Teflon Don a certified classic (or 2010’s “Album of the Year”), I simply can’t, and won’t, considering that it’s nothing more than 11 fantasy-coated pieces of extravagant ear candy with no heart, substance or timeless appeal.
Believe me, I wanted to press [OFF] on my ‘elitist hipsterism’ and induct Teflon Don into the Hip-Hop Hall-of-Fame with Illmatic, Reasonable Doubt and Ready To Die (etc.) like every other mind-fcuked Ricky-stan sipping freshly-squeezed titty milk from Ricky’s ink-scribbled D-cups until I realized ‘Ricky Rozay’s’ glamorous delusionism would never let my Teflon Don experience be great, or remotely nostalgic.
See, in Ricky’s beautiful mind, he’s already a living legend whose lyrical magnificence, Def Jam-fueled dominance and glorious sex symbol-status are the only barriers standing between Hip-Hop & a deluxe pine box which certainly explains why Teflon Don failed to feel like anything other than a sensationalized collection of glitzy fairy tales (obviously planted in his subconscious by brilliant ‘Inceptionists’).
Um..yes, ‘glitzy fairy tales’ that only grew more fantastical by the bar to the point of utter hilarity as evidenced on the Earth-rattling banger “B.M.F (Blowin’ Money Fast)” where he thirstily attaches his legacy to notorious criminals Big Meech & Larry Hoover (“I think I’m Big Meech, Larry Hoover/whippin’ work, Hallelujah!”) just moments after immortalizing MC Hammer on the equally colossal “MC Hammer” (“I’m ridin’ dirty, my d*ck clean/She talk dirty, but her mouth clean/B*tch I’m MC Hammer..I’m about cream!”).
Produced by synthy-symphonic beatmaker Lex Luger (Shawty Redd’s #1 Stan), “B.M.F” & “MC Hammer” sound nearly identical, and were probably packaged together as a “Buy ONE Epic Banger-Get ONE Free” special only available to Ricky if he A) agreed to feature the tracks back-to-back on the album rather than B) replacing “B.M.F” with the stunning “Mafia Music II” or diabolical “Audio Meth.”
Why ‘Rozay’ chose A over B, I’ll never know (or care), but that’s neither here nor there when compared to his tragically-Diddy-bopped Trey+Diddy-collab “No. 1” which definitely should’ve been Track #11 on the oft-delayed Dirty Money album, not Track #7 on the year’s ‘most-anticipated’ album. Dawn & Kaleena *‘Dirty Pocket change’ shrug*
Now, to be fair, Teflon Don is easily Ricky’s best, most complete record to date (if you suspend reality while focusing solely on the production) mainly due to its incredibly-polished soundscapes (Kanye, Clark Kent, No I.D. etc), with the most beautifully-grandiose production provided by the ultra-talented J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League (“Maybach Music III” & “Aston Martin Music”).
And yes, I agree, Ricky’s Teflon Don-flow, enunciation & cadences > ALL Port of Miami+Trilla+Deeper Than Rap everything even though he’s murdered by Hov on the thinly-veiled middle finger to ‘Hov = illuminati’-conspiracists “Free Mason,” Kanye on the soulfully-spasmodic anthem “Live Fast, Die Young” and Hip-POP&B’s Prince Drake on the sleekly-seductive “Aston Martin Music.”
But, then again, I doubt anyone noticed Ricky’s never-ending flurry of anti-quotables (“If she died on my d*ck she would live through my rhymes”) or cared about T.I., Jada & Erykah’s ‘Maybach irrelevance,’ Gucci Mane’s uber-whack “MC Hammer” verse (“I’m MC Hammer…I put dat on my Gran’ma”) (or) Chrisette & Raphael Saadiq’s wasted talents due to the album’s impeccable production quality.
To most (who didn’t cop the new Big Boi, Roots or B.O.B. album), Teflon Don is a gift from the Hip-Hop Gods meant to be banged until Summer turns to Fall but to ‘elitist hipsters,’ like myself (That’s what ‘they’ said) it’s merely just a solid, mildly-epic concept record (with an 08/01/2010 expiration date) that epitomizes ‘style over substance.’
Overall, ‘Ricky Rozay’ deserves credit for making consumers forget that he’s just as fraudulent as Plies building a lucrative brand (despite never having gone platinum) that started decades ago during Slip-N-Slide’s golden era (See: Trina “Told Ya’ll”) but won’t receive anything higher than 2.3/4 Stars from me for an overhyped, overrated, overdebated ‘audio movie experience’ with (again) no heart, substance or timeless appeal.
June 29th, 2010 | By Alejandro Ford
Saying that this year’s BET Awards (sponsored by Let’s JAM-style control, Cluck-U Chicken, St. Ides malt liquor & Cash4Gold.com) weren’t as epically-fail-smeared as the previous 9 is like crowning Alicia Keys the classiest celebrity homewrecker of our HoSh!t-plagued generation, stamping Year No. 475 of Slavery the ‘Best Slave trade year EVER’ or celebrating Madea Goes To Jail as the least coonish movie of Kang Perry’s coonificent career.
I mean, let’s be real, BET is too damn established (and globally-recognized) to (still) be producing ‘Consolation Prize-worthy Award shows speckled with entertaining bits & pieces of utter hilarity, fcukery & nincompoopery without any substance, meaning or reason to be remembered 2 days, 3 weeks, 4 months or 5 years from now.
However, 68% of my Twitter (Twitter is Alicia Keys to my Swizz Beatz. FB = Mashonda. Sad, I know.) timeline actually praised this year’s bi-polar BETs (which, to me, were neither good nor turrrrrble) as a ‘shockingly good..enjoyable & even excellent show’ which, I guess, makes me a stone-cold ‘hater’ for the following ‘shade-cloaked’ (mini)recap of the ‘Greatest BET Awards of ALL-Timez.’ And no, Kanye won’t be pleased. Press [PLAY].
Now, I don’t hate BET, Queen Stutter-Lipz Debbie Lee or her ‘stepin fetchit’ side-kick Stephen Hill, but I refuse to gush over a 5 ½-hour Awards-a-thon with:
A) (An) Instantly forgettable opener (I luh you Queen..but..no) that put the ‘C’ in cliché.
B) Idiotic production value that reeked of polished last-minute-ness (too much damn smoke here, no nominees video there, uber-whack skits, illegible font on the teleprompter etc).
C) Pointless Awards (NO RiRi. NO Hov. NO Bey. NO GaGa. NO Bieber..and..umm.. Prince put his on the floor) that no one, but BET, seemed to care about.
D) Epic moments (Chris Brown’s incredible Mike Jack tribute) routinely ruined by WTF moments (random tone-deafded singer featured just moments after CB).
But, then again, maybe I’m wrong for focusing on Kanye’s tragically-uninspired comeback performance atop the Guts ‘Agro Crag,’ Drake’s EMO-Hip-POP&B spirit fingers/happy hands, ‘Classic’ Ursh Vs. ‘Has Been’ Ursh’s identity crisis, J. Cole’s ‘blink & you missed it’ performance (Thanks Debbie Lee. O_o), BET’s diabolical plot to make us love El DeBarge again, Em-T.I.-Dirty$-Khaled-B.O.B-Drake-A.Keys’-been there, done that, seen that-performances, Trey Songz being side-eyed by Prince & shamed by Patti and Alicia Keys’ adultery-stained uterine walls that ‘errrrbody else,’ but me, and a few others, seemed to thoroughly enjoy.
Bleh, it’s cool, I’ll just sit in the corner—while ‘errrbody else’ puts lips to BET’s dimply booty cheeks—and reminisce about the MTV Music Awards’ (Mid-’90s) which, to me, are the rulers by which music-themed Awards shows ought to be measured, and will be, several years from now.
Were the Awards entertaining..at times? Yes. Did I go crazy when CB re-mixed “Remember The Time” and Janelle Monae killed “Let’s Go Crazy” in the name of Prince (Wait, Stevie Wonder actually saw Prince perform? I can’t.)? Absolutely. Umm..but..those were the only memorable moments (yea, and the Love Jones skit) along with the following mental sidenotes I made when trying to make sense of it all, when it was all said & done.
Sidenote #1: Alicia Keys should be: A) forced to rock a bold, italicized & underlined ‘A’ over her baby bump for stealing another woman’s husband-turnt-child support fund who she’s currently knocked up by and engaged to B) court ordered to swallow ear plugs every few days to protect her unborn baby C) warned by child protective services that she can’t do ‘hood rat stuff’ like cootchie-pop on a grand piano while she’s pregnant.
Sidenote #2: I’ll always love Deniece Williams (“Silly of Me”) even though she struggled mightily to hit A NOTE during her [MUTE]-worthy duet with Monica..the pretty stick figure. Nervous? Mmm, I guess, but I doubt there was ever any hope for those cobwebb-covered high notes that (obviously) packed their sh*t & left decades ago with Etta, Minnie & Whitney’s (respectively).
Sidenote #3: May God bless the sweet baby flamingos used to create Debbie May Lee’s (uber-fugly) exotical Awards gown apparatus.
Sidenote #4: I’m almost certain DEEE JAAAYYY Khaled gets fatter every time he says the word: “Win” and looked like he was hiding KFC Double Downs in his pastel colored letterman jacket. Khaled’s man boobettes > Ricky Walrus.
Sidenote #5: The Devil was definitely busy up, down and through every wicked clipper blade used to murk John Legend’s might-don’t-make-it hairline that looked like it had been shaped up by Muhammed Ali that looked like the scene of a cold-blooded hate crime. Missing patches/corners & edges of hairline..while accepting an Award..on National TV? Really?! O_O. Please…call 555-1818 if you have any information regarding the whereabouts of the upper-right corner of John Legend’s ethered hairline.
Finale: Chris Brown’s Redemption
I really don’t give a DAMN if Chris Brown’s ugly cry-face tears were real, fake or a mixture of both. Dude KILLED it, and forced his ex-fans to re-remember why they rocked with him two years ago when R&B rested on his shoulders. Mm, yea..maybe, he’s probably still an emotionally-disturbed little boy with the worst kind bitchAZZNEZZ coursing through his veins but he certainly moonwalked toward redemption with his incredibly-nostalgic, BET Awards-saving performance that may have both defined and saved his now stable career.
“They said I’d be the illest when pigs fly, well that must be true, because look..Swine… FLU.”—U-N-I “Land of the Kings”/Alejandro. Follow Me: twitter.com/AlejandroDaGr8.
June 23rd, 2010 | By Alejandro Ford
(2010) ÷ (2) hasn’t put the C in coonery, R in ratchetness or F in F@%#%y—yet—like ’09, but it’s definitely been a ‘LaMiltonous’ play cousin to the ‘most tragedy-tattered, HATE-smathered, scandal-splattered year, maybe EV-ER.’
So far, this year, Drake DeBarge made EMO-Hip-POP&B cool, ‘Book of Bieber’ > Book of Eli, Tiny, Toya & ’Tasia’s ‘negro dialect’ was Harry Reid-approved, Betty White’s awesomeness earned her eternal life, Ms. Badu’s mighty donk meat scarred white kids for life, Brandy’s lacefront > Chris Brown’s bowtie, Boondocks pushed kids to get up, get out & do ‘hood rat stuff,’ Gilbert was dumb-‘Tiger’ was dumber & ‘Big Ben’ was thee dumbest,VH1’s ‘UNmarried Wives’ > Bravo’s ‘homeless-housewives,’ Keri’s vocal chords finally packed their sh*t & left..with Mo’Nique’s inside voice & Dream’s neck and, yes, BP misused & abused Mother Earth like her name was Kat Stacks. (etc.)
And with that said, I’ll hit [STOP] on the Intro and [START] on the Awards.
Golden O_o Award.
KanyeGate: Taylor Swift’s Incredible Nite…Winning Other People’s Grammy’s.
Well kids, ‘wronged’ white people ALWAYS WIN (See: Sandra Bullock) especially when they’re ‘wronged’ by those who look just like US (See: Elin Woods). Yea OK, Taylor had a hit or two (“Fairytale”) before ‘Kanye The Black-Hearted negro’s’ cold-blooded mic-snatch seen’t ’round the world but she wasn’t one of Barbara Walters’ ‘most fascinating people,’ Time’s ‘100 Most Influential People’ or even a ONE-time Grammy winner until the now legendary KanyeGate.
I mean, let’s be real, Carrie Underwood (who really should be the face of Country/Pop) is to Beyonce as Taylor Swift is to Beyonce’s ashy left pinky toe. Yea, I said it, and feel like the Pop Gawds failed humanity by not pressing [Vocal Chords OFF] during Taylor’s terribly-tone-deafded Grammy’s performance that was later defended by her label. o__O.
Nominees:
Uber-corny Rap break, Niki Scherkerznjzer cameo & J.Bieb/Miley vocals = ‘WATW 25’
Beyonce’s ‘Haiti, I can see your Halo’ (Haiti Telethon RE-interpolation Mix).
Why Did I Get Married Too?’s ENDING: Janet Vs. Captain Crust Lipz (Malik Yoba)
McKEE DEEZ ‘N@#$%Z be shuckin, jivin & RAPPIN’ son’ Ad Campaign.
Kobe Bryant’s ‘Draketrosexual’ photoshoot for Vanity Fair.
‘Wait, Wha?!’ Award
BP’s Gaffe-Machine CEO Tony Hayward Officially Joins ‘Eternal Infamy Club.’:
“I think the environmental impact of this disaster is likely to be very, very modest.”
(umm, then he said this: “We’re sorry for the massive disruption it’s caused their (people affected by disaster) lives. There’s no one who wants this over more than I do. I would like my life back.”)
At this point, I don’t need for my Commander-in-Chief to be calm, respectful and patient while ‘finding out whose ass to kick’ mid-oil spill crisis. NO. I NEED him to go ALL.DEE.WAY.OFF, DAMMIT! ..and breaketh his foot in BP’s azz (Damn an ‘ass kick’), with Tony Hayward being first in line.
Yea, Obama’s my dude, my role model, my inspiration but this ‘soft, wait-and-see’ shxt is killin’ me. I need more aggression, outbursts and scowls during his press conferences. Dammit, I just need him to start acting like “Crazy Joe Clark” by chaining the White House doors and treating these heartless (BP) bastards like they go to Eastside High School. *slides Obama mama’s old Louie Slugga*
Nominees:
Diddy crowns Ricky ‘The N.O.T.O.R.I.O.U.S. W.A.L.R.U.S.’ ‘Biggie of the South’
Queen Bee Lil’ Kim/Queen Barbie Nicki Minaj BEEF over UNpaid homage.
Teeny’s (infamous) over-dramatical cell phone conversation with Fantasia.
Drake’s Thank Me Later punchlines.
Ron Artest’s post-Championship-winning shoutouts to his ‘hood’ & ‘Psychiatrist.’
N*gga Moment of the (Half)Year
Gen. Larry Platt Cranks That ‘FREED SLAVE’ on American Idol.
I’ve never questioned who Sweet Baby Jezuz issued ‘15-min. of fame’ cards to until stone-cold-crackhead-coon Larry Platt gloriously ascended into utter COONdom during America’s most popular show American Idol.
There he was, an ex-civil rights activist/War-Vet, slowly erasing his golden legacy like an ’ole azz Ex-FAMU Drum Major trying to prove ‘he’s still got it’ at the Homecoming game. O_O. However, unlike most ’60s-scarred old heads who actually know when to SAT their azz down, brotha Platt didn’t give a DAMN and WENT SMOOV OFF on National TV.
He dipped, sambo-bopped and popped (while sangin’ his ‘numba-wun-sangle’) in ways that would’ve made Rosa Parks politely collect her belongings and move to the back of her bus had she known we’d be stuck on this ‘Stepin Fetchit’ shxt three decades later. *Sleep‘N’Eat slide…and shrug*
Nominees:
*No other nominees were even considered. Carry on.
Fashion WIN
‘Rompers’ aka ‘New-Age Onesies’
There’s nothin’ more chase-worthy than a ‘nerdy quirky sexy’ woman with pretty natural tresses, toes and eyes who effortlessly rocks the trendy ‘new-age Onesies’ known as ‘Rompers.’
‘Rompers’ are easily one of my favorite fashion fads (and I HATE fashion fads) usually worn by cutesy petite/sweetly voluptuous women with brilliant ‘accessorization’ skills & a wildy-creative fashion edge. They’re cool, chic, upgrade-able (or downgrade-able) and often showcase a woman’s best physical features (Niiice). YES ladies, it’s official: ‘Romper’s = Alejandro-approved.
Fashion FAIL
Summer-Ready Feet MINUS pinky toenails *Back by popular demand.
As a part of my ‘Summer Side-Eye Guide,’ I informed ladies worldwide that it was no longer acceptable to showcase Ming Lee’s finest toenail art with missing pinky toenails and recommended ‘Tiny Sized’ Chiclets to replace the decrepit & gone with the fresh & new. (See: Directions below)
Directions:
A) Remove matching toenail-colored Chiclet from package with tweezers. B) Carefully dip Chiclet in ACME super glue/liquid cement. C) Gently slide Chiclet into naked pinky toe nail nub with tweezers. D) Allow Chiclet to rest for 2-4 hours.]
Best Movie
How To Train Your Dragon 3D was the most wonderfully-entertaining film of the year until Toy Story 3D easily made every other movie irrelevant. So, umm, I’ll just call it a tie between the witty toys & Emo-dragons since I really don’t feel like RE-doing the art for this Award. Thanks for understanding. 
Nominees:
Iron Man 2
Alice in Wonderland 3D
Date Night
Whackest Movie
Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too? The Preacher’s Kid
I’m sorry—but—I nearly asked for my $1 back (yea, it was $1 theater nite) after suffering through this insanely-nonsensical, poorly-acted, woefully-predictable ‘chuuch folk melodrama’ that made me roll my eyes, suck my teeth and sigh heavily more than I ever have during KANG Perry’s most utterly unbearable flicks.
Trust me, Jezuz was NOT pleased with this epically fail-riddled ‘Tyler Perry tribute’ nor did he ever bless LaToya Luckett & Tank with the ability to ‘act’ as evidenced by their painfully-awful scenes together. O_O.
Nominees:
Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too?
Nightmare on Elm Street 2.0
Get Him To The Greek
Best Album
Janelle Monae The ArchAndroid
Twenty-five years ago, strange made love to weird on Planet X and conceived an incredibly-talented love spawn named Janelle Monae who (recently) dropped one of the most whimsically-brilliant, delightfully-nostalgic albums I’ve ever heard, and can’t stop playing.
The album? ArchAndroid, which innovatively blends Nu-ElectroSoul, Synthy-Funk, Jazzy R&B & ’80s-Pop throughout 18 rewind-worthy tracks (See: “Faster” below). Believe me, this is an instant classic, 2010’s Album of the Year and a MUST-COP for anyone who claims to ‘love’ music or complains that ‘real music’ is dead.
Nominees:
Erykah Badu New Amerykah Part Two (Return of the Ankh)
The Roots How I Got Over
Broken Bells Broken Bells
Dopest Hip-Hop Song
Pac Div “Here We Go”
I haven’t heard a record this emotionally-haunting in a minute. It’s gritty, deeply-introspective and bangs like it was born in ’94. World…Pac Div…Pac Div…World. That is all.
Nominees:
Method Man, Raekwon & Ghostface “Our Dreams”
Lupe Fiasco “I’m Beamin”
The Roots Feat. Phonte, Blu & Patty Cash “The Day”
Dopest R&B/Soul/Pop Song
Janelle Monae “Faster”
THIS.IS.MY.JAM..and should be yours too. Like, rite now!.
Nominees:
Erykah Badu “Gone Baby, Don’t Be Long”
Raheem DeVaughn Feat. Wale “The Greatness”
Will.I.Am Feat. Thugnificent “D*ck Ridin’ Obama”
José James Feat. Jordana De Lovely “Love Conversations”
Whackest Album
Plies Goon Affiliated
On Goon Affiliated gnome-sized skankzoid-magnet Plies boasts that his goons could bring him ‘BEN LADDEN’ (“Whatever I Say”), gushes about his “sweet meat” (“Good D__K”) and tries entirely too hard to brainwash you into adding ‘Bruh Bruh’ to your everyday vocab (“Bruh Bruh”). No, I’m serious, and would love to ask Plies why he continues to release these intellectually-insulting records when he knows that we know he’s nothing like what he pretends to be on his records.
Nominees:
DJ Khaled Victory
Ludacris Battle of the Sexes
Vivian Greene Beautiful
Wrist-Slitter Award
Plies “She Got It Made”
I’d rather…
A) Listen to an A. Keys/Corinne Bailey Rae ‘Greatest Love of All’ power-duet. Acapella.
B) Be forced to drink a glass of freshly squeezed Ricky Walrus tittay-milk.
C) Play Candy Land with Justin Bieber, Lil’ Twist & Jaden Smith.
D) Bathe in Ke$ha’s filth-polluted bath water..with her in the tub..naked.
…than listen to this wretched re-interpolation of an already incredibly-annoying song that didn’t even deserve to be re-interpolated.
Nominees:
Justin Bieber Feat. Ludacris “Baby”
Nicki Minaj Feat. Sean Garrett “Massive Attack”
Drake “Find Your Love”
Finale: TEN Burning Questions? …sponsored by Kat Stacks’ Vaginal Love Tubes
10. Who knew Travis Porter, Travie McCoy & Travis Barker were different people?!
9. Who let Mike Tyson answer the phone during BET/MTV’s ‘Help For Haiti’ telethon?!
7. How is Trey Songz the ‘King of R&B’ when he’s never gone ‘Platinum?!’
6. Why does Jamie Foxx still imitate Ray Charles like he’s promoting Ray 2?
5. Why did Don Cheadle have a ‘Let’s JAM’-slicked temp fade in Iron Man 2?
4. Why did so many ladies label CiCi’s epic HOSh!t in ‘Ride’ as ‘visually creative art?’
3. Why was Sandra Bullock nominated for an NAACP Image Award for ‘Best Actress?’
2. What made Gucci’s crust-bruised lips file a restraining order against chapstick?!
1. How the hell do you steal Tyler Perry’s credit card number and NOT cop extravagant planes, magnificent spaceships/submarines, Scandinavian villas, small islands, rapping Hamsters & orangutans that can sing & dance (like in Jungle Book), iPhone 4G stock & thousands of untraceable gift cards but chose, instead, to buy home goods, groceries, toys and hit the damn movies?! o_O. (See: Quita & ’nem’s KANG Perry-sponsored ‘shopping spree’ HERE: http://straightfromthea.com/2010/05/17/tyler-perrys-stolen-credit-card-charged-over-28000/
“They said I’d be the illest when pigs fly, well that must be true, because look..Swine… FLU.”—U-N-I “Land of the Kings”/Alejandro.
My name is ‘Alejandro’ and I’m a cultural critic/fearless humorist/Hip-Hop expert…in my own creatively-diseased MIND. I’m also the best blogger alive. *serious face* ..Ha, nah, I’m playin. Follow Me: twitter.com/AlejandroDaGr8. Friend Me: AlejandroFord/Facebook. Email Me: dzstrickland@gmail.com. Call me:
May 9th, 2010 | By EMQ Network Contributor
 I, Her Son
By The Left Side Poets featuring Ronald Clark, Terry Odis, Tolani Oyefule and Martin Tucker
Her womb fostered my growth in its infancy
protecting my innocence
she was the first person to love me.
This is that, scaredy-cat ride home
where anguish hacks through my curls
I took that beating like the best of mice
with no hole in the wall to zip up my jaw
I needed you.
My back to the wall she reaches me
talks through cellular frequency
though I’ve never been afraid before, never like this.
No, not like this.
Held me in her arms,
lying down the foundation for my strength
she is the reason I made it to manhood
I just couldn’t disappoint.
Her eyes follow me,
taking in her own doing
she sculpted me in a cloak of her values.
I cry, her voice brings peace to me
my silence ceases, she beckons me
to move forward.
In return I give my word,
that I will stay.
Stay the man that she created
Stay the bold and caring soul
Stay the child with endless passion
with resolve as yet untold.
I needed to
sift through these blessed eskimo kisses
that fit the description of medicinal schism
from yesterday
sandbox amnesia.
She, the kindest complexion
utter peace begets her face.
Even when my world is broken,
and I, strangled in my place.
This mother’s day,
I have the privilege of seeing
four generations of mothers.
The oldest of which, doesn’t speak,
but I’m convinced, that God has hidden his smile behind her eyes
she’s my great-grandmother.
Her daughter, my grandmother,
is the strongest woman I’ve ever met.
I’m convinced that God has dipped her in resilience
because everything life throws at her has been devoured
without her flinching.
She’s eaten cancer for breakfast
a brain tumor for lunch
and bad knees for dinner -
she’s having Satan for a midnight snack.
My sister, at five-feet even
bears the weight of the world on her shoulders
with a baby on her hip
now tell atlas to do that.
I can’t wait to find a woman as strong as you
so I can make her a strong mother too.
Then there’s my mother
who uses her heart and soul as ingredients in all of her meals.
She fills more than just bellies, she mends spirits
I guess that’s why they call it soul food.
I stay on her mind,
as she does on mine
tissue in her hand, hours before a tear drops
she is God’s manifestation of his love.
A woman who shoulders loads Samson wouldn’t try
parts seas of despair with Moses’ rod
her hugs melt away layers of insecurities.
She is always there to listen
although I doubt and may not see,
she is steadfast in her offer
faultless belief in me.
I wanna raise daughters like you
the four of you together are more beautiful than
a month of sunrises that I pray I am able to behold again.
Gracefully entering the different phases of life,
as you age, I return the favor
of your protection,
healing wounds with reciprocation
and yet,
when the call for love is made
and request given for one
I will answer resolutely
Her, a goddess
I, her son.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
The Left Side Poets are a group of poets who met in the Spring of 2008 at Hampton University. It consists of Sophia Buxton, Ronald Clark, Shawnon Corprew, Nikieta Faulkner, S. Velvet Noose, Terry Odis, Tolani Oyefule, Daniel Parrish and Martin Tucker, though there are others who can lay claim to being a Left Sider. For this occasion, the blessed holiday that is Mother’s Day, some of the men in the group came together to put into words their love for their mothers. Hope you enjoy it. And if you do, be on the lookout for their first book, The Left Side Poets Present: Strange Fruit, which drops in the fall.
April 29th, 2010 | By Alejandro Ford
To thousands, she’s Nicki Minaj—the illest femme-cee ALIVE—but to anti-fadsters, like me, she’s merely just Hip-POP’s Queen of the ALL FAKE EVERYthings—with a sock puppetish ‘Fire Marshall Bill’ flow—who proved that her brain, too, was ‘Made In China’ when she 8-6’d (ex-manager) ‘Ms. Debra’ aka the streets-saluted tastemaker behind criminally-UNtalented Yo Gabba Gabbsters Gucci Peppa Wangz & Waka Flocka Waaaakaaa (son)—to hire infamous career wreckist Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs as her official ‘manager.’
..So, with that said, I’ve dredged up FIVE good reasons why Nicki ButterBARS (She SEGGZY..but her ‘rap’ bars?! ..c’mon son) should re-consider hopping in bed with the globally-side-eyed mega-mogul and putting her p@#$y on his sideburns..when Cassie’s asleep who’s never gon’ stop ‘never stopping’ even if it’s, well, what Jesus (…or any other label head with *3 Gold/Platinum albums on their roster since ’04) would do. *POW..Take Dat..Take Dat*
5. Young Money > Dirty Money: Nicki’s About $1…WTF is 2 (Dirty) Cents?!
Nicki’s a freshly-minted dime-piece compared to Diddy’s dirt-crusted pennies & pocket lintettes Dawn & Estelle Kalenna who’d instantly gain 1 ¼ stars standing beside the game’s baddest ‘5-Star’ bish—who’s easily ‘Azz & Titties Barbie’ to their ‘Gawjus Garbage Pale Kid’ & ‘Trendy Treasure Troll’ (respectively)—during their Last Train To Paris promo tour.
As Diddy’s brand new Dirty Money promo play toy, Nicki would no longer be the ‘Sarah Palin of Hip-Hop’ once he siphons her blog-fueled buzz into his own musically-irrevelant career thus proving why she needs a dope management team like ‘Hip-Hop Since 1978’ (Drake, Weezy, Kanye & Jeezy) to capitalize on her ever-growing mainstream popularity.
4. Diddy’s ‘Nicki Management Plan’ = Jay-Z’s ‘Amil Management Plan’
I’m certainly not Dionne Warwick..err, or Miss Cleo, but I’d bet my best Young Money pajamas (…with the footies) that ‘Diddy-managed Nicki’ adds the following ‘power moves’ to her Wiki-page by Month #6:
A) Features on Kiely Williams’ debut & Bran’Nu’s (Brandy) rap debut Bran’Nufrodisiac
B) Small roles in Tyler Perry’s Why Am I STILL Married? & Why Did I Get A Divorce?
C) Endorsement deals from Citi Trendz, Hasbro Kid Sister dolls, Cap’n D’s & Myspace.
D) Severing of ties with ghostwriters Drake & Weezy, and the Young Money crew.
3. Kima, Keisha, Pam…and Nicki?! ..Wait, wha?! ..World: ‘HELL+NO to Total 2.0’
Nicki may not realize this…yet, but she’s already agreed to headline Total 2.0 as the fourth lesbian member of the hood-beloved trio (Pg. 362 of 400, ‘Diddy Management Agreement’) that Diddy plans to re-launch after his Notorious R.I.C.K.Y. W.A.L.R.U.S. project with the next greatest Biggie re-boot not named Guerilla Black..err, or Shyne.
Honestly, I’d rather watch (girl group) Dream play Danity Kane in a celebrity basketball game than Day26 + lacefronts & lip gloss aka Kima, Keisha & Pam ‘shock the world’ with rap’s bargain-bin ’Lil Kim doll who makes them a smidge too relevant for their own VH1 reality show. Sorry..but, Nicki headlining Total 2.0 makes just as much sense as Keri Hilson linking with Adina Howard to re-boot Changing Faces.
2. Barbie Girl In Diddy’s Reality GAME WORLD
Diddy definitely had a fetish for playing childish mind games with fame-thirsty nobodies who did EVERYthing BUT wipe his turd-smeared azz (PAUSE.) with baby wipes during Making The Band (1-?), Making His Band & I Want To Work For Diddy (1-2) which put future ex-Bad Boy staffers on—well, kinda—unlike Nicki, who ‘joined’ the Bad Boy ‘empire’ after selling Diddy her Mattel-stamped soul.
However, you’re nothing in Diddy’s shade-cloaked eyes until you play his ego-punishing games which, in Nicki’s case, is one potentially career-ending challenge destined to either make her a management ‘priority’ or a forgotten commodity, like Janelle Monae:
1) Ether ‘Babs’ (Making The Band 1), ‘Mysterious’ (Making The Band 2) & special contender ‘Keys the Problem’ (World-Famous Nicki Minaj DISS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcAm2Pm15HU&feature=related.) during an MTV-aired freestyle battle for the femme-cee spot on Diddy’s Junior M.A.F.I.A. re-boot (Notorious W.A.L.R.U.S, Diggy Simmons, Jim Jones & Blinky Blink). I’ll call this Making the Band..err, 11.
[But, then again, you & me both know that George W. Bush has a better chance being elected Mayor of New Orleans than Nicki does winning a rap battle against any decent femme-cee other than maybe Sylk-E. Fine, Lumidee or Khia. *Solé shrug*]
1. The Inevitable Biggie/Nicki Minaj Collab= THE END of Hip-Hop.
The day Nicki name-drops Santa’s reindeer (..again), seven dwarfs, ten Care Bears or any other popular collection of make-believe creatures while trading bars with Biggie is the day I’ll beg GAWD to press backspace on humanity. I’m sorry…but I’d rather hear an Aaliyah/Fergie duet or Guru/Soulja Boy collab, than Biggie & ‘Fire Marshall Bill’ rock over endless Diddy ad-libs. *Jim Carrey shrug*
“Bad Boy…we ain’t gon’ stop..I couldn’t stop now if I wanted to. I will never stop” — Diddy.
March 30th, 2010 | By Alejandro Ford
Never has a MEGA-hyped somewhat-known-UNknown gone from being the dopest unsigned hypester on the globe to the dopiest P.R. FAILure in the Galaxy to a Grammy-winning quadruple threat with ‘Hip-Hop’s fate in his clutches’ until Canada’s great lite-brite hype Aubrey ‘Drake’ Graham rocketed into superstardom with the globally-droOled-over ‘mixtalbum’ So Far Gone errrrr, riiiiight before plummeting into epic faildom, when he:
A) performed the ultra-explicit misogyno-smash “Every Girl” (..in a skinty bar stool) for a record-setting BET Awards viewing audience with a Chuck E. Cheese ‘ball crawl’-worth of underaged tweeny-bops on-stage (Drake on BET Awards debacle: “It was just timed very poorly and it definitely wasn’t planned like that”…“To anyone who was offended, my personal apologies; it wasn’t intended to offend anybody”)
B) starred in a skank-juice splattered video for his fcuk-face-inducing femme-anthem “Best I Ever Had” that he later apologized to his female fan base for releasing (Drake on soft-pornish music video debacle: “I guess one thing I didn’t consider is what the song personally means to a lot of women”…“To those women, I apologize. I do apologize. My intention wasn’t to put anyone down. It was to make them laugh. I wanted people to see something visually different.”)
C) crumpled into a pathetic chumpling on-stage during the America’s Most Wanted Tour (Feat. Weezy, Jeezy & Soulja Boy) despite being instructed by Doctors NOT to perform on his shredded ACL (Drake on-stage collapse debacle: “I blacked out and really forgot I was injured. I was just so full of adrenaline, so happy to be there, it kind of set in for me…”)
D) signed his soul over to an insanely-impregnatious Gremlin named Weezy (*Cue: Super Mario Death Ditty*: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHJSZSRSljk) who knighted him as thee, uh, other official face of his criminally-UNtalented Young Money collective consisting of nonsense spewing kiddy bops and a ‘Barbie’-obsessed ButterBARS with the illest femmecee ‘Fire Marshall Bill’ flow ever. *Jim Carrey shrug*
And somehow, these events occurred—back-to-back…to-back—only weeks after the lyrically-dexteritous uber-MC (“I’ma rapper-turnt-singer and you can tell that he smoke/I don’t need no vocal cords/All I hit is C-Notes/N.E.R.D. flow, I spaz if I’m provoked/I’m about to change the F@#$# game/Pass the remote”)/tolerable vocalist ‘melody hummer’ (See: “Say Somethin’”) emerged from the underground as the second-coming of (Golden-Era Hova) + (Pre-Bad Boy Biggie) + (Post-9 bullet-50 (Cent) who, unlike Aubrey, never won a Grammy, moved 200K+ officialized ‘mixtalbums’ (available for FREE online) or secured lucrative endorsement deals (Sprite) pre-debut album.
Dammit, Aubrey ‘Drake’ Graham was Neo (The ONE), Luke Skywalker (The CHOSEN ONE) & Bruce LeRoy (The ONE + ‘The GLOW’) in the punch drunken hearts of mainstream POP fiends who had never heard of the preppy spitsmith or struggled through an episode of the ex-child TV star’s hit show Degrassi until Weezy publicly co-signed him as the NEXT, best..HIM.
..Um, but serious Hip-Hop heads?! ..Yea, we knew ‘Aubrey’—back then, during the golden ‘grustle daze’ and wept the day he dumped Hip-Hop to go steady with POP years after bringing an ‘Obamian’ sense of hope to the diseased genre during his inevitable come-up through Canada’s burgeoning Hip-Hop/Soul scene (See: Kardinall Offishall, Melanie Fiona & Slakah the Beatchild).
However, Aubrey DeBarge Graham was now simply ‘Drake’: Your Favorite Radio Programmer’s rapper’s most side-eyed rapper and yet another sugary radio killa MC with a nauseating Auto-Tune fetish, cringe-worthy ‘super-crew’ (with no purpose other than to hold his diamond-flushed jewels & Blackberry while he performs) and steadily declining anti-Pop following led by the same progressive backpackers who UNfollowed Weezy when “Lollipop” dropped.
BUT, then again, I doubt the mixed boy wonder’s Hip-POP love affair > his undeniable musical intangibles effortlessly displayed throughout his classic pre-deal mixtapes Comeback Season & Room For Improvement when his collabs with Little Brother & Elzhi “Don’t You Have A Man”/“Think Good Thoughts,” Slakah “Share” and Dwele “Deceiving” convinced me, along with countless others, that Drake was, indeed, IT.
So, now—finally—in 2010, the lyrical rapper formerly known as ‘Wheelchair Jimmy’ is poised to convert every doubter standing between him and his platinum plaque to a believer with one of the most anticipated Hip-Hop albums—maybe, ever—on the strenf of his wildly-ambitious/obsessively-scrutinized lead single “Over” which brilliantly infuses the BEST of ‘underground Aubrey’ with the absolute WORST of ‘Drizzy F. Baby’ in a way that no devoted fan/Draketheist © probably envisioned.
To me, “Over” bangs..but to you, it may..umm..NOT..but come [INSERT OFFICIAL Thank Me Later Release Date HERE (June 15?)] 2010, we’ll ALL (officially) know where Drake stands as a ‘Top-3’ candidate to one day rock the coveted Hip-Hop crown once co-worn by Big, Pac..and now *Hov (debatable)..hmm, honestly, only Drake knows and remember, he’s ‘just not anybody’…or is he?! ..Clock’s ticking.
March 11th, 2010 | By EMQ Network Contributor
Public backlash is one thing, but has there been personal backlash? (more…)
February 2nd, 2010 | By Alejandro Ford
The 52nd Annual Grammy Awards could’ve should’ve been EPIC… err, or THEE MOST EPIC Award show that we’ve EVER seen… this decade — all 31.7 days of it — BUT, it wasn’t…and somehow EPICALLY FAILed…miserably…during an O__o-worthy series of terribly anti-climactic, (NAATS)-wrecked events — dipped in Beycepticon lacefont gelly with a splash of aerial amniotic fluid (….courtesy of Pink’s leaky vajayjay-mus’cles) — on a nite where the oompa loompa-minded Recording Academy managed to get NOTHING right & EVERYthing DEAD. WRONG …
*(NationalAssocationfortheAdvancementofTaylorSwift)
…And with that said, I’m bout to GO IN …
Teddy Pain TIGHTY WHITE-Pants, 1865 ‘We’s At War’ Foxx & ‘Special’ Guest
Last nite, I made the following statement after Jamie Foxx’s ‘sister’ — who ‘supposedly’ has ‘Down’s syndrome’ — strutted onto the stage and broke into a Beyonce hip-swirl matrix back-bend 8-count maneuver…ALL in one swift, fluid motion:
“PREEEEEEECIOUS’ …Getcho AZZ BACK in this DAMN ‘PARTTTTMENNNT’ …WHATCHU doin on DAT Grammy STAAAAGE?!” …
Most people laughed while a few self-righteous soap-boxers criticized my obviously ‘ANTI-Special Needs divas dancing on Awards Stages’ comments (Uh, OKKK) even though MOST of us thought she was either Mia X, ‘Gabby’ from Precious or some random backstage bopper thirsty for her OWN infamous Lil’ Mama ‘moment’…
Bwaa…BLACK PEOPLE KILL ME with this ‘WE can laugh at some… but NOT at others INsanity’ …People. She was ON-STAGE. Dancing…in rhythm. On National Televison. With her OWN entrance music/special spot on the stage. I HIGHLY doubt that she’s a sympathetic ‘special needs’ case in need of specialized medical attention.
Believe me, I’ve seen Down’s patients and she didn’t ‘move’ like someone who was mentally/physically crippled…at all. If anything, she’s the most physically gifted ‘special needs’ case I’ve EVER seen…in LIFE…if that’s the box you so choose to drop her in …
Either way, she KILLED it…along with Jamie (…and his Southern U. Drum Major uniform/Civil War-themed Glory costume) and Teddy Pain TIGHTY WHITE-Pants who struggled to move in his coke white suit pants that would’ve fit perfectly 15 years ago…when he was 9 years old ….
Fashion *FIST PUMP* (Interlude)
*The-Dream killded ’em (O__O) with Pepto-Bismol errrrthang and a splash of Presidential Jet-Black thus proving that only REAL cabbage patch doll-faced men rock pink formal suit jackets…in public… 4 *FIST PUMPS* Outta 5
Rockin’ with MC Fergy McFerg-Breaf & MC Nicks McPlastic-Cootch
I don’t know what’s more wrist-slash worthy: A Fergie 16/ vocal run sans Peas or a full-length Nicki Minaj track sans Weezy & Drake…Yea, it’s TRUE: Ferg-breaf & Plastic-cootch drip with undeniable sex-appeal… BUT they’re also two of the whackest FEMME-Cs to ever smear MAC lip gloss on the mic… Honestly, I’d rather hear Ferg-breaf double-dutch with the beat like she did during the Grammy’s than Plastic-cootch regurgitate Weezy/Drake’s throwaway lyrics… Sorry Nicki, but you, to me, will ALWAYS sound like a cutesy-voiced ‘Fire Marshall Bill’ when you spit… ‘LEH’ME-SHO’-U-SUHPTUNN’ … ‘LOOK AHT DHA ROOHF…SEE!… ASBESTOS! … smh … FCUK OUTTA HERE! …
Fashion *FIST PUMP* (Interlude)
Lady GaGa SHUT DOWN the red carpet with an intergalactic Jellyfish-inspired cocktail dress covered with quirkily bedazzled fallopian tubelettes … 5 *FIST PUMPS* Outta 5 …
A Brief Note TO MZ. Keri F. BAYBEEEEE…
…Now I know you’re still pouting/lame-tweeting about being snubbed, yet again, for a ‘prestigious’ music-related Award, so I penned this note to cheer you up on this gloomy Monday afternoon. Enjoy:
REAL artists/musicians/composers are the only people who win REAL/somewhat important AWARDS which is why you’ve yet to win anything worth celebrating other than a few BETs/AMAs better known as ‘the dusty shiny sh*ts in your garage’ that only your thirstiest of stans care about… Face it, your vocal cords HATE you…and will NEV-ER function the way you desperately want them to no matter how tight you scrunch your bootee cheeks together when you ‘sing’ …In my eyes, your golden pen will ALWAYS outshine your disrespectful azz vocal cords…BUT, I still LOVE you nonetheless — even though you refuse to put the mic down and take five steps back — and will continue to download your music support your steadily-growing POP&B movement… Keep your head up BOO…GAWD definitely loves YOU…
Love,
-Me
Fashion *FIST PUMP* (Interlude)
George Clinton rocked a deluxe Beauty Supply bag worth of Beyonce’s leftover lacefront pieces dyed with melted crayon sauce/acrylic paint chips… 2 *FIST PUMPS* Outta 4 …
Skankzoid Ciara: When Fresh Goodies Go Stale
…smh… POE’ baaaaawwwy…DAMN…what happened to you and your once promising career as a vocally UN-talented Aaliyah-reboot with tip-worthy cootch-twerking abilities?! …Seriously, EVERYone wanted your now extra-stale goodies before you fed them to Bow Wow you stuffed uber-whack albums inside KFC chicken buckets… FOR FREE… and rocked sluttish see-through negligee pajama sheer pantlettes fugly bust-it-baby seductional side-piece onesies…for pro ballers, Wacka Flocka & Plies ONLY during MAJOR Awards shows like the Grammys… PLEASE CieCie…rebuke this inner-skanzoid, STOP clapping your bootee cheeks to the beat for your underaged fans…in concert and work your way back to the TOP of the POP&B game…instead of festering inside its crust-slicked arse crack…
Fashion *FIST PUMP* (Interlude)
Gen. Larry Platt is officially the wealthiest/brokest homeless dude/War Vet/EX-Civil Rights Activist on the block/your TV screen who gloriously ascended into utter COONdom after brandishing a multi-colored assortment of swap meet-variety belts during the Grammy Pre-Show without realizing that the joke was actually on him…and will remain that way until he and his played-out ANTI-saggy pants anthem gooo thaaaat a’wayyyyyy …
(Wha?) ’Clef: Wait, So THIS Is The Man We’re Trusting Our Relief Money With?!
Wyclef. You’re NOW a globally-adored HERO who everyone respects and admires for your philanthropic efforts in Haiti despite your Yele Org’s supposed ‘funny math’ practices. The world listens whenever you speak/offer suggestions as to how we can provide aid to your beloved country… BUT damn, what in THEE HELL were you rambling about last nite during the Grammys?!
…Seriously ’Clef, was it the ‘cheeba cheeba (yall)?!’ …nerves? ..a combo of both?! …NONE?! …or the absence of a coherent, pre-written statement via notebook paper that made you look so woefully unprepared?! …O___O … “And I wanna shout out my wife, she’s Haitian too…” O__o … Er, Wha?! …Uhh.. but, that had NOTHING to do with the message that you COULD HAVE given but ultimately failed to deliver without the threat of the swift-fingered Grammy orchestra musically ushering you off-stage… Damn ’Clef, trust me, we’re ALL on Team: Haiti but that, sir, was simply unacceptable …
Fashion *FIST PUMP* (Interlude)
Melanie Fiona rocked her bestest, most grandest evening gown like she was attending President Obama’s FIRST President’s Day Black Tie $500/plate Formal Gala inside the Presidential Ballroom of the White House … 5 *FIST PUMPS* Outta 5 …
Taylor Swift: The Luckiest Artist in POP Culture History…other than Rihanna
Well kids, ‘wronged’ white people ALWAYS WIN… especially when they’re ‘wronged’ by those who look just. Like. ‘US.’ … *Kanye Shrug* …Yea, OK…Taylor had a hit (“Fairytale”) before ‘Kanye The Black-hearted Negro’s’cold-blooded mic-snatch seen’t ’round the world BUT she wasn’t one of Barbara Walters’ ‘most fascinating people’ or even a ONE-time Grammy winner until she was Kanye’d on National TV with all eyes on her, ’Ye and the infamously ‘disputed’ VMA Award… Please. DEAD this ‘she earned it’/it’s Country music’s time BULL shiiiiiiet and accept that her success was nothing more than a media manufactured ‘reparational career boost’ designed to right a globally-frowned upon wrong…Should Taylor have thanked Kanye for her instant superstardom during the Grammys?! …Probably not, but she definitely should’ve (privately) thanked the exiled Hip-POP star for the ‘opportunity’ to be something she’s clearly NOT as evidenced by her tone-deafded, flat-noted ‘coming-out’ performance during the Grammys… o__O … * Kanye Shrug* …
*Coming SUMMER 2014: Taylor Swift’s ‘Fantasy Rise to Superstardom’ bio-flick BLIND-SIDED starring Flex Alexander as ‘Kanye’ and ‘Scarlett Johansson’ as ‘Taylor’ …
BEHOLD the MIGHTY BEYONCE BEYBOTNIK: QUEEN of POP&B
Beyonce Beybotnik… You know I LOVE you … right?! … No, seriously, I truly dig your Earf-stopping vocals, gorgeous hammer toes high-end lacefronts (…made from 3,000 finely-plucked Fabio hairs), overall lack of humanistic qualities/rational emotions and unique ability to pay tribute to other artists by covering their hits during MAJOR Awards shows without ever inviting them to cover their own songs with you …
…But, then again, that’s why you rock thee, uhhhh, errrr…thee, uhh, urban contemporary Techo-POP&B crown?! and strutted onto the Grammy stage with the same leather-clad-Cobra Commander collective that tried to murk Michael Jackson in Moonwalker like you were about to perform “Video Phone” with the intensity of 10 make-believe Sasha Fierces before stunning us all with the whackest, most frenetically unfocused performance of your career an edgy POWER-BALLAD (“If I Were A Boy (Rock Mix”)/Alanis tribute…with NO Alanis that was easily the fifth or sixth most talked about performance of the nite!
…It’s cool though Bey, I’m sure you were exhausted from winning every Pre-Grammy Awards Grammy earlier and deserve a call from Etta James to congratulate you on winning a Grammy for your flawless performance of the classic (“At Last”) song that you made famous in your own mind she’s famous for making famous… It’s only right… despite her understandable unrelenting bitterness toward your invitation to the White House by the Obamas to perform her classic during the Inauguration festivites…
…Nonetheless, you BEYTIZED a classic and made your stans swoon when you finally admitted to having a living, breathing ‘husband’ …whom you love… Whether you were talking to or about your trifling azz bodyguard you’ve been creepin’ with Jay-Z, we’ll never know mainly because you never say said love, Jay-Z and husband in the same sentence nor do did you thank your new God who was sitting right next to you during the Awards during your acceptance speeches… BUT I’m certain GAWD knows your heart which is why I salute you — Beyonce Knowles — as one of the greatest most blatantly unoriginal, criminally contrived singers of our POP-diseased, Beycepticon-invaded generation. *Four fingers to the forehead* … Thank you. Goodnite.
 Bey: “Youuu’s came into my’s house...and slept with my husband … yooou’s touched my’s sista's only chile … you’s think you’s cra’see … I’mma shows you CRA’SEE!”  '...Where didja come from...where didja gooooooooooooooooooo...where did you come from Cotton Eye Jooooooooooooooe ...'  ... Mid-air ovulation > Your LIFE ...  GaGa is a SUPASTAR ... Her opening performance was definitely the dopest of the nite ... This has been another Alejandro presentation.
 M.I.A. ... WE LOVE you ...
January 4th, 2010 | By Alejandro Ford
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