Browsing: Hip-Hop Music
February 2nd, 2010 | By Alejandro Ford
The 52nd Annual Grammy Awards could’ve should’ve been EPIC… err, or THEE MOST EPIC Award show that we’ve EVER seen… this decade — all 31.7 days of it — BUT, it wasn’t…and somehow EPICALLY FAILed…miserably…during an O__o-worthy series of terribly anti-climactic, (NAATS)-wrecked events — dipped in Beycepticon lacefont gelly with a splash of aerial amniotic fluid (….courtesy of Pink’s leaky vajayjay-mus’cles) — on a nite where the oompa loompa-minded Recording Academy managed to get NOTHING right & EVERYthing DEAD. WRONG …
*(NationalAssocationfortheAdvancementofTaylorSwift)
…And with that said, I’m bout to GO IN …
Teddy Pain TIGHTY WHITE-Pants, 1865 ‘We’s At War’ Foxx & ‘Special’ Guest
Last nite, I made the following statement after Jamie Foxx’s ‘sister’ — who ‘supposedly’ has ‘Down’s syndrome’ — strutted onto the stage and broke into a Beyonce hip-swirl matrix back-bend 8-count maneuver…ALL in one swift, fluid motion:
“PREEEEEEECIOUS’ …Getcho AZZ BACK in this DAMN ‘PARTTTTMENNNT’ …WHATCHU doin on DAT Grammy STAAAAGE?!” …
Most people laughed while a few self-righteous soap-boxers criticized my obviously ‘ANTI-Special Needs divas dancing on Awards Stages’ comments (Uh, OKKK) even though MOST of us thought she was either Mia X, ‘Gabby’ from Precious or some random backstage bopper thirsty for her OWN infamous Lil’ Mama ‘moment’…
Bwaa…BLACK PEOPLE KILL ME with this ‘WE can laugh at some… but NOT at others INsanity’ …People. She was ON-STAGE. Dancing…in rhythm. On National Televison. With her OWN entrance music/special spot on the stage. I HIGHLY doubt that she’s a sympathetic ‘special needs’ case in need of specialized medical attention.
Believe me, I’ve seen Down’s patients and she didn’t ‘move’ like someone who was mentally/physically crippled…at all. If anything, she’s the most physically gifted ‘special needs’ case I’ve EVER seen…in LIFE…if that’s the box you so choose to drop her in …
Either way, she KILLED it…along with Jamie (…and his Southern U. Drum Major uniform/Civil War-themed Glory costume) and Teddy Pain TIGHTY WHITE-Pants who struggled to move in his coke white suit pants that would’ve fit perfectly 15 years ago…when he was 9 years old ….
Fashion *FIST PUMP* (Interlude)
*The-Dream killded ’em (O__O) with Pepto-Bismol errrrthang and a splash of Presidential Jet-Black thus proving that only REAL cabbage patch doll-faced men rock pink formal suit jackets…in public… 4 *FIST PUMPS* Outta 5
Rockin’ with MC Fergy McFerg-Breaf & MC Nicks McPlastic-Cootch
I don’t know what’s more wrist-slash worthy: A Fergie 16/ vocal run sans Peas or a full-length Nicki Minaj track sans Weezy & Drake…Yea, it’s TRUE: Ferg-breaf & Plastic-cootch drip with undeniable sex-appeal… BUT they’re also two of the whackest FEMME-Cs to ever smear MAC lip gloss on the mic… Honestly, I’d rather hear Ferg-breaf double-dutch with the beat like she did during the Grammy’s than Plastic-cootch regurgitate Weezy/Drake’s throwaway lyrics… Sorry Nicki, but you, to me, will ALWAYS sound like a cutesy-voiced ‘Fire Marshall Bill’ when you spit… ‘LEH’ME-SHO’-U-SUHPTUNN’ … ‘LOOK AHT DHA ROOHF…SEE!… ASBESTOS! … smh … FCUK OUTTA HERE! …
Fashion *FIST PUMP* (Interlude)
Lady GaGa SHUT DOWN the red carpet with an intergalactic Jellyfish-inspired cocktail dress covered with quirkily bedazzled fallopian tubelettes … 5 *FIST PUMPS* Outta 5 …
A Brief Note TO MZ. Keri F. BAYBEEEEE…
…Now I know you’re still pouting/lame-tweeting about being snubbed, yet again, for a ‘prestigious’ music-related Award, so I penned this note to cheer you up on this gloomy Monday afternoon. Enjoy:
REAL artists/musicians/composers are the only people who win REAL/somewhat important AWARDS which is why you’ve yet to win anything worth celebrating other than a few BETs/AMAs better known as ‘the dusty shiny sh*ts in your garage’ that only your thirstiest of stans care about… Face it, your vocal cords HATE you…and will NEV-ER function the way you desperately want them to no matter how tight you scrunch your bootee cheeks together when you ‘sing’ …In my eyes, your golden pen will ALWAYS outshine your disrespectful azz vocal cords…BUT, I still LOVE you nonetheless — even though you refuse to put the mic down and take five steps back — and will continue to download your music support your steadily-growing POP&B movement… Keep your head up BOO…GAWD definitely loves YOU…
Love,
-Me
Fashion *FIST PUMP* (Interlude)
George Clinton rocked a deluxe Beauty Supply bag worth of Beyonce’s leftover lacefront pieces dyed with melted crayon sauce/acrylic paint chips… 2 *FIST PUMPS* Outta 4 …
Skankzoid Ciara: When Fresh Goodies Go Stale
…smh… POE’ baaaaawwwy…DAMN…what happened to you and your once promising career as a vocally UN-talented Aaliyah-reboot with tip-worthy cootch-twerking abilities?! …Seriously, EVERYone wanted your now extra-stale goodies before you fed them to Bow Wow you stuffed uber-whack albums inside KFC chicken buckets… FOR FREE… and rocked sluttish see-through negligee pajama sheer pantlettes fugly bust-it-baby seductional side-piece onesies…for pro ballers, Wacka Flocka & Plies ONLY during MAJOR Awards shows like the Grammys… PLEASE CieCie…rebuke this inner-skanzoid, STOP clapping your bootee cheeks to the beat for your underaged fans…in concert and work your way back to the TOP of the POP&B game…instead of festering inside its crust-slicked arse crack…
Fashion *FIST PUMP* (Interlude)
Gen. Larry Platt is officially the wealthiest/brokest homeless dude/War Vet/EX-Civil Rights Activist on the block/your TV screen who gloriously ascended into utter COONdom after brandishing a multi-colored assortment of swap meet-variety belts during the Grammy Pre-Show without realizing that the joke was actually on him…and will remain that way until he and his played-out ANTI-saggy pants anthem gooo thaaaat a’wayyyyyy …
(Wha?) ’Clef: Wait, So THIS Is The Man We’re Trusting Our Relief Money With?!
Wyclef. You’re NOW a globally-adored HERO who everyone respects and admires for your philanthropic efforts in Haiti despite your Yele Org’s supposed ‘funny math’ practices. The world listens whenever you speak/offer suggestions as to how we can provide aid to your beloved country… BUT damn, what in THEE HELL were you rambling about last nite during the Grammys?!
…Seriously ’Clef, was it the ‘cheeba cheeba (yall)?!’ …nerves? ..a combo of both?! …NONE?! …or the absence of a coherent, pre-written statement via notebook paper that made you look so woefully unprepared?! …O___O … “And I wanna shout out my wife, she’s Haitian too…” O__o … Er, Wha?! …Uhh.. but, that had NOTHING to do with the message that you COULD HAVE given but ultimately failed to deliver without the threat of the swift-fingered Grammy orchestra musically ushering you off-stage… Damn ’Clef, trust me, we’re ALL on Team: Haiti but that, sir, was simply unacceptable …
Fashion *FIST PUMP* (Interlude)
Melanie Fiona rocked her bestest, most grandest evening gown like she was attending President Obama’s FIRST President’s Day Black Tie $500/plate Formal Gala inside the Presidential Ballroom of the White House … 5 *FIST PUMPS* Outta 5 …
Taylor Swift: The Luckiest Artist in POP Culture History…other than Rihanna
Well kids, ‘wronged’ white people ALWAYS WIN… especially when they’re ‘wronged’ by those who look just. Like. ‘US.’ … *Kanye Shrug* …Yea, OK…Taylor had a hit (“Fairytale”) before ‘Kanye The Black-hearted Negro’s’cold-blooded mic-snatch seen’t ’round the world BUT she wasn’t one of Barbara Walters’ ‘most fascinating people’ or even a ONE-time Grammy winner until she was Kanye’d on National TV with all eyes on her, ’Ye and the infamously ‘disputed’ VMA Award… Please. DEAD this ‘she earned it’/it’s Country music’s time BULL shiiiiiiet and accept that her success was nothing more than a media manufactured ‘reparational career boost’ designed to right a globally-frowned upon wrong…Should Taylor have thanked Kanye for her instant superstardom during the Grammys?! …Probably not, but she definitely should’ve (privately) thanked the exiled Hip-POP star for the ‘opportunity’ to be something she’s clearly NOT as evidenced by her tone-deafded, flat-noted ‘coming-out’ performance during the Grammys… o__O … * Kanye Shrug* …
*Coming SUMMER 2014: Taylor Swift’s ‘Fantasy Rise to Superstardom’ bio-flick BLIND-SIDED starring Flex Alexander as ‘Kanye’ and ‘Scarlett Johansson’ as ‘Taylor’ …
BEHOLD the MIGHTY BEYONCE BEYBOTNIK: QUEEN of POP&B
Beyonce Beybotnik… You know I LOVE you … right?! … No, seriously, I truly dig your Earf-stopping vocals, gorgeous hammer toes high-end lacefronts (…made from 3,000 finely-plucked Fabio hairs), overall lack of humanistic qualities/rational emotions and unique ability to pay tribute to other artists by covering their hits during MAJOR Awards shows without ever inviting them to cover their own songs with you …
…But, then again, that’s why you rock thee, uhhhh, errrr…thee, uhh, urban contemporary Techo-POP&B crown?! and strutted onto the Grammy stage with the same leather-clad-Cobra Commander collective that tried to murk Michael Jackson in Moonwalker like you were about to perform “Video Phone” with the intensity of 10 make-believe Sasha Fierces before stunning us all with the whackest, most frenetically unfocused performance of your career an edgy POWER-BALLAD (“If I Were A Boy (Rock Mix”)/Alanis tribute…with NO Alanis that was easily the fifth or sixth most talked about performance of the nite!
…It’s cool though Bey, I’m sure you were exhausted from winning every Pre-Grammy Awards Grammy earlier and deserve a call from Etta James to congratulate you on winning a Grammy for your flawless performance of the classic (“At Last”) song that you made famous in your own mind she’s famous for making famous… It’s only right… despite her understandable unrelenting bitterness toward your invitation to the White House by the Obamas to perform her classic during the Inauguration festivites…
…Nonetheless, you BEYTIZED a classic and made your stans swoon when you finally admitted to having a living, breathing ‘husband’ …whom you love… Whether you were talking to or about your trifling azz bodyguard you’ve been creepin’ with Jay-Z, we’ll never know mainly because you never say said love, Jay-Z and husband in the same sentence nor do did you thank your new God who was sitting right next to you during the Awards during your acceptance speeches… BUT I’m certain GAWD knows your heart which is why I salute you — Beyonce Knowles — as one of the greatest most blatantly unoriginal, criminally contrived singers of our POP-diseased, Beycepticon-invaded generation. *Four fingers to the forehead* … Thank you. Goodnite.
 Bey: “Youuu’s came into my’s house...and slept with my husband … yooou’s touched my’s sista's only chile … you’s think you’s cra’see … I’mma shows you CRA’SEE!”  '...Where didja come from...where didja gooooooooooooooooooo...where did you come from Cotton Eye Jooooooooooooooe ...'  ... Mid-air ovulation > Your LIFE ...  GaGa is a SUPASTAR ... Her opening performance was definitely the dopest of the nite ... This has been another Alejandro presentation.
 M.I.A. ... WE LOVE you ...
January 4th, 2010 | By Alejandro Ford
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December 8th, 2009 | By ESSENCE.com
The social dilemma of tolerating violence against women for musical appreciation.
By: Michaela Angela Davis
I remember being mad about “Mad At Miles,” Pearl Cleage’s brave and brilliant account of Miles Davis’s brutalities towards women. I wish it was simple, that I was simply mad at Miles for whooping Cicely Tyson’s behind, our Cicely our queen, no I was mad at the conflict and the confusion it caused me. You see, I had to contend with “Kind of Blue” and “Sketches of Spain.” Miles made music of the Gods, not to mention he was the hippest, sharpest dressed, defiant, hypnotically striking, dangerously sexy man to ever put his mouth to metal. Miles was a giant, a Black mans hero, a genius and a monster.
Now, I am mad again. Mad at Chris Brown. Chris Brown, the bright smiling young Black boy who when he danced, you dare not turn away. Happy Chris, who shined through all the sludge of thug glamour. Chris has that star thing and a sick work ethic. Chris Brown heir apparent to Michael Jackson, who couldn’t perform at his memorial because the swollen, black and blue, face of Rihanna was still too bloody fresh in our minds. Our new pop prince beat down the princess and all the kings horses and all the kings men didn’t come to put anything back together again. (more…)
November 27th, 2009 | By Alejandro Ford
‘They’ say Hip-Hop’s DEAD — err, deceased, toe-tagged, pine-boxed, you know, in a ‘better, less depressing place’ — and was tucked inside Big & Pac’s tailored burial suits after somehow being ‘murdered’ in cold blood by: A) Greed-stricken record execs with insatiable ring-tone fetishes B) The F#!@$@$%# FOUR = Algernod, DeAndre, Radrick & Otis C) Pay-Per-Play Radio programmers D) Colonel Mustard with a candlestick inside the Billiard Room…(BING!) (wait, or was it Professor Plum..in the…?!) Bleh, who knows…better yet, who even knew that the POP-diseased genre had officially flat-lined?! …I’d say no one who truly loves music, lives it, or does it because TRUE music heads — all 1,723 of us on Earf — know that Hip-Hop/Soul — REAL Hip-Hop/Soul — AIN’T really DEAD. (more…)
October 5th, 2009 | By Alejandro Ford
I’ve never entered the Pearly Gates nor do I know anyone with a pulse whose ever rocked a Halo, but I wouldn’t be surprised if The Holy Trinity (…with the Holy Spirit being the Tie-Breaker) voted to revoke Mary Mary’s coveted *Gospel Card* after finding the POP-dabbling Auto-Tunistas GUILTY of impersonating an anointed gospel group.
Now to be clear, ME = Mary Mary FAN who actually copped Thankful and Mary Mary featuring the smashes “Shackles” and “Heaven” (…and “The Real Party”) when the uber-talented twosome masterfully bridged the gap between the club and the pulpit with POP-glossed gospel records (…without crossing THE LINE) that were embraced by both the tambourine-tapping traditionalists and dressed-down new-agers of the Church.
However, after experiencing mega-crossover success as the gorgeous new faces of contemporary gospel music, the Christ-kissed chanteuses slithered out of their wholesome ‘Church Girl’ images into matching bustiers before re-launching themselves into the mainstream as EX-Jesus groupies desperately seeking worldly recognition (…and the almighty secular dollar) with their fifth studio release The Sound.
But then again, who am I to GO IN on the Grammy-winning, platinum-selling publicity-fiends who feature the chest-thumping bar spitter David Banner — whose best known for his smut-soaked club anthem “Play” … *Cue The Hook* … “Cum girl, I’m tryna get your p*ssy wet…” *PAUSE* — on their dreadful (T.I. & Rihanna) “Live Your Life” rip-off “Super Friend” and foolishly sprinkle their heavily Auto-Tuned, 808-riddled club bangers like “God In Me” with just enough ‘Jesuses’ here and ‘I heart Gods’ there to certify them as a gospel group?!’
…Well, to be honest, I’m nothing more than a reality-bitten bloggist ballsy enough to publicly denounce Mary Mary’s ME-first, God-second approach to gospel music and expose the genre bending sex symbols for what they really are: A Holier Than Thou Changing Faces re-boot specializing in R&B head-nodders with a Christian/Inspirational twist.
Face it, “God In Me” is “Buy You A Drank” + “Blame It” splashed with Holy Water and certainly doesn’t uplift God or minister to any of these church-ditching Hip-Hoppers devoid of any tangible relationship with God while having everything to do with spiritually conflicted artists looking to stay relevant (relevant = cater to skinny jeans-rockers, club boppers and trendy album coppers) in a recession-ravaged recording industry.
…Don’t agree?! … then I suggest you cut the T-Painish trunk rattler’s bass down and listen closely to its message that encourages the flaunting of possessions to others as a way to convey that it’s not just you, but the God in you that allows you to posses these material things…
…Err, and YES, that would be a form of ‘prosperity’ teaching (Prosperity Teaching = Pastor: ‘Look at what I have … you can have it too if you accept God into your life … and tithe regularly) usually reserved for mega-church Pastors (…like the Creflo Dollars or Bishop Eddie Longs) and NOT secularized gospel anthems.
Seriously people, instead of wasting your lives away condemning this blog because I questioned your favorite gospel duo’s *Gospel Card* holder’s status, I highly recommend you stop two-stepping to the “God In Me” (Right Hand of Fellowship Remix) during Sunday service and understand that you’re being spiritually bamboozled by wanna-be starlets who obviously care more about adding zeros to their bank account balances than making quality gospel music.
Believe me, if Erica and Tina were really as ‘genuine’ as their legions of defendists claim they are then they never would’ve pretended to be Destiny’s Child by demanding more food (…along with a Bible-thick pamphlet of outrageous requests) than Jesus served the Disciples during ALL of the suppers combined from my alma mater’s radio station in exchange for a Homecoming performance and a few interviews. (Hampton U. to Mary Mary = Stay Home).
…And if that’s ‘acceptable’ for gospel artists, then I suppose Tina’s ultra-tight liquid leggings that she rocked during the duo’s nationally televised BET Awards performance were Jesus-approved along with their LL Cool J collab “We’re Gonna Make It” and the contribution of their vintage hip-twister “The Sound” to the Cadillac Records Soundtrack.
…Pssh, at this point, I’m willing to bet ANY gospel enthusiast a tithe envelope stuffed with freshly minted ‘Geoffrey Dollars’ that the Heavens frown on Mary Mary’s brand of Hip-Pop-infused gospel and I truly believe that their music confuses struggling Christians by blurring the lines between the gospel and secular worlds while also dividing the church.
(‘Half of the church’ = Understand that gospel can be packaged in any musical form; “God In Me”/“Get Up” are wonderful ways to minister to the youth who aren’t regularly exposed to traditional gospel Vs. ‘The Other Half’ = We’re dressing, acting and speaking like the world yet still professing our love for Christ. We’re supposed to stand out not blend in… Either you’re on Team Christ or you’re not …)
*And, uh, I’m no Pastor but the following scriptures support ‘The Other Half’s point: A) James 1:8 = “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways” B) Revelation 3:15 = “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!”*
To me, Erica and Tina (…along with Erica’s husband/Talented beatmaker Warryn Campbell = Kanye’s “We Major/Homecoming” …Snoop “Ups & Downs” …Mos Def “Sex, Love & Money) sold their souls with The Sound, which to date, is their lowest selling album (The Sound = 287K records sold) and crossed the (gospel) LINE that even Kirk Franklin managed to respect as a fellow platinum-selling ‘Holy-Hip-Hoppist.’
Even though Kirk jiggled and jammed through the pues during his boundary-pushing days as the face of “The Family”/“God’s Property,” his music was still ‘churchy,’ contained three-part harmonies and was always an uptempo favorite in every Church I’ve ever visited.
But don’t get it twisted, this is not a personal attack on Mary Mary or any other artists (Me = Canton Jones FAN) currently incorporating Hip-Hop into their gospel music, but rather me being honest (…and fair) about the duo’s blatant attempt to reach a broader audience by ‘doing as the sinners do’ while continuing to market their music as ‘Contemporary Gospel.’
At the end of the day, if strippers can pop to it, clubbers can grind to it and the church band can barely crank out a decipherable version of it on Sundays, then it’s probably NOT a gospel record. In fact, the only Mary Mary jam that I’ve ever heard choirs sing consistently is “Shackles” and that was their first and biggest smash.
Think about it, there’s a reason why “God In Me” is played more on Urban/Adult Contemporary radio than gospel stations and smashed between Drake’s “Best I Ever Had,” the “Stanky Leg” and Young Money’s “Every Girl” all day, every day. If you like the banger, rock to it, but don’t be naïve and add it to your ‘gospel mix’ or attempt to convince people like me to look past the Auto-Tune/bass-heavy synth-claps and embrace the message because, at that point, it won’t be about the “God In Me” but rather the “Fool In You.”
This has been another Alejandro presentation.
“For those of you that think gospel music has gone too far; You think we’ve gotten too radical with our message; Well I got news for ya’… You ain’t heard nothin’ yet… And if you don’t know, now ya’ know … Glory Glory! — Kirk Franklin, ’97
Debut Album. Wholesomest…
… Yessss… rock those hips … for the Lord …
…When I say Holy … you say Ghost!
Liquid Leggings = Jesus approved?! …
Couldn’t forget about David Banner …
Contemporary Gospel 2009 … Canton is my dude…but this album cover embodies everything that’s WRONG with Hip-Hop …
Popular Holy-Hip-Hoppist …
… by now, I’m sure you get the ‘point’
Familiar? … I mean, I’m just sayin’ …
… Tonex ‘gospel innovator’
Has gospel gone too far? … You be the judge …
September 28th, 2009 | By EMQ Network Contributor
While growing up, I have always hidden something from my parents; something that I fell in love with ever since my older brother introduced me to it when I was in grade school. Unlike some teens, which may hide dirty magazines, alcohol, or cigarettes, my vice was hip-hop music.
The Famuan
Matthew Richardson
“Why hide music from your parents?” some may ask. Well, my family is deeply rooted in Christianity.
My father is a pastor of a church in Tallahassee named Jesus Apostolic, not to mention the slew of uncles and aunts who are pastors, deacons, or evangelists. So, while some other parents might not find problems with listening to secular music, I was told not to, or else. As a result, hip-hop music became my alcohol.
I remember the first hip-hop song I heard that I couldn’t get enough of: Fabolous’s “Young’n (Holla Back)”. The single from his first album was back in 2001, so you know how sheltered I was.
I would jam out in my brother’s red Honda CR-X because that was the only place I could get my buzz without being caught. After that, I wanted more. I loved the beats, the rhymes, and the style. Everything about hip-hop I loved. But come Sunday morning, it was back to the choir and back to traditional praise and worship songs—nothing wrong with that—but I guess you could call my thoughts being more focused on hip-hop while in church, a “hangover.” (more…)
July 1st, 2009 | By Aaron P. Taylor
I hate going to funerals.
The last person close to me that died was my Granddad on my Mom’s side. I was living with my uncle in Pennsylvania at the time, and we drove aaaaall the way down to Alabama for the funeral (which was a LONG over-night drive). We got there early the next morning and went straight to the church, where the rest of our family was waiting.
Once inside the church, we all got a chance to walk up to my Granddad’s casket. I got to look at him one last time, and… well, I don’t really cry at these things anymore, but I looked at him and automatically thought to myself:
“Wow – they did a LOUSY job embalming him!”
Later on during the funeral, as people went up and started talking about my Granddad, I became more and more angry with how the service was going. Every time somebody would say something, I would analyze it, pick it apart, and find fault with what they were saying.
“Hey, they didn’t mention this thing about him!”
“Wait a minute – why are they only talking about his LAST job as a Wal-mart greeter?? Where is the personal stuff??”
Even the choir that sang at the thing was pissing me off – “Why did they pick THAT song?? Why is it so darn off-key??” The happiest part for me was when the funeral part was finally over, and we were allowed to eat in the church’s cafeteria.
—
In looking back on it now, there wasn’t anything particularly wrong with my Granddad’s funeral per se. Sure, there were things here and there that I wished would have happened, but ultimately, most people probably have similar feelings at funerals. Why?
BECAUSE WHEN YOU’VE KNOWN SOMEONE FOR THE MAJORITY OF YOUR LIFE, IT’S HARD TO SEE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THAT PERSON AND TRY TO CELEBRATE THEIR LIFE WITHOUT HAVING SOME KIND OF OPINION ABOUT IT.
In looking at the B.E.T. awards yesterday, I actually ENJOYED the program. At the same time, though, I know there are many others that thought B.E.T. either (a) didn’t do enough to remember MJ, (b) didn’t remember him in the right way, or (c) felt it was too much of a rush job and not classy enough.
I understand where these feelings come from. The ENTIRE WORLD from the 1960s ’til now grew up on Michael Jackson. He was in the ENTIRE WORLD’S lives for 45 years. That’s BILLIONS of people.
What does that mean? It means that BILLIONS of people are going to have various opinions about how his life should be celebrated.
For the opinions of the (comparatively smaller) MILLIONS of people who watched the award show on Sunday, you have to take into account the fact that, when an event like this happens where many feeling of sadness abound, ANYTHING DONE WRONG AT THE SHOW COULD MAKE THEM AUTOMATICALLY HATE HOW THEY CHOSE TO HONOR HIM.
For example: you might have watched the show and loved every bit of it until near the end, when Lil’ Wayne and Drake got up on stage and dedicated “F–k Every Girl” to the Gloved one. That one act of so-called “disrespect” could automatically make you think they did a snow job on MJ’s memory, even if you liked the rest of the show up to that point. (more…)
July 1st, 2009 | By Alejandro Ford
So here we are AGAIN, pretending to be mentally-vexed, uber-perplexed and negatively-hexed after indulging in the seemingly never-ending Shuck-N-Jive Jubilee (…with a slight Mike Jack twist) that was last night’s wretchedly produced, directed and executed ’09 BET Awards…
Err, and YES, it was Soul Plane Part Deux-whack and yet another epic fail & ¾ by Queen Coon Koopa aka Der’tie Debbie May Lee, Stevie ‘My’s Tap Shooes Shiny Suh’ Hill and the rest of the niggerish Coon-Bots at BET who eagerly presented the sambolicious Awards spectacle on the one night when the entire galaxy tuned in to watch the first live action tribute to the legendary Michael Jackson — the greatest entertainer of our time — who tragically passed away earlier this week …
 I did it since B.E.T. wouldn't.... But then again, I’m just a cold-blooded BET boycottist who refuses to side with bias bloggers, first-time blog writers and bitchASS BET loyalists/apologists who gave BET a *golden pass* due to the network’s lack of ‘time’ to somehow stitch together a basic video tribute, rousing dance number with Omarion/Breezy/Ursh and heartfelt ballad medly by Jaz Sullivan/Jennifer Hudson or Mariah Carey …I mean DAYUM, how difficult would this have been and why the F@#$ are random niglets creating excuses, rationalizations and lengthy explanations on behalf of BET?!? … Face it, this was our opportunity as African-Americans to pay tribute to q uite possibly the greatest entertainer EVER and we blew it!
And with that said, I now present you with the OFFICIAL Post-BET Awards ’09 Mini-Blog without any additives, preservatives or any of that other store-bought shyt … Just raw & uncut Alejandro… let’s get to it.
Jeremih & A Two-Pack of Slut Sacks
Either this Trey Songz reboot’s mother used to read a Bible with missing letters or his label advised him to drop the ‘A’ for a cutting-age take on the popular Biblical name… Either way, I refuse to utter this retarded azz name in public and have no idea how this dude secured a record deal. Yea, dude has a decent voice, but he’s too much of what’s wrong with R&B today which is why his two super-slutty skeet receptacles aka dancers stole ‘his’ show by splattering their fallopian tube and uteral juices all over the dance floor while contorting their wobbly azz cheeks to the ‘Birthday Sex’ beat … Uh, and the Award show hadn’t even officially started yet …
Faaaaat Mikeeeeee In A Litttttle Vesssssst
I hate to label the most tolerable member of Day26 as ‘obese’ ‘chunky’ or claim that the group’s stylist places special ‘husky’ orders just for him, but Big Mike barely fit into his slowly dying vest during the Awards and seemed to have gained every pre-MTB pound back that he was forced to lose just to make the band … In fact, he was one cholesterolic enzyme away from launching his ill-fitted vest toward the head of an unsuspecting seat-filler in the crowd … Dayum, and his skinny jeans fit like Pee Wee Herman pants … seriously Diddy, it’s time to step in … (more…)
June 16th, 2009 | By Alejandro Ford
I used to believe Hip-Hop was the love of my life before I caught her creepin’ with a Ring-tone-deafened Anti-Genre seething with sacklets of venereal VOCO-puss and S(wag)TDs. At that moment, my once warm blooded cardio beat box shriveled into a splinter infested heart shaped holding cell forcing my love for beats, rhymes and life to fade to into an unsightly shade of black.
There didn’t seem to be any hope for my severely fractured relationship with Hip-Hop, who after inspiring so many people, developed a deadly obsession with college credited mini-goons, delusional rappers turned tone-less vocalists and major artists who routinely fed the public overhyped drivel stamped as freshly baked greatness.
Damn this Hip-Hop! She was so amazing, yet so unbelievably slutty, unfocused and two faced. Even when I attempted to replace her with Pop, Reggae or Rock, I realized nothing could ever give me butterflies like she did.
So I vowed to save her from her doom — even if she didn’t want to be saved — by reuniting with Doc Brown and Marty McFly to travel back through time in the DeLorean and save Hip-Hop from the diabolical clutches of the Anti-Genre aka Urban Music.
After finalizing our master plan, Doc set the date to Sept. 7, 1996 and location to Vegas where we helped Pac slip away from his assailants after the Tyson/Sheldon fight before landing in L.A. on March 9, 1997 — after the infamous VIBE party — and saving Biggie from being swiss-cheesed in his vehicle. (more…)
June 14th, 2009 | By Alejandro Ford
Diary of an Angry Hip-Hop Junkie
In yet another blatant display of editorial bitchASSness by a popular urban lifestyle publication, the now-defunct flesh-rag known as King magazine recently unveiled its highly-anticipated ‘Unpopular Rap Facts’ in its final cootch-juiced issue before joining Radar, Blender, Scratch, Vibe Vixen and nearly 600 other recession-rocked mags on the midnight train the Foldsville.
While examining these blasphemous revelations — which should’ve been called ‘8 gun shots to Hip-Hop’s dome’ — my eyes smoldered with crimson fury like ‘Lance’ in ‘The Best Man’ until the following ‘rap fact’ repudiaHATEsions spilled from my beautifully diseased thoughts into this blog for your reading enjoyment. Let’s get to it.
8. Ice Cube Had The Greatest Five-Year Run In Hip-Hop.
King: “From 1988 to 1992, he made N.W.A the world’s most dangerous group with “F*ck The Police,” and then slaughtered them on “No Vaseline.” He recorded “Jackin’ For Beats,” a template for the upcoming mixtape era, as well as radio hits like “It Was a Good Day.” He foresaw the L.A. riots on Death Certificate and then described their aftermath on The Predator.”
Alejandro: This debatable doozie clearly crip-walked into the mag-staff’s blunted brainage during a purp-induced viewing of Are We There Yet? …Err, so ‘Jheri curl Cube’ and not Hov, Em or DMX had the GREATEST five-year run in the HISTORY of Hip-Hop?!? …Uhh YES, according to these Almighty Hip-Hop Know-It-Alls who cited Em’s lack of classic material and Hov’s ‘dog’ albums (In My Lifetime, Vol. 1 & The Blueprint 2) as ‘valid reasons’ why the greats were 8-6’ed from the ‘best five-year run’ sweepstakes.
However, there are many rap purists who agree with this distinction even if Cube ditched his Raiders fitted and F@#$-whitey mentality years before re-emerging as the lovable ‘family-friendly Cube,’ which is why I’m siding with DMX’s ’97-’02 campaign where he barked legendary bars on Mase’s “24 Hours To Live,” The LOX’s “Money, Power & Respect,” and LL’s “4,3,2,1,” before dropping two multi-platinum classics (It’s Dark… and Flesh of My Flesh…) and possibly the illest Hip-Hop themed soundtrack/crew compilation ever (Belly and Ryde or Die, Vol. 1). Dark Man X also starred in four feature films during this run highlighted by the cult classic Belly and certified guilty pleasure Romeo Must Die.
7. Famous Common Is Less Than Common Sense. (more…)
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