Lupe Fiasco’s latest album Lasers (formerly known as LupeEND, We Are Lasers & Food & Liquor II, at some point, during the past 3 years) sounds like glittergasmic noise Diddy would play on the last train to Paris when he’s not playing Last Train To Paris.

Yes, cotton-candelicious ear candy packaged as modern Hip-Hop, or the highly-anticipated follow-up to The Cool that Team: Fiasco petitioned to be released (by Atlantic) months ago.

Believe me, THIS ain’t THAT record (or rumored records), and fails to be anything other than an edgy Bruno Mars album – Bruno Mars + rapping & auto-tuned crooning by the EMOmaniacal label puppet formerly known as dope MC Lupe Fiasco.

As a chintzy Kidz Bop album, Lasers shines, brightly—starting where Nicki’s Pink Friday ended—with an undeniable appeal to (radio) program directors & Black Eyed Peas stans. But, to tortured Hip-Hop heads, it’ll be stamped as a glitzy wasteland of misguided artistry, greed-fueled gimmicks & wasted talent destined to rot in our subconscious until (KRIT’s) Returnof4eva drops.

And, with that said, here are 5 good reasons why I’ll never listen to Lasers again. *punts burnt copy of Lasers into the sun & bangs Mozart*

5. “Words I Never Said” isn’t a dope Eminem or Kanye or Linkin Park song. Well, no…because it’s a dope Lupe song (featuring Skylar Grey’s haunting vocals) that GOES until he, uh, spits (passionately) about random socio-economical-political-shit that no one wants HIS bitch-azz to spit about.

4. The insanely-irksome hooks on the Ace of Base-ish “Break The Chain,” Uncle-Reverend-Legend-wrecked “Never Forget You,” ‘this-would-sound-dope-playing-between-MTV-shows-nobody-watches’ “State Run Radio” & criminally-cliché “The Show Goes On.” Yes. WHACKEST. HOOKS. EVER.

3. There’s no CRS banger. No All City Chess Club banger. No Matthew Santos hooks, fresh concepts (See: Jill Scott collab on Food & Liquor) or Neptunes beats (“I’m Beamin” = Neptunes track). No “I’m Beamin” or “Shining Down.” No memorable, rewindable or nostalgic moments. Just random Pop shit Julie Greenwald liked.

(Note: Julie Greenwald is the privileged Jewish woman (from the Catskills in Middle-of-Nowhere, NY) responsible for Plies, Pretty Ricky, Flo Rida & Trey Songz. She’s President of Atlantic Records (one of two female Presidents of major labels), and the reason Lasers sounds like a Danity Kane album.)

2. That awkward moment when I realize Trey Songz (who hasn’t stopped impersonating R. Kelly since Trey Day) & Lupe are on the same track. And it’s awkward Every. Single. Time because label mandated collabs are always incredibly-awkward. (See: Ke$ha & Andre 3000 “Sleazy” (Remix) or Ying Yang Twins & Teedra Moses “Put That Thang Down.”  -___-).

1. Lupe sounds like Charlie Brown’s parents whenever he addresses ‘important’ issues, or raps about them. At this point, I’m fresh out of fun-sized damns to give about an infantile man-boy who contemplates suicide every time he loses.

Exhibit A: ‘The label thought my version of “Nothin On You” was WHACK & went with B.O.B’s?’ WHY MEEEEEEE LAWD?! *loads pistol*

Exhibit B: ‘Bloggers leaked my new single without even asking for my permission?’ THEY.JUST.DON’T.KNOW.HOW.MUCH.THIS.HURRRRRTS.ME! *holds pistol to temple*

Exhibit C: ‘Pres. Obama won the election despite me not voting for him?’ LIFE’S NOT FAIR EVAAAAR! *sobs uncontrollably with pistol pressed to temple*

Exhibit D: ‘DAMN…my fans HATE my new album…Nooooooo!’ WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO.ME?! *pulls trigger (while lips quiver) but realizes safety’s still on*

(Note: Quotes are paraphrased from actual quotes)

Sadly, Lasers is projected to debut #1 on the charts with 220K units moved. So, either way, Hip-Hop loses…again.

Jay-Z’s debut Reasonable Doubt is an undisputed hip-hop classic. Here’s a video of the samples from the album.

Here’s producer Ski Beatz going over how he made “Dead Presidents.”

Here’s Jay talking about working with Biggie and his early rap style among other things.

List of samples:
1. Can’t Knock the Hustle” 5:17 Shawn Carter, Jerome Foster, Marcus Miller Knobody
Dahoud Darien
Sean Cane for The Hitmen Mary J. Blige “Much Too Much” by Marcus Miller
“Fool’s Paradise” by Meli’sa Morgan
Intro interpolates Scarface
“I Know You Got Soul” by Eric B. & Rakim

2. “Politics as Usual” 3:41 Cynthia Biggs, Shawn Carter, David Willis Ski “Hurry Up This Way Again” by The Stylistics
“Bennie and the Jets” by Elton John

3. “Brooklyn’s Finest” 4:36 Leroy Bonner, Shawn Carter, Rodolfo Franklin, Marshall Jones, Ralph Middlebrooks, Walter Morrison, Andrew Noland, Marvin Pierce, Christopher Wallace, Greg Webster Clark Kent The Notorious B.I.G. “Ecstasy” by The Ohio Players
“Brooklyn Zoo” by Ol’ Dirty Bastard
Intro interpolates Carlito’s Way

4. “Dead Presidents II” 4:27 Shawn Carter, Nasir Jones, Peter Phillips, Lonnie Liston Smith, David Willis Ski “A Garden of Peace” by Lonnie Liston Smith
“The World Is Yours (Tip Mix)”[21] by Nas
“Oh My God (remix)” by A Tribe Called Quest

5. “Feelin’ It” 3:48 Shawn Carter, David Willis Ski Mecca “Pastures” by Ahmad Jamal

6. “D’evils” 3:31 Shawn Carter, Chris E. Martin DJ Premier “Go Back Home” by Allen Toussaint
“I Shot Ya (Remix)” by LL Cool J (vocals by Prodigy)
“Murder Was the Case” by Snoop Dogg

7. “22 Two’s” 3:29 Shawn Carter, David Willis Ski “Can I Kick It?” by A Tribe Called Quest

8. “Can I Live” 4:10 Burt Bacharach, Shawn Carter, Hal David, Irving Lorenzo Irv Gotti “The Look of Love” by Isaac Hayes

9. “Ain’t No Nigga” 4:03 Jonathan Burks, Shawn Carter, Dennis Lambert, Inga Marchand, August Moon, Brian Potter, Tyrone Thomas Big Jaz Foxy Brown “Seven Minutes of Funk” by The Whole Darn Family
“Ain’t No Woman (Like the One I Got)” by The Four Tops

10. “Friend or Foe” 1:49 Shawn Carter, Chris E. Martin DJ Premier “Hey What’s That You Say” by Brother to Brother

11. “Coming of Age” 3:59 Shawn Carter, Rodolfo Franklin, James Mtume Clark Kent Memphis Bleek “Inside You” by Eddie Henderson

12. “Cashmere Thoughts” 2:56 Hamilton Bohannon, Shawn Carter, Leroy Emanuel, Rodolfo Franklin, Melvin Ragin Clark Kent “Save Their Souls” by Bohannon

13. “Bring It On” 5:01 Jonathan Burks, Shawn Carter, Todd Gaither, Chris E. Martin DJ Premier Big Jaz & Sauce Money “1, 2 Pass It” by D&D All-Stars

14. “Regrets” 4:34 Shawn Carter, F. DiPasquale Peter Panic “It’s So Easy Loving You” by Earl Klugh and Hubert Laws

It’s a beautiful clusterfuck of sound, discord, and emotion amalgamated to deliver this amazing piece of audio art.

1) Youtube gives you a better chance of being ‘successful’ than a college degree.

2) Chris Brown has the worst PR/crisis management team in music history.

(Honorable mention: 2) T.I. 3) Fantasia 4) Jazmine Sullivan 5) Ciara

3) 1 out of every 5 people on your Twitter timeline/FB news feed is functionally illiterate.

Exhibit A: @mocha_beauty: I’m beginning to think I’m lack toast…I get sick everytime I drink milk.

Exhibit B: @HP3D: if your gone hang with bitches, they minus well be female.

Exhibit C: @LeighyahBaby: Ladies tht fall in luv w/ other ppls bfs hve low selves of steam.

Read the rest here: http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/2010/12/25-dumbest-tweets-of-2010.html. Shouts to Luvvie!

4) Rappers are more popular when they don’t fcuk wit school educationally. (Waka taught me…this)

(And this too: ‘F*CK SKOOL! DO ‘Hood Rat Stuff!’)

5) If a major artist names their album Pink Friday, it doesn’t necessarily have to drop on Friday…despite being named Pink Friday for that very reason.

(Oh, and Nicki Minaj is ‘As Talented As Lauryn Hill.’ – Irv Gotti.)

6) It’s possible for white people to forget that a Black man’s black for at least 60 minutes.

“You know, I was trying to think about who he (Barack Obama) was tonight, and it’s interesting: He is post-racial by all appearances. You know, I forgot he was black tonight for an hour.” — MSNBC’s Chris Matthews following State of the Union address, Jan. 27.

7) There’s only ONE thing (other than chicken wings, Simply Lemonade & Real Housewives of ATL) colored people can’t resist: tender, juicy McRib sammiches.

(And we ALL know our people can’t resist acting like freed slaves shuckin, tippity-tappin or rappin while eating McDonald’s)

8. There were people among us who truly believed The Social Network was a “movie about Facebook.”

9) In Tyler Perry land, your hands tremble uncontrollably when you have Parkinson’s Cancer & you experience persistent cough fits when infected with HIV. It’s obvious Tyler uses WebMD (worthless website that commonly diagnoses headaches as brain tumors) as his ‘medical adviser.’

10) Fantasy is the new reality…which explains why A) Rick Ross is relevant B) everyone (by everyone, I mean 90’s babies) thought they were Big Meech, Larry Hoover in 2010. To most people, ‘reality’ (or ‘honesty’) is like freedom to T.I. or cootchie to Ne-Yo. So, basically, in 2011, genuine honesty is ‘shade,’ constructive criticism is ‘hate’ and both, mixed together, are ‘jealously & lies.’

11) A dash, pinch, shred, speck or sprinkle of discernible musical talent isn’t necessary to go platinum. Anyone off the street can do it. In any genre. At any time. See: Taylor Swift.

12) Every GED class has a Valedictorian. You can earn your PhD online. Majoring in Geometry is what’s hot in dem skreets.

13) More colored girls were impregnated during Takers than any other time in 2010.

14) You don’t have to be married to be a ‘wife.’ Well, at least on VH1, you don’t.

15) Dr. Harvey, Harper & Tyrese are the only Black men authorized to give single Black women relationship advice.

16) Indie Folksy-Pop ballads (Bon Iver’s “Woods”) + Baltimore club beats = DOPE songs (“Lost in the World”).

17) Family dogs, toddlers & Mexicans can see paranormal activities that no one else can see.

18) Nothing brings a man more joy than a pet honey badger fun-sized giraffe.

19) Swag, like roaches & lacefronts, is eternal & everlasting. Amen.

20) Oral sex is only ‘disgusting’ when performed on a woman during a music video.

21) Post-Racial America’s motto: ‘Each 1 Teach 1…how to dougie.’

22) Heartless oil companies (BP) can treat Mother Earth’s love below like Kat Stacks’ esophagus and Americans will still support them.

23) Gucci Mane’s crust-bruised lips filed a restraining order against chapstick in ’08.

24) Back-alley abortions are still performed in the darkest corners of inner cities, down by the welfare, by wicked miscreants who A) look just like Macy Gray & B) use wretched ‘abortional’ tools sterilized in dark liquor (Henny).

25) It’s possible to be trapped in a mine for 33 days and have enough energy to dougie celebrate when rescued.

26) Like Nicki Minaj, Lauryn Hill only listens to the voices in her head. Dress like UniverSOUL circus clown. Check. Change lyrics/arrangements to classic songs during shows. Check. Tell fans who paid $60 to see her she’s worth a 4-hour wait. Check.

27) MC King Hammer will chase you through forests (in slow motion) and baptize you if you ever diss him on wax.

28) Targét is the BEST place to meet single, intelligent, gorgeous, quirky women who don’t rock colored contacts, have bathroom modeling portfolios or believe Love Jones is the best movie ever made.

(Honorable mention: 2) Foreign Exchange concerts 3) Whole Foods 4) Nordstrom Rack 5) HBCU Homecomings)

29) Rza repeatedly screaming “ridikaluss” on a Hip-Hop track > Life.

30) The day Jennifer & Mo’Nique discover inside voices is the day Oprah’s credit card gets declined…at Wal-Mart.

“They said I’d be the illest when pigs fly, well that must be true, because look..Swine… FLU.”—U-N-I “Land of the Kings”/Alejandro

After multiple leaks, push-backs, promo struggles and Detox-comparisons, Diddy’s Euro-Pop-bedazzled Last Train To Paris finally featured enough features (43)/synth-drunken soundscapes (Dark Child, Danja, Swizzington Keys etc) to be dumped into a mainstream consciousness still reeling from Kanye’s epic mind-fcuk (Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy) just weeks earlier.

Like Kanye, Diddy dared to re-invent modern music or Pop, or whatever genre he felt like re-inventing with Last Train—his 5^th, most ‘experimental’ album—that feels more like a mishmash of chintzy, often edgy glittergasms than an actual event, or must-cop record for its target audience: the sexy & chic…who prefer their Ciroc & pineapple juice shaken, not stirred.

Executively produced by Rodney Jerkins, Mario Winans & Harve Pierre, Last Train To Paris (Diddy’s Interscope debut) BANGS…at times, but is far too busy creating a new sound that already exists to move anyone with Timbo’s Shock Value, Gwen Stefani’s Love. Angel. Music. Baby or Daft Punk’s Discovery in their collection.

Along for the ride are Diddy’s overexposed back-up singers ‘Vandellas’ Estelle Kalenna (dope songwriter) & Dawn (dope vocalist), who, when standing next to Diddy, form ‘Diddy-Dirty Pocket Change Money’ or Diddy & a poor, blind, deaf man’s Changing Faces or the first duo in music history to sing lead/back-up at the same time, on the same record. Trust me, this makes sense.

On body-rockers like “I Hate That You Love Me” (This.Shxt.Goes) & “Ass On The Floor,” Dawn & Kalenna shine (well, Dawn does), and that’s usually when Last Train To Paris shines. Sadly, their shine on this album lasted just as long as Lil Jerome’s on Bad boy due to Diddy’s obsession with rapping and singing more than the actual rappers and singers on the album. Yes, all 57 of them.

Other memorable moments, on an otherwise forgettable voyage to been-there-heard-that land, include the Purple Rain-splashed slow-burner “Shades” (Feat. Bilal, Weezy & J.T.), which is one J.T. tribute to Drake away from being ruined (“Let me have my way, Imma have my way…Carlito” O_O), insanely-infectious “Loving You No More” (co-written by Drake) and Ursh’s vocals on “Looking For Love” (where Diddy’s verses sound better muted).

At times, Diddy’s artistic reach far exceeds his grasp, especially on the tragically-cliché “Live Your Life Pt. II” “Coming Home,” (Feat. Skylar Grey…impersonating Hayley Williams), “Somebody To Love Me” & “Little Freak Pt. II” “Your Love” (Feat. Trey Songz…impersonating R.Kelly…yet again) where he raps about absolutely nothing for entirely too long.

Album filler like “Yesterday” (Feat. Chris Brown) & “I Know” (Feat.  Chris Brown, Seven & Wiz Khalifah’s ‘Dude, where’s my car?’-flow) probably won’t make it to your ipod like oldie-but-goodies “Angel,” (Feat. ‘New Biggie’ Rick Ross & old, dead Biggie) “Hello, Good Morning” (Feat. T.I.) or “Strobe Lights” (Feat. Weezy) did, decades ago, when Last Train was initially set to drop.

Why Diddy included ancient material (that dropped when Morgan Freeman was young, hunting raptors & dragons with sling-shots) on a ‘progressive’ Pop album is simply beyond me (or you, or anyone), and an insult to his fans and casual music consumers. But, then again, this is his vanity project, his ‘opus,’ which explains Last Train’s extravagant narcissism.

As a ‘concept album’ (Man chases dream woman from London to France), Last Train To Paris succeeds (by succeed, I mean it’s worth downloading) when Diddy’s not rapping or singing or spewing obscenities for no reason it’s not veering completely off the tracks, creatively, or reminding you why you’d rather see Diddy make a band than a concept album in 2010.

Will Diddy ever stop? Doubt it. But, really, why should he? He’s more popular today than he was during the shiny suit era. No, Last Train To Paris isn’t what it could’ve (and maybe should’ve been) but its appeal to fickle Pop-fiends is undeniable, and that’s all that matters. 2.5/4 Stars.

Whether you love him or hate him, fact is Kanye West keeps us talking. People have been buzzing about the film’s vision or lack thereof. Some people “get it” and completely understand the story the artist was telling, while others simply don’t. Either way check out the video below and let us know your thoughts: Kanye West’s “Runaway” creative genius or over-rated?

Se7en performing Digital Bounce ft. Big Bang and Better Together

Se7en featured on Amerie’s Take control

Check him out on Twitter: @officialse7en

ETA: Se7en’s new song and video: I’m Going Crazy

TLC’s original, produced by Dallas Austin, is more spastic and busy, indicative of that era in ‘99 where Timbaland and Missy were in their prime.

Drake’s, produced by 40, is more calm and indicative of the current style that Kanye West introduced and of which Drake has made a name for himself.

The other obvious difference is the harmonies, TLC has them of course and Drake doesn’t.

Take a listen to both below:

Drake -I Get Lonely Too

TLC-Fanmail

When 85 percent of your society is non-black, any financially succesful art-form will always end like this. I remember when people used to say “most gangsta rap isn’t bought by black people.” I used to think, “And?” Most Motown records probably weren’t bought by black people either.

His commentary basically centered on hip hop, and other beloved hobbies, going mainstream.  It can be a little disconcerting for some to see some they love, grew up on and know intimately being embraced by others for money.  Regarding this video specifically, Justin Timberlake probably doesn’t do much to help with that disconcertion. Such is life though.

Watch for yourself.

Last nite’s VMAs would’ve been the perfect combination of Ambien & Benadryl (kids, don’t try this at home) had I been struggling to win my nightly Chess game with Insomnia. But, sadly, I wasn’t, and subjected myself to MTV’s Hip-Pop-sewage-splashed Awards show with no conscience, memorable performances or timeless-‘remember when _____ did ________ with_______at the ’10 VMAs’-type moments.

So, rather than punishing you with 875 words of cliché-coated commentary (See: today’s tragically-uninspired VMAs re-caps), I decided to pose 12.5 good questions about the most mega-hyped, creatively-retarded Awards spectacle in MTV history (And yes, this year’s EBT BET Awards > VMAs. Quote me).

1. Who knew that ‘re-vitiligo’ was real, and that Will.I.Am (who looked like a fresh bottle of Jermaine Jackson’s Oriental jet-black hair dye spectacular) had been living with it all these years?

2. Was it really necessary for Mary J. Blige to add soul-stirring slave-libs to her “Fancy”-collab with Drake? (Sorry—but—they were a bit too ‘Underground Railroad-fancy’ for me).

3. What exactly does Nicki Minaj suffer from? Is she severely-Bipolar? Autistic? Schizophrenic? All three? None? A mixture of the three with a sprinkle of multiple personality disorder & deep tissue brain damage?! Let me know.

4. Why does Ke$ha always look like she reeks of used lambskin condoms, urine-dipped pork rinds & never-ending failure?

5. Why didn’t VMAs producers show Pusha T’s name & Hip-Hop resume during his performance so that white people wouldn’t think he was a random stranger-rapper Kanye-ing Kanye?

6. Who loses FIRST in a game of Operation: Drake, Michael J. Fox or Muhammed Ali?  (Let that marinate).

7. A love spawn between Antonio Banderas & Fantasia would speak just like _______? My Answer: Sofia Vergara.

8. Did Jordan Knight know that Justin Bieber was ‘borrowing’ his choreography from the “Give It To You” video?

9. Why did it feel like Chelsea Handler’s painfully-unfunny jokes were written by Carlos Mencia & Dane Cook…for Kathy Griffin?

10. Does this look like a man who wants to beat da puddy up, make it fart or buss it wide opin?

11. Where did Taylor Swift’s vocal coach go after she packed her shxt & ran off with *Ursher’s dance stamina, Mo’Nique’s inside voice & The-Dream’s neck?

12. Who gave Kanye Dynamite & his 1982 leisure suit worn by David Ruffin during the Temptation’s Valentine’s Day concerts permission to perform “Runaway” on Michael Jackson’s spaceship from the “Scream” video?

12.5 And why do I feel like he could drop an album called Moments of Silence with no lyrics, beats or song titles & his stans would still be blown away like they were after his forgettable VMAs performance?! Toast to the douchbags? Nah, I’m good.