Auto-Tune: The GOD’s honest truth about Mary Mary (Commentary)

October 5th, 2009 | By Alejandro Ford

I’ve never entered the Pearly Gates nor do I know anyone with a pulse whose ever rocked a Halo, but I wouldn’t be surprised if The Holy Trinity (…with the Holy Spirit being the Tie-Breaker) voted to revoke Mary Mary’s coveted *Gospel Card* after finding the POP-dabbling Auto-Tunistas GUILTY of impersonating an anointed gospel group.

Now to be clear, ME = Mary Mary FAN who actually copped Thankful and Mary Mary featuring the smashes “Shackles” and “Heaven” (…and “The Real Party”) when the uber-talented twosome masterfully bridged the gap between the club and the pulpit with POP-glossed gospel records (…without crossing THE LINE) that were embraced by both the tambourine-tapping traditionalists and dressed-down new-agers of the Church.

However, after experiencing mega-crossover success as the gorgeous new faces of contemporary gospel music, the Christ-kissed chanteuses slithered out of their wholesome ‘Church Girl’ images into matching bustiers before re-launching themselves into the mainstream as EX-Jesus groupies desperately seeking worldly recognition (…and the almighty secular dollar) with their fifth studio release The Sound.

But then again, who am I to GO IN on the Grammy-winning, platinum-selling publicity-fiends who feature the chest-thumping bar spitter David Banner — whose best known for his smut-soaked club anthem “Play” … *Cue The Hook* … “Cum girl, I’m tryna get your p*ssy wet…” *PAUSE* — on their dreadful (T.I. & Rihanna) “Live Your Life” rip-off “Super Friend” and foolishly sprinkle their heavily Auto-Tuned, 808-riddled club bangers like “God In Me” with just enough ‘Jesuses’ here and ‘I heart Gods’ there to certify them as a gospel group?!’

…Well, to be honest, I’m nothing more than a reality-bitten bloggist ballsy enough to publicly denounce Mary Mary’s ME-first, God-second approach to gospel music and expose the genre bending sex symbols for what they really are: A Holier Than Thou Changing Faces re-boot specializing in R&B head-nodders with a Christian/Inspirational twist.

Face it, “God In Me” is “Buy You A Drank” + “Blame It” splashed with Holy Water and certainly doesn’t uplift God or minister to any of these church-ditching Hip-Hoppers devoid of any tangible relationship with God while having everything to do with spiritually conflicted artists looking to stay relevant (relevant = cater to skinny jeans-rockers, club boppers and trendy album coppers) in a recession-ravaged recording industry.

…Don’t agree?! … then I suggest you cut the T-Painish trunk rattler’s bass down and listen closely to its message that encourages the flaunting of possessions to others as a way to convey that it’s not just you, but the God in you that allows you to posses these material things…

…Err, and YES, that would be a form of ‘prosperity’ teaching (Prosperity Teaching = Pastor: ‘Look at what I have … you can have it too if you accept God into your life … and tithe regularly) usually reserved for mega-church Pastors (…like the Creflo Dollars or Bishop Eddie Longs) and NOT secularized gospel anthems.

Seriously people, instead of wasting your lives away condemning this blog because I questioned your favorite gospel duo’s *Gospel Card* holder’s status, I highly recommend you stop two-stepping to the “God In Me” (Right Hand of Fellowship Remix) during Sunday service and understand that you’re being spiritually bamboozled by wanna-be starlets who obviously care more about adding zeros to their bank account balances than making quality gospel music.

Believe me, if Erica and Tina were really as ‘genuine’ as their legions of defendists claim they are then they never would’ve pretended to be Destiny’s Child by demanding more food (…along with a Bible-thick pamphlet of outrageous requests) than Jesus served the Disciples during ALL of the suppers combined from my alma mater’s radio station in exchange for a Homecoming performance and a few interviews. (Hampton U. to Mary Mary = Stay Home).

…And if that’s ‘acceptable’ for gospel artists, then I suppose Tina’s ultra-tight liquid leggings that she rocked during the duo’s nationally televised BET Awards performance were Jesus-approved along with their LL Cool J collab “We’re Gonna Make It” and the contribution of their vintage hip-twister “The Sound” to the Cadillac Records Soundtrack.

…Pssh, at this point, I’m willing to bet ANY gospel enthusiast a tithe envelope stuffed with freshly minted ‘Geoffrey Dollars’ that the Heavens frown on Mary Mary’s brand of Hip-Pop-infused gospel and I truly believe that their music confuses struggling Christians by blurring the lines between the gospel and secular worlds while also dividing the church.

(‘Half of the church’ = Understand that gospel can be packaged in any musical form; “God In Me”/“Get Up” are wonderful ways to minister to the youth who aren’t regularly exposed to traditional gospel Vs. ‘The Other Half’ = We’re dressing, acting and speaking like the world yet still professing our love for Christ. We’re supposed to stand out not blend in… Either you’re on Team Christ or you’re not …)

*And, uh, I’m no Pastor but the following scriptures support ‘The Other Half’s point: A) James 1:8 = “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways” B) Revelation 3:15 = “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!”*

To me, Erica and Tina (…along with Erica’s husband/Talented beatmaker Warryn Campbell = Kanye’s “We Major/Homecoming” …Snoop “Ups & Downs” …Mos Def “Sex, Love & Money) sold their souls with The Sound, which to date, is their lowest selling album (The Sound = 287K records sold) and crossed the (gospel) LINE that even Kirk Franklin managed to respect as a fellow platinum-selling ‘Holy-Hip-Hoppist.’

Even though Kirk jiggled and jammed through the pues during his boundary-pushing days as the face of “The Family”/“God’s Property,” his music was still ‘churchy,’ contained three-part harmonies and was always an uptempo favorite in every Church I’ve ever visited.

But don’t get it twisted, this is not a personal attack on Mary Mary or any other artists (Me = Canton Jones FAN) currently incorporating Hip-Hop into their gospel music, but rather me being honest (…and fair) about the duo’s blatant attempt to reach a broader audience by ‘doing as the sinners do’ while continuing to market their music as ‘Contemporary Gospel.’

At the end of the day, if strippers can pop to it, clubbers can grind to it and the church band can barely crank out a decipherable version of it on Sundays, then it’s probably NOT a gospel record. In fact, the only Mary Mary jam that I’ve ever heard choirs sing consistently is “Shackles” and that was their first and biggest smash.

Think about it, there’s a reason why “God In Me” is played more on Urban/Adult Contemporary radio than gospel stations and smashed between Drake’s “Best I Ever Had,” the “Stanky Leg” and Young Money’s “Every Girl” all day, every day. If you like the banger, rock to it, but don’t be naïve and add it to your ‘gospel mix’ or attempt to convince people like me to look past the Auto-Tune/bass-heavy synth-claps and embrace the message because, at that point, it won’t be about the “God In Me” but rather the “Fool In You.”

This has been another Alejandro presentation.

“For those of you that think gospel music has gone too far; You think we’ve gotten too radical with our message; Well I got news for ya’… You ain’t heard nothin’ yet… And if you don’t know, now ya’ know … Glory Glory! — Kirk Franklin, ’97