OFFICIAL Post-BET Awards ‘09 Blog

July 1st, 2009 | By Alejandro Ford

So here we are AGAIN, pretending to be mentally-vexed, uber-perplexed and negatively-hexed after indulging in the seemingly never-ending Shuck-N-Jive Jubilee (…with a slight Mike Jack twist) that was last night’s wretchedly produced, directed and executed ’09 BET Awards…

Err, and YES, it was Soul Plane Part Deux-whack and yet another epic fail & ¾ by Queen Coon Koopa aka Der’tie Debbie May Lee, Stevie ‘My’s Tap Shooes Shiny Suh’ Hill and the rest of the niggerish Coon-Bots at BET who eagerly presented the sambolicious Awards spectacle on the one night when the entire galaxy tuned in to watch the first live action tribute to the legendary Michael Jackson — the greatest entertainer of our time — who tragically passed away earlier this week …

But then again, I’m just a cold-blooded BET boycottist who refuses to side with bias bloggers, first-time blog writers and bitchASS BET loyalists/apologists who gave BET a *golden pass* due to the network’s lack of ‘time’ to somehow stitch together a basic video tribute, rousing dance number with Omarion/Breezy/Ursh and heartfelt ballad medly by Jaz Sullivan/Jennifer Hudson or Mariah Carey …I mean DAYUM, how difficult would this have been and why the F@#$ are random niglets creating excuses, rationalizations and lengthy explanations on behalf of BET?!? … Face it, this was our opportunity as African-Americans to pay tribute to q uite possibly the greatest entertainer EVER and we blew it!

And with that said, I now present you with the OFFICIAL Post-BET Awards ’09 Mini-Blog without any additives, preservatives or any of that other store-bought shyt … Just raw & uncut Alejandro… let’s get to it.

Jeremih & A Two-Pack of Slut Sacks
Either this Trey Songz reboot’s mother used to read a Bible with missing letters or his label advised him to drop the ‘A’ for a cutting-age take on the popular Biblical name… Either way, I refuse to utter this retarded azz name in public and have no idea how this dude secured a record deal. Yea, dude has a decent voice, but he’s too much of what’s wrong with R&B today which is why his two super-slutty skeet receptacles aka dancers stole ‘his’ show by splattering their fallopian tube and uteral juices all over the dance floor while contorting their wobbly azz cheeks to the ‘Birthday Sex’ beat … Uh, and the Award show hadn’t even officially started yet …

Faaaaat Mikeeeeee In A Litttttle Vesssssst
I hate to label the most tolerable member of Day26 as ‘obese’ ‘chunky’ or claim that the group’s stylist places special ‘husky’ orders just for him, but Big Mike barely fit into his slowly dying vest during the Awards and seemed to have gained every pre-MTB pound back that he was forced to lose just to make the band … In fact, he was one cholesterolic enzyme away from launching his ill-fitted vest toward the head of an unsuspecting seat-filler in the crowd … Dayum, and his skinny jeans fit like Pee Wee Herman pants … seriously Diddy, it’s time to step in … (more…)